Welcome to the inaugural Ask Mama post!
There have been so many requests for a Q&A forum that I have decided to listen and give it up to you and your incredible, powerful questions. I will still hold forth and blog about issues that tug at my soul now and then, but I wanted to have a chance to really put my attention on YOU and see what I could do to raise your orbit, slather you with my love, and toss you some powerful Womanly Arts and Tools. I’m so grateful to everyone who’s written to me.
Our first question comes from Sister Goddess Aishlinn. She writes:
I am 31 and have never had a boyfriend. I am happy in my life but I do always feel that something is missing. I know I’m probably being held back by fear. I have tried a therapist, who is great, but I still haven’t managed to achieve what I ultimately want which is a relationship. I am successful in work and every other area of my life, and without meaning to sound big headed, I have been told I am attractive and like to think I have a fun personality. I would be grateful for your advice.
Dear Sister Goddess Aishlinn,
First of all, I want to thank you for this incredible, transparent, beautiful question. It is a question that not only you have, but you are asking on behalf of so many women. Women who are close to your age, and women who are both younger and older all encounter the same challenge, at one time or another. If you think about it, we have all received so much training in how to be effective in our work lives. We go to school for many years and learn the world of work, but no one really teaches us how to be great in relationships. If you want to be a plumber, you can go to plumbing school and get a license, or go to medical school to become a MD. But, where do you go to get training in how to create a great relationship with a partner?
That is actually why I wrote my first book, Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts.
I saw that the relationships that worked best were the ones in which women were happy. But most women have no idea what it is that makes them happy—either in their personal lives, or in their relationships. Why? We have received no training! All of our training has been in working hard and serving others.
So, where to begin?
This is the fun part.
You are about to begin the adventure of a lifetime. You are about to begin exploring the landscape of you—what pleasures you, what lights you up, what ignites you, what thrills you and what causes your soul to soar and your body to shudder in ecstasy. You are about to explore every nook and cranny of the Womanly Arts, Sister! (For the advanced student, check out the Womanly Arts Mastery Program)
Well, let me explain. Men live to serve women. They want to make women happy. And if a woman does not know what makes her happy, or worse, if she is so used to doing everything herself and does not learn to surrender to a man, then she is basically doing a full-on body block to the men in the world that would love to have a chance to be of service to her. Women become so damn accomplished at everything, we forget that we are women. We are so busy doing, that we forget to cultivate our ability to receive. And isn’t it way more fun to allow others to contribute to our happiness, rather than doing every damn thing ourselves? The Womanly Arts will teach you so much about what pleasures you, what lights you up, and what makes you happy. And the more you know about what you love, and what you want, the easier it is for you to ask for it. Imagine if you find out that you love bubble baths, pink champagne and listening to Beethoven sonatas. It is certainly fun to create that experience for yourself, right? But imagine this: your lover draws you a bubble bath at the perfect temperature, plays your favorite sonata on his iPod, lights some candles, and toasts you with some pink champagne, while reading you a love poem. Even better, right?
See, in order to be adored, we have to become adorable. And there is nothing more adorable than a woman who knows what she wants, who feels sexy and delicious and allows her man to gratify her. The combination of a woman who not only knows what pleasures her and asks for what she wants is simply intoxicating to a guy (and to a woman, by the way). Men run away from women who try to take care of them—and run towards women that allow them to serve.
All of this theory is fine and interesting, but perhaps you feel a bit frightened or inexperienced with guys. Guess what? Most guys feel exactly the same as you.
So, where I want you to begin is to simply get familiar with being around guys, talking to them, and getting used to asking them for what you want. This sounds like a simple thing, but once we take the pressure off the goal of finding a boyfriend, and simply look at building the skills of becoming more and more familiar with guys, you will relax more and more into the potential fun that exists for you in relationship.
The cards are so stacked in our favor, Sister Goddess Aishlinn, you just have to know which card to play in the man/woman game.
Now, what would bring you pleasure right now?
And how could a man contribute to your happiness—right now?
I want you to be really, really specific!!
Come on, sisters, let’s all help Sister Goddess Aishlinn out. What are some things that pleasure you?
And what are some of your favorite experiences that you enjoy receiving from your men—or women?
Let me know in the comments below.
And if you’ve got a girlfriend who could use a little reminder that she holds the key to creating great relationships, please share this post.
With so much love and pleasure,
P.S. If you have more questions for me on the topic of raising your orbit and rocking your relationships, join me on Tuesday, October 9th, 8-9PM ET for my free, live teleclass, A Place Called Rapture.