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Whetting Your Own Appetite

Welcome to the first installment of our 8 week summer series, The Womanly Arts Unplugged! This week, Holly, a Mastery Grad from ’13 and ’14 from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, joins us to teach about the Womanly Art of Whetting Your Own Appetite…

Holly, Age 34, Lawyer

Whetting Your Own Appetite is one of the most difficult and most essential arts of the goddess. The way I see it, whetting your own appetite is the opposite of playing the victim, or waiting to be rescued. Whetting your own appetite is choosing to love yourself in the way that you’re waiting to be loved by the prince — it’s choosing yourself for that great love affair, and then falling in love with yourself as you would the love of your life.

Whetting your own appetite is how you begin to love yourself with complete abandon — it’s the first lick to the lollypop; the last step off the diving board, and it can be really hard to do. It all starts with being hungry. Appetite is attractive, powerful and contagious in the best way. You know how, even when you’re not hungry, if you’re around someone who is…someone who’s like “oh my god, let me tell you about the pizza that I want so much I can taste it” and pretty soon you’re so hungry for pizza you can taste it too? Same thing.

All the ridiculously delicious situations I have found my way into…they all started with my appetite, my desire.

This art is the first step. If you don’t invest the time, when you’re grumpy and swampy and bored, to properly get that appetite built up; get it not Whetted but WET…the rest of it will not work.

I use this art to deal with 12-hour days, bad news from good people; bad news from bad people, shitty dates, scary conversations, anything I feel nervous or little about.

I tune out of my head, tune into my body and start to feel what she wants, what she desires, what she hungers for. As long as my attention is tuned into that turn-on — to the feel-good part of those desires — then any result that manifests itself is exactly perfect, and more likely than not, the result that manifests itself is the one I was desiring or better.

Back up for a moment…how did you find your way to the School of Womanly Arts in the first place?

I lost a bet, and as the “loser” I was forced to read Mama Gena’s book. I was, at the time, NOT the kind of woman who indulged in self-help books; NOT the kind of woman who had patience for anything pink; and NOT the kind of woman who had time for such things. 

At any rate, I read it…loved it…signed up to go to an introductory weekend in Miami. That weekend, I didn’t just have a good time, I had a ridiculously superb time. By the first afternoon there, I knew I wanted in.

Life BMG (before Mama Gena) was…fine. I was working for a judge, making peanuts. I didn’t know what I wanted, or where I was going. I had put away all the magic I had in my life when I was younger, and my appetite for life was stuffed way, way down.

In Miami, I had more fun, more connection, more luxury, more pleasure and more turn-on than I had had in far too long.

I went back to Pittsburgh after that first weekend with SWA, and I cried for a week. I couldn’t believe I could bring that much magic back to myself, that it existed out there, and I had to know how to get more of it.

I made a deal with the universe, that if I could get a new job, the first thing I would buy would be Mastery. I started doing things just for pleasure, including taking a spontaneous weekend trip to NYC. Well, I got the last seat on a plane I wasn’t supposed to be able to catch and sat down next to a lawyer who asked me what I did. By the time we touched down in Newark (that’s like a 50-minute flight) he had arranged my interview and we were talking numbers. The rest was history.

What does it look like to practice the Art of Whetting Your Own Appetite?


Here’s a fun story that comes to mind… I remember when I was just starting with my firm, I was asked to go to this networking event called “Night at the Fights.” It was at this glorious hotel, in a gigantic ballroom on the top floor. We’re talking scotch drinking, cigar smoking, steak eating, decked-out boxing ring, boys club night. I was one of three women, and hundreds of men. I didn’t know anyone. I think the firm threw me in there to test me, and see what I was made of. I mean, this was the piece de resistance networking scenario.

I walked in and no one else from my firm had arrived yet. I excused myself. Went to the bathroom. Had a serious dance break in the stall. I needed some power. Some sexy power. I knew that was going to be the key.
I got into my hotness, appetite whetted, and returned to the event. Next thing I know, I’ve introduced myself to this circle of men (who I later found out included a Senator and a federal judge; lovely gentlemen), and found my way into this enchanting conversation, initiated by yours truly. The night just got better from there.

I was on top of my game, because I had whetted my own appetite and tapped into that desire — I knew what I wanted, every one of those men could feel it, and they were dying to do anything to get me what it is that I wanted. That was the first time I really took the bull by the horns. To be able to walk in there and own it is a great feeling.

Then, there are the days where I’m staring down a 12-hour day and foot-tall pile of paperwork to review at my desk. On those days, I pull out the stops with any of these techniques for whetting my own appetite:

holly_red dressWearing lingerie under my suits at work. Panty-free Fridays. (And in fact, whenever I go into an important meeting, I always go panty-free.)
Sometimes I’ll write myself a love letter.
Or leave myself a naughty voicemail, and listen to it later.

I’ll do anything I need to do to keep my Appetite alive, and to stay plugged in to my turn-on.

For me, Whetting My Own Appetite is about something that presses my edges, or feels a little forbidden. It’s not just about naughtiness, but pressing the edge of the pleasure I can allow in. “Oh I can’t take myself out for THAT lunch, that’s too much.” You gotta press into that resistance — because wherever that edge is, that’s what’s going to whet your appetite.

The other thing I do is stay connected to my community.

If I’m having trouble Whetting My Appetite, or having resistance or judgment around a particular desire, I call my sisters. If there’s anything I have shame about, that’s the first thing I know I have to tell my inner circle of sisters about. I out myself to my community first when I judge my desires. That’s SUPER helpful. This is something I’m continually working through (and by the way, it’s one reason I’m so excited for Boot Camp this fall — I can’t get enough of the community, keeping the tools fresh, and staying plugged in).

Was there a time when you lost your appetite, and felt out of touch with your desire?

I was born with a certain flavor and intensity of appetite — a pretty big spoonful, I’d say.

As a little girl, I was always incredibly grandiose. I was passionate about literature, and I craved the same drama I read about in Wuthering Heights to be present in my life too. As a teenager, I would host these elaborate 14-course dinner parties, dress my friends in period clothing, and create a meal based on things I had read in Dickens novels.

Into my late teens and very early 20s, my appetite remained fierce, my desires were rich. I traveled to Venice for over a year and had some of the most magical experiences of my life, and I remember feeling so certain that incredible things were not only possible, but they were inevitable. They were coming to me.

Well, after about a year in Venice, my family said, “Make a choice. We’re not going to keep supporting you.” I made a decision to come back. My parents assumed I would be the same person I was before I left. There I was, back in my parents’ basement, but I wasn’t the same person.
I got very depressed, and went to a really dark place.

It was my first big encounter with disappointment.

Then, I got into a relationship with a man who was crazy, to say the least. That relationship ended with my first big girl restraining order.

It took a long time to get my appetite back after that, and begin to trust my desires again. I wasn’t able to grasp that confidence.

I had stopped believing in love, wild success, and connection with a powerful community. I had stopped believing that those things were meant for me and available to me. You put that magic in a shoebox and stuff it inside other shoeboxes and you forget you even bought that pair of shoes.

Over the course of nearly a decade, my appetite lived underground. Of course it was still there, but it was covered up and stuffed way down.

I was so afraid to take it back. Part of me hoped it wasn’t there any more, because I had gotten so tired of all that longing. I think a lot of women avoid their desires to avoid the longing — it’s like wanting a magnificent dinner of escargot, while standing in MacDonald’s. Just the pain of that perpetual ongoing burn — that’s why I put that appetite away…way way way down.

For a while, I tried to cram my appetite into what I thought I should want. I saw all my friends go out, go to school, get the job, get the guy, get the golden retriever, get married, have the 2.5 kids…and they all seemed totally miserable to me. I tried that, but it never ever seemed to taste right.

I knew that wasn’t for me. I wanted something far bigger. But I was repressing that passion, that appetite, because it was so big.

How did you make the move to getting back into agreement with your appetite, tapping into your desires, after keeping them at bay for so long?

For me, there was a moment when I decided to believe it was all possible again. After that weekend in Miami, my appetite was whet, and there was no turning back.

After that first year of Mastery, I could look back and see such a huge difference in not only what I had in my life, but in the WAY I was desiring things. It had gone exponential. holly_yaf

The other thing that I love about SWA is that you get to witness other women’s incredible stories of transformation. I had a couple women like that who were my landmarks, and I used them as my role models. Seeing what a powerful woman looks like, how she does it, who she is — all you need is one.

What do you think is the biggest obstacle for women practicing the Art of Whetting Your Own Appetite?

Fear. I think appetite and fear are so closely linked for women. Part of that is just the idea that it’s so painful to desire something that you don’t have. That longing can hurt.

I think this is at the heart of fear around appetite; to really getting into your appetite and owning it; and the longing that’s tied to wanting something that you’ve no experience of existing in the real world, something intangible that you can’t describe, let alone manifest! That seems like a huge no-no in our “results oriented” culture. Don’t you think?

I have such a huge appetite not for what everyone else has, but for things I don’t see anyone else getting, and that can be some scary stuff! Looking into your appetite and finding that huge, weird, beautiful desire that you don’t even know exists?!

Want to be a mother and not compromise romance and passion? Want to have an amazing career and still travel to the most titillating pleasure places on earth? Want your cake and be able to gorge yourself on it too? Yeah, that’s rough! Me too! Because you look around you and ask, “who actually has these things?” No one. And no one has anything that looks even remotely close to what it is you desire. No one. So what good will it do to open an appetite to a hunger that cannot be satisfied?

My response would be that the hunger is there BECAUSE it shows you what scope of desire CAN be satisfied.

Longing exists for something not because it’s yours, but because it CAN be yours — it exists. If the perfect dress doesn’t exist then we must go out and make it!! The longing, the appetite, teaches you and illustrates for you your natural homeland. Whetting your appetite is starting that journey homeward. The body hungers for bread because it knows bread exists, knows you can get it, because it comes from that place; the heart hungers for its biggest desires because it knows that they exist, knows you can get it, because it comes from that place. Quick, go out and get me a roll or something! I’m working up an appetite! The SWA is so important because it’s one of the only places where you see other women running around, making their own dress that’s never been made, reaching for that bread (and getting whole loaves of it).

If you’re in that place of resistance and fear of leaning in and letting your appetite out, I would just say you’re very good at not letting that appetite out, and you know what that gets you. What will it hurt to do a limited research experiment? Try it for a week, try it for a month, try it for a moment. Let yourself taste it.

Ok, enough about me. Now I really want to hear about YOU! I’ll be around in the comments section and would love to hear what resonates, and where you’re at when it comes to Whetting Your Own Appetite. Have you struggled with tapping into your desires, or when you do, judging them? How do you work with it? (And I’d sure love to hang in Virtual Pleasure Boot Camp this fall! I’ll be there. Will you?)

— Sister Goddess Holly

This summer series is our way of pre-partying for Virtual Pleasure Boot Camp, which opens for enrollment on July 15th! Boot Camp is a distance-learning program that takes a woman deep inside each of the Womanly Arts. It includes live teleclasses with Mama Gena, carefully crafted weekly exercises, and a thriving online community. Click here to learn more! And stay tuned for Part 2 of The Womanly Arts Unplugged, next week. (Make sure to subscribe to our newsletter for updates!)

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50 Comments / Leave a Comment

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  • Deborah Smith aka SG Wicked July 15, 2014, 1:20 pm

    WOW! SG Holly,

    Just what I needed to hear. Your entire blog is my FF!
    Thank you.

  • SG Michaela the Show Stopper, Queen of the Full Frontal July 11, 2014, 7:36 am

    This was not only perfectly timed for me but so HELPFUL!! Thank you for loving & living these Arts Holly. You’ve always been my role model, & this put you in the realm of safe. Thank you for using the tools so religiously & showing us how to not take no as answer for our desires. You are divine. Love you! xox

  • SG Saleemah July 9, 2014, 8:22 pm

    So well done Holly! Many thanks for the reminder to honor my appetite and for the ideas on how to keep it flowing!

  • Sister Goddess Dazzling Debra July 9, 2014, 2:22 pm

    Darling I LOVED reading your story. It was always clear to me that you were an amazing inspiration and I LOVE how you have offered this with so much generosity.
    What is most brilliant about this blog is that you show both power and vulnerability and how you are stepping into the life you were meant to live
    It inspired me to live the most inspired life I was meant to live. To be wet whether I am sitting on my sofa healing from a hernia surgery or planning a glorious trip to an exotic locale. Staying in my appetite means living every second with lust and remembering every second of my life is valuable.
    I love you truly deeply madly

  • R July 9, 2014, 8:30 am

    Awesome job, Holly! Loved your story and the reminders in it. Huge accolades for you and one big victory dance.

  • SG Deborah July 9, 2014, 12:00 am

    Magnificent post that came at just the right moment. When I feel my desires are too big, too unrealistic, I contract… in every way. I don’t spend, I get small, I am not seen nor heard. I relate strongly to the fear and pain of desiring things we don’t yet have. Thank you for the reminder that when I feel the fear, that is precisely when I need to ramp up the appetite whetting! I absolutely love your ideas and examples and promise to put them to good use NOW! With love and respect.

  • Leelee July 8, 2014, 8:06 pm

    I loved so many parts of this post and it was exactly what I wanted and needed to read today. I’m so grateful you posted, as if speaking directly to me!

    I’ve recently been feeling pretty wan about everything, and I think it’s come from doubting and fearing my desires. I’ve taken steps towards my big business dream of creating a space of beauty, food and gardens like going all the way to England last month to see a somewhat similar place. When I got home, though, the reality of everyday life set in and I got stuck in the scary place of seeing that a business like that would be really really hard to create, and will so likely fail, and many many other reasons to not go after it. And that fear started to permeate everything — How nice I was to my boyfriend, how nice I was to myself, and how I felt about everything.

    After a big huge swamp last night, I picked up the SWA book, read this post today and connected to some SGs. I desire to fluff up all sorts of areas of my life this summer. I desire to live in my desire and let it wash over me, even if it’s not reasonable or logical or looking like I’ll get it. Thanks so much for your post — your living the arts expose!

    • Sharon July 9, 2014, 3:58 am

      Beauty, food and gardens…..lovely….and sounds familiar, longing for that kind of business too myself. Well done for research trip and having the courage to desire it. I got so much pleasure from even the smallest steps towards it……gone a bit off piste at the moment, but yes this stuff helps so much……which place did you visit? I’m in UK

      • Leelee July 9, 2014, 7:33 am

        Petersham nurseries. Have you been?

        • Sharon July 9, 2014, 8:27 am

          oh yes indeed!….thought it might be them, here’s to it…..!! the world needs more places like that for sure X

  • Shannon Vonarx July 8, 2014, 7:21 pm

    Holly, thank you. Today your blog has been exactly what I needed to read. I’ve been living in the dark for a long time, and I want to thank you for being that open door, that insight, that knocked me just enough off kilter that I can see through the muck and truly ” believe it’s possible” Again, I thank you! <3

    • Holly July 9, 2014, 12:36 pm

      Yeah!! High-fives to your off kilterness and your even more awesome desires. Let me know what your after, if you ouch eel the tug. I’d love to have a war of big desires with a bunch of SG’s!

  • T. L. Cooper July 8, 2014, 6:07 pm

    Holly, the following words “…falling in love with yourself as you would the love of your life.” distracted me because I think we have to be the loves of our lives. At least that’s what I discovered for myself. When I stepped back and realized that I was THE love of my life, my life changed. I wrote a poem about that discovery titled “The Love of My Life Redefined”in which I explore the idea of loving one’s self. When I realized I was the love of my life, I discovered my desire, my pleasure, my appetite, and the ability to truly love not only myself but others.

  • Tiara July 8, 2014, 5:26 pm

    Holly, I really enjoyed reading the story of your SWA journey so far. It’s been a pleasure to travel parts of this path together! I’m borrowing a new womantra from you: I believe in love, wild success, and connection with a powerful community!

  • Ruby Red July 8, 2014, 5:06 pm

    Holly, you are brilliant! Thank you for this beautiful post! In 4 days, I’ll be marrying the most incredible person in the world, the perfect woman for me, the one love I never thought existed, or could exist!!…. until I met the wonderful sister goddesses on, and read Mama’s books; I learned that everything you said is true: we have those desires for a reason! I imagined in juicy detail, plotted, opened myself up for, then conjured this lover that is so amazing, and that turned my life upside down in the most sweet and hot and peaceful way imaginable!

    Thanks Holly, Mama, and my SGs for helping me make my massive, huge, crazy dream come true. Wish us well this Saturday! xo

  • Jenna Rizzo July 8, 2014, 4:17 pm

    HOLLY! You are so juicy and what a fabulous writer, too! I also love the image of you living as a young girl, feeling lit up by literature and art and the imagination. I remember meeting you at Miami and I already thought you were in your turn on, but no there was way more yet to come back to life.
    Thank you for sharing the details of whetting your appetite. Just what I needed to get a kick start back towards my hunger, desires and a practice to bring it all to life.

    • Holly July 9, 2014, 12:34 pm

      Jenna!! Hey lovely! What’s new? I miss hanging with you on the beach and hope you’re super well. Wanna set a catch-up date on the beach in Miami?

  • Karen July 8, 2014, 3:34 pm


    I too, like Erica, wonder how do I whet my appetite. I became some what of a recluse for 4 1/2 years after my husband died then emerged into the world and got in a great relationship with a man but alas that ended badly… so once again I went into hibernation that lasted 3 1/2 years.
    As a child I organized neighborhood shows & carnivals and as a teenager I organized city wide Battle Of the Bands! I had forgotten those successes until reading your story. I also entered the corporate world and rose to a very high level in a man’s field.
    Thank you for helping me remember that I am talented, capable and successful….. I still am not sure how to whet my appetite but I am feeling so much better about my self.
    I have read all of Mama’s book, some a couple of times – I do want to attend a Sister Goddess Weekend – but the fear pops in – would I be able to participate? Would I have the courage to be free? While the fear is still there – reading your story has helped me get a little closer…… Thank you!

    • Holly July 9, 2014, 12:33 pm


      I think the process is different for each person and is something that is continually discovered. I find that some days I must discard my old go-to methods and discover something new. All this is to say that the important thing is to feel into it… To try it. Which is, what it sounds like you’re up for doing. Go you!! Just ask yourself what might turn you on… And whatever silly little idea pops up, go try it. Why not? What have you really got to lose anyway?

  • Sherie Wright July 8, 2014, 3:19 pm

    “what good will it do to open an appetite to a hunger that cannot be satisfied?

    My response would be that the hunger is there BECAUSE it shows you what scope of desire CAN be satisfied”

    Well, when I get done being all weepy over that call and response, I will be responding to the call. LOL. Thank you. Those 2 sentences are what I needed to hear. Exactly what I’ve asked myself for years. Decades. And it has never once occurred to me that yearning and hungering is all about discovering HOW to get there, to KNOWING what MUST and CAN be fixed, not about showing me what is lost beyond reason- so do yourself a favor and STOP wanting, already.
    Also, I’ve had some mentors over the last 15 years or so, saying this exact stuff. But they are single, older, men, with single older (70-80+)men bias. Hearing such things with a goddessy female, huevo-filled take on it is juicy. In fact, in the spring I asked a favorite mentor to teach me about elegance, soirees, being capable of hanging at the 4 Seasons or pulling off a red carpet walk and he said ‘once you are ready, then ask and truly mean it, the teacher will show up’. Which hurt, because in the moment, even though that was a gentle ‘no’, I took it personally and once again felt unworthy of receiving his one to one attention. But he was right. Mama Gena and the Sister Goddesses are the far more perfect teachers for me. And showed up within a couple weeks of my asking – which showed me that I was ready and did mean it when I asked. THANK YOU!

    • Holly July 8, 2014, 3:37 pm

      Huevo-filled?!? Oh my goddess, I love it! I love it so much I’m using it! Amazing. And amazing you to have conjured so many people around you to say the thing that you most needed to hear. I’m going to have to look up some of your gentlemen mentors because they sound like they know their stuff.

      And yes, I have a feeling you’re getting what you want and more with the swa as your teacher. Keep me updated on your red carpet strut! Can’t wait to see it!

  • SG Darlene July 8, 2014, 1:46 pm


    I LONG

    • Holly July 8, 2014, 2:55 pm

      Wow! Go get it girl!

  • SG Hot Mess Michelle July 8, 2014, 1:32 pm

    Hi BSG Holly-

    Thank you for this post. Thank you for speaking about the fear and the hurt that come up when we desire. Oh the hurt! The hurt of where I am vs where I want to go. I’ve tried so hard to keep myself from it. Avoiding the short term pain has led to things that hurt me in the long run. I guess that means I have to reach for the bigger desire, the long term desire, and find the creative ways of getting there.

    Thanks, Holly. You are so magnetic and powerful.

    SG Hot Mess Michelle

    • Holly July 8, 2014, 2:58 pm

      Hey Michelle,

      This has been a big sticking point with me for so long… The idea that the more I want the less I will have. I have to be very vigilant with myself and my use of the tools to drop that whole lack mentality. What works for you?

  • Erica July 8, 2014, 1:00 pm

    SG Holly,
    Many thanks for posting this absolutely ravishing post. I’m sitting here at my summer job reading this and thinking to myself- How in the world do I whet my appetite? There are so many things that I want to do to light my fire (i.e. Mastery 2015, Sister Goddess Weekend, and the list goes on) but as my darling friend, Erika, says, I get caught up in the “analysis paralysis” of the logistics and then fear comes in and I find myself in the same situation of longing and not knowing how in the world to get what it is that I desire. Today, however, your post has given me something to chew on and hopefully, those gorgeous desires of mine will find their way into existence in a medium other than my mind. Thanks for the inspiration and the space to keep it real with myself and the Universe. xoxo, Erica

  • SG Sally July 8, 2014, 12:58 pm

    Holly! You are a gorgeous, wild glistening mare….galloping through your magical Queendom. Thank you for sharing your story, your ups & downs and your heart. I love you!

    FF: Picturing teen-age Holly serving up a 14-course dinner in a bustle and bonnet.

  • BSG Margaret July 8, 2014, 12:25 pm

    I’m blown away with such an astounding kickoff to this Summer Series! I love how you articulated that our desires, as unattainable as they might seem, have that particular constitution precisely because we can attain them. Your transparency in sharing post-Venice rupture touched me, and reminded me of a similar place where I shut myself down and started believing the things I longed for were out of my reach. What a wonderful spot to reclaim and celebrate! I absolutely adore you, and I know you’re going to rock bootcamp so outrageously!

  • SG Catherine, Goddess of Sex and Drums July 8, 2014, 12:17 pm

    YES YES YES!!! I love it!!! I especially love the part about you going to the Man Thing at the law firm and being in your turn on. What an inspiration you are to us all!!

    • Holly July 8, 2014, 12:37 pm

      Yes yes yes! Thank you! And what an inspiration your performance at mastery was to me!!!

  • SG Heather-Darling July 8, 2014, 12:12 pm

    FF: “I have such a huge appetite not for what everyone else has, but for things I don’t see anyone else getting, and that can be some scary stuff! Looking into your appetite and finding that huge, weird, beautiful desire that you don’t even know exists?!” AND “Because you look around you and ask, “who actually has these things?” No one. And no one has anything that looks even remotely close to what it is you desire. No one. So what good will it do to open an appetite to a hunger that cannot be satisfied?”
    YES, YES, YES! Thank you for putting words to that fear that trips me up again and again. It was a pleasure meeting you in Mastery. And I forget: where did you say you got that pinwheel thing for the pleasure basket? My desire won’t let me give up on that one! 😉

    • Holly July 8, 2014, 12:41 pm

      Ahh yes! That came from a little shop here in Pittsburgh. Come visit me and we’ll take a trip! Or you can also get them at babeland in NYC or via their online site or even amazon. So grateful to the internet for supporting all my craziest desires. Haha!

  • SG Melissa The Puss in Boots July 8, 2014, 12:09 pm

    Ah, Holly, I just loved every word of this. It is really inspiring and as these things go, came at just the right moment when I needed some inspiration. Here I was feeling dulled and edgy, you just reminded me why I’m in a swampy disconnect.

    I loved these words of yours: “You gotta press into that resistance — because wherever that edge is, that’s what’s going to whet your appetite.”

    I love your transparency that for you this calls up something a little forbidden. 🙂

    Also this: “My response would be that the hunger is there BECAUSE it shows you what scope of desire CAN be satisfied.”

    What a brilliant smart Goddess you are! And brave, because I know how far it takes to dig deep facing 12 hour days and piles of paper and all the rest.

    Your whole blog post — so juicy! I licked it all up!
    Melissa xox

    • SG Jill is MAGIC July 8, 2014, 1:07 pm

      Well Framed Melissa…me too 🙂

      And Holly….THANK YOU SO MUCH for sharing this. You are a wonderful writer and I just lapped up every word. I too resist my appetite…I’m afraid to let it out of the bag (or box) , that it is TOO BIG and it will change my life in some way that I can’t control. Fear vs Freedom, resistance vs turn on….we always have the choice and SWA and our community has been my lifeline.

      It does hurt to long for things you think are not possible. I look around and I don’t see anyone in a relationship I would envy, that would be just right for ME. I have gotten so bitter about men that I am in conflict with my carnal desires and the fact that I have to ‘deal with’ communicating with ‘the alien’ to get them met. Thank goddess for sisters and their stories to keep me going…and yes, I am SCing and swamping a lot to help release that charge!!!

      Meanwhile I have some pretty fricking HUGE desires that I AM going for….I am writing songs and recording and making videos and having a band and ROCKING OUT…at 52!!!!

      Finding MG and SWA was me finding my tribe, and thanks to this work and this community, I can always find my way back to my true north. Thank you for being the one today to shine the light on my resistance…and my appetite!
      so much gratitude
      xoxo Jill

  • Sharon July 8, 2014, 12:05 pm

    ok, got me again… desire is to stop trying to prove my Mother right…i.e., achieving phenomenal things and then trashing them…….

    • Holly July 8, 2014, 12:43 pm

      So it shall be and even better! Get it done!

  • cristina July 8, 2014, 11:48 am

    Holly – this is AMAZGING!! I loved reading your story and I adore you! You sparkle! xoxo

    • Holly July 8, 2014, 12:10 pm

      Cristina- Thank you, it’s true! I can’t wait to hear your story too. Belly-up to the bar, baby!

  • Kathleen July 8, 2014, 11:10 am

    Wow. What a great start to my day. I love reading this on my bus ride to work. I haven’t done any womanly arts courses yet so this is all still somewhat new to me. I’m reading Mama Gena’s book now & do plan to attend virtual boot camp this fall. (Insert fear of financial insecurity here…)

    I find myself somewhat confused by some of it and esp. the connection with what seems like mostly sexual energy and manifesting broader desires in my life. Maybe I’ve just stuffed my desires for so long that it’s tough to grasp the all-encompassing feelings again. I do know that a lot of this really resonated with me and I am so tired of feeling and seemingly knowingly playing the victim.

    Thank you for sharing your inspiration!

    • Holly July 8, 2014, 11:51 am


      I can’t wait to hear you roar to life in boot camp this summer! It’s gonna be a fun rodeo.


  • Sophie July 8, 2014, 11:01 am

    Hi Holly,
    We met at the weekend in Miami a few years ago. Ah, it’s so amazing and heartwarming that you just fell in love with it and have done Mastery twice. That makes me smile LARGE!! And I loved this article. What a glowing tribute to, not only the power of Whetting the Appetite, but also to you. I loved reading about your experience with first the pain of desire and then the pleasure of it. And it’s so inspirational to think of this total blooming of all that gorgeousness you had inside. SO FABULOUS! Thank you for sharing; you are a beautiful writer and what a beautiful example of a woman creating her own glorious way in the world.

  • OMG SG Holly!! That was so freaking delicious and hot. You know how you talked about picking out your role models? YOU are mine. I kid you not. I have watched you every minute since Miami last year. I saw you dancing in your smokin’ hot red dress – shaking your fabulous ass as your divine confidence and sexiness oozed out of you. I have come a long way but am still holding back out of fear and resistance. I want more. Thank you for the gentle push today. I love you!

    • Holly July 8, 2014, 11:54 am

      Oh you KNOW all that love is reciprocal!! I adore you like spoons love coffee and can’t wait to see where this trip takes us both. Speaking of, I think we’ve got some trip planning to do don’t we!? Are you in bootcamp with me this summer?


  • SG Nancy/Fishnets July 8, 2014, 10:43 am

    WOW!!!!!!!!! This piece is absolutely brilliant. Explosions of understanding detonating through my consciousness.
    Love it. Big gratitude…….. I just received permission to expand my desires in a *huge* way.
    Thank you SG Holly. Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!!

    (Can’t wait for Bootcamp, last year was awesome – this year will be even better!)

  • BSG Glitzy Cougar Karen July 8, 2014, 10:26 am

    Holly, this is fierce! I love your story and as a young girl you hosted 14 course dinner parties, with period costumes! As an aspiring performer, I staged kids in my shows on our front stoop, complete with costuming from my dance recitals…and now I’m doing it in NYC with the Goddess Revue (which is coming again in August:).

    But whetting the appetite, following those dreams and juicing yourself to get there? Invaluable. Thanks for a GREAT post about desire…and I am doing a free webinar on that topic for Hay House on Thursday, July 24th at noon (big desire fulfilled). Part of that was a hip hop haiku I wrote about self-love which they wanted me to post on You Tube…so here is the link, ladies…sing it with me and then click the link below to get to the Hay House event! Here’s to all our dreams…and whet those appetites, ladies:)

  • Mary July 8, 2014, 9:52 am

    Hi Holly,

    Thank you for sharing stories from your journey. I will be 47 this year and have been unlearning the indoctrination that taught me that God’s will for me was more important than my desires. To put things in context I used to be a nun and that was part of the way the women around me understood themselves and life. As a child, my environment was materially barren but naturally lush! I explored it with great abandon. Fast forward years later, I found myself wanting to explore life as freely as I explored nature growing up but my desires were conflicting with doctrine about God’s will for me. Fortunately for me I met a nun who skillfully helped me to start considering that my desires are in line with God’s will for me.

    I fully agree with you that the longing and hunger are happening because we can feed them. I also know the power of fear in my life and how I am unlearning it one day at a time. I desire abundance in all its forms including community, partnerships, love, and sometimes I am not sure where to start. Thank you for sharing your story. I know I am well on the way because I am starting to enjoy the feeling of my desires before they manifest. Attending the Womanly School of the Arts is one of my desires and as I say that out loud, I feel the fear creep up. What will they think of you? Where will you take the money? But I know those tricks and I am not listening as keenly as I used to do. So I know, I am moving on. Thank you.

    Thank you,


    • Elli July 8, 2014, 10:39 am

      You have an honest and vulnerable heart and my soul leaps with excitement on where this journey of desire takes you, surrender to it and may you find your bliss!!

  • SG Beautiful Lisa Unleashed July 8, 2014, 9:41 am

    Love it Holly! You are an inspiration! I definitely get into resistance with my desires, and I appreciate what you said about the pain of not seeing what we want existing already in the world. What an opportunity for Creatrixing! I have been slaving away at my PhD for 4.5 years, and I was soooo tired of reading books alone and writing alone, and no one else knowing what the heck it is that I am spending so much time researching. Anyway, I was so burnt out, and I desired a job for the summer months that would allow me to spend time in nature, and I always wanted to learn about wild plants in my home community. Voila! A woman who works for Ontario Nature CALLED ME and INVITED ME to apply for a position as Forest Food Workshop Coordinator! No kidding…this job came to me from the beyond, truly because I desired it. I didn’t know I had this kind of power, and I still struggle with letting my desires run wild. Thank you for the excellent example of how it can unfold not through planning, but through the burn of desire. XOXO

    • Holly July 8, 2014, 10:07 am


      What a wonderful brag! I never get tired of hearing about desires manifesting. The more I see other women get, the more I know I can manifest myself! You’re unleashed and inspirational today. Keep it coming and keep me updated on that awesome job!