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The Art of Sensual Pleasure

Welcome to the third installment of our 8-week summer series, The Womanly Arts Unplugged, in honor of our upcoming course, Virtual Pleasure Boot Camp! This week, Simin, a Mastery and Boot Camp Grad from the NYC area, joins us to teach about the Womanly Art of Sensual Pleasure…

Simin, Age 38 – IT Director & Artist

Simin headshotPracticing the Art of Sensual Pleasure simply means owning your power.
Sensuality means a lot to me, it is my essence, it is who I am.
My sensual expression is my light, my connection to the divine.
It is the truth that lives in my body and is undeniable.

When I’m regularly connected to my sensual self, everything is different, because I am grounded in myself. I am walking differently, operating in the world with more confidence, feeling calm and relaxed and thus able to express myself clearly. I come from a place of wisdom, I am playful, and turned on. Connecting with my sensuality helps me feel uplifted and to seek guidance when I need it.

The Art of Sensual Pleasure happens for me on three levels. There is the physical level — acknowledging the presence of my sensual self. The emotional level — sensing that I am supported, and held by a deep power within. And at a spiritual level, my sensuality is my wisdom.

Paint us a picture of some of the ways you practice The Womanly Art of Sensual Pleasure in your daily life.

First of all, sensuality is not just about sex. I practice the Art of Sensual Pleasure using all of my senses. I especially use sound, taste, smell, and movement to connect with my sensuality throughout my day.

It’s this practice that helps me stay connected to my divinity and my wisdom, which is so important, especially because I work in computers all day! It’s a very heady job, and if I don’t practice this Art regularly, I can easily get ungrounded and not present.

Here are some examples of how I often connect with my Sensual Pleasure:

  • Fragrances really help ground me and connect with my body. I use pure essential oils often. For instance, I’ll use lavender to calm me — I use it every night, or sometimes when I’m stressed. There is also a particular perfume that really turns me on, and I love to smell it when I’m intimate with my husband.

  • Another way I use smell, as well as the sensual pleasure of beauty, is with flowers. I always keep flowers on my nightstand, for example. When I shop for flowers, I just feel into which bouquet wants to come home with me, depending on what I’m needing. Sometimes it’s roses. Sometimes it’s the fresh feeling of lilies.

  • Then, there’s taste . . . I love flavors. I especially love different flavors bursting in my mouth that surprise me. Taste is so important. Food is a very pleasurable experience for me. It’s also something that I really abused for many years. Because I wasn’t truly connected with my sensuality, I sought instant gratification through sugar and fatty foods. For several years, I was highly dependent on food as my source of pleasure. Now food and taste is just one of many ways I experience pleasure and tap into my sensuality.

  • Music! When I listen to music, it’s like boom, I drop into my body. If I’m very in my head and I’ve had a stressful day, and I feel disconnected, almost like I’m split between head and body, the easiest way I can tap back into my sensual pleasure is to sit at my desk and listen to music. Sometimes I just need to listen to a dark song and move my pelvis — just to feel my connection with my pelvis and my legs and my shoulders. That brings me back and grounds me in such an important way.

  • On a daily basis, I also acknowledge my feminine pleasure center. I will breathe deeply into her, move my hips to awaken my pelvic muscles, and take any action to draw my awareness to her.

  • Another way I really get embodied, feeling connected with my own body and the earth is nature. I love walking in the park, laying and rolling around in the grass. And hugging trees!

For me, practicing the Art of Sensual Pleasure has seeped into so many moments of my day, and how I navigate life.

What can you remember about early messages, or experiences, you received around Sensuality?

I grew up in India. My childhood was surrounded by a lot of dysfunction, violence, stress and anxiety. Yet, as a kid, I really remember myself being so alive. I started self-pleasuring at a very young age. I think it was my way of staying connected, in some ways, to my divinity. I would dream about a better life, a better future. By self-pleasuring every night, it was my time to connect, believing that good was possible and I could get out of this.

When I look back on my journey with sensuality, it’s like there have always been two aspects, or streams of energy — a darkness and a lightness.

On one hand, my early relationship with sensuality was filled with shame and unsafety. I had an experience with sexual abuse as a child, which created so much fear and shame around it. And on a cultural level, there was certainly fear that it was not safe for me to be open and to be sensual, or sexual. I struggled to stay connected with myself in what became a very unsafe situation.

Yet, on the other hand, there was this place inside of me that said, “No, that’s not true, I’m not going to give up on this.” My sensuality was somehow always a guiding light, an always-present knowing that I needed to be in touch with myself in this way.

When I came to America at the age of 25, I experienced such freedom in seeing how open people were about their sexuality — they could wear whatever they wanted to wear, and express themselves however they wanted to express.

I realized I could finally live the things I wanted in my heart.

It wasn’t simple. For some time, I had such judgment of women who seemed to express their sensuality so freely. I remember once I saw this woman in a beautiful dress, and she didn’t have a bra on. And I remember these two conflicting thoughts — one was, “wow, she’s so beautiful,” and I felt the desire to be free like her. And then, snap, there was this other voice who said, “What if some guy molests her, what if she’s unsafe? How can she dress that way?” I felt pain not being able to be that open and I longed to be free and empowered like those women who owned their sensuality.

How did you come to the school, and what was your relationship with sensuality like coming in?

simin and ninnaI met a few amazing SWA graduates through a movement practice called S Factor. I heard them refer to each other as Sister Goddesses, which was the first time I heard that word and it intrigued me. I heard about their experience with the school, and witnessed one woman’s Mastery journey closely. I went to her graduation ceremony and enrolled in SWA that day.

Before learning the Womanly Arts, I was having trouble with my communication at work, I was unhappy and looking for my pleasure in life, I was feeling victimized by my history and childhood, I had not valued the good in my life. I had an amazing husband (still do), a wonderful home, we were financially well, but I always felt like something was missing and that it was not enough.

My first course was Virtual Pleasure Boot Camp, and it opened me up to sisterhood and living my life pleasurably. I loved the intimacy on the calls and also that I got to connect with so many Sister Goddesses internationally. The women in the course filled me up with love and attention in such a powerful way. I was able to heal my relationship with my mother, and begin to step into my leadership at work.

I had been exploring my sensuality at S Factor before I came to Mama Gena’s, and yet I felt that something was missing in my relationship with my sensual pleasures. There was a disconnect. I struggled in being orgasmic and I had become a victim to my own body not knowing what turned me on truly or not understanding what was going on physically with my body. There was a feeling of numbness around sensuality. There was no aliveness or softening or surrender in my body.

What struggles, or obstacles did you experience in your practice of this Art, and how did you overcome them?

I was struggling with not knowing how to turn myself on and that was affecting my relationship with my husband. I was really frustrated by it. I really wanted and needed to know what was going on! I desperately wanted to understand what it was that I needed to do. I wanted to fix it.

And also, there was this really deep longing in my heart to have and know myself fully. Friends would tell me what a great dancer I was, how hot I was, and I couldn’t take it in fully. I would feel like, “Okay I know you think I’m hot, I feel hot — but why the &*$# am I not having orgasms or enjoying sex?!”

There was this image of what “hot” meant, or what “sex” meant. It was a very masculine idea — the image of multiple orgasms, sex for hours, so goal-oriented. There was too much attachment to that goal, and I had yet to discover the feminine way to sensual pleasure.

When I first read the chapter about sensuality in Mama Gena’s book, and later heard about it in Week 3 of Boot Camp, I was so surprised. I was confused — how is this sensual? Because I was coming from the masculine idea that a woman’s sensuality is about the physical act of sex, with the goal of orgasm.

In Boot Camp, when Mama Gena taught us about the Art of Sensual Pleasure, I felt this surge of energy just gush through my body. It hit somewhere in my system and I just started to cry, and feel such grief about not being as open as I thought I was, and wanted to be.

As I started to uncover my sensual self, I hit against another struggle. I quickly saw how much power, how much wisdom, was inside of me, rooted in my sensual self. And there was a big part of me that didn’t want to be powerful. I wanted to be small. I wanted to hide.

I also experienced so much judgment in myself. Judgement of myself, judgment of others. I realize now that the judgment in many ways was a form of protection. Something would happen when I would feel really open and unleashed, and I would want to judge. And then immediately there would be yet another layer of judgment — I’d judge myself for judging! I have learned to be gentler around this — it’s one thing to notice where I fall into judgment, but now at least I try to drop that additional layer of unnecessary judging the judgement. : )

With awareness, and the wonderful support of the Sister Goddess community, I released a lot of old pain, letting in how beautifully sensual I really am, knowing that I have so much life in me and can bring so much aliveness to others just by being my sexually and sensually powerful self.

By practicing the Art of Sensual Pleasure, I stood up for myself and stepped into that place which stood for me. Which has always been there, I just didn’t know it.

How else has your relationship with sensuality shifted? What changes have you seen in your life as a result of practicing this Art?

In my marriage, so much has changed.simin_wedding

I was 16 when I met him, and he was 19. We’ve been together now for 22 years. We were friends, we studied together, we migrated together from India to America. We established ourselves, and became citizens.

We have gone through so much, focused a lot on surviving. Back then, the pleasure was missing in our sensual connection — even though it was there in other forms. But there was a very strong part of me that kept desiring a very strong, full sexual life with my husband.

Practicing the Art of Sensual Pleasure opened up such important conversations and experimentation with my husband.

Now, post-Mastery, we are enjoying a wonderful new phase of our journey together with so much more ease and pleasure in our sensual life.

I can even see the shifts at work, because of my practice in the Art of Sensual Pleasure, and how it helps me stay grounded and confident within myself. I used to be so needy, I lacked confidence, needed approval. I’m not doing that anymore.

Really, this Art affects every aspect of my life.

Now, not only is my Sensual Pleasure safe, but it’s where I feel my power.
My work around sensuality at SWA was all about claiming my power, claiming my life.
In SWA, I could merge the spiritual with the sexual.

It is an ongoing journey and I am grateful for the exploration and for the sister goddess community that is holding a beautiful space for my healing.

If you had to name one thing, what has helped you connect with your sensual self the most?

simin_adorable-post

What I want to emphasize is that what we put our focus on is where the energy runs, and then it becomes easy for us. I am now in a place where I can be walking down the street, and experiencing such pleasure in my body. It’s not something that anyone can see, it’s just about my own awareness and connection with my body’s ability to feel pleasure, in any moment.

So, put simply, I think practicing the Art of Sensual Pleasure starts with putting attention on our sensual self, in any way. Maybe that means smelling flowers each day, or taking time to connect with your body through music, or laying in the grass, or self pleasuring. Once you begin to put your attention there, it becomes easier and easier to grow your capacity for pleasure.

Now, I’d love to hear from you in the comments! How do you get into your body and experience sensual pleasure? Where are you struggling around sensuality? And, of course, I’d love to continue the conversation in Boot Camp! I’ll be there, and can’t wait for the juicy conversation and beautiful support we’ll share.

 — Sister Goddess Simin

In case you missed it, check out Part 1 and Part 2 of The Womanly Arts Unplugged. And stay tuned for Part 4 next week. (Make sure to subscribe to our newsletter for updates!)

This summer series is our way of pre-partying for Virtual Pleasure Boot Camp, which is currently open for enrollment! Boot Camp is a distance-learning program that takes a woman deep inside each of the Womanly Arts. It includes live teleclasses with Mama Gena, carefully crafted weekly exercises, and a thriving online community. Click here for all the details, plus a special early enrollment discount!

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43 Comments / Leave a Comment

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  • Sister Jill October 9, 2014, 11:54 am

    Thank you for cutting through all the hesitation I am feeling. I am myself alone surround-
    ed by the organized others with their networks and schedules.I have family relationships
    that need maintaining. As an artist, I hold too tightly to my space guarding it as a place
    to create against all comers.Thank you for reminding me of my power inside my self.

  • SG Vanina August 26, 2014, 1:21 am

    Wow!!! You always blow my mind, thank you for sharing your wisdom in such a juicy way! Love u

  • Caliente Creatrix Mercedes August 11, 2014, 10:46 am

    What a beautiful post, Simin. You are so divine. Thank you for sharing your wisdom on Sensual Pleasure. I love how you break it down into three parts: ” The physical, emotional and spiritual. Yes, it so much more than sexuality and you articulate it so eloquently. Thank you for reminding me to take time to smell the flowers every day.
    xo

  • Sister Goddess Dazzling Debra July 24, 2014, 10:25 am

    Gorgeous Hot Soulful Sister Goddess Simin
    I remember you from Miami AND VPBC and how you spoke about your history and I thought HOLY SHIT THIS WOMAN HAS NO CLUE HOW GORGEOUS AND SEXY SHE IS!?!?!?!?!?
    And it has been a huge pleasure to watch you unfold like a lotus flower into a Poster Child for sensuality, courage, determination, transparency and joy.

  • Deborah Smith aka SG Wicked July 24, 2014, 12:26 am

    SH Simin,

    Ahhh reading your story, the way you are so clear on where you have been, opens, juices and inspires me.
    Thank you.

  • SG Susanne July 23, 2014, 3:36 am

    Thank-you SG Simin for this wonderful inspiration! I read it in the middle of the night, and it was like a luscious dream. The photos are awesome – you belong on a billboard in Times Square.

    • Simin Vaswani July 23, 2014, 11:59 am

      Oh SG Susanne, I busted into a giggle when I read about the billboard, you sure do see the diva in me! Thank you for that beautiful frame and the appreciation about a luscious dream. I am so so grateful!

  • SG Catherine, Goddess of Sex and Drums July 22, 2014, 7:37 pm

    Thank you for your explanation of your shift from masculine, goal-oriented sensuality to feminine, pleasure based sensuality – that is such an important point that I often find myself forgetting. Also…that picture of you and Harish is so freaking hot.

    • Simin Vaswani July 22, 2014, 11:11 pm

      Thank you SG Catherine, I have to remind myself of that constantly. Thank you for your reflection and compliment.

  • SG Anne July 22, 2014, 3:15 pm

    Oh, Simin! This is just so beautiful. Thank you!

    • Simin Vaswani July 22, 2014, 4:44 pm

      Thank you SG Anne, Thank you for that reflection!

  • SG Bernadette (Sensual Moves) July 22, 2014, 3:02 pm

    Dear Goddess (Simin), I throw the wildest array of bold and vibrant flowers at your feet! Your strength, courage, desire for more and beauty on a cellular level take my breath away. I am so proud of you! For the work you have done. The SWA provides is with so many amazing tools, but only if we are open and willing to receive them and you, Dear Goddess were so open. How beautiful to witness your journey. Thank you!

    • Simin Vaswani July 22, 2014, 4:43 pm

      My beautiful Sister, you definitely helped me and supported me in my struggles, especially times when I didn’t feel that open and felt like a child looking for direction, you held me and support me and nurtured me all the way. You were and are my earth, my grounding force and I am so very grateful for you.

  • Kat July 22, 2014, 2:49 pm

    Simin!!! We were in the last Virtual Pleasure Bootcamp and it’s such a pleasure to see your photos here and what you’ve written. You were so dynamic on the calls and it’s even more beautiful seeing you here with these photos of you so radiant. Thank you!!! I will read this slowly and savor every word. Blessings!

    • Simin Vaswani July 22, 2014, 2:57 pm

      SG Kat, I felt the deliciousness of your slow savoring, mmmmm Thank you!

  • SG "Delicious Dimples" Marlyn July 22, 2014, 2:15 pm

    Sister Goddess Simin, it was joy watching you and your husband connect so intimately before us on Men’s Night & it was a pleasure watching you dance so intimately with your true Self grad weekend. It has been an honor reading your story and learning so much more about a woman who I admired from afar in class and now feel so intimately connected with personally.
    Thank you!!

    • Simin Vaswani July 22, 2014, 2:55 pm

      I am breathing and soaking in the pleasure from every word you wrote, so grateful.

  • Oh my Simin… I literally have goosebumps. That was so deep and articulate and oozed with so much sensual energy and power. It is such an honor to be your sister on this sacred journey together. Thank you for your courage and for stepping into it fully… it gives the rest of us the nudge we need to own it. xo

    • Simin Vaswani July 22, 2014, 2:57 pm

      SG Kathleen, thank you for holding me and for seeing me in my truth. My love goes out to you in supporting you.

  • Susan July 22, 2014, 1:18 pm

    Simin, you’ve come such a long way! I’m so so proud of you! Everything you’ve done makes it easy for other women to step up. I loved your article here, and it is very inspiring.
    Keep it up! May you be blessed with wonderful things and people, and feel deeply loved!

    With so much sister-love,

    Susan!

    • Simin Vaswani July 22, 2014, 2:56 pm

      Yes SG Susan, it is very true, I have come a long way, I am so grateful for your post and so grateful you are feeling inspired.

  • SG Patty July 22, 2014, 12:50 pm

    Mwah! Love you and your transparency!

    • Simin Vaswani July 22, 2014, 1:03 pm

      I feel your love SG Patty, makes me heart smile <3

  • SG Heavenly Hannah July 22, 2014, 11:55 am

    Thank you so much for sharing this, Simin! You have inspired me to be more aware about incorporating my sensuality into all 5 of my senses. That picture of you and your husband is so stunning.

    • Simin Vaswani July 22, 2014, 12:00 pm

      Thank you SG Hannah, that made me smile, it is a picture from our vow renewal in 2012 😀 I am so grateful you feel inspired.

  • Lisa July 22, 2014, 11:41 am

    Wow. I was mesmerized by this post, SG Simin. It really stuck a powerful cord with me, and I am so grateful to you for sharing! Thank you for your beautiful words, openness, and specific examples. I am very inspired to connect more deeply to my own sensual pleasure – even at work~! 🙂

    In so much gratitude,
    Lisa

    • Simin Vaswani July 22, 2014, 11:59 am

      YAY! SG Lisa, you are so on your way, Go Goddess!

  • SG Meredith July 22, 2014, 11:31 am

    Your transparency is so gorgeous. What wisdom you have conjured with your daily practice of honoring sensuality. I love this post – thank you for sharing it with us!
    XO

    • Simin Vaswani July 22, 2014, 11:58 am

      Thank you SG Meredith for your beautiful words, I am grateful.

  • Mary July 22, 2014, 10:42 am

    Hi Simin,

    Thank you for sharing so candidly. Your words opened me up and I felt myself saying “Yes” to the life that wants to flow through me.

    • Simin Vaswani July 22, 2014, 10:51 am

      That is so beautiful SG Mary, your Yes is so powerful, I can feel it in my body. Yes to You!

  • SG Sarah July 22, 2014, 10:32 am

    What a gorgeous post!!! You are so inspiring – thank you for sharing beautiful goddess!

  • Kathleen July 22, 2014, 10:03 am

    I am overflowing with gratitude for this beautiful post, Sister Goddess Simin! Thank you for sharing. Thank you for reminding me of how to find my way back to my sensual center. You’ve changed my difficult day back into one full of possibilities!

    • Simin Vaswani July 22, 2014, 10:50 am

      So grateful I could be of service to you SG Kathleen, now the world can have the pleasure of you in your fullness.

  • BSG Glitzy Cougar Karen July 22, 2014, 9:54 am

    Simin,
    I am in awe of your journey. When I first heard you speak in Miami about your childhood, your family history, I was struck by how much courage and fierceness you’ve had about reclaiming this part of myself. Then I saw you at my shows, and you were radiant in your enthusiasm. And after reading this, I’m in even more admiration. Having been introduced to your adorable husband, I now see the full impact of what you have created. Your story of moving here with him, creating a life, first of survival, and now of sensuality, has been driven by your intense desire for a beautiful life of pleasure. I honor you and your amazing journey.

    • Simin Vaswani July 22, 2014, 10:00 am

      What a beautiful re-frame of my journey, so grateful to see me through your eyes.

  • SG Hot Mess Michelle July 22, 2014, 9:43 am

    SG Simin! My Love!

    It has been such an honor and pleasure to see your journey. In Virtual Pleasure Bootcamp and Mastery. What an amazing woman you are! You’re openness about every step has been amazing. It’s unlocked me. It has helped me see and release the shame that was in me at such a young age. Thank you. You are a powerhouse. You’re alive and bubbly and smooth and graceful. I love it.

    Thank you for the reminder to tap in at every point of the day. That acknowledging ourselves and our wisdom in us will clear the anxiety. I so needed this as I step into a new role at work and as I reach for so much more in life.

    Muah!
    SG Hot Mess Michelle

    • Simin Vaswani July 22, 2014, 9:59 am

      Yes to your gorgeousness! To your dance and to your aliveness!

  • Meg The Magical Goddess of Yes and No! July 22, 2014, 9:41 am

    Oh Simin, I love your wisdom, your transparency and your truth. I have so loved witnessing and being part of your VPBC and Mastery journeys. xoxo

    • Simin Vaswani July 22, 2014, 9:58 am

      I am so grateful for your support and holding Goddess!

  • Sg Rockstar July 22, 2014, 9:40 am

    way to lay it on the line Simin – you have inspired me from day one and your post here affirms to me that you have come so very very far. You are spot on with your comments and I will your words over and over many times.

    Thanks for sharing!!

    Rockstar