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The big desire I still don’t have…

I am a great teacher. And like all great teachers, I teach what I need to learn the most. Anyone who has been a Sister Goddess over the last 15 years has witnessed me, from a front row seat, as I have taken a wildly passionate idea, and turned it into a multimillion dollar business. I have been transparent about the blood, the sweat, the tears, the huge learning curve, the discipline, the risk, the thrill, the excitement, and the deep gratification that comes from creating not just a business, but a revolution, and becoming a leader who trains leaders.
I knew I wanted to be a great writer. And publish books. Done.
I knew I wanted to be well known and do lots of television. Check that box.
I knew I wanted to have a daughter and be a great Mom. I am.
I knew I wanted to be wildly and wonderfully successful, and serve the world with my gifts. Got that in spades, more to come.

The secret longing inside my story is this: One of the reasons I started the School was that I wanted to live every drop of my passions—and create a partnership with a man who would meet me, love me, enhance me, expand me, love every cell of me, and I him.
And the beautiful thing is that not only have I had some delicious experiences of that desire, in some deeply beautiful relationships, but I have been a huge catalyst for those things to come to fruition for the students in my classes. I cannot tell you how many thousands of women hold me and my work responsible for their meeting the guy they are with, or falling in love with their soul mate, or getting married, or saving a marriage, or re-creating a marriage, or having children. Not only am I amazing at teaching women how to fall head over heels in love with themselves and step into their power, but also how to love a man and create ecstatic partnerships.
And yet, this goal has remained curiously just out of reach for me.
So, the question is—not just for me, but for all women who have a desire that is just ever so achingly out of reach—how to stay spiritually alive when your yearning is, as yet, unfulfilled?
How to remain intact, spiritually, emotionally, and physically, when the very thing you long for most is not even a tiny speck in the distance, on the highway?
How to love your life with the enthusiasm of a child, when your heart is filled with longing for something you do not have, and worse—it seems everyone around you has it by the boatload?

And that is where the spiritual spine of the School of Womanly Arts comes into play.
Time to call on the Goddess inside the term ‘Sister Goddess.’
Because it turns out that yearning has a power.
Measurable power.
And that desire that lives inside you is not just you, but a duet—between you and that which is greater than you. And this desire breaks you open, breaks you apart, and re-creates you into the woman you were born to become, that you never could have touched if you did not acknowledge or live your desire.
See, what happens to most women when their desire is unfulfilled, is that they turn on themselves. Which is a bit like a sparrow attacking itself for not being a hawk. Ridiculous, right? But women do not understand that they are much more than human. And how could we? We live in a world that teaches us that the masculine is divine, but not the feminine. But if we know that we are Sister Goddesses, and that our longing is divine, and that our desires are precious, not only to us, but to the earth herself, then that knowing changes everything. We become the bearers, the carriers, the holders of the longing that has the potential to transform the world we live in.
If we can hold the thought that our little human body, the address of our eternal soul, is the keeper of the delicate flame of desire, then we can relax and fall back into the storyline of our lives, knowing that our yearning will carry us safely, and sweetly, in perfect time, to fulfillment of the desire in some more wonderful way that we could have ever dreamed.
But first, my sisters, my loves, we have to remember we are much much much much more than human. We are, in fact, divine.

Today I want you to celebrate relaxing into the arms of your longing. How? Draw yourself a bath, light some candles, put on some music and pretend that the bath water is your desire fulfilled, bathing you, surrounding you. If you don’t have a tub right now, you can do the same thing with a shower, and feel showered by your desire. No shower? Jump into the ocean of desires. No ocean? The lake. No lake? A pile of pillows. No pillows? Hit your ass in a grassy field. I think you get the point. 🙂

In what ways do you celebrate or acknowledge the divine parts of yourself?
How do you deal with yourself when you are frustrated that you have not yet got what you want?
What did you find valuable in this blog today?
Do you agree? Or disagree?
Tell me in the comments below.
And if you want to help another woman remember her divinity, share this post…

With so much love and pleasure,
Mama Gena

P.S. The hottest party of the year is right around the corner…are you coming to Mastery Graduation on June 24th??

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76 Comments / Leave a Comment

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  • Asha T'nae June 15, 2012, 9:40 pm

    This is a rich entry and article. I love the exercises/rituals you suggested at the end as well as the transparency on your part. Your company and mission matches my passions as well, and so those will be the desires and yearnings I bathe and saturate myself in…awaking each day and doing what I love to contribute to the empowerment of women. Thank you for this!

  • dianne June 15, 2012, 11:23 am

    Hi Regena!!
    It’s been a while; too long! And what perfect timing for me to reconnect with you via this blog. Beautiful! I am always deeply moved by your passion and this piece really brings it! YESSSS!!!
    Thanks to you and SWA I now celebrate my divinity every day with a practice called Orgasmic Meditation. Thanks to you because I would have never found it without the sisterhood at SWA, specifically SG Janine Ekolona…pussy researcher supreme! Thank you J!!
    My husband and I are BLOWN AWAY at the power of this simple practice that focuses on female orgasm. In fact I am signed up for the 2012 One Taste coaching program with Nicole Daedone! YES! Hellava brag eh? She is speaking grad weekend I think? LOVE IT!
    WOW this daily practice really, REALLY gets me clear on desire. And that is just a small part of what it has brought me and my husband! Email me for more waxing poetic on this. You have changed my life Regena. I stand for your desires always!! My big D?? That every woman on the planet get stroked daily! Multiple times! NO doubt that will change the world. Thank you Regena for all you have done for me and all the women and men you touch! Now…time for a bath! 🙂

    • dianne June 15, 2012, 1:09 pm

      whoops!! That’s Ekulona!!! I’m so adorable!

    • Mama Gena June 21, 2012, 11:35 am

      go dianne! love these updates on your pleasure research

  • SG Ssanyu June 15, 2012, 9:21 am

    My longing is one of the most exquisite parts of me. I have mastered desire, allowing it to crack me open, burn through me like flame, and awaken me to to my life over and over again. Watching huge dreams fulfilled is all that keeps me moving forward when the longing becomes overwhelming. When I become afraid, I delve into extreme self-care as if my life depended on it (which we all know it does!) On the other side is peace.

  • Coral June 15, 2012, 1:29 am

    I have had you as a friend all this time and it really feels that when I am occupied with a subject in my mind about this womanly practice in the arts, that you have hoisted that subject up on the screen at precisely the time I needed to read it. So I agree women and goddess sisters are in the flow and together.
    I have had a death of my partner, and three misses the mark encounters with men, in the last 5 years. One of those encounters dragged out to be over a year, and the others far less but one is a friend more than the other and better friend.

    And now when I met and re-met and kept meeting and finding myself in the same social circle with a man I absolutely thought was so kind and had similar patterns of thought or calmness and speech, I am frozen and a little distanced so it wasn’t that way- then suddenly it was. What makes the reverse happen instead of a progression of living moment to moment and relaxing and getting the person I see and my self to get to know each other? Feeling conflicted I guess about engaging in a forward approach to friendliness and encouragement to him. Just being cautious I suppose. but we can talk and its fun and yet I draw in more. Want him to be sure he’s into me and not read into something. He is living with someone I worked with. What do you say Mama Gena?
    I appreciate your response. Thank you, Coral

  • Jane June 14, 2012, 4:28 pm

    You have to hold your head high and realize that it takes a truly amazing man to come into the life of a woman who is a Sister Goddess. If he was there before, he had the opportunity to grow and change with the woman, but a civilian….he’s in for a big surprise.

    I’ve known you from a distance for four years. I have the highest regard for you. But I wonder if you ever really let a man know you. You seem to always be “on”. Maybe that’s just what I see because I only see you being Mamagena.

    Is there a difference between Mamagena and Regena?
    I have wished many times to be in your real inner circle being that we have a lot in common, are fabulously single but I have only had one private conversation with you outside of class and other times you seem to have seen me, clearly you know my name, but you don’t acknowledge me at all.

    I’m still researching you.
    With love.

  • Lexi June 13, 2012, 5:01 pm

    How timely that I was reconnected to your blog through Simone Butler AstroAlchemy newletter. In my situation, I have a fellow but our relationship is long distance and have for the past 8 years wishing and desiring that our situation would change. We are planning a visit in September and I decided that I was not going to be in this mindset during his visit. I would simply be in the present and in the pleasure of the moment. Thank you for speaking the bare, naked truth for all of us and that we are part of that beautiful desiring collective consciousness and that belief in itself will realize all our deepest desires.

  • Susie June 13, 2012, 2:54 pm

    Erma Bombeck said, “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, “I used everything you gave me”.”

    Some people are blessed with finding the perfect mate; others are blessed with being the catalysts that help others find theirs. Maybe we can’t be both, but in the meantime, if you analyze your life, you’ll discover a lot of people love you. I’ve come to the conclusion that romantic love is one of the most heady, wonderful experiences a person can have, and it’s a form of temporary insanity. Once we come to our senses, we realize we have the very love we’ve been looking for, we just thought it would be something different.

  • Janice June 13, 2012, 2:33 pm

    Hi Mama Gena,

    I was listening to Dr. Christianne Northrup on Hay House Radio today. I think that I can safely say that we are each crazy about Christianne (though you know her personally, while I do not).

    Anyway she was interviewing Agapi Stassinapoulous who wrote a book entitled “Unbinding the Heart” and Agapi said that when you keep living in that place of longing it keeps you from having the fullfillment of your desire, because you keep chasing the phantom of longing. It stops you from being present, from knowing that you are much more than having a partner in life and it stops you from looking within. This is not to say that it’s wrong to have desire, but that one should first partner with one’s Spirit. It was a powerful message about how we can easily get into the “not enoughness of our lives” when we are constantly in the state of mind of unfullfilled longing. Christianne also spoke with a woman who teaches argentine tango in NYC at Dance Manhattan on 49th Street – and how she sees over and over again a phenomenon of women who are emotionally like 13 or 14 year olds, in that they afraid of being wallflowers – and then they leave sometimes when they get discouraged when a man doesn’t ask them to dance. But the ones who stick it out are the ones who realize that they do partner in the dance and experience the joy of the dance – the joy of being in the moment and loving their lives and not having the tango have to end up with their finding a partner there. It was a powerful hour and you might want to listen to it on Hay House Radio, if you have not done so already.

  • Kelly June 13, 2012, 1:04 pm

    I have to share my “Ferrari Story”…..

    I used to sell cars and one day at the dealership one of the other salesmen said to me that I’m “intimidating”. I asked him why? How can that be? I’m friendly and personable. I said you know me, how can you say I’m intimidating? He said he knows now that I’m approachable, but when he first saw me he was taken aback. He said – well, LOOK at you! Then he asked me what is my favorite car. At the time I was in love with a hot pink Challenger SRT8 with white leather interior. He asked if I had test driven it and indeed I had. I told him I had even gotten my picture taken in it! He said that’s the difference between men and women. He told me his favorite car is a Ferrari. He said he sees them on the road and lusts after them, reads about them and dreams about them. But he said he (and most men) would never, ever go to a dealership and look at one, sit in one or even test drive one knowing full well that he couldn’t buy it, take it home and care for it properly. Then he looked at me and said, “Kelly, you are a Ferrari”. Most of my life I’ve been with men who only know how to be with Fords. Now I want the man who knows how to be with a Ferrari – who can take me home and take care of me and knows how to and drive me and isn’t intimidated by me. And not every man can handle a Ferrari like me.

    • Lovely Rita June 15, 2012, 8:14 pm


  • Mary June 13, 2012, 10:11 am

    Thanks so much for this transparent manifesto, Regena… I love how you describe this duet between who we are in 3D life and the divine aspects of ourselves calling us home though our desires.

    Here’s what I wonder….
    We want all the joy this life can bring. Why else are we here on the earth in these bodies but for the pleasure of it all! Still, we can get almost everything we want, each desire satisfied one by one — until life gives us ANOTHER desire.

    Maybe nothing will ever really satisfy longing itself. Maybe its gift is what pulls us toward connection to the deepest part of ourselves, to our honesty, our integrity.

    In my life I’ve made all kinds of stories about what I think would fill that last deepest unfulfilled longing in me. Each longing taught me about who I was and what I most needed. AND yet, there’s this deeper intimate still place inside me where the longing relaxes, where I am most contentedly at home.

    I think this is the delightful song and dance of life. We may taste satisfaction from the thrill of the applause we’ll give ourselves when we’ve achieved our life’s longings for the perfect performance — have the man, the child, the success. But I think the deepest fulfillment comes in BEING every note of the song we’re singing in the hear and now. Then the desires seem to fulfill themselves.

    In my life it’s the longing to connect, to REALLY connect — to a man, a sister, the earth, myself, in short to the DIVINE in every aspect of creation — that IS what’s sacred! That hunger for a powerful depth of intimacy with every spec of the divine is my call home. And this is so radical!!! You’re right about patriarchy — that it teaches us that we’re never good enough, that it’s all about doing more. But this is just about being all that we are!!!

    This is what you’ve taught me, Regena. The way I find myself, my situation, and my sisters RIGHT in up-rides and gratitudes is about seeing the beauty of connection with everything and everyone that I AM and have ALREADY! And loving the longing that still unfolds as I grow and adventure in this fabulous life. Thank you always and forever.

    SG Maven Mary

  • Annie June 13, 2012, 8:02 am

    In the tradition of all the other dynamic, successful, revolutionary women I know, I see you with a younger man, who isn’t threatened by your intensity.

  • BSG Glitzy Cougar Karen June 13, 2012, 5:58 am

    Yearning? Really? I went to bed at midnight and woke up at two and haven’t been able to sleep. Why? I went to a fabulous Tantra weekend, filled with love and sensuality, and in the process we are encouraged to choose a man who is learning to pleasure the goddess (that would be me). While I had plenty of opportunities to choose more “appropriate” men, I chose the youngest guy in the room. Why? Because as I questioned the idea of 30 year olds who often contact me on “okcupid” he subtly dared me when he said, “why not give us a chance”? It was an ok evening. It was interesting more than a turn on. I didn’t let myself go there. He was fine, but I feared the rejection.
    I did it to defy the age thing. Yes, I am feeling defiant (is this a surprise?). But I have kids. What the hell was I doing? What a mind game.
    But I woke up this morning thinking about him. By his own admission, he’s a bad boy…a really bad boy. I admit I am drawn to them. Because I think I am a bad girl (in the best sense) wrapped in a good girl body that is trying so hard to break through. Why?
    Because the yearning, the deep yearning, is to KNOW my erotic creature…to inhabit her, to be Aphrodite as courtesan…to be a fully orgasmic woman, and I feel so far from it, still so full of fear. I have made progress. I can go into a room and appreciate them and enjoy them and even feel the love in the room, but the yearning…it has consumed my life and now my sleep. Damn. I’m going to now re-read “50 Shades of Grey”.

  • Melinda June 13, 2012, 1:16 am

    Call Patti Feinstein, aka America’s Dating Coach!! She will Skype with you to go through your dating stuff –, etc. I was overwhelmed and she really helped. Her info is: 312.243.5114 or She’s like a personal trainer for dating – or like a professional organizer. Can’t hurt to try!

  • Darline (aka SG Fort Knox) June 12, 2012, 11:39 pm

    Hi Regena,
    I can so relate to unfulfilled desires! I had been mewling and raging over my life until very recently. As you know, I am in the midst of a divorce and want to desperately move back to my home in Boston. It seemed like it would never happen and that I would be doomed to misery. It was a thought too much to bear.

    But in April, we had our first mediation and things began to move. I finally made my first steps as a free woman on May 31st and have been in Boston ever since. It has been an amazing and exhilerating experience! Since being here everything has literally fallen into my lap! Friends and their friends and family are bending over backwards to help me out. People I don’t even know are helping me to find jobs and homes. It has been overwhelming the outpouring of support.

    The kicker is that I have had this longing to “go home” for years-at least 5-6. It has become more insistent over the last couple of years as my marriage disintegrated. But as we know, GPS is always on time and now, nearly 3 years from the time that I made the first authentic declaration of my desire, I am free and I am home, and my children will be joining me in 10 short days.

    I don’t know why it has taken so long. Some days I really didn’t believe that I would make it, but I have. And yes, I yearned and longed to be home all that time. I guess what I am trying to say is that timing is everything and sometimes some desires take a bit more time than others and we can’t give up on them. To the older moms, don’t give up. (I had my son at 40!!) Want a lover, don’t give up. Want a job, don’t give up.

    Our desires don’t always come right when we want them, but they are always fulfilled right on time!!

  • Becky June 12, 2012, 8:20 pm

    Wow! All of this is So right on and So powerful!

  • Caralise June 12, 2012, 5:43 pm

    Wow, what a beautiful post! Thank you so much Mama Gena for your openness and honesty. I’ve been asking myself these kinds of questions quite a lot in the last few months, and particularly in the past few days. I can’t emphasize how perfectly timed this article was for me!

    One amazing thing I’m learning as I seek to create ever more beauty and pleasure in my life and the lives of all around me is the power of embracing Mystery. It’s stunning to me how often the best, most gorgeous things that the Universe gives come ways and times that I never expect. I’ll think I know exactly what I need to make myself happy, and I’ll become frustrated when it doesn’t come quickly enough. Then, out thin air, when I least expect it, something else comes along that is far more beautiful and fulfilling then what I had originally asked for! It’s like the Rolling Stones song: “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find you get what you need.” I can’t believe how many times this has happened in my life. You could argue that I just need to be better in touch with my true desires to begin with. But I believe there’s something extremely powerful and courageous about surrendering into the mysterious beauty of our paths unfolding before us. It’s humbling and exciting, and requires an open heart and a good sense of humor 🙂

    Sending so much love and light!

  • Mary Lou June 12, 2012, 5:32 pm

    Dear Mama Gena,

    Today, I called the Palace because I had an unfulfilled longing and afterwards, came on line and read this post -your timing is perfect and elegant!

    I stay spiritually alive by being unafraid to live. I change my thinking every time this thought enters my head, If I was/had…, then I would be…” and change the “…” around. By doing this, I find a solution to what I am truly seeking and come into a position of power and closer to bliss.

    I bless my failures as success for I know that what I deemed as a failure exists in the realm of what I think I should have because others have it. I have to remind myself that my destination and their destination are not the same, but we are all on a shared journey.

    I emotionally detached myself from the outcome, and go into social scientist/teacher mode because that I is who I am. I let my emotions out through the arts, so my soul can be acknowledged as well. And on days when I think that this longing will be filled and yet I face another rejection, I let myself have a good humble under the rock cry, get up, take a shower, put on some make up and have the best Be Kind to Mary Lou day ever.

    The life I imagine and the one I have are not the same, so I have created a list of my desires and celebrate each one as they manifest. I stay in creation mode until I am inspired and move forward. Sometimes the creation leads to an opportunity, and if the energy doesn’t feel right, I move on. I have learned not to explore every options but only the only ones that make me tingle.

    I remind myself that my daughter’s name means Divine Light and all that I have gone through and will go through are lessons that I can share with her. I remind myself that I share my mother’s name and I am her living legacy.

    I shower my attention on others and this is huge gift! Turning my focus on another and not expecting anything in return creates a space to receive pleasure unexpectedly.

    By nature I am patient and resilient and as I can’t force time to be anything but what it is, I use my time in loving how each experience serves a purpose. Image that about 5 years ago at my sister’s Mastery graduation, I was pregnant, newly married, and living in Paris. And I had a desire for you to come to Paris! Not only are you coming but 75 other SGs…now that is patience.

    I realize that everything that we can touch was once someone’s idea, an idea manifested at the right time, by the right person, for the right reason – even it appears otherwise. I think of inventors and mavericks who tried tried and tried until the got IT to work. I wonder if Davy lamented over the 1000 light bulbs which didn’t work? Perhaps, but it was the one that worked which changed the world.

    As for dealing with frustration, I have learned something from my students. Whenever they tell me that they are frustrated, I replied back to them, “This is not frustration, it’s a lack of confidence because you know what you need to know, you just don’t believe that you have a right to achieve it. Once you believe in yourself and believe that you truly deserve it, then any barriers you have set up for yourself will be gone.” This little pep talk has made some of my most challenging students absolute chatter boxes. Now when I’m frustrated, I say it to myself!

    Finally, I humbly acknowledge that I am a work-in-process, re-inventing, re-investing, re-imaging and just being. But as long as I am in a space of fearless living, there is a space for living a life with wisdom, joy and child-like enthusiasm.

    Here’s to you – and living, loving , and creating a life of wonder!

    SG Mary Lou

  • Karen Middleton June 12, 2012, 3:31 pm

    I have spent so many years dating wonderful men and wondering why it never worked out for me. My ex-husband remarried, old boyfriends married (but not me) sending me into a tizzy each time wondering what was wrong with me instead of realizing the relationships just weren’t for me. I started concentrating on knowing that my upgrade was on his way to me and he would find me when the time was right for both of us. I met a wonder-filled man and we are in the midst of developing a relationship that is perfect for us, not for anyone else. Prior to his arrival into my life, I just kept fanning those flames of my man finding me, how it would finally feel to be with my beloved with his arms surrounding me, trusting he would find me at the right time. I followed your advice, wrote myself love letters as if from him, imagined driving the car with him beside me, stroking the pillow where he would eventually lay his head. And he appeared at just the right time. Your blog today reminds me of the wonder of me, and the power of desire, the beauty of creation. Thank you for your transparency. Always on my knees grateful for you!
    With so much love and pleasure from Denver!
    SG Karen

  • The Dame June 12, 2012, 1:57 pm

    Dearest Regena, Queen of Desire,
    I have cherished, fanned and inflamed many of your whopping manifestations over these amazing years. However, today, I must speak out, sister, on the subject of your blog. Perhaps it is because I have been so influenced by an english teacher husband and our dearest Diva of the Word who watches my every word, that it is with tender mercy I beg you to change your title “The Big Desire I Still Don’t Have . . .” When I saw this I automatically thought that you still don’t have a desire for a beloved. Is that really true??? Is that what you want to say to us? That you don’t have a big desire? Come on, Mama, I have witnessed serious ecstatic relationships that you conjured with beloveds. Major mo fos. And there is more coming. I will bet the parsonage in Jersey that I am buying on it. So may I request that you change this title to “The Big Desire I still Have . . .”, please? It would make us sisters supremely divinely happy. Much love and honor, your beloved Dame who is giving back what she learned

  • steve June 12, 2012, 1:56 pm

    you got me babe!!

  • regena June 12, 2012, 1:11 pm

    can i tell you how much i love this thread, this dialogue, this conversation? i am so very grateful. each of your posts is a work of art.

  • Peggy June 12, 2012, 1:10 pm

    When is a relationship perfect? When you say so. Open your hearts and allow it to be perfect……When I met my sweetheart – 30+ years ago, everyone told me he wasn’t my type. At first I agreed, and said “but he’s a fun date.” Well, 30+ years later, he’s still my fun date. I can fall in to the rut of finding every fault, or I can look for the perfection in our partnership. One direction leads to a playful, passionate, and loving relationship.

  • T. L. Cooper June 12, 2012, 1:09 pm

    When I have not yet gotten what I want, I ask myself what lesson I’m missing in where I’m at in my life. Often we don’t move forward into what we truly want because we’re either missing or ignoring the lesson we need to learn in order to embrace what we truly want and allow it into our lives. Often, I find that lesson revolves around letting go of my closely guarded control over some part of my life and allowing myself to risk being vulnerable.

  • SG Michelle June 12, 2012, 12:58 pm

    Oh Mama, I soooo identify with this! My big, big desire, since I was 9 years old, has been to be a successful professional actress. And it’s not for lack of trying or talent – I’ve been trained by best of the best and am exceptional, and have even had some great driftwood, but it always eludes me…whereas men, health, beauty and fun land in my lap unbidden! Which I am so grateful for. But then I hear stories from people like Clint Eastwood, who weren’t even looking for their big break when it came, and that’s when I really have to turn to the womanly arts and tools!

    So, I’m going to continue to bask in the desire and relish the idea of what it would be like to have it completely fulfilled (in the shower and the rain in NYC today), and you have totally inspired me to blog about this on Love you, can’t wait to see you in two weekends, and as for your big desire, so shall it be or so so so much better!!!

  • Veronica June 12, 2012, 11:46 am

    Goddess yes! Thank you Mama! I have been desiring to have more experiences with my self and my friends and while I’ve been seeing manifestations of it there are other desires I wish to be fulfilled like having more than enough money for my needs and desires and sharing with the world for a loving and helpful purpose. While I do acknowledge how blessed I am to be living at this moment in time with an amazing and loving family I do have moments where I turn on myself and feel like I’m doing something wrong because I haven’t gotten what I’ve desired (the work, the romantic relationship, money for pole classes etc.) When I read this blog post you reminded me that it is truly our longing for it and at the same time relishing the moment we are in now, that’s where the magic happens, as long as I remember to stay in a place of joy and gratitude and outrageous focus on my desires while relaxing in the knowing that they or something even BETTER is coming towards me. I absolutely adore you Mama! You have truly helped me and I am so blessed to have been guided to you <3 Thank you Goddess! ^_^

  • Simone June 12, 2012, 11:31 am

    Dearest Mama,

    Your post totally speaks to the timeframe we’re in right now, with Venus (the divine feminine, our desires) in retrograde motion through the end of June. I tell my astrology clients that when Venus is backward we must go inside to fulfill our yearnings – rather than seek fulfillment on the outer level. Yet this is tricky to put into practice – as I discovered at the once-in-a-lifetime Venus Transit last week.

    At the exact time of the Transit (June 5, 6 p.m. PDT) I was contacted by a man on a dating site who seemed like the embodiment of my desire. Our phone conversation flowed like magic, and we made a plan for dinner that Friday. I allowed my suppressed yearnings to unfurl as I imagined our life together. Yet in person, he fell far short of my desires. My yearning collapsed in on me and I spent a dark few days stuffing myself with food and feeling foolish for getting my hopes up.

    And then this morning you reminded me that our yearnings are divine and must be nurtured, not suppressed or maligned. How did I forget this? One danger of Venus in retrograde – it’s easy to fall back into old patterns. So thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me reconsecrate my desires. Big hugs to you!!

    • Susie June 13, 2012, 3:04 pm

      Hi, Simone,

      You’re a catalyst. Some of us are responsible for being the means by which other people can find their heart’s desire. Maybe in this life, you’ve already found your true reward. When you stop looking for whatever you think you want, you’ll find what you’re supposed to have. Or not. After all, it IS life,
      and life is nothing if it isn’t unpredictable. I wish you every happiness, you deserve it.

  • Kerrie Blazek June 12, 2012, 11:22 am

    My dearest Mama G —

    I love your words, your teachings, your heart. Thank you for always showing us your wisdom through transparency. It is so delicious + divine.

    My favorite frame: “our desires are precious, not only to us, but to the earth herself”

    On this year of travel, I have fulfilled many desires, and yet some still lay on the table. Thank you for providing simple and direct instructions. They fall beautifully inside the lines of my mantra: I surrender. I receive.

    With deep love and gratitude,
    SG Kerrie

  • imperatrix June 12, 2012, 10:58 am








    • SloopyOnnaHarlee June 13, 2012, 2:30 pm

      well said!!!!!!

  • SG Jophiel June 12, 2012, 10:48 am

    You all are so beautiful and breaking me open this morning… It feels so delicious…. to be feeling my heart this morning, and to be filled with the power or the integrity of desire…

    “what lays in the heart of our longings?
    our divinity.”
    Thank you for that Mama..
    It is such a heart breakingly beautiful reminder of how simple and pure our divinity is, and how we have clouded it.
    Thank you all for putting me in my divinity this morning…

  • Lauren June 12, 2012, 10:45 am

    You could not be more timely with this blog Mama Gena, especially with the line, “See, what happens to most women when their desire is unfulfilled, is that they turn on themselves. Which is a bit like a sparrow attacking itself for not being a hawk. Ridiculous, right?”. My deepest desire is for life partnership as well, I wake up most days with this as the first thing that’s on my mind. But instead of enjoying the desire, I automatically turn on myself….and deny myself this beautiful desire. I constantly question the “how” and then I get mad at myself that I haven’t conjured it yet. Thank you for the reframing! It’s so ridiculous how much we beat ourselves up over this! I will walk through the rest of the day holding my desire with childlike glee.

    Thank you!

  • Angela June 12, 2012, 10:44 am

    Thank you so much for this. Everything you wrote is helpful, but by far the MOST helpful was you letting us know that you are still reaching for more. Sometimes I fool myself into thinking that if I had a certain level of success, I would never have that nagging feeling again regarding unfulfilled desires (i.e., if my business was where I wanted it to be, I could stand back and admire that, and I wouldn’t care so much about whether or not I have a partner). So if we’re all reaching (even you!), why not embrace that we will probably ALWAYS be reaching for something more, no matter how much we’ve achieved! Thanks for helping me feel more satisfied with myself, right where I am, even though I know there is much more to come.

  • Lynda-Jai June 12, 2012, 10:43 am

    I am feeling full of gratitude right now. I have found the relationship I always wanted, even better than I knew it could be. It took letting myself shine and flirt (thank you for the lessons!!), and becoming okay (well, mostly okay) with being single and strong. And then he showed up. I was 57 and he 50 when we married seven years ago. We have 8 children and foster children between us – but it is great that they are out of the house, and we can focus on us and our lives. And did you know that your hair can actually become less gray when you are having lots of good sex? Confirmed by my hairdresser.

    My guy is rare. He knows and worships the Goddess. He encourages me to be strong and confident, to keep growing, to get out there and pursue my dreams, and to be a fierce Mama Bear when it is called for in my work with kids. We women terrify men, and they need to be brave (there was no way I was going to keep myself reined in again, for a man). But, even though I had a really good one to start with and to work with, I believe that many, many men are “good enough” and can become “The One,” when they have been marinated in enough Goddess-juice. AND I have learned that having a good relationship takes lots more than finding a suitable partner. Our relationship takes an enormous amount of work. We share our spiritual practices, meditate and read to each other, work through old childhood injuries that still come up and slap us in the face sometimes, head for our therapist when we need help. The work is SO worth it. So was the waiting.

  • amber June 12, 2012, 10:22 am

    Hi Everyone

    Thanks Mama Gena for this great insight about what to do when our desires are unfulfilled. I have a very successful career, a fabulous son and I what I long for most is a happy relationship with my divine mate who is as perfect for me as I am for him. I have been desiring this amazing relationship for years and while I meet men, none are the right one for me. After awhile one does start to wonder… is it me? Or to question… why can’t I have what I truly desire? You have answered these questions with great perspective. Many thanks.

  • SG Compass Rose June 12, 2012, 10:14 am

    Deliciously written soul satisfying blog (& thread), MG! Thank you for following your pleasure & standing for all of us to do the same. I’m looking forward to bathing in & soaking up my desires later this eve!

  • Karen June 12, 2012, 10:09 am

    I felt this way for so long when I was single, Had everything I needed and set out to get at that time , except for the love of my life. I came to the point where I decided I would go and live out my life single, I’d travel, I’d explore, I’d fly with the wind………..and dang if he didn’t show up out of the blue lol. My unfulfilled desires are to publish children’s books, for me that is still just out of reach , how to find a publisher, where to go to find one, However, it will come when the time is exactly right… otherwise it wouldn’t be as deliscious………..and I’ll take deliscious over anything else 🙂

    • Mary June 13, 2012, 9:23 am

      It’s the deliciousness of the desire that keeps us living and loving the 3D life! I LOVE the way you’ve articulated your longing AND lived the adventure of your life, Karen.

  • Denise June 12, 2012, 10:07 am

    Oh, Gena, you speak to the soul of so many of us! I am a middle aged woman, single with 2 grown children, have a thriving spiritual life, the most incredibly fulfilling work , lots of Goddess friends, and so much love and support from my spirituality and from my friends and associates. My issue is that somehow even my desire to partner with some wonderful guy has really waned and is now very dim. I need to want it to get it, right? Have I given up, or am I just happy with what I have? Or, am I very subtly not happy with being single anymore but lost the nerve to even hope? Now that I’m not a raging ball of hormones, I know my whole being is changing and reevaluation seems to be the order of the day. Help me figure out what I truly desire!

    • regena June 12, 2012, 1:09 pm

      raging hormones are here to GIVE you clarity!! perfect timing for a power surge, huh?

      • Denise June 12, 2012, 2:03 pm

        Hmmm….a power surge sounds like EXACTLY what is needed! Thank you Regena, you are a wise and beautiful Goddess. I will meditate on what a PERFECT power surge would look and feel like…Blessings always!

  • Kelly June 12, 2012, 9:59 am

    I have been to the Sister Goddess Worldwide Reunion in Miami for three years straight. At all three we were asked to write our desires in the sand and all three times I wrote that I wanted a life partner to have children with. I’m 43 years old, I’ve been married 3 times and had unprotected sex in all 3 of my marriages and never had children. I went to fertility doctors and took fertility drugs and still, no children. After the ending of my third marriage (and the first time I went to the Worldwide Reunion), I started taking a look at my conjuring abilities and my true desires. The thought of living a life without children reduces me to tears. Even now, as I write this. Everything else I have ever wanted in life just magically appears – I’m not even surprised any more as it happens on a daily basis. But still, no children. So I started taking a look at the men in my life. They are always there – I’ve never been one to have to be “set up” or go on dating sites – and like everything else in my life, they come to me. But these men as I look at them and my relationships with them, I realized they were always what I thought I was “supposed” to have and what I thought I was “supposed” to do. Not actually what my heart and pussy truly wanted. So I zoomed in on that and discovered that I am not a “traditional” girl. Yes, I want a committed, monogomous relationship with a man who is just as strong and amazing as I am. But I don’t want the house, the cars, the white picket fence – which is what I had been forcing upon myself and the men in my life. Today, I’m living with my boyfriend on a boat and we travel and have wonderful adventures. I’m so happy and loving every single minute of my life that I sometimes have to stop and pinch myself to believe it’s really happening. And then I stop and wonder… would a child fit into my life? What would that look like? Is that what I truly desire? I’m still not clear on that, but in the meantime, I am enjoying this charmed and crazy life I have created for myself. And maybe that’s just where I need to be right now…..

    • Kelly June 12, 2012, 10:03 am

      PS – Under the Tuscan Sun was a beautiful example of a woman creating what she truly wanted in her life – just not in the way that she thought it was supposed to happen for her.

    • LiZa June 12, 2012, 11:41 am

      You go Sister Goddess. I birthed my first and only daughter at age 42 so there is still time for you if that is still your desire. Starting my family “late in life” did not make me an old mom but a wise mom. I enjoy my relationship with my daughter so much more than I would have been able to if I had been younger and more wrapped up in myself and career etc. Today as I write my first grandson celebrates his 26th day of life and I am celebrating each day too. Oh, and I know lots of boat babies too.
      In love, light, grace and glory,

    • Tiiu June 12, 2012, 1:19 pm

      Oh how lovely of you to share that!
      My boyfriend is a long-haul trucker and I have these flashes of traveling Europe with him. The logical me tells me it is B.S. on the highest scale – to give up my well-paying job and life and all the trappings… And my soul smiles every time the idea comes to my mind. So maybe I am not that crazy after all, huh?

      Thank you, thank you, thank you!

      SG Princess Delight

    • Kelly June 13, 2012, 12:55 pm

      Thank you for the support and kind words LiZa and SG Princess Delight. I think the desire I’m focused on now is FREEDOM. I love mine! And I don’t know that at this point in my journey I want to give that up….

  • Barbara June 12, 2012, 9:41 am

    Good morning, Mama Gena –
    Just a quick note of thanks for your transparent, inspiring and moving post. It was a beautiful way to start my day. Your message made me take a deep breath, open my heart and remember who and what I truly am. I am picturing you spinning in glee in a grassy field surrounded by gorgeous suitors like rainbow fireflies, each one blinking “pick me! pick me!”


  • Ophelia June 12, 2012, 9:37 am

    “how to stay spiritually alive when your yearning is, as yet, unfulfilled?”

    Ah, the question we all ask ourselves constantly. The biggest help I find for this is the teaching of Abraham through Jerry and Esther Hicks – whom I know you are familiar with, Mama Gena, as you mentioned them in a previous blog. They always emphasize how important it is to hold your desire in your mind, not with sadness and frustration, but rather with giddy excitement, like a child before Christmas morning. You have to EXPECT your desire to be fulfilled, not just hope it will be some day. And in the meantime, concentrate on what you already have. Quite literally, count your blessings. While you lay in that tub or stand under that shower or swim in whatever ocean, proverbial or literal you can find, in addition to letting your desire wash over you, begin to think about all those desires that have already been fulfilled – think of them until your heart feels so full you think it may burst! Then you will see how many times your desires have been fulfilled before, and then, well of course this one will be too, anything less would be ridiculous! And be sure to revert back to this feeling the second you feel yourself feeling doubtful or frustrated about your desire. Eventually it will happen, or something even better that you hadn’t even thought of 🙂

    • SloopyOnnaHarlee June 13, 2012, 2:34 pm

      yeah!!!! gratitude and “havingness” does the trick!!!

  • elissia June 12, 2012, 9:22 am

    I so feel what you are saying about this longing, Today I woke up with that feeling in me so so strong it feels like my heart could break open with the longing to be soo much more so much greater to fullfill my greatest potential, & yet I feel what is this longing ,I would love if you could guide us through to see what lays in the heart of our longings,
    Thank you wonderful woman,sister Goddess, & Mama
    You are a star
    Love & big hugs

    • regena June 12, 2012, 9:25 am

      what lays in the heart of our longings?
      our divinity.
      (think about virtual pleasure boot camp in september…)

  • Suzi Banks Baum June 12, 2012, 9:05 am

    “And that is where the spiritual spine of the School of Womanly Arts comes into play.
    Time to call on the Goddess inside the term ‘Sister Goddess.’
    Because it turns out that yearning has a power.
    Measurable power.
    And that desire that lives inside you is not just you, but a duet—between you and that which is greater than you. And this desire breaks you open, breaks you apart, and re-creates you into the woman you were born to become, that you never could have touched if you did not acknowledge or live your desire.”

    Yo Mama,

    Tuesday dawns with expectation of your posts.
    Last night I crashed upon the rocky shores of self-doubt. I have created a forum for myself and other women to share their stories of mothering and creativity, to speak ‘from the soul of the mother’ and this work keeps me awake and excited. Last night I found the website of a very successful and national circuit of women doing the same work. Self doubt rained on me in tumult.
    Yesterday was also the first day of summer vacation, which is a rocky cliff above spiked boulders upon which I fall every single summer. The first day of the kids being home and what to do and how- just catapults me in to feeling there is not enough time for me and my work amidst the chaos of raising kids. Sharp spikes puncture clouds of desire.
    Combine that feeling with the thought that someone else invented and succeeded with an idea that I love and feels like my work in the world?
    It was grim here in the address of my eternal soul.
    Until I put on my new summer nightie and hopped in the car and drove myself to a field near here because I knew it was a night for fireflies.
    And there I stood, surrounded by thousands of tiny bright lights, in the warm soft air of a June night….blinky blinky blinky…telling me ‘Yes, Yes, Yes- there is room for all our light in this world. Even yours.’
    So, I nurture my yearning. I clothe myself in a sweet nightgown and firefly light. And I know the fireflies are right.
    xoxox Happy Tuesday, S

    • regena June 12, 2012, 9:23 am

      next time, take pictures???

    • Melinda Cohan June 12, 2012, 9:59 am

      Suzi, your spot is familiar and your firefly tale is perfection!!!! I admire the courage it took to take a breath and put yourself on the path to what fuels your soul. Thank you for sharing this story and experience in such delicious detail!!!

    • Kelli June 12, 2012, 12:01 pm

      Do you have a blog or a website? I would love to join if you do 🙂

      • Suzi Banks Baum July 24, 2012, 10:17 pm

        Hi Kelli! Thank you for asking. You can click on my name above my comment and it will whisk you right to my site. xo Love, Suzi

  • Neerja June 12, 2012, 8:57 am

    I am feeling very in tune with the Universe. I have been thinking alot about this very subject. I’ve been feeling the “lettting-go” part more than ever and have been teetering on giving up and finding a new desire/dream. Then I wake up to this blog which came via email. This is a miracle. It’s like the Universe is talking to me through you today.
    Thank you for this. This is my favorite line from this blog: “And that desire that lives inside you is not just you, but a duet—between you and that which is greater than you. And this desire breaks you open, breaks you apart, and re-creates you into the woman you were born to become, that you never could have touched if you did not acknowledge or live your desire.”

    We are energy beings of LOVE if we choose to be. The other side of that is to be an energy of all things FEAR. When it takes a LONG time to fulfill certain desires, it does test us in thinking that “it wasn’t meant to be for me” and for me….it has been taking me on a “giving up” ride. FEAR.

    Thank you again! You are truly bringing value to the world.

    Peace and Love,

  • Magical June 12, 2012, 8:43 am

    Hi Mama Gena,
    I am in a similar (single) position, and started reading your book. So i am learning the art of Pleasuring myself: learning to flirt (this one guy started to stutter, and the other walked into a door, when i was feeling fully flirty 🙂 I made the best choclate myself! (dark chocolate with fresh roasted hazelnuts cardamom all spice and cinnamon) I am learning to feel sexy for ME.
    Today I conjured miracles and guess what, it was supposed to rain and the sun is warm and calling out there, and I got a gift in the mail from a friend. So a whole lot of stuff I am learning beacuse i am still single.
    And it does come back off and on: the feelings of disappointment and maybe there is something wrong with me…. but i can feel a change as well. I can feel it is making me stronger, and making me more Me.
    Also, i asked the Universe, that if this relationship nor date is showing up, to at least bring me plenty of great men in my life, and you know what, I am seeing wonderful men around me, and I see the wonderfulnes in men, more and more. (in SG too) So yeah I am also having a lot of fun on this single journey. Thanks SG Mama Gena. You keep reminding me, i wanna live a juicy life and giving me great tips for doing so.

  • MaryAnne Shiozawa Wiseman June 12, 2012, 8:11 am

    oh Mama! i wish i could get all decked out, go out on the town with you, and be your wing-woman! how fun would it be to meet men together for you!

    love and miss you lots!

    SG MaryAnne
    in Paris, soon to live in London

    • regena June 12, 2012, 9:21 am

      my creation course is going to paris in may 2013- will you still be there?

      • MaryAnne Shiozawa Wiseman June 12, 2012, 11:41 am

        oh dear – no. we’re moving in a few weeks. but i know many women who would be interested. anything set up for London? also, if anything, London is only a quick 2 hour train ride to Paris!!

  • Emily June 12, 2012, 7:41 am

    This post is just so timely for me right now. I have so much in my life to be thankful for and proud of, and yet I have such sadness that I don’t have the second child that I am absolutely longing for. You’re so right that as women we often turn onto ourselves and blame ourselves harshly. I have been wondering what I have done wrong and what I should be doing to make it happen. I have moments of relaxing and letting these painful emotions go, but it keeps on coming back to chip chip chip away at my self worth and belief in my future.

    Your blog so wonderfully reminds & encourages me to relax, enjoy myself in all of my splendour, to really appreciate and love myself exactly as I am and to be open to the wonders that life can, often unexpectedly, bring. Thank you!

  • Beatrice Garoche June 12, 2012, 7:35 am

    thanks Mama Gena to remind me of the Goddess. I have a job which I love, I have done it for 23 years.. It is a complete privilege. I am a rebirthing breathworker and I see people letting go and reconnect with their breath, with their heart, with their body, being present… I have loved your book, read it again and again. You have been very inspiring to me. My ability to create and receive pleasure is bodyblowing… I love it.. Where my unfulfilled longing lives is to be well known for the work I do, people find me, but the world does not know yet about me… Those who find me get loads of value, they reconnect with themselves, with their wisdom and their innocence, it is such a privilege to do this work. I love it passionately. I became a beautiful salsa dancer our of it. You reminded of asking the Goddess to have me known to those who would benefit from working / playing with me… Breathwork can be used as a therapy but also as a support to expand…. Who wants to expand and free their breath… come…. From London UK. Thank you mama Gena for your shares….

  • Robin June 12, 2012, 6:58 am

    I love this blog post, Regena! I am working on a book about transformation through divorce, death (and dancing) and the challenges of finding love again. The most important theme through the book has been my spiritual life, the powerful guide that has led me through some really difficult periods (caregiving of a dying parent, raising my daughter, a marriage that needed to end.) Through it all, I was divinely led (including right to you.) This morning I was writing about the spiritual guidance and then I received the email about your blog post! Thank you – you always have an incredible way of expressing exactly what I needed to be reminded of. You are a fantastic teacher and I am filled with gratitude for having you in my life.

    • regena June 12, 2012, 9:20 am

      the great pussy in the sky does not miss a single detail, huh?

  • Grace June 12, 2012, 6:55 am

    Regena – wonderful inspirational words. I teach Burlesque classes, but more than that I help women find their confidence, to find new accepting encouraging friends making the same journey – opening their hearts to loving themselves with juicy glamourous abandon. It is the coolest job I have ever had, and I get a front row seat to seeing it unfold.

    There are days when I doubt myself and the journey into self employment, but I will try to apply your words to feeling like a sucessful business owner and claim it. It gets easier each week as the Universe tells me I’m on the right path.

    I love your work, love your words, love all that you stand for.
    Big love from NZ

  • Claudia June 12, 2012, 6:25 am

    Dearest SG Regena — you have so eloquently and lovingly framed this longing so well. I relate to having big desires that seem out of reach…despite all the amazing manifestations that are already around me. I agree that the relief is em*bed*ded in relaxing into the dance as you describe it and accepting the Mystery of the unfolding of the story. The yearning is power, it is clarity, it is energy when i let it be and not when i get buried beneath it or overwhelmed by it’s “not-thereness”. miss you and NYC. hugs from Rome. xxx C

    • regena June 12, 2012, 6:27 am

      hugs all the way to rome, claudia!!!

  • Antonella June 12, 2012, 6:17 am

    I feel successful in almost every facet of my life. Maybe nothing spectacular in the eyes of other people, but a work I love and pays the bills, dear friends, caring parents and nice relationships with men. But at 38 I assumed I would have met The man (life partner, lover and dearest friend) and had children. This has not happened and during that time of the month my body gets in “sad mode” and starts hurting about this big desire I haven’t reached yet. This year I resolved to let God/Goddess take care of that. I prayed that apparently I cannot make this true so please take this desire and if it’s the best outcome for all involved make it true! Still don’t know what will happen but I feel like a burden has been lifted from me.. In the meantime I try to concentrate on my pleasure (thanks Mama Gena!)