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Choose pleasure. (Especially when you don’t feel like it.)

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Picture this.
You are in Paris, the City of Light.
You have been promising your recently high school graduated daughter that you will bring her to Paris, on the occasion of said graduation. She is so excited that she asks to bring her best pal with her. You agree, thinking of all the fun you will have, exploring the city together.  

It was to be a mother’s finest moment: She gets to take these two precious girls, girls who dressed as twin Hannah Montanas on Halloween when they were in 3rd grade, girls who had sleepovers, did homework together, went to prom together, and practically lived at each other’s houses—to see Paris for the very first time.

We arrive. Check in. We walk to the Tuileries Gardens. No one is feeling that great after the long plane flight. Crankiness abounds. We stop for coffee. My suggestion for a museum is met with silence. But I notice my daughter jump on her phone, and within minutes she has arranged a date for her and her pal, to have dinner with two boys that she went to camp with, a few years ago, who live in Paris.  

The boys pick them up and they discovered Paris by night. For the next four days, they are out every night, returning home in the wee-est of hours, learning how to manage a bit too much wine, sleeping all day, to prepare for the fun night ahead with different groups of old and new friends, dinners, flirting, bars, clubs. And repeat. They had the best time, ever, in the history of good times.

And then, there was the old shoe.
That would be me.
Left in the hotel room with the channel changer and room service.
Quite a different Paris than I had imagined.

So, what’s an old shoe to do?
The first step was calling all my girlfriends to whine and weep. Girlfriends who reminded me that I was not really an old shoe. Or, at least, if I was, I was definitely a very high heel.
And they challenged me to have fun. And get out there and enjoy Paris.
Yuck. Ouch. How?  

I decided to employ one of the most difficult challenges that a woman faces.

When we are left by the wayside, overlooked, discarded, passed over – we can collapse and jump into an enticing bubbling vat of self-pity, or we can choose to reach for pleasure as if our life depended on it. Because it does.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t feel like having pleasure.
Do it anyway.
I knew it didn’t matter if I didn’t feel sexy. (I didn’t.)
Or flirty. (I would have rather swallowed nails than flirt.)
And I was alone in a hotel room.

But when we say yes to pleasure, the universe gives us wings.
Which we can’t feel, actually, until we use them.
And using them usually involves jumping off some cliff or another.
So, I looked inside to see some edge that needed pressing.

For me, it was online dating.
I sighed, ignored the ‘no’ inside me, got on Bumble, and started ‘liking’ all kinds of men.
It’s interesting, when you are in somewhere that’s not home, all the guys look kind of great. They all seemed so European.  

I ended up connected with this kind of hot record producer named Pierre, who played guitar. He invited me for a coffee in Montmartre at 8pm. How cool is that? French people drink coffee 24/7. He was with his pal, Olivier, a painter, who is in his rock band. We talked for a while, and really hit it off. He invited me for dinner. We moved to another cafe, sat at a teeny tiny table on a cobblestone street, smoked his hand rolled cigarettes, drank rosé, had a gorgeous dinner and stayed out talking and flirting til the wee hours.  

He was interesting, interested in me, and we had a lot to talk about. He is coming to New York next month and I will probably see him again.
Whew.
Those pleasure wings saved my ass.

The next night was another story.
The night loomed ahead, with no plans and nothing interesting was happening online.
So, time to take a pleasure leap in a new direction.
The cliff I needed to jump off was getting all dressed up, and going out alone.
This is not easy for me. I like company.
But I decided to take myself to the famous and historic Ritz Hotel. It had been closed for renovation, for the last four years, so I never had the opportunity to go. I had a fantasy of going alone to the Hemingway bar, ordering a champagne, and having a hot flirtation with a mysterious man.  

I put on my slinky blue dress, the highest heels that this old shoe had packed, mascara and lip gloss, and walked up the long red carpet, and down the endless marble hall to the Hemingway bar.  

Turns out I was the only person at the bar.
I guess no one realized the hotel had reopened yet.
And the only flirting that was happening was with the bartender. 

Still, I sipped my glass of pink champagne and took in the beauty. There I was. Alone. Truly alone – in a bar. A beautiful bar. And I was OK. I enjoyed myself, actually. I was brave. I did it. I pressed an edge and went for a pleasurable experience.  

It turned out to be opening night of the Place Vendome, and there was a whole lighting ceremony, which included many dignitaries. The only one I recognized was Karl Lagerfeld, a personal design hero of mine, who I celebrated the next day, with my first pair of Chanel heels, half price on sale, as was everything else in Paris. The wings kept appearing. 

As women, we have been taught to take care of our kids, our husbands, our bosses. Our serving-other-people muscle is quite firm and well-developed. Maybe even overdeveloped. 

But our own pleasure muscle is rather flabby and weak. And just like any weak muscle, it just feels like you can’t. Until you practice. And when you practice, the rewards are endless. Seems like the universe just wants to throw you a big re-lighting ceremony for your efforts.

In the comments below, I want to hear:

– How have you used the discipline of pleasure, and what kind of wings have sprouted for you?
– Or if you have not yet had the experience, please tell me of how you are going to employ the practice of pleasure, today. And then, tomorrow, jump back on the comments and tell me about the wings you sprouted.

I can’t wait to hear your stories, pleasure warrior.

Xo,
Mama Gena

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  • Laurie Stone August 9, 2016, 5:16 pm

    What a wonderful story. Sounds like you did a great job in having the best time you could. I love the visual of pink champagne at that Paris bar. Priceless.

  • Vic August 9, 2016, 12:44 pm

    I’m working on me ,I’m 51, single, in a relationship with someone with stage 4 colon rectal cancer that’s matastic to his right lung,,just had the right upper lobe cut out Oct 4th.
    Today, I’m at the dentist to extract a tooth that should have been out 2 months ago when the filling from 1965 fell out, but, I put it aside to take care of my friend.
    I do need to help myself more.
    I do enjoy your readings and inspirational word. Js

  • Broni August 9, 2016, 4:51 am

    Yes I was in the same boat – all of a sudden no kids and was basically a workaholic so no social network like I was once used to. So I dressed up and went out on my own to the places I wanted to go… Met people along the way and now my dream man!! Got used to people staring eventually! Now quite comfortable in my own skin!!

  • Terry Rowe August 8, 2016, 9:29 pm

    My pleasure? Photography and seeing the beauty of the world – but I rarely have someone to go with. One day I just decided I have to go – even if I go alone – rather than sit home and watch life move on without me. Sometimes the going alone is scary, and sometimes it’s glorious.

    Wednesday I leave for Africa & a photo safari, setting out solo. I’ll join a tour, meet new people, and hopefully make friends.

  • Karen August 8, 2016, 1:13 pm

    Mama, I’m with you on the other side after having taken the leap of faith in myself!

    During the days when my beautiful twin girls and son were sprouting my own wings, as a single Mom I questioned why I needed to “guard the nest” as I’d known it so closely. The more I took really great care of myself (Mothering role firmly in check to love and provide for them), they respected me more.

    Today, I’m in a wonderful relationship with an amazing Man (we’re in year three and we met on Tinder…yes, Tinder), all three children are launched/launching and I can report my twins are fiercely empowered in their divine feminine and beautiful from the inside out. They moved after college to be near me and we have friendship and trust I could have only dreamed about during their crazy teenage years.

    Stay the course sisters! Mama Gena is right!

    XO Karen

    p.s. Colin at the Hemingway Bar is a gem!

  • Latrice August 7, 2016, 11:03 am

    As of March of this year, I officially became an empty nester. A single mother with both of my sons grown up, and moved out. After having my first son at 17 years old, living life alone has been a brand new adventure that I’ve been embracing one day at a time. For the first time ever, I’m indulging in things that please ME.

    This year I bought my first brand new car as a birthday gift, moved into a studio apartment 2 blocks from the beach, started taking leisurely strolls along the lake…often, signed up for weekly dance classes, started building a small business, and began rebuilding my relationship with my mother.

    YES, there have been days that I miss having my sons at home, and days that I’m lonely, but I get excited about the pleasure that comes from the months I’m spending exploring new options and learning how to live my life for me.

    Thanks Mama Gena for helping me through this new stage of my life!

  • Heather August 6, 2016, 7:36 pm

    It’s fascinating. A few Septembers ago, I took a leap and went to Paris for 13 days all by myself. I did a similar thing- turned on dating apps and went to a meet-up. I met a man who had ended up being one of my closest male friends (and happened to take me on the most romantic date of my life- a bike ride at night through the City of Lights). I met a new lover who granted me the second best date ever- a picnic under the Eiffel Tower.

    I experienced heartache, too. A man who I had developed feelings for prior to visiting who lived in another city and France didn’t make an effort to see me. I wept and a great feeling of rejection. I put on a beautiful dress and took my tearful self to Versailles. I learned so much about myself.

    When I returned back to New York, I implemented my biggest take-away lesson- I was starved for romance and pleasure. I made it a goal to bring the beauty of that magical city into my everyday life- including little Eiffel Towers around my newly painted lightened room. I started to buy myself my favorite High Magic Roses regularly every Sunday and gravitate towards men who desired to please me. Most importantly, I decided to dedicate the next year (why not life, I thought) to the pursuit of pleasure.

    And, that January your Mama Gena Weekend Experience came into my life. It was a delicious affirmation.

  • Susan Ekins August 6, 2016, 11:42 am

    My story isn’t quite as exciting as a rendezvous in Paris but made me feel good nonetheless. My husband golfs on Thursday nights for five months of the year. This past Thursday, I decided to go solo to a local concert in a park. Brought my lawn chair and a book and bought myself a glass of wine. I had just sat down to enjoy when a friend came up behind me. “Sue! Are you here alone? Why don’t you join us?” It ended up being a fun Gal’s Night Out, although I’d have been happy alone also.

  • Harriet Kelly Gibbe August 6, 2016, 1:28 am

    Dear Mama Gena,
    I am in Vail, attending the wedding of a friend’s daughter by myself. After reading your blog, I dressed myself up and attended tonight’s festivities feeling beautiful, scared, alone but supported by your honesty and all the other women’s experiences that responded to you. I am 60 years old and was in a sea of gorgeous 27 year old women but I still feel better physically than I have in years. I am afraid at times I will be alone the rest of my life (my boyfriend ended our “engagement” three months ago and we haven’t spoken since) and as the months go by I hope I come to know myself more intimately. I am so grateful to you for your genuine honesty. I’ve been trying to be authentic for years but am still afraid to be as genuinely raw as you consistently are. You inspire me.

  • Laura August 5, 2016, 2:32 pm

    Wow, the Paris story! Story of my life! This same story happened in Vegas last year, with my “adopted daughter” & my own…luckily my husband and I made a good pair of old, used shoes…and we adapt easily…but the feeling is not a good one. Love your ambition & style! Right on!

  • Carolyn August 5, 2016, 10:04 am

    Dear Mama Gena,
    Your Paris trip sparked my feelingd. About my Key West trip at the end of this month.
    I have wanted to go to Key West for a very long time ; however I wanted a companion or sister friend to go with me .
    I am traveling solo and will be sleeping in a king size bed .
    I will enjoy myself in Key West& release my fear about the Zika virus in Miami.
    Traveling to Miami airport .

  • Loriel August 4, 2016, 9:55 pm

    As the 56 year old mom of three (my youngest is going into her senior year of high school) I am adrift and in need of re-finding myself. I have crammed almost all of my pleasure seeking into the school day for 22 years, and I suddenly feel a simultaneous need to get out there and live life to its fullest, and FEAR to be out there on my own. I have a husband and my kids are amazing-I also have talents and desires-to make art on a larger scale, to travel, to learn new things and be in the world in an exciting way. But I feel torn between family and myself-accustomed to putting myself last or not at all. I feel dependent on my husband financially, overwhelmed by college costs and thus feel unworthy and selfish for wanting to experience pleasure and relax when my husband is so stressed being a provider all the time. I know what I want but there’s a disconnect about how to get there. And have I mentioned that I want so badly for my marriage to grow in a way that isn’t happening in spite of both of us trying, because of so much stress? I feel depleted and unable to restart my own engine…….

  • Mara Koch August 4, 2016, 12:10 pm

    As a 47-year-old mother of three daughters, your sharing greatly touched me, especially as I am right now in San Francisco with my own daughter on a graduation celebration/girls trip before she leaves for college. Thank you for your transparency. While it is only the two of us, and we are spending time together, I completely get that feeling of being an old shoe. As I look around at the vibrant youth culture in the city and reminisce about the time I spent here, I feel old and worn out. It doesn’t help that I have 15 extra peri menopausal pounds on me that I can’t easily shake either.

    Yesterday, I did something I’ve never done before, and I allowed the Victoria’s Secret ladies to fit me for bras! I’ve had my daughter do it, but I never have. And buying bras is always such a difficult chore and seems to be wrought with shame, as I am large busted and a bit lopsided. I now have a total different size than I ever would have tried on, three sexy new bras, and feel totally uplifted (literally and metaphorically!) Why didn’t I do this sooner?!? Another example of how taking my needs and pleasure off the back burner can make a big difference.

  • Rebecca August 4, 2016, 7:42 am

    Hello, I am new to you Mama Gena. I heard about through Sara Avant Stover and I checked you out and began to follow your emails. I just read this post and I find myself terrified because I am an introvert and going out by myself is not something I have done in a very long time. I am going through a divorce that will be final at the end of this month and I still feel really raw. That said, I am working on healing and I think I’m doing a pretty good job. In fact, what o realize is that I am finally closing a book on old patterns and stories and am now beginning a new book. I am 50 years old and yesterday I had my breast implants removed after 10 years and, although I am bit sore, I am lighter already and I feel like a new butterfly ready to spread my wings…….
    Thank you for your post and allowing me a safe space to speak my truth.

  • tina holmes August 4, 2016, 7:39 am

    Wow, Regena, good for you for going for pleasure. I also met a nice man during our recent trip to Paris. He was my tour guide. He gives sensual tours of Paris. We’ve been in communication since then. He says he wants to come and visit me. I like him. Thanks for sharing your experience.

  • Lisbeth August 3, 2016, 11:53 pm

    This was gooooood.
    This was down to the belly, joy in my bones, deep good.
    Because, Mama, you are where I go when I forget how to just dive on into the love. Oh, it may be one of your YouTube vids, or I may pick up my bedraggled GTWA, but always to you. And that you have those *same* days (but push right on through to your pleasure)?
    Gives me hope.
    Gives me joy.
    Gives me home.

    <3

  • Jan August 3, 2016, 10:33 pm

    I loved your courage..In my twenties I was living and working in a college town.the group Police was playing a downtown venue.I asked and couldn’t find. One friend to go with..So I went by myself.It was a magical night..I walked up to the ticket box said hello to the guy in front of me. All smiles…I sat down he was next to me the whole show..fun witty. Great conversation.he was with real nice friends.end of show they walked me to my car so I was safe and we all parted ways..I was so. Happy thankful glad I took the first step.to make myself happy..

  • Susan August 3, 2016, 8:22 pm

    Dear Regena,
    This resonated so strongly with me and of course came at the perfect time. My sweet son, who was always my buddy and partner in crime, is a H.S. senior this year and has his first girlfriend (who will benefit from the man training I did as I raised him) No more time for mom! And, now he is off on a 3 week European trip with his father- an adventure I can’t afford.

    So, what am I doing about it? I remember you saying to always have a good haircut and your eyebrows done so you can pick up at a moments notice and look great. I’ve fallen behind on that but tomorrow will take care of it. And, then…. I have filled my calendar with friends and activities but have also left myself open for spontaneous adventure! And, a little spa time too!…and not to forget (bargain) shopping! He’ll have to wait in line once he gets back from his trip!

    XOXO
    Susan
    (SG Sweet Suzy Q!)

  • Erika Cleveland August 3, 2016, 8:06 pm

    Thanks, Mama G. for this story on pleasure. It gives me courage and reminds me that I’m not alone with this sort of thing. I don’t have a story yet but I think this will help me to create some stories of finding my own pleasure. Especially helps to be reminded to look for it even when you don’t feel like it.
    Just wanted to say that someone came into my studio a while back and told me about you and I’m glad she did. I make healing dolls and she thought I would relate. And I do. Thanks again.
    warmly,
    Erika

  • Miché August 3, 2016, 7:48 pm

    I’ve enjoyed everyone’s comments. Thanks for the ideas and the encouragement.
    I’m working on it.

  • Judy August 3, 2016, 6:50 pm

    Next week I leave for my first vacation in many years with my new husband and some dear old friends. Crossing off two on the bucket list by going to Alaska and scheduling a whale watching trip. I will remember your trip to Paris and make sure this trip is everything I’m hoping for and more! Thank you!!

  • Maggie August 3, 2016, 6:45 pm

    I so appreciate this reminder, Regena – my self-care and pleasure practices have definitely fallen off since Mastery ended. I don’t have all those other people in my life to give my pleasure to, so I have no excuse – I just have 40+ years of conditioning to get past. One day at a time. I pledge to dedicate myself to pleasure tomorrow! Tonight I’m playing music with friends, so I’m covered. 🙂

  • Sarah August 3, 2016, 4:39 pm

    Thank you for this post! You pulled me out of my heartache slump long enough to seek out and enjoy a financier and a macchiato. Baby steps, right?! Maybe tomorrow, I’ll wear heels. ✨????✨

  • Joanna August 3, 2016, 3:40 pm

    Oh Mama G – this email so moved me I had to swing over and go to all the trouble of logging in and blah to say thanks. You write beautifully, your perspective makes a real difference for people. And as someone who has made myself go for pleasure alone many times in many cities around the world it’s not easy but (almost always) worth it. Thanks for the messages of juiciness. Much kudos and love to you X

  • Bee August 3, 2016, 3:20 pm

    How about using your potential customers profiles for your next visit to Paris?
    It’s easy to plan and you can rest assured that you will still feel a bit itchy discovering Paris and its life style with another Parisian Bumble Bee.
    From Paris, with Love.

  • Sandy August 3, 2016, 2:52 pm

    Wow! And yes! I am so familiar with planning, fixing, solving and helping others – I can relate to the dusty wings of “creating pleasure”. Love the “do it afraid” inspiration. Thank you (always) for sharing.

  • Dolores August 3, 2016, 2:38 pm

    Your story brought back my one trip to Paris (with my now ex) for 36 hours, he was working during the day so I got out and about on the hop-on hop-off buses and toured all alone all day. People were sooo kind to me that day! Now I’m single and I dread going out alone 🙁 I turn 55 Aug 10, and I’m searching for ideas of something to do alone in NYC, where one can be invisible around 1M people. I’m a recent Practical Nursing graduate and I want a double celebration! I’m determined not to be in this apartment on my birthday! Any ideas would be welcomed 🙂 !!!

  • Christine August 3, 2016, 2:25 pm

    Made me cry happy tears.

  • Cameron August 3, 2016, 2:00 pm

    Despite so many negative thoughts and limited resources, yesterday I bought my plane ticket. On Sunday, I embark on the next journey of my life-Grad School in Puerto Rico. As a recent graduate, life after undergrad seemed so blurry, and to be honest it still seems so. A partial scholarship but nonetheless an overall lack of funds seemed like the barrier between me and my desire to continue my pursuit of higher education. The uncertainty was almost crippling but the thought of being stuck in my home town and getting “a big girl job” just so I didn’t feel like a failure was also leading me into a bottomless pit of unhappiness. After numerous attempts to scavenger money together, there was no such luck. All I have is enough money for a plane ticket, so I bought it. Still so unsure of how it will work out, but I’m ready to jump; ready to fall but also ready to fly. Today’s my 22nd birthday and as part of this new chapter, I seek self-love, self-improvement & self-advancement. I seek risk, I seek fulfillment, I seek adventure. The universe will make a way for me and I’m ready to enjoy the ride.

  • Erin August 3, 2016, 1:05 pm

    10 months out of the year in addition to my day job I am a short-term foster mom. The other 2 months I resume my adult single life and play in whatever way I desire. My aim during those precious 2 months is to remember what I love and do those things fully: dining out, spontaneous fun with girlfriends, swimming whenever I want, short road trips sleeping in the back of my minivan, grazing on summer produce instead of making official meals, making art at midnight… Last year it included revising my online dating profile and actually meeting some men. I developed intimate friendships with 2 in particular that lasted for many months. I felt sexy, powerful and playful! Getting my groove back this year has been difficult. Your article was perfectly timed. I am taking your advice, and my own example, and choosing pleasure again starting today!! thank you.

  • Lauraa757 August 3, 2016, 12:59 pm

    Great to read this blogpost today–perfect timing, for which I am grateful. Sitting at home working on 3 or 4 projects at once, still jet-lagged from returning from Paris, not once, but five times last month. Kids are away with their Dad, and I’m still mourning the news that an old flame passed away ten years ago, though I just found out. This, plus deep therapy. Waves of grief, and loneliness. Bearing them. Self-pity, under these circumstances, comes easily.
    So…What to do? (Thank you MG)
    I am setting an Intention to find Pleasure today, or to have Pleasure find me. Something. Anything. Some measure of Self-Care.
    That is the best I can do in this moment.

    Let us see what evolves.
    I am sure something wonderful will.

  • Caleigh Morgan August 3, 2016, 12:53 pm

    Thank you for this Mama Gena!! This email came at a perfect time – just this morning I received an email from my university’s scholarship board rejecting funding for my proposal to attend the School of Woman Arts Mastery Program this spring. They thought it wasn’t “educationally legitimate” and won’t be supporting my desire to attend.

    After pouring my heart into the application I was tempted to run and hide with my tail between my legs, feeling rejected and embarrassed by the response from the committee. I was feeling resentful and hurt – I have been reading and re-reading your books and had been so excited about the possibility to fulfill and deepen into this desire in person.

    However your email reminded me that these are the most important times to turn to my pleasure – instead of hiding out in embarrassment I am going to celebrate myself for pushing the envelope and thinking outside the constraints of the university system! I am going to continue re-reading your books and following my pleasure and trust that the universe will guide me towards participating in Mastery some other way. Thank you for the moving and very timely inspiration!! xoxo

  • tara watts August 3, 2016, 12:08 pm

    This is inspirational to me! Lately I e been feeling all crunchy and a little bored after coming home from work. This inspires me to focus on pleasure/engage in what I love and follow my intuition ! Thank you Mama Gena!

  • Kate King August 3, 2016, 12:03 pm

    What a great Paris story! I also took my daughter to Paris for a mom/daughter reconnection trip, and pretty much all I got was Cameron staying up all night sitting in a dry tub, while talking to her friends in New York on the phone! I started to get very angry, but something clicked in me and I decided if she wanted to spend her time in Paris that way it was her choice, but it wasn’t my way of being in the greatest city in the world. I decided to do what I wanted to do and see what would happen. I let her sleep in every day while I visited museums and went shopping alone. I took her to the Lido where she commented on the beauty of flat, perky breasts. I took her to the kiddy trampolines in the park where I jumped for joy and she laughed at her crazy mom. I went to Chanel and bought shoes for both of us. It wasn’t easy putting myself first, but at least I have pleasant memories of Paris and you know what…I actually think Cameron may want to be with her old mom on another trip someday!

  • Rita Durant August 3, 2016, 11:51 am

    Wow. What a wonderful post about a powerful practice. I don’t have such a story yet. It seems maybe it’s time I do! Going for it! Gratitude and love

  • Joan Tedeschi August 3, 2016, 11:18 am

    Regena, This blog is a gem! I so understand that left behind by growing up child experience. I will tell you a pleasure story about that. During the years I was bringing my son to college I learned to plan a lot of pleasure into the trip for myself. I found a good hotel with a pool and gym and always stayed in it for an extra night or two after drop off. I swam, slept, did yoga and explored the surrounding area with my husband for a few days without our son, who was where he was supposed to be: with his friends. We explored little Connecticut towns, went on sailboats, toured little shops and galleries and ate in nice restaurants. Packing a child off to college is tiring physically and emotionally so these pleasure vacations are so needed. And having a pal along, or to meet right after, is a big help. Thanks for all your encouragement to remember pleasure for ourselves. I was just dancing naked in my living room when I took a break to check e-mail and saw your blog. Brava to you for your pleasure adventures in Paris. Old shoe, no way! Can’t wait to see you in September at your book launch!

  • Victoria August 3, 2016, 11:13 am

    I love this story!
    I face the same internal battle about twice per month, when
    my ex husband takes our daughter for weekend visits. I enjoy the quiet time, and inevitably talk myself into staying home. There are different factors that figure into my decision, but ultimately it comes down to not valuing myself enough to spend the time, money, or effort on “just me”. The double edged sword strikes when I either regret not going out and making the most of my life; or going out, only to leave weekend warrior projects and other goals unfinished. Basically, the fun I allow myself doesn’t justify the opportunity cost associated with it.
    I see my friends enjoying weekend trips to nearby attractions, or living it up w/ buddies in local bars. While their lives seem wonderful, I don’t fit into that space. Those environments drain me instead of making me feel more alive. I dream of someday traveling with my daughter and/or future partner to far off lands and exploring the different landscapes and cultures that our world has to offer. For now though, until I can spare the money and time that it currently takes to make ends meet, I exist in a state of every-other weekend solitude wondering whether I’m working toward a goal, or simply fooling myself into growing old alone.
    For now I’m deciding to refocus. I’m an independent, outgoing, capable, attractive, and intelligent woman. When I’m able to “afford” the pleasures I seek, I’ll make life happen….right?

    • Miché August 3, 2016, 7:35 pm

      I understand completely.

      Hugs to you Victoria.

    • Eagle August 7, 2016, 11:15 am

      Why not invest in yourself now?! If we wait we stay where we are, and that creates a pattern that becomes hard to change – I have walked a path similar to yours – sister invest in yourself – even if that investment is only time – try doing something you love- wander a library, join a free singles website, wander a public garden – who knows who you’ll meet! Love n light to you????????????

  • Foxy August 3, 2016, 11:01 am

    Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant – in ALL the meanings of the word. Thanks for your honesty, dear MG. You are simply the best. Sending you all my love. xx

    • mama gena August 3, 2016, 2:21 pm

      thanks, foxy!
      xo

  • Debra Schneider August 3, 2016, 10:47 am

    THIS was the one…THIS was the blog that had me fall deeply madly in love with you Regena.
    On so many levels this is SO valuable for us all
    First of all, I have heard WAY too many goddesses and women in general talk about the lives of others as though they were the only ones whose lives are not magical, or IF only they could go to Paris, or have a child…
    AND what you so beautifully elucidate is that no matter who we are, where we are or what we have, we can suffer unless we alter our thinking…
    As I sit here with a badly sprained ankle, I am sitting in gratitude that the ER docs were amazing and that I spring cleaned on this crazy body destiny. I am about to take a warm epsom salt bath and a WONDERFUL goddess is coming over to give me Reiki.
    I am so grateful for your wisdom and for the practices

    • mama gena August 3, 2016, 2:20 pm

      really, deborah?
      it has taken this long?
      😉
      i fell in love with you way sooner!! feel better, darling. a sprained ankle requires infinite patience.
      xo
      mg

  • Kim August 3, 2016, 10:44 am

    LOVE THIS!! I’m traveling today and am wearing lovely lipgloss, reveling in this magic time with my daughter and hub, AND playing a little game with myself where I bring my younger self into my moment and share with her the amazing life were living now!!!

    It always makes things fun and has me see the magic in every single moment!!!

    • mama gena August 3, 2016, 2:18 pm

      this is so great, kim.
      finding the magic in the moment is where the real miracles take place!
      xo
      mg

  • Ceanne August 3, 2016, 10:37 am

    This came at the perfect time. The man I’d been dating for awhile picked the other woman, not me. In my mind I understand that this is best, yet it doesn’t feel good and I’m sad. So today I’m choosing my pleasure, a Chinese foot massage, lunch with my friend and shopping. It’s easy to wallow in the sorrow, yet not very productive for my wellbeing…it’s a new day and the possibilities are endless. Thank you for this encouragement , it can at exactly the right time.????????????

    • mama gena August 3, 2016, 2:17 pm

      ouch!!!
      so sorry, ceanne.
      i am so inspired by your choices for pleasure.
      xo
      mg

  • Andrea Worthington August 3, 2016, 10:32 am

    Love your travel story to Paris. I too find myself in the same situations and you are inspiring. I love to dance so I go to various dance workshops (particularly dances that don’t need partners: ballet, African, Caribbean, Samba, etc). Some are overnight camps; some are weekends; some are one day events. There is community and short term friendships that sometimes turn into long time friendships as we meet again and again at the same events. “Fanatics” are always happy to see other “fanatics”.

    • Tara August 3, 2016, 2:05 pm

      I love danicing, this is inspirational as well!

    • mama gena August 3, 2016, 2:16 pm

      i love a fellow fanatic!
      thanks, andrea!
      xo
      mg