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What I’m learning from dating again…

I am at a big transitional time of my life. My baby left for college. My nest is empty. 

And I want to welcome in a hot, fun, sexy, smart, loving, successful, athletic, soulful, 5-star guy. Oh yes, I’m dating again. 

And, I’ve been doing a little research project of how I can have a blast, no matter who shows up.

‘Cause let’s be real: it’s a jungle out there. 

So often, I hear women struggling in the dating scene, with complaints like:

“There are no good men out there.”
“I hate dating!”
“I refuse to date online – there are so many weirdos.”
“I am so lonely. But I would rather stay home with my Netflix than have another bad date.”
“I haven’t had a date in 5 years!”

If we’re not careful, dating can become a disappointing, disempowering, big ‘ole waste of time – fast. 

But I’m committed to guaranteeing my own good time, or at least upping the odds. 

After all, who wants the fate of their night to be in the hands of someone else? Especially a brand new guy who has done all the hard work of showing up for our date. (Whether or not he is right for me, he is still amazing for showing up.)

My theory is simple: if I take the time for great self-care, treat myself exquisitely, invest in my fun, and turn myself on . . . then it will be super easy to have a great date.  

Shall I take you inside my date research project and introduce you to my date prep? 

So far, these steps have been having a great impact and leaving me feeling sexy and beautiful and delicious and capable of creating fun out of thin air.

  • Step 1: Try not to go out on a date right after work. Go home and take a shower, or in my case, I like to light some candles and soak in a scented bubble bath with rose petals.

  • Step 2: Make a great music mix. I am always working on some music mix or other. Lately I have really been enjoying Chance the Rapper. His sweetness slays me. And there are a few tracks from Kanye’s Life of Pablo that are so hot. But, when I was prepping for my date last week, I found a magnificently cheesy playlist on Spotify called “In the Arms of a Woman” that was really fun and super girly romantic. Last week I was all about another Spotify playlist called “Timeless Soul Ballads”.

  • Step 3: Get off. Really. I am not kidding. I take the time for some self-pleasure. The reason I do this is so that when I am on the date, I am not feeling desperate or needy. I have filled my cup, so my guy doesn’t feel like he is about to be mauled by a hungry wolverine.

  • Step 4: I pick an outfit that makes me feel beautiful. I like the luxury of thinking about what I am going to wear, all day, before the date. It turns me on. I dress for me, not for him. I know that if I feel good, he will respond. And if he doesn’t, it’s just evidence that he is not my guy.

  • Step 5: I tune up my mental/emotional state. I don’t know about you, but if I am in a bad mood, or I’ve been on the phone too long with Verizon or the cable company, or I’m watching the presidential campaign . . . I can start feeling some agitation at the male species (and the rest of the world for that matter). I do not want to bring that dark feeling on my date with me. So I grab a girlfriend and do a practice called Spring Cleaning (if you’re not familiar with it, learn more about it and other game-changing tools in my book). Every one of us has huge dreams, hopes, and wishes in the world of intimacy, many of which may have been dashed, or fulfilled, over our years of dating. It’s just not a great idea to dump all of our intense feelings in the lap of a brand new man or woman. At least not on the first date. So I do my best to clear my charge, tend to my emotions, and enter the date open to receiving what is.

  • Step 6: Unhook from the outcome. I’m a big fan of finding your YES for whatever is showing up (in dating, and all aspects of life). So before I head into the date, I make sure to remind myself that whatever shows up is perfect for my unfolding adventure as a woman.

These practices can be completed in under an hour, if you are rushed, or you can really give yourself some time and take a super long soak in the tub, with a good book or some poetry, if you have the luxury of time. 

The idea here is to use the practice of dating as a way of increasing and expanding your own self-care.  

Not only is it important to keep investing in yourself, but the spillover of these practices is that you will have even more fun and gratification in the challenging world of dating.   

Now, I’d love to hear from you. In the comments below, tell me: 

  • If you’re dating right now, or have in the past, what are your best tips for having a good time?
  • What challenges have you encountered in the dating scene – and more importantly, how can you apply the ideas here to shift things?

Xo,
Regena_grey_sg190

 

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53 Comments / Leave a Comment

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  • Ms.Me October 29, 2016, 8:25 pm

    I enjoy making it “all about me” while getting ready for a date and switching it to “all about him” during the date

  • Schahrzad Morgan October 29, 2016, 6:23 pm

    I don’t see men hot enough to date, lookswise. I like younger men. If I liked older men, there would be plenty to date. So I date only once every 3-4 months, and after one date, nothing. That’s fine because he must have great emotional capacity and be successful or I’m not interested. Done with the online thing and now just basking in self love. I get bombarded with fans, especially because I am super hot for 55 and wrote a sex memoir, but I am only interested in white men, and San Diego is full of Mexicans, sorry,but not my thing. White American men, tall and lean and fit. In the meantime, I realized I am my own Prince Charming, so the needing of it is gone.
    Mama Gena, I suggest you live alone, without your baby and get to love yourself alone. I don’t think you have. That’s a requirement before being with another.
    Or maybe I am assuming. I have lived alone for 3.5 years, no kids, they are gone, and have discovered ME, without kids.
    I am judging myself as superior, because I am the only sex writer/educator who is doing all this sex promotion as a SINGLE woman, living alone!! And please tell me who else has done that. Nobody I know has the courage to do it.
    That is my gift.
    BTW, I totally love your book and have been telling everyone about it, promoting it on my website too and bought one for my daughter and another for my friend.
    Muah. Hugs and kisses.

  • Maggie October 28, 2016, 11:14 am

    Since Mastery 2016 broke my 16 years of hiding life has been very different!
    I put a profile on line this week, a sister Goddess held grace filled space and helped me w/ tech stuff, so grateful. Have tried on line before, this feels very different. It was so easy to do the profile ! It’ is hard to feel optimistic & turned on with a parade of “Pete taco & Joe in a box ” type profiles ! Decided to approach it as a shopping trip, somewhere amidst the NO there is a golden, gorgeous YES!
    I’m 66, hard as it is for me to say, I’m fierce & sexy. Always have been, Mastery released me, dark & light. Will explore, be grateful for the opportunities and hopefully inspire women & remind myself, age has nothing to do being sexy. Sensual & hot!!!!!

  • Suzanne October 26, 2016, 8:46 pm

    I’d wear my curiosity-cap on my date. Keeps me open-minded, available, interested & engaged… vs burdened w/ is he The One? Then after the date, I would celebrate the qualities I admired and enjoyed in the guy and if it wasn’t a fit, know that the next date would have more qualities. In other words, with each date (guy) I was getting close relationship and closer to The One! And it was true! My guy is even better than I could have imagined!!! ♡♡♡

  • Judy October 26, 2016, 7:38 pm

    Ha…more hypocrisy from the SG network. Make a scene over the Trump tape, vote for Hillary the lying globalist criminal raping the country, but get ready for a date listening to misogynist in Chief Kanye.

  • Kelleia October 26, 2016, 11:42 am

    After you devour all of Mama Gena’s gems of books, I highly recommend the book “The Four Man Plan” by Cindy Lu (http://www.thefourmanplan.com/) I give it to all my SG girlfriends, my nieces, anyone I LOVE!!! great info, quick read, supes funny** I can not recommend this book enough!!! LOVE you hot babes~~~

  • Melinda October 26, 2016, 10:00 am

    i love this!

  • DeAnna October 26, 2016, 9:56 am

    I remain open to the experience of meeting new people (men). Although they may not end up being “my guy” they are always nice encounters. Kindness goes a long ways…treat them as you would want to be treated. Grow some thick skin to rejection….and remember its not about you. I had one guy let me know that he could not date a woman with short hair….he missed out a wonderful woman! But honesty even if not delivered appropriately is best. All my dates are adventures and bring me closer to discovering more about me…its been amazing!

  • Katie Smith October 26, 2016, 9:40 am

    I love this blog and think it is so important to remember that we are going on the date for us not them……I think these suggestions are great to do even prior to going out with yourself or friends or before you get on the dating sites…..shift the energy and make a different choice. I also think approaching it from a place of curiosity helps me. What will I learn about my date tonight and about me? How can I be present with myself in a way that excites me and enjoy being with someone new as if it was the only time we had a chance to meet….no expectations is key. What is my date reflecting for me? Every experience serves our growth so take advantage of the opportunity to grow and have some FUN with yourself!

  • susan October 26, 2016, 6:42 am

    Online dating is not for the ‘faint of heart” for sure just as “dating” has been over the years. These days women have much more cards in thier hands to play and can enjoy the balance of power. At 66 years and married twice (my husband now in a nursing home in the final stages of Alzhiemers) online dating has been very bumpy journey. Great sex! i am alive again! Yes, i have been disappointed but i am so alive and I am thin. I have a young lover. I know i will never marry again but certainly a series of great lovers……………ohhhh but they are “hard” to find (pun intended) literally a lot of very soft dicks out there and men in total denial. Men in general are lost i find ….in this online world.

  • Ingrid October 25, 2016, 10:22 pm

    Very timely post. Thanks for the playlists, Mama. Just today I was clarifying my needs and desires regarding dating and intimacy. My criteria was almost exactly the same. Safe, Soulful, Supportive, Sensual, Sexy, Synergistic. I recently met a man at a music improv workshop where we had a hot, yet chaste, make-out session. He lives in NC and I’m in FL. We both realized that the distance and time apart creates a great opportunity to get to know each other consciously through inquiry and stories. It’s been a delicious discovery process of what’s important to me while sharing with an intelligent, curious and creative man. I’m already satisfied…and I’m getting greedy for more!

  • Maru Garcia October 25, 2016, 8:01 pm

    When I read you, I feel like I´m talking with a very good friend. I´m re-married, and I have a 15 months old baby. I really need to have and create dating experience with my husband, and specially with myself……..but….reading your book is so enlightening. Giving birth to my baby was by far one of the most challenging moments of my life, and I felt very empowered with this quote from yout book: “Because within the birth process is a legend…a legend of power and strength and resilience that every woman must learn. Whether is the birth of a baby, or an idea, or a rebirth into a new part of herself, birth is the experience while it´s happening. I´ts gritty and filled with effort and disconfort and doubt. But on the other side is a glory that can´t be bought of faked”…..You inspired me to love myself more and more 🙂

  • Wendy Newman October 25, 2016, 7:59 pm

    Hi Mama Gena!

    You’re inspiring! I have a book I’d love to send you. I promise it will crack you up, make you gasp, and help you save so much time, heart, energy and vitality all while being your radiant, amazing self out there. It’s called 121 First Dates and it’s my experiences on… you guessed it, 121 first dates. There are 28 short stories in it that will make your hair curl, as well as the most common mistakes we all make (so you can avoid them). PM me your address and I’ll ship a copy off to you.

    Much love,

    Wendy

  • Aly October 25, 2016, 7:19 pm

    This is very encouraging. I’m now an empty-nester and going on my first date in Ages on Saturday… Eharmony … and he seeeeeems like a match on paper and in convo. Weve been emailing 2 weeks….I was testing his patience to see if he was a gentleman ( he is????) … so we’re going to see what is to it on Saturday . ….I’m going to follow all of Mama Gena’s tips, especially unhooking from the outcome. I Just Want to Have Fun and be relaxed (dear Jesus). lol

  • Ruth October 25, 2016, 5:40 pm

    I’m dating again in my 50s. I try to learn something helpful to my life and relationships from each man I meet, and I try to give them something positive as well. Here is my difficulty that I’m having with it all. I do appreciate the men I meet, but so far I don’t really click with any of them. I think that because I enjoy living alone and having freedom that it is going to take someone amazing to excite me. I fear that I’m going to be so picky that I will end up being alone for the rest of my life. I don’t want to “settle” but don’t want to be unrealistic in my expectations either. Sure could use some insight!

    • susan October 26, 2016, 6:52 am

      hi Ruth
      i have no advice but to encourage you to continue dating and thus learning and finding out what you do not want and thus clarifying what you do want! I live alone but i am rarely lonely. Ahhh we want and need a soft place to fall if only temporary and everything in life is temporary. Good luck susan

  • Yummi October 25, 2016, 5:10 pm

    Aloha Mama Gena & Sisters:
    When it comes to dating I AM reading your mind or vice versa! Maybe because I read all your yummy books… Ha ha!

    I am too dating after a longtime relationship. My rules: Have fun, be safe and every date is a great date.
    I totally agree: lets give the guy some CREDIT for showing up…even if he’s not Mr Right (for me!)

    To me, online dating is like a juicy,
    epic adventure…Yes I go out looking and feeling great but I also pay attention to possible red flags…I know when it’s time to “slay the Dragon” when warranted…
    It’s about enjoying myself while enjoying the journey.
    And thanks for sharing yours with us!
    Yummy

  • Elli October 25, 2016, 4:31 pm

    Delicious dating! I am just starting to date again. I left my man of 22 years. Emotional and sexual abuse is tedious and yet, I found it difficult to separate. Asking him to leave three times didn’t result in his departure, so I finally figured out how to leave him.

    ‘nuf said.

    I am now dating.

    I definitely dress for my own pleasure.

    I keep a clean and cozy house in which I love to live. Taking a bath or shower in luxury feels good.

    Twenty five years ago, I painted a self portrait – nude. A dear friend purchased that painting. I used to visit her. When I did, I craved the experience of having my naked self back in my home. After leaving my man, I went to visit my girlfriend. I asked for my painting back. She agreed.

    So, while getting dressed I look at my naked sexy self-portrait which hangs next to my bed, bigger than life size, and I think, “DAMN! I am some woman!!!”

    Then, I go out and have fun no matter what!

    I am also very keen on picking up any red flags. I intend to fully release any man who wants to control me in any way. Power and control… I am so done with that shit.

    I am dating a sweet guy who has written beautiful things about my essence. I like what he writes about me.

    My pleasure research is to date men whose outer appearance doesn’t align with what usually attracts me. I think I miss a lot of really delicious souls by insisting looks come first. Looks is what attracted me to my husband of 22 years. And, I know where that landed me.

    My inner challenge will be staying true to my desire to completely own my finances and my sexuality, my body and my brains, my home and my farm, while at the same time enjoying intimacy – gentle intimacy, profound intimacy, delicious intimacy, growing intimacy.

    I look forward to seeing how I figure it all out!

  • Madlyn M October 25, 2016, 4:27 pm

    I want to say that I welcome the unknown when dating, and for some of us its a big challenge, depending on the school you come from. However, I focus mainly on having fun, feeling comfortable as well as making the other person comfortable. All of this I do online, nothing to be scared about, as long as you know what you are doing.

  • Jessica G October 25, 2016, 2:19 pm

    I’m soooo happy to hear you’re dating again! My first husband passed three years ago and I started dating again last year. I hadn’t dated in a decade and I have a totally different life so it was interesting at the start… I managed to find an amazing wonderful dreamboat of a boyfriend on Tinder so I know great guys are out there! My tips would be (aside from reading Regina’s books) are:
    -Be clear about what you’re looking for: When I started dating, I just wanted to get laid. But I realized quickly I didn’t just want to get laid, I wanted a partner & lover. I wanted someone to help me raise my kids & build a life together…Once I was clear about what I wanted, my focus sharpened & the guys i chose were better fits.
    -Take fun classes – its an informal way to meet people and have no-pressure fun. I did a painting class, improv class, dance class… I didn’t meet anyone there but I loosened up and had fun! Plus I made some amazing friends!
    -I read ‘Calling In The One’ – the exercises she gives you really clear out the crap (and I think all ladies have crap!)

    Wishing you lots of love & luck!

  • Linda Lou October 25, 2016, 2:07 pm

    You girls rock with your comments. After being widowed 2.5 years ago, I would live to meet someobe comparible with me. However, at 67 it appears it is a bit more challenging. But I will prepare for the challenge to find the right person. Thanks Gena for your website.

  • SG Katherine October 25, 2016, 1:57 pm

    During Mastery this past spring, another Sister Goddess invited me to join her at a speed dating event. I said YES, having never tried speed dating before. She was a genius and suggested we turn the adventure into pleasure research: for starters, when we arrived at the event, almost everyone was sitting alone, awkwardly and shy. We turned this into an opportunity for sisterhood and invited other women to sit with us and socialize prior to the event starting. People seemed a bit surprised by our efforts, since such events tend to foster competitiveness among women. Then, my dearest Sister Goddess suggested that we flirt with each and every man we met that night, regardless of our attraction to them. She said, “Let’s make every man feel like a million bucks and leave them better than how we found them.” I accepted the challenge… and had a ball in the process! Just about every guy I met was, well, very weird to say the least. But instead of feeling depressed by the process, or angry that I had wasted my time/money/youth, I left turned on and jubilant. I did met one interesting man; he was younger and not my usual type. But he seemed interesting and, in the spirit of saying YES, I agreed to go on a date with him. I am beyond thrilled to report that, six months later, we are having an epic love affair! He is even better than the desires I had constantly put forth before and during Mastery! We are planning to move in together and going to try to have a baby together! I am so in love and so in awe of this man and the journey we have shared thus far. I am so grateful for the tools and this community for helping me find love again after many solo years and devastating heartbreak and loss. Love is abundant; it’s out there for us to take and enjoy!

  • Susan Light October 25, 2016, 1:02 pm

    I have a great guy now, but whenever I’m tossed into the dating pool, and it happens often, as I am a serial monogamer :), I am always determined to learn something interesting or helpful from my date. Among many other pearls….. I’ve learned about improving my tax return, what the best pain drugs of the moment are, how to make a killer tortilla soup, how to hit a soft ball (and catch one), how to pour a perfect beer, how to run a small business, and everything anyone could ever want to know about the history of the Palestinian/Israeli conflict.
    So, each and every date/interaction makes me who I am today….very well rounded :), I can now talk about almost any subject with some semblance of intelligence. And I’ve even discovered a few hobbies.
    Oh and one more thing, from a spiritual standpoint, all humans are a light body, so somewhere deep inside even the least appealing people/date, is something bright and sparkly and beautiful. Try to find it…it’s an excellent game if he/she is kinda boring. Once you find it, they will transform the moment with a beautiful smile and you will have touched, and maybe even changed a person’s life for good. So dating, worst case scenario, can help change the world, one curmudgeon at a time.

  • Lesley illingworth October 25, 2016, 12:45 pm

    Thanks Mama Gena,
    You have been such an inspiration over the last few weeks. Im so enjoying your book. I was widowed a year ago. I had been with a wonderful man who I met on line. Im thinking of starting to look again but I am disabled and not sure how to enter it in conversations. Im 59 and must be quite ageist but always get messages from men right across the age range. Also I went on one date with a man who announced he was a paedophile. A call to the police when I raced away from him showed if he had served his sentence thats it. I have a daughter. Scarey. Its a complete education. Some men are so damaged by our culture.
    Bright blessings

  • lisa w October 25, 2016, 12:38 pm

    I love the idea of our lives as an unfolding adventure. I am 4 years divorced from my second marriage. I’ve had one relationship that lasted a few weeks. I’ve dated and now I’m enjoying the freedom of being single. It is by being in relationships and dating that I have found what I am truly looking for in a mate. I was clueless and now I know that I will know a great guy when he appears. Thanks so much for the advise and encouragement!!!

  • Claudia Lucida October 25, 2016, 11:46 am

    Hey Mama!

    I absolutely loved your blog piece today, and it made me reflect on where I am at and how I can have more FUN in my long-term relationship. See, I feel like many of us just wanna “be there” already: get the guy, get the job, get the money or whatever we think we’ll make us happy, where we sometimes forget it’s all about the fun of GOING to those things – that tingly, electrical surge of excitement of meeting somebody cool, enjoying the chemistry, and seeing what happens.

    I am actually thinking of opening up my relationship to include dating new people, just to add some of that fresh excitement to my life!

    So, I say, enjoy the deliciousness of being single, and feasting at the buffet table of sexy, interesting men out there!

  • Debbie Rosas October 25, 2016, 11:44 am

    In California working and having coffee at Starbucks. I loved opening my computer and hearing Mama tell us about her. It’s the truth and intimacy I love. Mama exposing herself and sharing her wisdom with us all I love the most. I always learn so much. Dating is something I have not done very much. I tend to go out and marry them. I do date myself daily and everything Mama shares inspired me to date myself even better!

  • Maria October 25, 2016, 11:33 am

    I love what you’ve written here Mama and I plan to add some of your rituals to mine. I have been back on the dating scene for a couple of years now having a blast. There are so many amazing men out there of all kinds. One thing that I keep in mind is to always look for something to learn, something new to hear about, a new perspective on anything that my date maybe speaking about. My general rule of thumb is that there is no bad date. After all, it is all pleasure research!

  • Ala October 25, 2016, 11:11 am

    I just blocked my ex- who was “a hot, fun, sexy, smart, loving, successful, athletic, soulful, 5-star guy.” The chemistry & passion was amazing for both of us . But he wanted us to have an open relationship, and did not want to live together. We were together for 20 months. (He kept count, I didn’t.) I decided that I wanted all of the above but with a guy who just wanted to be with one woman, me, and build a future together. He told me that he is a 100% not interested in building a long-term, monogamous relationship with anyone. He’s not flawed, we just don’t want the same kind of relationship at this point. He hoped I would stay his partner…forever, on his terms.

  • Camille October 25, 2016, 11:09 am

    I actually like going out on a short 20 min first-time face-to-face dates before work, during my meal break, or right after my work ends. These are with people I connect with online. I personally don’t care for phone calls or video chats, because I require to know/feel/experience the dynamic potentiality of our energy and chemistry. I quickly schedule these face-to-face meetings after connecting online, and afterwards, if we both want to meet for a ‘proper” date, we are both very excited! For “proper” dates, I incorporate those rituals Regina mentioned. And they are fantastic. Right on, Mama!!

  • Aine October 25, 2016, 11:03 am

    The timing is perfect here for me….Ive been THINKING about dating for a long time. Too long. ” Unhook from the outcome” is the advice I needed to hear. I mean, on the one hand Ive learned from online dating not to expect much, so in that way Ive already decided the outcome is unlikely to be good. Focusing on self care and adventurism, being open to my own pleasure in the moment, and letting go of any percieved outcome speculation, would make dating more fun.

  • Dimitra October 25, 2016, 11:02 am

    Having very odd feelings about dating the way I managed to understand it by observation after moving to the States, I had declared myself ‘terrible’ at it.
    In years to come my feelings and opinions shifted and are still being molded. One thing is clear for me. When I feel good all is good. Therefore I prepare to the best of my capacity for having fun with me while remaining open to the interaction at hand.
    Long gone are the days where I prepared speeches, questions and stock answers to potential inquiries. They take the element of surprise and delight out of the equation and most often give me anxiety. When I am feeling anxious I am not having fun. Long gone are the expectations that the person I have yet to even remotely know is going to be a shining knight that would please and fulfill me in every imaginable way. When he is off the hook, so am I. And THAT is fun.
    In the words of a dear girlfriend, who took my hand softly one day and said “You don’t have to marry them . But you can enjoy their attention” I have long released my inner judge that tends to not only cripple my capacity to look at people with genuine interest but turns ugly on me. When I judge them I open the gateway for self judgement, and THAT is not fun.
    And in the words of Tom Robbins in Still life with woodpecker: “Yes, one must prepare for a fuck-the way the an enlightened priest prepares to celebrate mass, the way a great matador prepares for the ring: with intensification, with purification, with conscious summoning of sacred power. And even that won’t work if the ingredients are poorly matched: oysters are delectable, so are strawberries, but mashed together…(?!)” I decided it takes a degree of courage to have fun. The courage to look at yourself with love, even adoration. The courage to face your supposed flaws and love them/you anyway. The courage to look at the unknown of another person and refrain from comparing them to anyone else. The courage to accept the power of focus and therefore the power to mold each experience to one that makes your heart, body and mind sing. And courage is fun!
    Practice: i find it helps me to do a small dance to a favorite tune on my heels before opening my door. Throw my eyes in the mirror and say to myself “Gosh you are hot!”

  • Sue Richardson October 25, 2016, 11:01 am

    Regena, I am exactly 1 year older than you and we have the same birth date. I am Quadgoddess, Mastery grad 2011, inner circle after, met my man in Nov that year. I followed your advice and Bob and I have been married 2 years now. Every night when he holds me, I am so happy and thankful for the turn on to life I experienced with you and sisters in your program. I found lovely, sexy, fun partnership in Bob! He turned me onto ballroom dancing and every week has a full on dance break with him. I cheer you on! Your special version of all this love and joy can be yours!

  • Mandy October 25, 2016, 10:55 am

    I have three rules for dating:
    1) Don’t do anything on this date you will regret if you never see this person again.
    2) Don’t do anything on this date that will result in people calling you “dumb for dying that way” at your funeral.
    3) Own that shit– (go out, have fun, be yourself and let the rest go).

    The rules make me laugh, and yet give me a reasonable compass.

    I also don’t go out on a first date until I’ve chatted with them long enough via text/phone to know that there will be plenty of talk-fodder.

    I haven’t had a “BAD” date in a very long time, and I chalk it up to the hard-won guide above. 🙂

  • suzanne blons October 25, 2016, 10:52 am

    I just finished Mama Gena’s new book, PUSSY! Fabulous:) I’ve jsut started seeing a man and am practicing the techniques from the book and in this blog, and it’s inspiring to stay in my own feminine sensuality and stay in my own power while letting go of outcomes. Thank you Regina!

  • Edie Weinstein October 25, 2016, 10:51 am

    Here is the adventure I am on….widowed at 40 (18 years ago) following a 12 year ‘paradoxical’ marriage to a man who was both loving and wounded and those factors entered into our relationship. He was diagnosed with Hep C in 1992 and died in 1998. I was his caregiver throughout. I became a single mom of a then 11 year old and now 29 year old son. I supported us, took charge and re-created my life. I am an empowered and pleasure soaked woman. I love who I am. I enjoy sex and know that intimacy is about more than ‘get it on, get it up, get it in, get it off, get it out’. I teach, counsel and write about relationships. I have wonderful friends, family, lovers throughout the years, and have yet to call in a partner to consistently share my life. I have emerged from being a co-dependent caregiver who practiced ‘savior behavior’ and would bend over backward to please people. I know what I want and am no longer willing to settle for less. I am visible (not hiding at home), a social butterfly who meets new people every day…..and yet……after nearly 19 years after my husband’s death, I am still (sometimes blessedly and sometimes reluctantly) single. I have done the internet dating thing and with one exception (a two plus year long distance relationship with a man who remains a dear friend), it feels awkward and not genuine. Any ideas, ladies? I welcome full partnership with someone who honors the journey I have been on as I will honor his.

    Thank you for your thoughts and energy around this.

    Oh, and I am reading Pussy and will write an article about it soon.

    <3 Edie (Bliss Mistress)

    • Megan October 25, 2016, 11:42 am

      Thank you so much for posting this. I JUST put a profile up on a very popular site. Ugh. I’m a little overwhelmed, but I have women in my life helping me! I love this blog and Mama G! Reading all her wonderful work, and taking it one day at a time!
      Thank you all for your help, meet ya’ at the pass~

    • Megan October 25, 2016, 11:54 am

      Thank you so much for posting this. I JUST put a profile up on a very popular site. Ugh. I’m a little overwhelmed, but I have women in my life helping me! I love this blog and Mama G! Reading all her wonderful work, and taking it one day at a time. I left my 24 year marriage in 2013, and my divorce was final in April of 2015. I am really gun shy (great metaphor) and have been spending the past 3 years regaining my confidence, and groove! This is a process!!
      Thank you all for your help, meet ya’ at the pass~

    • Sara October 25, 2016, 12:28 pm

      Edie, I feel really moved and inspired to share an online meditation course I am currently enrolled in that has been an energetic game changer in terms of my womb space and clearing/blessing my whole pelvic region and womanly essence. It is by Jumana Sophia at DailyOm and is called “Breaking the Grip of Past Lovers.” It is about honoring the past and making room for something new. (I am not affiliated or being paid to promote; this is from my heart.)

      I lost a partner to dramatic circumstances in 2011 and am a single mother. I have experienced dramatic shifting with this course in terms of resolving and releasing grief. I am also working with an herbalist to relieve grief ( I actually didn’t know this was part of the issue–grief–until I started working with her), and am actively cultivating relationships that soothe and nourish my heart.

      Good luck to you 🙂
      Feel free to email or FB me if you like the course <3 – I'm curious

    • Petra van Noort October 25, 2016, 3:05 pm

      Grief moves in cycles and needs to be experienced physically to process through. I am wondering if it is still standing between you and a new love. Also: if loss was traumatic maybe seek help by someone who knows how to work with trauma… AND you seem like a powerhouse, maybe it just takes time to manifest an equal?!

    • Poppie October 29, 2016, 4:08 am

      You’re fucking awesome and I really hope I am halfway as cool as you are when I’m your age!!!

  • Wendy Graham October 25, 2016, 10:42 am

    I’m a big fan of dates & dating, I enjoy all types of dates – from quick (and not so quick) coffee dates to movie/dinner dates to mini golf to pottery painting to gun range & blowing stuff up. Find something you have in common to do as well as introducing each other to new things.

    But most of all don’t be afraid to end a bad date and you never owe any one anything.

    Enjoy yourself.

  • Jane Hughes October 25, 2016, 10:39 am

    One of the practices I have is that when I come home after the date is finished, I think about and then write down one or two characteristics about the guy that I really liked on post-it notes – e.g. funny, kind, thoughtful etc. – and stick them on a collage I created that expresses my future. This way, over time, as I date, I’m building up a picture profile of characteristics that are important to me in a man that I want to be in a relationship with. And it means that from the outset, before I’ve even gone on the date, I already looking for, and open to receiving the ‘good’ 🙂 Great post! Thank you!

    • Susanna October 25, 2016, 10:41 am

      Jane, what a great idea! Thanks for sharing it. I’m going to start using it!

    • Camille October 25, 2016, 10:56 am

      Brilliant!! what a great research method!!

    • Mandy October 25, 2016, 10:58 am

      Such a GREAT idea for expressing gratitude in the moment and still envisioning the future of your dreams. I think I’m going to borrow this practice, as well. 🙂

    • Sara October 25, 2016, 12:22 pm

      What a great idea!! Thank you for sharing!! <3

    • Donna October 25, 2016, 8:07 pm

      I love this idea… I am going to put it into practice starting with my next date.

  • Kristin M October 25, 2016, 10:33 am

    Wear cowboy boots. I ALWAYS have a good time in my cowboy boots. They change my walk and my attitude instantly.

    • Kelleia October 26, 2016, 11:37 am

      I LOVE this idea!!!! yeeehaw sexy SG***** yes!!!!

  • Margot schulman October 25, 2016, 10:29 am

    I am dating and enjoying it. I look at each first date as what can I learn about myself – what works for me, what I like? No pressure and then it’a easy to just have fun. I also pay very close attention to what the guy is showing me about himself.