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The Secret to Amazing Relationships

This week we look at relationships: How do you take a relationship and have it grow better and better over time? How do you create and acknowledge the space to allow THE relationship to be unveiled? How do you see through what you think you need, to where your pleasure is actually found?

I am so pleased to have the opportunity to introduce our gorgeous and fabulous panelists for this week: Rose, Mirna, and Elan. They have graciously offered us their insights and experience on dating, marriage, breaking up and falling deeply, passionately in love, all with the help of having a deep understanding of the Womanly Arts.

And don’t forget to stay tuned after the video, because just below, our ladies answer your direct questions!

WOW, what a wealth of knowledge and pleasure these ladies hold! Now, let’s see what they have to say about some of your direct questions:

How can I set myself up to really draw to me and meet an AMAZING life partner?

ELAN

One of the big shifts for me happened when I decided to turn my life into a party and invite myself as the guest of honor!  I met my life partner just after I started working with Mama Gena and experimenting with the tools. I was so in love with the idea of living a life of pleasure and fun that I became a huge magnet for both!  For the first time in my life I really loved myself and was focused on the positive in my life.  I was bragging, stating my gratitudes and sharing my desires, and all of those tools were taking me higher than I’d ever imagined going.  I knew absolutely that I was the life of the party and all of my fears and doubts about being lovable melted away. When I met my future wife it felt inevitable and sooooooo easy!  She met me at my most turned on and joyous and that is who she knows me to be.  Rather than defining myself based on all of my past stories, I created a new one where I get to be happy and she walked right into that story and continues to help me write it.

A second big shift came when I threw away my list of expectations of who that perfect guy was and instead focused on being happy.  I would meditate on what it would feel like to love big and be loved back.  I focused on the quality and experience of the relationship rather than on the particulars of what he looked like and what kind of job he had.  I decided to turn it over to the universe and trust that the universe is way more creative than I am.  And boy was I right!  It had never occurred to me that my perfect partner would be a woman.

How does a timid person initiate flirting with her boyfriend?

ROSE

I am a shy, reserved and timid person, which makes this question perfect for me. For me to build courage to initiate bold flirting with my boyfriend takes too much energy and it’s just not my style.

Flirting can be very subtle as long as your boyfriend knows your style. Flirting is just having fun and making the other person smile. It’s being very conscious where you place your attention on him and when.  I do soft flirts sometimes while he’s driving with gentle strokes on his arm or hand.  If I have access, I would run my fingers through his hair or kiss his cheek or neck gently.  Flirt texting is fun too. It allows me to stay connected with my man when we are apart or he’s busy.  As a timid person, I’m guessing you have other skills like observation and research. Every person is different with their likes and dislikes.  Have fun no matter what with your pleasure research.  Key is don’t take his response personally. This is all in the name of research.

Flirting can be light, a tease, playful.  Instead of being the aggressor with flirting, you can be the coy seductress. You could leave little flirty notes in his wallet, by his bed, etc. to seduce his response back to you. You could wear something sexy and oh so accidentally show him a glimpse.  And when you realize he’s enjoying the view, cover up again.

I desperately need to connect with my husband who doesn’t know how to give me what I need, what do I do?

MIRNA

I am so glad you asked what YOU can do because connection really begins with you. Understanding your needs and wants first.  So often we think our husbands should be mind readers and know exactly what we want and when we desire it. Becoming intimate with your desires first will reconnect you with your appetite.  Maybe you can begin a desire journal where anything and everything you have ever wished for or dreamt of fills these pages. Be sure to find a journal that excites and inspires you.  Begin by writing “I desire to connect with my husband on a deeply sensual and sexual level.”  And go from there.  You can write many desires around this one topic and please get specific. Being specific will help you pinpoint what makes you feel good.  I desire me time at the luxurious SPA, I desire 2 hours for a long walk in the woods holding hands with him, or I desire the courage to jump out of a plane by 2014.  Don’t hold back.  You will be surprised how many desires you have once you get started.

Want to have a little extra fun? Involve your Sister Goddesses and share desires.  Sometimes our sisters can help us articulate desires we didn’t even know we had. Mama Gena always says that your desires are the perfect size for you no matter how big they are. You wouldn’t be having them if they weren’t just right.  Something magical happens when we begin to write down our desires with a pleasurable focus…we begin to see and find ways to make them happen. Not only that but we can then get our husbands on board for the fun.  You can pick out your Top 10 desires for the month of September, write them out on beautiful paper and hang them up somewhere your hubby can see them.

One of my Sister Goddesses wrote her desires on fluorescent Post It notes and decorated her fridge with them.  My hubby and I share a home office and my desires are always left in full view for him to get to know me even more intimately.  My man wants to make me happy.  He always says, ‘Happy wife, happy life’.  Sharing my desires helps him make me happy.  And you know what happy wife means.  Get creative and help start the conversation with your hubby about how you would like to connect through your desires.

How do I meld my visions of my inner and outer selves – and how do I allow that to shine in a way that attracts men?

ROSE

Follow your heart, your desires. HAVE fun no matter what.  Melding your inner and outer self takes time.  The trick is when you’re having so much fun in your life as you are exploring the most exciting person “YOU”, the last thing you’re thinking about is attracting a man.  The funny thing is the minute you stop feeling the need to attract a man, most of the time, that is when men will flock to you like honey.

Look at what you value in yourself and look at what you value in “the one.”  Start to notice these traits in men and women.  What you focus your attention on, will give you more of it.  Admire, acknowledge and appreciate these traits.  Enjoy how they feel.  For me, I wanted to be a person of integrity and as I became more of that, I also felt attracted to people with integrity.  It was just so sexy to see it in others and I noticed I started to only attract men of integrity because I placed my attention on that. It was quite a fun ride meeting so many high quality men and enjoying the experience until I found my husband.

This was my biggest aha:  women are all perfect, whole and complete.  The man is bonus, whip cream and cherry on top of our already perfect life.

How can I get over this desire to have more with my friend with benefits without losing them as a friend? HELP!

ELAN

Uh-oh, I’ve never been in a friends with benefits relationship so I don’t have much experience to draw on for this one!  I would say that, like any relationship, transparency and respectful, loving communication is key.  If your first priority is to the friendship than state that right up front and commit yourself to staying in integrity so that this experience will strengthen your friendship, regardless of how things end up going with the benefits part!  If it is your desire to have something more with this person tell them that.  Cut through the games and the crap that popular culture teaches us to fall back on and speak from your heart.    If they share the desire, awesome!  If not, then it might be difficult to continue the benefits part but there’s no reason why the friendship has to end. Keep checking in and communicating with your friend. And Spring Clean like crazy!

How come when I become a mother, I no longer could allow myself to be a sexual being?

MIRNA

Much of the early days after becoming a mother are focused on the care and nurturing of your precious new baby.  This natural narrow focus leaves little room for much else.  Many days are simply about survival.  Being exhausted from all the giving throughout the day and night can leave a gal a little empty.  This is the time for consistent Self Care.  By creating many self care moments that fill your day with pleasure you could end up having a pleasurable day.  And as you know sister, Self Care = Self Love.  Pleasure is a discipline that once mastered can set you free.  But it need not be complicated.

It can be as simple as preparing yourself nourishing meals, buying flowers for your home or going for walks with or without baby.  You might like to take a bath or listen to music while your baby sleeps.  I highly recommend napping at the same time as your baby.  Sleep is magic.  If you find you cannot sleep then light a candle and deep breath for a full 10 mins.  I know that some of these can be a stretch on some days and you will resist pleasure.  Our culture programs us to accept pain and reject pleasure so be aware of moments when resistance persuades you against taking a bath or a nap.  The key is to give yourself permission.  Permission to take EXQUISITE care of yourself day by day so that your post pregnancy glow is undeniable.  Regaining your strength and stamina through a consistent self care regime will put you back on the path to reacquainting yourself with your sexual being.  She created the little miracle you hold in your arms so take the pressure off by trusting that she will return due pleasurable time.

How do we overcome the fear of rejection and initiate intimacy with our significant other?

ROSE

Initiating intimacy requires being willing to be vulnerable.  It is well worth it.  If I waited for my courage to be ready, intimacy would never happen for me.

What I’ve learned to do instead is whetting my own appetite, enjoying sensual pleasure and having fun no matter what. How that looks like is this.  For instance, I travel a lot and I know my man is  a bit pouty and hungry when I return.  Reconnecting and being intimate is important especially since we haven’t seen each other in a week or two.  Instead of the old song and dance where I feel guilty, try to make up for being away and feel the need to please him (which leads to other not so pleasant things)….I start fantasizing and playing with the idea of what I’ll do with him when I see him again. I start planting this seed in my mind the minute I fly out. I giggle at all the ideas of how to seduce him and turn his pout into a big smile. I make sure that I’m enjoying myself with sensual pleasure (whether with food, clothing or with flowers) while I’m away because he will pick up on that energy. It becomes a game to me instead of a task or responsibility that is oh so not juicy. I think of what outfit to wear, shoes, setting, environment. Imagine his reaction.

Now he will most likely put up some resistance to forgiving so easily for going away. Men like to be tough and strong like that.  He may even act a little cold and distant.  Some could even feel hurt that you abandoned him or may even react with some anger.  They don’t want to be weak and give in so easily.  Don’t take it personal. All just part of pleasure research.   Keep in mind you may try to take yourself out with ideas like “he doesn’t miss me, love me or want me.”  Especially during those moments, focus on your own pleasure.   Just imagine, the little boy’s feeling is hurt.  The trick is finding what will cheer him up again like a toy, candy, fun event.

My favorite is researching during this time what turns him on and enjoy watching him soften and melt as he watches me looking and feeling good. I believe, the secret to intimacy and pretty much everything else in life is to make sure YOU have the most fun first.  It will seem to your significant other that you are being intimate when what you’re really doing is just entertaining yourself.

If he really does say no to intimacy (which most likely has nothing to do with you), then make sure you’re having so much fun that it catches his attention and he wants to be a part of it.

And sometimes, it may just require a loving honest chat with each other.  To let him know you’d like to initiate intimacy, but you’re afraid of rejection. Ask him for tips.  Men are super helpful with this. I had this chat with my man a while ago when I would initiate intimacy (yet I do it in such a subtle shy way) he wouldn’t even get the message. I asked him playfully, what can I do to make it obvious I was initiating intimacy. He gave me clear specific things I could do.

Makes my life sooo much easier.

What are other ways we can share intimacy without it always being or ending in having sex?

MIRNA

Intimacy is a delicate way of holding your partner. It invites us to be intimate with our desires in our relationship, requires trust and a willingness to share from a deep place.  One of the ways you can access intimacy is through your sensuality.  Even that word SENSUALITY (said slowly) is a turn ON.  And what better way to get your turn on than by using all your senses. It is through touch and taste, sound and smell, sight and sense of energy that you awaken your desire for each other beyond sex. Can you imagine the number of ways you can begin to explore and research what to do together that would involve touch.  Feathers are a fun part of the SWA and are a great way to connect through skin without even laying a hand on your partner. For taste, chocolate covered strawberries are unbeatable but don’t make them ahead of time. Lay out the strawberries and have the chocolate sauce in a beautiful bowl so you can dip and feed your partner.

For an even more heightened experience ask you partner to close their eyes while you feed them.  Watch your partner enjoy the eating and savor their enjoyment.  Now it’s your turn.  Remember a big part of sensuality is to GO SLOW.  Our fast paced world is hindering our natural ability to savor our experiences and here you want to savor every little response your senses are picking up.  It is our capacity for sensation that we are attempting to increase.  I read somewhere that foreplay begins at the end of lovemaking.  And this is where I believe intimacy really wins.  You are playing with each other just for the pleasure of it.  You are building the tension between you as you share from this space you access together.  Don’t be afraid to use your senses, they’re at your fingertips.  Go on… dip them in that chocolate!

What a feast! And yet, I can’t help but find myself yearning for more! How wonderful that Rose, Mirna, and Elan have agreed to come online for the next few days and interact with your comments!

Now what you can do: In the comments below, please share your story, ask a follow up question, and if you’ve got tips and stories to contribute as you read others, please do so.

Thank you all. I love our community and I am so glad to be in this particular conversation with hot, sexy, gorgeous YOU.

With so much love and pleasure,

Mama Gena

 

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48 Comments / Leave a Comment

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  • Veronica March 23, 2014, 8:09 am

    Thanks for sharing the stories, they are amazing!

    Mama Gena, when are you coming to Singapore? I really hope to get to see you in person or get to know other Sister Goddesses in the city!

    I finished reading your book last week. It was recommended by a close girlfriend who has seen me failing in dealing with my relationships in the past few years.

    I’m 25, my last relationship ended three years ago. Then I’ve never had a serious relationship after that. I have been dating and flirting but I just felt that I’ve never met “the one”. I fell completely for a musician when I was in Spain, it was the only time that I let my emotion loose and followed my desires, but I was deeply hurt when I found out that he has another girlfriend. He claimed that “he never lies”, it’s just that I never asked. I was devastated after finding out the truth. Now I am feeling even more insecure than ever and find it very hard to trust anyone I’m dating now.

    I had many flings in between, until recently I met another guy that I’m very attracted to. But this guy is not interested in settling down immediately, he was still seeing other women. What made things worse, he also said “he never lies”. To me, this sentence just brings back all the nightmares and unpleasant memories I had. He said he like me and is attracted to me. But he did not put me on the priority list at all. I was scared and very insecure again, and felt that he’s likely to choose another woman over me. (Especially after he told me he’s going to see another girl he slept with the coming Friday and Saturday night because she’s visiting in town). Then we had another fight afterwards and I said goodbye.

    All this was before I read Mama Gena’a book, I now know that I could have done better if I had followed my desires.

    My biggest problem is my insecurity issues. I’m young, financially independent with an interesting job, I have a curvy body and I hear “you are pretty, you are hot, you are cute” quite often, and I do get dates if I say yes. Then I’m already falling to those men who are confident, successful and seem to be surrounded by many women. All the dear Sister Goddesses, am I falling to the wrong types of people or how do I deal with my insecurity issues? Namaste ☺

  • Kimberly August 21, 2013, 2:05 pm

    I so love these women! Thank you for your incredibly courageous and inspiring stories!

    There is a beautiful song called “Same Love” by Macklemore.

    I love the support for every person and their big love! No matter what….this community rocks so hard!

    Thank you Mama Gena!

  • Ruby Red August 19, 2013, 2:50 pm

    I love the woman-loving-woman visibility and positivity! Kudos for the inclusion! As a dyed-in-the-wool femme lesbian who met her life partner and fiance one year ago (getting married next year!) after conjuring her thru my own learning thru sistergoddess.com, I’m cheering for you!

  • Andie August 15, 2013, 12:29 pm

    Are there any SG’s who, after considering what really pleasures them, decide that they are better off without romantic relationships? I’m kind of there. None of the men interested in me are even marginally more appealing than yoga class, a glass of wine, a steamy fantasy about Tom Hardy, and my Magic Wand (i.e., the perfect night in).

    But of course, there IS a guy I would consider a romantic relationship with, were he available: my former co-worker. I’ve been in love with him for three years. Being around him makes my heart happy. I’ve never felt that way around anyone else, and other people have even remarked on how much chemistry we give off. BUT, he’s had a girlfriend the whole time I’ve known him, so I’ve never even said anything. We’ve never even kissed. Despite the fact that she’s an awful woman, who looks like an anorexic gremilin, I’m not a thief.

    Am I serving my own pleasure by being by myself rather than settling for someone who doesn’t appeal to me more than my own company?

    • SG MagicMirna August 16, 2013, 11:27 am

      Andie, I believe it is all research and you are a genius for considering what really turns you on. SisterGoddesses are agents of pleasure investigating how to live the legend woman. It would appear that currently your results point to Self Love so congratulations. Find time to celebrate and dance this out. This is the spot that many women are looking for. So please remember to have fun no matter what. If you desire more, please let us know what your further investigations uncover.

      • Andie August 19, 2013, 9:17 am

        Thanks, Mirna! I’m working really hard on turning my whole life into a party. Right now, my desires are just much more focused on moving to California (from DC) and making a transition to writing full time than they are on a romantic relationship. I’ve discovered that I really need to focus on myself in order to stay content in DC (street harassment capital of the world) and my current bleak and boring cubicle job. Once I’m leaving on a jet plane, I hope I’ll get my juice back and feel like flirting again!

        • SG MagicMirna August 19, 2013, 12:30 pm

          Andie, I am celebrating you for this huge desire. Choosing pleasure, choosing to turn your whole life into a party is what this revolution is all about and you are at the forefront. And sister it is a revolution. I remember in Mama Gena’s book she says that if a girlfriend calls us at 3am inviting us to come out dancing with her some of us might think she’s mad and so we’ll politely decline and go back to sleep but the same dear girlfriend calls up in the middle of the night saying she’s in trouble and needs our help we would leap out of bed to be by her side. We are on a path to shifting this paradigm… to put fun, excitement, unbound joy and pleasure first as if our lives depended on it, because they do. I look forward to hearing how it all turns out. MMxx

  • Malaika August 15, 2013, 3:37 am

    Awesome Video! I have some questions:

    I have been married for 18yrs, never really felt deeply loved, honored or respected. I have tried everything i know to help improve this relationship. He would say that to him everything is ok, but i always wanted more and still do …more intimacy, more fun, more connection, more sex, more laughter, more adventure more more more…., its kinda difficult when he wont team up and explore with me. His escape is his work, basically a workaholic and he travels alot. So am lonely, and exhausted from parenting on my own and basically living a very separate life. I desire a relationship, a partnership, someone to talk to and share my dreams, desires, life. I have tried couples therapy, but he wont go, so i have been going on my own and have made progress in building myself up and my self worth. I feel better about me and so energized to discover more about the new me that is emerging. I have that bubbly feeling inside and its yummy! So, my question is on turning around a marriage like mine or considering moving on and finding my desired soul partner. Feels like crossroads, and i need help in the area of knowing what to do.

    • SG MagicMirna August 16, 2013, 10:22 am

      Malaika, wow! Let me say that again WOW! Firstly allow me to honor you for the 18 years you have created with your man. Secondly, the steps you have taken to finding the ‘new’ you that is emerging, bubbling and as you describe YUMMY are to be celebrated out loud! You are asking how to turn your marriage around, well I say please keep headed in this yummy direction. This shows you are taking responsibility for your own pleasure, something we have been taught to resist and quash. But YOUR pleasure is the game changer. Your man thinks that things are ok and this is the perfect starting point. The fact that you desire more is exciting. Begin a daily practice of writing what you are grateful for in the past 18 years. Look for ways to be grateful for him. He must have done something right for you to be with him for the past 18 years. Find him right. We all want that, need that. There are a few more parts to this but begin here. Gratitude has a magical effect on a marriage. Try one gratitude for each year. Write specific gratitudes about him and about how you achieved 18 years. I bow to the moments that didn’t work out because I grew and learnt more about him and me. To get to the next level of creating more, being to have a relationship with your desires. I cannot stress the desire journal enough. It has helped me and many of my sisters get clear about the ‘more’. Stay yummy.

  • Rachael August 14, 2013, 3:31 pm

    Hi Ladies!

    I just love hearing these stories. Knowing the possibilities is wonderful! I feel the need to post a question of my own in here.

    I am interested to know what the SG view is on significant others “appreciating” other women. To clarify to my situation – a year into my 2 year relationship, my guy created a situation with another women that made me very uncomfortable (borderline “cheating” as everyone’s definition is different!) and wasn’t immediately honest with me about it (so as not to upset me). Since that moment, any time he appreciates another women through comments, friendships, or even facebook photo likes, my insecurities all boil up and bring me back to the first incident when he wasn’t honest with me – and I assume he’s done something again. I sit on this terrible feeling for days.

    I know that I am bringing these feelings upon myself by not allowing myself to feel “good enough” at all times – but how can I handle these moments better with him and with myself so that I don’t automatically accuse him of deception and so I can be in my power enough for him to notice how awesome I am all the time?

    I think I need to enroll in School – time to start saving up!

    • Rose August 14, 2013, 10:25 pm

      Love your question. Thank you for posting it.
      Anything is possible.
      Yes…definitely enroll in the school because it will give you a powerful supportive community to go after what you desire.
      As a SG it doesn’t matter what others think, the most important question is how do you feel about it and really owning it. Partying with the storm or bitch boiling in you. IF something comes back to bite you 3x, its time you placed attention on it. In the school, there are many tools you learn that help you move through the emotions and insecurities much quicker and with a lot more fun.
      It sounds like you need a conversation with him to express how you feel about all this. that it makes you uncomfortable. Propose that you’d like to make the relationship juicier. Ask for what you need so you can trust him. (Do you know what you need so you can trust him again?) Without trust, its a slippery road.
      Sometimes its as simple as sitting down and creating some boundaries and agreements to honor and respect each other. I know for me, it was NOT easy to express to my man that it made me uncomfortable when he chatted with his ex. He also expressed he was uncomfortable that I had a close relationship with my ex. We both honored each other’s feelings and came up with agreement that felt good for all parties.
      Now you also have to be clear where you stand, what makes you feel good and what doesn’t. He may or may not agree to it. Are you willing to walk away and be with someone who worships and adores you like the goddess you are?
      One thing I learned from the school, a SG NEVER settles and like Elan said, each moment is about following our pleasure. It sounds like a great life. IT also requires us to be willing to take the leap into the unknown which is always quite scary and have fun doing it because comfort sometimes looks REAL good even if everything you’ve ever dreamed of is right around the corner.
      If you are not able to join the school yet, at least enroll in the online courses or sistergoddess.com.
      You are perfect, whole and complete.

  • Simin Vaswani August 14, 2013, 11:03 am

    This video opened my heart and set an example for me to where I need to take my marriage. SG Mirna’s comments and her relationship with her husband is what I desire and want to surrender to. To be the Goddess that I am and live in it fully! My heartfelt gratitude to Sister Goddess Mirna and Mama Gena.
    I am also so moved by SG Elan, it is such an amazing example of how to stay open and allow the universe to bring to you your true desire even when it does not look like the image the mind holds. What a powerful story to witness. Way to Go SG Elan to your level of surrender!
    I can’t wait for my Mastery in 2014 🙂 🙂

    SG Simin

    • Rose August 14, 2013, 10:04 pm

      SG Simin,
      You are already stepping into the goddess that you are by attending 2014 mastery. It is going to blow your marriage wide open to so many new adventures. My suggestion to you is start journaling about your desires, all of it. Start creating the space for the magic to happen so once mastery starts, you are already warmed up and ready to run. And lean into the community as much as possible if you desire to expand your capacity to receive pleasure.

    • SG MagicMirna August 16, 2013, 9:29 am

      Thank you Simin, I have poured my heart and soul into my relationship. The difference today is ‘me’. I am taking responsibility for my pleasure and leaning into sisterhood like never before. The difference is asking myself how does a Goddess walk, talk, dress, think, act? Every step taken, every word spoken, every action is shaped by these questions I ask of myself. Taking myself higher has resulted in taking my hubby, children, family, friends and clients even higher. You just can’t help yourself when you put pleasure first!

  • Sonia August 14, 2013, 6:33 am

    really brilliant video

    Mama Gena and sister Goddesses really really need your help with the pleasure topic. Been having sleepless nights.

    How do you deal with a female friend who knows you ex who you left because he kept on saying you where heating and she then says you are if you talk about men who offer you emotional support?

    No sex involved at all.

    when you talk about pleasure to her, she just assumes its cheating and that its unlawful. what do you do when you say that you let him go so he could be who he wanted to be because he was not into the pleasure of the me and now it time for me to let go of the anger and be open to pleasure and delight.

    how do you talk to her about pleasures and delights or just not have those conversations with her anymore?

    what do you say to women who complain that you have too many men floating around you but you know that there is no sex going on its just delight and fun. Its like they say make a decision without approving of the pleasure and fun part.

    Maybe I too am like that underneath all of this and quietly am scared that pleasure will lead me to another man or somewhere else.

    Maybe I am not clear about pleasure and that its only for good.

    Please help

    • SG MagicMirna August 14, 2013, 7:26 am

      People so often misunderstand pleasure mainly because our world has taught us to be in pain and to put up with it. So many of the Womanly Arts will address your concerns. There is the art of ‘having fun no matter what’ and redefining ‘flirting’ as enjoying yourself in the presence of another. When we stand for ourselves and our pleasure we begin to shift and many things in our lives change. This can be daunting for the people around us. But for our pleasure we must stand and together in sisterhood is the best way forward. In a conversation between Martin Luther King and Thich Nhat Hanh in the 1960’s they both agreed ‘that without community we cannot go very far’. Find a friend who will celebrate your research and brag to her. It sounds to me like you are standing for your pleasure already Sonia, well bragged.

    • Rose August 14, 2013, 10:00 pm

      Dear sweet Sonia,
      There will be friends who will not understand pleasure and it may not be easy to pull away from them. Just a short while as you find your pleasure community that supports your research and play. Sometimes if this is a good friend, as you stand for your pleasure and she feels your clarity, she will either disappear or get curious and start the conversation again.
      I agree with Mirna that you are bragging about lots of men in your life you are flirting and having fun with. That’s awesome.
      I sounds like you have a few questions to ask yourself.
      How much do you enjoy these male friends? are they core people in your life? What is important to you?
      If the men in your life are important, that’s easy. Conjure up a partner that is cool with it.
      It seems like you are saying, when you do find another partner, that all these men surrounding you may tempt you. Of course it will. That’s the fun part of life being able to choose.
      However if your relationship is super hot and juicy, no man can seduce you away from that.
      And on the note of breaking down barriers based on all the comments here…you don’t have to be with one partner. There are many examples out there that works. It’s all about creating agreements that are pleasurable for all parties. Party on sister.

  • Sheri Scintillation Sensation August 13, 2013, 9:21 pm

    SO LOVED THIS VIDEO! So loved seeing SG Myna, whom I met last year in Miami! SO loved Elan’s story…I had a similar journey at one point in my life too! I want to share a BIG brag here – I am mostly straight, (lol) and also followed my heart and went with a very unusual attraction to a women that began a 3 year romance, then turned platonic friendship/soul relationship that has lasted 30 years. I went with the qualities of love I felt, not the body it was housed in. Great decision. Now…..30 years later, I again followed my heart and began dating a man 24 years younger than me… I never thought it would last, we’re in the happiest relationship I’ve had in 30 years, and the biggest BRAG here – I got contacted by the TLC Channel about being a new reality show called, “Extreme Cougar Wives”, about older women dating much younger men. We agreed to do the show and it airs August 21st 8:30pm CST on TLC!!! We appeared on THE VIEW last week, I got to get questioned by Whoopi Goldberg on my relationship, (wowowow) I didn’t back down, and stood for the truth of the soul connection I have, regardless of his age! Then we appeared on ShowBiz Tonight, and Nightline. The PR tour is just beginning, but my mission is to break down barriers for women, wherever I can by being an example of soulful love that goes well beyond race and age (we’re also in interracial couple, oh yeah, the trifecta!! ) lol. I LOVE STANDING FOR A WOMAN’S RIGHT TO HER PLEASURE!! And I love that I’m 50 and have attracted a 27 year old gorgeous man who LIVES TO SERVE ME! It’s truly his greatest pleasure, and with the support of my SG’s I’m moving forward with him, and let my picture go of someone my age, etc, blah blah blah. The most amazing thing is that my desire has been to return to the TV and FILM industry, and to also have an amazing relationship…..well…who knew I would begin to experience BOTH at the same time?? The GREAT PUSSY in the SKY sure knows what will excite us the most… I could have NEVER predicted things would unfold like this…AND I AM SOOO GRATEFUL FOR EVERY MOMENT OF THIS EXPANDING JOURNEY! FOLLOW YOUR HEARTS/PUSSIES, Dear sisters….I so APPRECIATE MAMA GENA and the SG COMMUNITY…what a wealth of LOVE AND DIVINE BRILLIANCE! TONS OF LOVE, SHERI
    SCINTILLATION SENSATION~ and….watch my TLC debut!! Wow!!

    • SG MagicMirna August 13, 2013, 10:32 pm

      Sheri! Hellooooooo! WOW Sheri, well bragged Divine Goddess. I love how you have stood for yourself and your BIG love and taken it all even higher than your wildest dreams. TLC!!!! WOW Sister, you are one brilliant woman and inspired me from the moment we met. I can’t wait to see your beautiful smile again. Much love&magic

    • Rose August 14, 2013, 9:46 pm

      Love how you’re taking your pleasure with these super hot brags. You are a powerhouse breaking down barriers for women have soulful love. Being interviewed by Whoopi and airing about it. WOW!!! You sure know how really stand.
      Well it sounds like you love waves of 3. Why else would you have the amazing relationship, be on Film and TV all happening at same time. Now that’s a way to receive waves of pleasure.
      You are such an inspiration. Thank you for just diving in and sharing your awesome mind blowing brags.

  • Marit August 13, 2013, 3:18 pm

    So enjoyed this video. You gals are amazing and inspiring.

  • GK August 13, 2013, 1:14 pm

    Hello ladies, thank you for so boldly sharing your stories. Gives all of us hope 🙂

    I have been dating a man with a “past” (you know the type – disastrous with women, etc) for a while, and as we grow closer, it has been really getting to me. On one hand, he and I have something really beautiful…but on the other, I don’t know if I’m fated to become “just another one.” I feel brave for giving him a chance, but fearful of how to express my desire to feel loved and safe. I don’t want to show him that I’m judging him by past deeds…..but I also have a lot of fear, and want to honor that by expressing it. Do you have any suggestions for how I can move forward?

    • mama gena August 13, 2013, 8:33 pm

      risking yourself in love is terrifying. but what else is there to do with your wild, irrepressible passionate heart?

    • SG MagicMirna August 13, 2013, 10:59 pm

      GK, begin with your desire journal, it will help you articulate exactly what it is you are seeking from love, from him and for yourself. Writing it down has a powerful effect. Sharing your desires by leaving them out in the open for him to see would be the next ‘risky’ step. One thing I know for sure, even after an 18 year marriage, is there are no guarantees in life. We risk everyday, some risks we feel are easier than others so we forget we are even risking at all. I know for me continuing my journey in sisterhood here has meant I am able to take greater risks than ever. Thank you for your bold question.

    • Rose August 14, 2013, 7:41 pm

      GK, You are soo brave and brilliant to share with this community. It is a HUGE step to honor and express your fears. If I were in your shoes, I would first ask myself “what needs to happen for you to feel loved and safe?” What are your desires? I agree with Mirna. Write in your desire journal. Get really clear. Then your next step would be sharing with him what you need to feel loved and safe. I know it may feel scary. It is well worth the risk. Love is a choice. He may step up or he may not. Until you express it, you will never know.
      I have also been there to express what I needed to feel loved and safe when I dated someone outside my culture. I didn’t have the usual information and research I knew about men. He operated slightly differently. I started from scratch. It was so scary for me to even express that I feel loved when my man and I email, talk or text at least once a day. When I told him this, he said “every day? I don’t know.” I stood by my desire. He asked me to remind me if he forgets and I brag I Feel loved every day and much more.
      You always have your sister community to lean into especially when you’re about to dive into deeper intimacy.

      • GK August 17, 2013, 10:19 am

        ladies, thank you all for these suggestions! it is so reassuring to have a wonderful circle of goddesses who are listening. writing in my desire journal as we speak 😉 feels good just to get clear with myself too.

  • Cindy August 13, 2013, 12:29 pm

    Love the video’s and the information keep them coming!!! Thank you!

  • Nahzaree August 13, 2013, 12:25 pm

    Posts like this are precisely why I began following this blog while I was still reading your book, Mama Gena! Thank you for this latest series…and especially today’s discussion. I had to compose myself for almost an hour before coming back to comment – I am still shaking… When the radiant Elan shared her story I found myself dissolving into tears (oh boy, here I go again) because it rang out with true resonance within my very being. I am in my early 40s, have been desiring that big love, and have been really zeroing in on how it would feel to have to have it. My “list” consists more of the qualities I see in my desired Beloved and in the relationship itself, but I didn’t recognise the truth that I still had unconsciously imposed a major limitation on how that love, that One, could appear…

    I am now committing myself to being completely open to my right One, no matter in what kind of package they may appear in! I’ve never had a type, I believed, but I have been wrong ;} I did have a type in the back of my mind: and he was male. Even going beyond this I have to wonder…what in what other ways have I imposed limits on the way / the kind of love that shows up for me? I am the sort of woman that abhors labels, yet have always labeled myself as hetorosexual. Yet there have been moments recently that I have had the faintest whispers of ‘what if you are more than who you think…?’, but what do you *do* with that thought?!? But I did not expect the reaction I had to Elan’s story… This is the first time I have broached this to anyone – not even my closest friend knows. But I have to be open and accepting of all of who I am, regardless of what that looks like. And in spite of who I eventually end up with, I now am more aware that loving me, and being truly open to what is rightfully mine – without unreasonable limitations – is what is right and true for ME. Thank you, thank you, Elan, for being willing to be open and vulnerable to begin with, and for sharing so beautifully your love journey.

    Back to the kleenex 😉

    • Adrienne August 13, 2013, 1:59 pm

      Wow! I love hearing this from you and loved hearing Elan’s story too. My story was very similar to Elan’s, only I was 20 years younger. Because I have two aunts who are gay, I had asked myself several times since I was a teenager if I was attracted to or interested in dating women and the answer was always “no”. I was open to it, but that just didn’t seem to be part of who I was. By my early 20s I was convinced that if I was into women, I would know already.

      So I was completely taken by surprise when I met and fell in love with a woman! Like Elan, I had a supportive community (our church, which is where we met) and decided to take the leap and see where we landed. We dated for a little over a year and I learned SO MUCH about myself from that relationship. In my case it wasn’t a lifetime partnership, but it was still a valuable, pleasurable relationship and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

      Thank you, Elan, for sharing. Best of luck to Nahzaree as you explore this new openness and continue your journey to meeting the right partner no matter who she or he might be!

    • Elan August 13, 2013, 3:59 pm

      Now I’m reaching for the kleenex! Thank you for this beautiful share, for your transparency and honesty. Whomever answers your heart’s call will be a very lucky and well loved person. Until you meet, enjoy the journey!

      • Nahzaree August 13, 2013, 6:14 pm

        Thank you ladies for your support and encouragement, it means the world to me! I had never been interested in dating women, far less open to it; it wasn’t even in my bank of possibilities. So to be willing to acknowledge the awareness now that I am open to being with a woman – to *myself*, far less to goodness knows how many other people, at the age of 41 years young, is nothing short of earth-shaking! Oh to be embraced by a community of sister-friends who love and support me for who I am…*that* is another desire I have ;}

        • Rose August 14, 2013, 7:23 pm

          We are here for you and what a beautiful journey you are on. May I suggest some common invisible boundaries women may have around “the one?” It’s interesting once you surrender these boundaries, universe will surprise you. Let go of age, height, looks, race, financial wealth. Be open to play with whoever you meet. Admire and appreciate something in them that you desire in your partner. It wasn’t until I surrendered to universe, I found my fiancé who is nothing like I had pictured it. Someone I never would’ve even considered. And now, he is the most amazing man I’ve ever met. Take the leap. Have fun. I know you will enjoy the dance to your beloved.

    • Anna August 15, 2013, 5:13 am

      In my case, I realised that the one who fit it all was actually my married (male) friend who has been my friend for 30 years. My sadness is that we will not take it any further (mutually acknowledged attraction, mutually agreed to go no further. I *suppose* that I am happy that he will remain in my life and yet there is a sadness that lingers ….

  • Julia August 13, 2013, 12:21 pm

    I’m so grateful for receiving this ….. the delight in how Regena posed the questions, the special time with each of you sharing your journey, using the tools including the gratitude journal. I’m bathing myself in delicious inspiration followed by action.

    • SG MagicMirna August 13, 2013, 11:06 pm

      Thank you Julia, I’m glad you like the gratitude journal. May it bring you much joy.

  • robin Kahn August 13, 2013, 10:17 am

    Love these videos! Thank you SG’s for your honesty and for sharing your stories. I, too, am going to start a desire journal and keep dancing and remembering to continue my pleasure research. Thank you, Regena, these are all wonderful and so inspiring. I am filled with gratitude to be a part of this community.

    • SG MagicMirna August 13, 2013, 11:03 pm

      Thank you Robin.

      • Rose August 14, 2013, 7:08 pm

        Mirna,
        Love how your video inspired goddesses to create desire journals. I agree with you. I desire to hear the top 3 desires of the SG’s who are going to start their journal. Let’s get this party started.

  • Mallory August 13, 2013, 10:13 am

    You hit questions I forgot I had! Thank you ladies!! Going to write a desire journal right now 🙂

    • SG MagicMirna August 13, 2013, 11:01 pm

      Thank you Mallory, please feel free to share a desire or 2 here. I would love to read them.

  • SG Quiksilver Sizzle Lara August 13, 2013, 10:05 am

    I brag that SWA and Mastery made my marriage a completely different happier place to be. In a matter of months my relationship with my husband has gone from very bad to amazing and its just getting better. Our connection grows deeper every day and we are finally for the first time in our marriage moving in the same direction in life together. And the BEST part is that we want to, and it is our pleasure to do so. Amazing. Thank you for another beautiful video with these incredible, talented, brilliant Sister Goddesses. A great way to begin my day and smile.

    • mama gena August 13, 2013, 8:28 pm

      so happy for you, sister goddess lara!

    • SG MagicMirna August 13, 2013, 10:35 pm

      I have to highlight “In a matter of months…”. Incredible indeed Lara! So honored to have stood by you.

    • Rose August 14, 2013, 7:06 pm

      SG Lara,
      Please feel free to share what tools you used from the SWA that helped transform your relationship. I’m sure we are all curious to hear. Would love to read about it.

  • D.J. August 13, 2013, 9:33 am

    This was just what I needed to get juiced back up into dating. I was feeling a little down in the dumps about it all but I know and come back to the fact that I am the source and the party.

    • Elan August 13, 2013, 3:41 pm

      Party On Sister!!

    • Rose August 14, 2013, 7:04 pm

      And whenever a goddess is feeling down in the dumps (which we all go through) remember to swamp and lean into your sister community.