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This is not a time to run away

My first response was “I can’t.”

It was November 9th, the results of our election were incredibly fresh, and just three days later, I was to lead the Fall session of The Womanly Arts Experience, with 900 women. I felt wallopped.

And I thought to myself, “I cannot do this.”

I cannot stand powerfully in front of a room full of women when I feel so personally knocked down. Wallopped.

Yes, I admit, my first response was that I wanted to run.
And hide.

My fantasy was that if I stayed under my covers and hid, it would all somehow go away.

But I dragged my ass out of bed and went to the office, where I was surrounded by my team – women, all of whom understand, through years of practicing the Tools and Arts, how to feel every drop of what they feel, know how to move deep emotions through their bodies, and express their deep and wide emotional range.

And we brought it and danced it and felt it and expressed it.

I continued to do this for the next few days.
Finding my way to connect with how all of this outer change impacted and transformed me – and opened doors inside of me.

I realized that this was my call to rise to a deeper sense of sisterhood and community than I had ever risen to before.

I did not back away from my grief, my fear, my rage; instead, I felt it, embodied it, wore it like a jeweled crown.

Feeling every aspect of what was mine to feel opened the doors for my leadership to expand to new heights and depths.  

And I noticed that this impulse to run away and hide was not just my storyline.
It was also the storyline of so many women who attended the event.
And perhaps, it was the storyline of so many women who signed up but did not even attend. We had more “no shows” than any event we’ve ever hosted – and I can only imagine that it’s because many, like me, just wanted to stay under the covers. I get it.

See, we as women were never taught how to process our intense feelings, so we stay out of the game and hide, or keep it to ourselves.  

And as a result, we often never step into our power or potential.

Well, we don’t have time to stay under the covers anymore. The future of the world depends on women showing up and standing for the truth of the way they feel.

Thank goddess I did not have the option this time, to stay under those covers.

And I was besotted with love for the courage of the women who attended.

There were several women who stood to speak and announced themselves as ‘runners’.

Saying things like, “I was at your event last year and I ran away, which made me know there was something valuable here. So I came back this year, and I am still scared, but I am here.”

Or the woman who stood up, just before lunch break and said, “I want to run away and not come back after lunch, so I am calling myself out, because I want someone to stand for me so that I don’t leave, because I know that I need this but I am so frightened.”

What we all learned, this weekend, was that the impulse to run, to hide, to stay under the covers, is something that we all share.

For example, this impulse to run can happen in an intimate relationship. So many of us have been in this spot – when it’s just getting deep, we get triggered and we just want to run, shut it down, cancel the date, and blow off the opportunity of letting someone ‘in’. Running seems like the more familiar option, even if the love we long for is on the other side of that impulse to dash out the door.

Or when we recognize that a deeply unconscious family pattern is coming to light and we just want to run, eat, drink, check out. Checking out is so much easier.

Perhaps a confrontation is necessary with a coworker, where you need to stand in your value and speak your truth, but you just want to clock out and push it under the rug and keep your thoughts to yourself.
Or do you?

Noticing the impulse to run away is not where a woman’s storyline ends, but, rather, it is where it truly begins.

Especially now.

Women are the greatest untapped natural resource on this planet.

This is not a time to run away and hide our radiant light. It is not a time to keep a lid on our truth. It is a time to give ourselves permission to step into a new, never-yet-experienced sense of our power, presence and beauty.

You. Raw, steaming, hot, emotional you is the precise ingredient that the world requires to step into itself.

No matter who you voted for. No matter where you live. No matter how much fear or courage is in your heart. We are all sisters.

Now, more than ever, the voice of woman is required.

Stepping into our voice and our power is useless without the ability to own our emotional truth with love—not only for ourselves but for all women.

We no longer need to back away or run away from our grief, our fear, our rage. Together, we can each feel it, embody it and wear it like a jeweled crown.

And like our lady of the harbor, we all can ‘lift the lamp beside the golden door’ for every woman.

So let me ask you:

  • Where are you afraid to look at your raw, truer-than-true truth?
  • Where do you want to look away, run away, or go under cover?
  • And, where are you committing to stay? To stay in the arena. To stay in the room. To stay in the sadness. To stay in the resolve.


Come leave a comment below and join the conversation.

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78 Comments / Leave a Comment

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  • caroline December 20, 2016, 7:54 am

    I completely subscribe to your comments in the article (sic) ‘ its no time to run away’.
    The whole world seems to have become deeply, and not pleasantly, macho. If ever there was a time when the civilising effects of women of power were needed it is now. I don’t wish to be misunderstood in this comment, not all men are uncivilised, and heaven forbid, don’t anyone believe that l think women are soft.
    I DO believe that the sort of men who will be wielding the power are uncivilised in their approach, in everything from diplomacy, to fiscal concerns, social issues and on and on.

  • Kara Allan December 7, 2016, 10:11 am

    I think I had the opposite reaction, I wanted to stand despite all the crazy. I have attended all the Experience weekends since January 2015, did Mastery that Spring and this by far was the best one. There was such a sense of unity among the women, many that stood and told their stories like Precious and the friend who stood for her friend the Lieutenant Colonel, were sooo moving. It was amazing and such a blessing to all the women who attended. It’s been a gift watching Regena evolve (as we Gemini’s do throughout our lives), she was so free and tuned in to everyone. I brought my youngest daughter again and she loved it. Hopefully this is a turning point for all of us, that we would continue to reach out to each other despite all the lunacy going on in the world.

  • Marizete Da Silva December 2, 2016, 5:14 pm

    Brilliant text Regena ¡
    Just bought your new book. I am celebrating your courage to step up and create this amazing community.
    a warm thank you from Marbellla, Spain

  • Lori Arnold December 1, 2016, 2:14 pm

    Lord, I needed to read this today. Cause I want to run for the hills, right now! But I resist. I forced myself to dive into the deep end and say my truth. It feels scary and unpleasant, but fuck it. Enough is enough! And in the end, if everyone is frightened off by my truth, then I will stand alone – whole, complete and valid. Thank you, Regena.

  • Tammy December 1, 2016, 12:33 pm

    Fuuuuck!
    I’m gonna tell you that I wake up sometimes crying

    I’m going to out myself & share that in my own family, our inability to relate at times (I cannot even ask some family members who they voted for), makes me feel a little hopeless to handle our country’s larger problems — so I want to look away from some family, I want to avoid all this uglyness by dropping all haters off on the moon, I am at times afraid of my white hot anger that I lash out with a little destructively at times

    BUT I BRAG,
    that however I am, first and foremost, I look to finding myself right,
    And being kind to myself — this morning I took extra long getting out of bed, sobbed for the world & what I couldnt even name,
    AND in the middle of that, I came across an SGs fb post that made me giggle with it’s silliness, and a light came in, which made me cry at letting some of the saddness go

    I Brag I watched a ridiculously wonderful youtube video of a Broadway musical karaoke with Lin-Manuel Miranda & James Cordon & my heart smiled

    I Brag I am here, working through all these emotions, using these tools — thank you for these tools btw

    And some mornings, I do stay under the covers, and just breathe & let the sunlight gather me close, until I can go back out

  • Aubrey December 1, 2016, 9:24 am

    I like to run away from anger and sadness. Also fear. They’re my big three. I have committed to facing fear and sadness, and I’m good at that because they can be dealt with in ways I’m more comfortable with… but anger… it’s hard because I have a people pleaser inside me and anger can really scare people. One way I stood up for my anger was this… After the election I had to put on this big rally in my town, for months I’d been working with a women’s shelter, and the city gov on a rally with music, poetry and speakers to encourage the public to stand together to end violence in public spaces and keep our town safe (this was in response to a series of sexual assaults that had happened on the public bike/walking trails in town). After the election everything changed as far as my emotions. I was so angry. And I knew other people were too. I had a slot in the rally to speak so I wrote up a speech about how we have to start from where we are, which for me was anger, to get where we want to go with integrity… I shared some thoughts from a recent Nobel Peace Prize winner about how anger can be a catalyst for changing the world if we use it to spark our compassion. And I got to let out some of my angry, passionate energy because the sound system went out mid-speech and I had to do the entire rest of the speech – for hundreds of people in an outdoor space – sans mic. Everyone could hear me, I later heard, and the crowd cheered uproariously afterwards. I didn’t express my full anger in my speech bc due to our sponsors I couldn’t delve into politics, but I felt like I maintained my integrity and came from my truth.
    I’m going to keep sticking up for my anger because i love that part of myself. She’s a freakin fabulous diva and she protects me, soothes me, and reminds me when I’m not meeting my full potential by showing up and getting me pissed off.
    Thanks for the amazing reminder, Mama Gena. You rock!

  • Stephanie Greene November 30, 2016, 10:58 pm

    I went to a community meeting a few days ago where people raged and swamped, but without really owning their emotions. It was draining, and reminded me that our society has no place for rage and grief.
    I feel so blessed to have the SWA training that allows me to move through paralysis and terror to joy and power. My question is, how do I share swamping and spring cleaning with these people who so desperately need it?
    The thing is, I also need them to do it, because right now, they are chaos machines….

  • Lyn November 30, 2016, 6:56 pm

    Hilary is a strong politician. She knew better than most of the requirements, the demand and the cost for seeking the top office. This is not a woman defeat or a man win. This is business and she knows it. The Republicans won, the Democrats lost, happens every four years folks, get over it. The Obama administration is setting the tone to move on with grace and we all should do the same.

  • Maggie November 30, 2016, 1:41 pm

    Absolutely needed this today… thank you Mama Gena! <3

  • Ruby Red November 30, 2016, 1:11 pm

    I have felt devastated since the misogynist, hateful T was elected, and the amazing Hillary was denied her opportunity to lead our country. I have taken this very personally, as a woman. I have been deeply depressed and wanting to curl up with my Netflix. But in just the last couple of days, I have begun slowly to rise again, embracing and resurrecting my activist self. I am going to stop my mindless kneejerk politeness when I see people saying or doing things that are slapping down women and other oppressed people. The stakes are too high now. Way too high. As Audre Lorde said, your silence will not protect you.

  • Anna d'Onofrio November 30, 2016, 9:53 am

    And now we’re practicing the tools of the school of women arts and the wisdom of Regina Thomashauser and our relationship soars. We make love at least once twice or three times a week and Ken’s 73 and I am 68 — yes yes yes. How cool is that !

  • Anna d'Onofrio November 30, 2016, 9:33 am

    I ran away from a lot of men in my life. I dated for nine years in between marriages. I found something wrong with all the handsome and professional men I dated. Finally I met Ken and I fell in love w/him after one dance at the Viennese Ball New Year’s Eve at Yale 1982!!–YAY!! We both had different dates that evening. On our first date he wanted to know about me . he was interested in finding out about my feelings and what makes me tick. I Of course loved that but I also was fucking terrified and scared and didn’t quite know what to do with it. He moved slowly which was beautiful for me and for three months we dated sporadically. every time we dated I just felt so good and he wasn’t pushing for sex. But I also wanted to run and felt scared. I had never dated someone so many times without having sex. The night that we slept together my plan was to tell him that it wasn’t going to work . our lives are too different our experiences in life are too different and it will never work. Fortunately his plan for the evening was to cook dinner together at his place and and to go dancing with the idea that would bring us close together and we ended up in bed at 3 AM and we didn’t get out of bed until 6:00 PM only because I had to feed my cats. He slept over my place that night and sex with Ken is beautiful and gentle–the best ever. He melted into my Pussy. The next day I checked in with him to see if he were dating anyone else since I only have a monogamous relationship only to learn that yes he was. It blew my mind . the blood ran out my toes and I thought oh no — shit. I told him that I only have monogamous relationships and he later called me after our lunch and conversation that day to say that he was coming over to sleep. We’ve been sleeping together ever since. That was very exciting and reassuring. However it was also really scary and I wanted to run away. Fortunately I had an amazing shrink who kept me on point and made all the difference in my life actually. I kept my apartment for about six months while I was living with Ken so I could run away when I needed . As a result I never needed to run away and shortly after I gave up my apartment and we’ve been living together for 34 years in the healthiest and most beautiful relationship.!! YES–I conjured a stunning and fulfilling life with my beloved. And oh by the way he adores me!!

  • sandra November 30, 2016, 7:25 am

    I recently have had an urge to run like never before….. things have suddenly felt like too much and I have to up and leave and get in my car and drive. in the privacy of my car i will not be able to stop crying and calling out to God. so much intensity. but the urge to run is almost primal, almost animal, and so hard to resist. Like being a caged animal that sees a gate open and just has to get out of there as quick as possible. This is new to me in my fifties and I know i need to call myself out or find some girlfriends to share this with. it sounds childish when i describe it but the urge to go and the intense emotions are anything but! Please pray for me xo

  • susanne November 30, 2016, 7:14 am

    thanks for this post, I am just in the process of deciding to not run away…. I overate the last days and my body ususally reacts with a migraine the next day… which leads to me blaming myself for my missing discipline… my body then reacts with throwing up and an even heavier migraine…. so now I decide to not go to bed and wait until it gets worse before it can get better – insteadI will go out and meet my friend and talk to her and maybe share my story, honoring my body and her needs at the same time…. and praying for healing my emotional eating pattern…. my mom is in the process of dying and it´s hard for me to watch that I cannot help her….so there is enough reason for me to be emotional and I respect that….ufffh, so much judgement on myself….

  • Audrey Poore November 30, 2016, 6:22 am

    I needed to hear this so much this morning. I am currently trying to leave an arranged marriage. I have lost so much of myself by denying my feelings of helplessness and my desires as a woman and human being. Standing up for myself has been leaving me so raw but I know once I get through I will be so much better off. I refuse to run any more!!! Thank you for everything you do Mama Gena????

  • April November 29, 2016, 11:02 pm

    Such great post from everyone. When we did the exercise of getting angry and feeling hurt. Swamping.. when I access the anger, pain and betrayal from the abuse I endured from 2nd grade thru my freshman yr in high school from several black men . My mother for not protecting me. I so wanted to run but I didn’t cuz I need to let that shut out so I can let the love in. I am going to a HAI Level 2 retreat this weekend on LoVing Yourself. So I am really working hard on myself. I so wish I could afford the mastery program but it is simply out of my reach. But I will see you all in Jan 2017.

  • tina holmes November 29, 2016, 11:00 pm

    Thank you so much for your words Regena. They were comforting. I’ve been in mourning since the election. I tried to explain to male friends how it felt like such a major slapdown to women everywhere. Instead of “Yes we can” now it feels like “NO we can’t” The men didn’t get it. They said things like “I didn’t vote for him”or “men have problems too.” which felt like they were completing invalidating my feelings of being a second class citizen ruled by the patriarchy.
    Tonight I heard Marianne Williamson speak at Marble Collegiate Church and it was helpful. She used the Course in Miracles a lot and said “God is bigger than this”
    She also said there has always been racism, sexism, homophobia etc and now it is really in our faces. She feels like that is a good thing because we cant’ ignore it any more. We have to confront it and say no to it in a big way.
    I had cancelled the NY Times and didn’t want to hear the news. She said Trump is misaligned male energy, but trying to ignore it is being a misaligned female. Being submissive. We all must be vocal now.
    She’s pretty inspiring and live streams so you don’t have to go there.

  • SG Officer Stacey November 29, 2016, 10:40 pm

    I am using the wonderful wisdom Mama Gena once taught me, give the man a chance and that is just what I am going to do. Clean slate hope for the best 🙂

  • Wendy D November 29, 2016, 9:15 pm

    I needed to read this today. I’ve been wanting to curl up in a little ball and just hide as well. It makes me feel better that I’ve got a whole lot of sisters out in the world who are feeling in a similar way. It gives me hope. It gives me courage, strength & energy to keep moving forward. Thank you Mama Gena for this post today.

  • Jennifer Olsen November 29, 2016, 8:36 pm

    Well, I was there. It was my birthday, and I came away from that experience feeling way more equipped for the times ahead. I saw beauty and strength in my sisters, and I’m excited to be going back to school for the next level of lessons that I’m now ready to learn. Thank you so much for sharing this time! See you soon!

  • Sandy November 29, 2016, 8:05 pm

    “Stay in the arena” – yep! Is it daunting -yep! Does it take courage – yep! Mama Gena you are the icon for organic power of the feminine. I stay in the arena and inspire the power of women.

  • Arianne November 29, 2016, 7:04 pm

    Mama Gena, this could not have been a more perfect time to read your post. I have felt ashamed about my financial situation and have been so overwhelmed that I am tempted to just “hide under the covers”. Your strength and your words have inspired me to face it and create a plan to work through it. I just had a baby last week. And I don’t want my little girl growing up in a world where we women run and hide when it gets hard. I want to be an example of pure Goddess power. Thank you for your words, they have stirred my emotions and made me more motivated.

  • lisa November 29, 2016, 6:49 pm

    Glad I found this today. Was in therapy this morning and she wanted me to write my pain, how I felt betrayed, the lack of respect for those who guided me… and I didn’t feel like writing any of that. Yet, reading your article here I realize that is what will help me move forward. I noticed early on that none of the women in my family were happy women. I wanted no part of that baloney and focused my adult years, especially from 31 on to orgasms. I heard about your work over ten years ago. Reading your blog and the wondrous comments you requested on this page reminds me that I’ve been saying for a number of years, it is with the women that the future can unfold healthfully. Thank you for leading the way brave one.

  • Carol November 29, 2016, 6:16 pm

    My efforts to communicate honestly and have deep friendships run into trouble when I feel mistreated or “had”. I want to be better at overcoming fear of confrontation and learning to speak my mind. The tendency is to just walk away instead of trying to keep the relationship, or else to be silent when I should be defending myself. The truth is, any progress made in this area of my life has actually worked well and made me stronger and happier. My goal is to increase the habit. I am afraid!

  • Jennifer November 29, 2016, 5:42 pm

    Ooohhhh… the heat and movement inside me after reading this. I want to run and stay and hide from my marriage. We NEVER fight, we NEVER disagree, he is kind and quiet and gentle and good with our children… AND… we are existing. We also NEVER talk, NEVER dream, NEVER discuss our views or ideas… it is quiet here and it didn’t used to be. The quiet is hurting my ears and I miss the sounds of intelligent conversation and futuristic banter. I tell myself that so many women have terrible situations and I am SO fortunate for this kind and gentle man. I need to stay, to work, not run and hide. Thank you!!

  • jill Viney November 29, 2016, 5:32 pm

    For days after November, I dreaded reading the newspaper or watching the news.I
    felt all possibilities were endangered. Then newletters from non profits started arriving,They were going to renew efforts to help and protect their constituencies.
    They were going to fight cutbacks and legal challenges. I felt uplifted and glad to
    join their side, A positive force against negativity.

  • Kate November 29, 2016, 5:13 pm

    I feel like a runner! My entire being shut down in the process of divorce and health recovery and I leaned in to trust an attorney in my time of need and that attorney did not do right by me. And now I want to run from him too. I am raging over the courts devaluing the role of a stay at home mom also. I desire to address these issues and yet my body and mind shut off on me! I don’t want to run and hide but that’s what my body is doing! What is this about? I am so full of rage and can’t seem to express it because it’s not “nice”.

  • Anoek November 29, 2016, 4:46 pm

    Thank you Regina
    I am one of those runners., your post is helpful
    Fortunately I don’t t run so far that there is no way back.
    I will be back
    With much love
    Anoek

  • Sister Goddess Elsie November 29, 2016, 3:14 pm

    Oh, I hear you! Oh, I feel you! From childhood my go-to urge was to run, to hide, to cover my head with the covers! It is our first urge! Thanks Mama Gena for making that urge a natural urge, for telling us not to stuff it away in deep hidden places! Instead we will embody our feelings, our fears and Pussy-up to it! Feel it! Dance it sing it! And as we all get our Pussy Energy flowing we will show up everyday!

  • Monica November 29, 2016, 2:45 pm

    I am committed to following my passion, feeling into all of my feelings and emotions. The willingness to face them all, with a knowingness of how they inspire my Spirit.
    What appears are obstacles. People who are not yet aware of the value and gifts emotions and feelings are.
    What apprears are messengers. People who see me, recongize me and admire my strength courage and focus.
    I am Committed to taking a stand for the Power of Emotions and Feelings.
    A True Gift felt by the heart, seen with the Soul and Rejuvenating the Spirit

  • Teresa November 29, 2016, 1:50 pm

    Reading is makes me realize how much I need this meeting with other woman going through so much of what I’m going g through

  • Rose Jermusyk November 29, 2016, 1:48 pm

    I’m unemployed, coming out of a major depressive episode, and about to launch a crowdfunding campaign to publish my book on how to quest the shit out of your daily life. It probably goes without saying that my inner critic is continuously rolling its eyes at me. Haha.

    Yet, my darling pussy (who has gotten so very good at communicating with me via my dreams) has the last three nights given me strength, telling me:

    – that I am building my life around my calling;

    – that I cannot control how others perceive me and that’s a good thing because that means dialogue is required to reach understanding; and,

    – that I cannot run away from myself and trying is only a distraction from my cosmic obligation.

    So I am committing myself to my campaign and writing schedule. I am delegating job hunting to the local temp agency. I am insisting that fairy tales are far, far away from irrelevant.

    Thank you, Gena, for coming along at just the right time and inspiring me to proclaim all this in public!

  • Miss Kate November 29, 2016, 1:37 pm

    Yup. I’m one of those gals who wishes to hide out. I’m hiding out reading excellent authors and writing stories. I feel like a crab without its shell. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone here on our island.

  • Veronica November 29, 2016, 1:18 pm

    What a beautiful, inspired post Mama.

    What a super-important-to-name thing, and I’m so grateful for your naming it!

    OK, so this most recent election has really brought out my inner rebel — my “f— you,” to all that is untrue, unfair and mean in this world, especially toward women.

    Historically, I’ve wanted run and hide from my sensuality, my femininity, my truth, my tenderness, my allure — because it all felt SO powerful and vulnerable (and UN-encouraged), how could I possibly embody it all in a patriarchal world?

    Well, I’m letting the wisdom of How to Be emerge from with me, my heart, my P—-. And I’m doing it with the support of you, this community and your work.

    Rock on, dear sisters! We have much work to do. And P—- is wet and ready.

  • elizabeth November 29, 2016, 1:04 pm

    Thank you, Regena for this much needed post. I was hoping you would write a post on this and I hope you write more on the subject because I think we women need to process this election event and there really aren’t opportunities to do so in community. I noticed I have felt scared, scared to go out, like scared to go our at night, old fears seeming real once again. So… I am standing in my brilliance and beauty as an artist and as a woman, I am standing with the Goddess of Time as a true well wisher since it has taken me wa-y-y-y longer than I ever dreamed to even get to a spot where I could stand for anything glorious about myself and follow through, keep standing. I am standing for pleasure and celebration free from trying to impress others but simply for my joy and evolution and how that transmits love and freedom for others, both women and men. I am standing most of all for love and compassion which is such a delicate balance of prioritizing myself and honoring others. Thank you for sharing your brilliance and great heart with us. Love you!

  • Gillian Thomas November 29, 2016, 12:57 pm

    You and your team did such a fabulous job under the circumstances. I thoroughly enjoyed my Womanly Arts Experience this November!

  • Ada November 29, 2016, 12:56 pm

    Yes ! Me too…. I chose to hide under my covers instead of attending. I was so overwhelmed by all the chatter on the news, social media and just about everywhere else that I just shutdown. I know now that had I attended I would Have felt the strength of my sister goddesses and probably would have processed all the madness together instead of struggling it alone. Thank you for you, for your message and your strength. See you in January. Ada

  • Robin Ehrlich November 29, 2016, 12:48 pm

    When we stand in our truth, we are embracing our authentic self
    and this is our real voice and spirit. Never hide unless you need to
    get away from it all….take a nap, go for a manicure or nurture yourself
    with other loving acts such as a massage or just the U time you deserve!
    Make choices not excuses……HIDE to take care of yourself when batteries are low or just because you NEED to stop doing things or being available to everyone besides YOU!

  • Angela November 29, 2016, 12:18 pm

    I feel gutted and furious and sad that no one either cares or is looking at the truth of pizzagate. Do you know that a massive child pedophile and child trafficking ring has been discovered in New York at comet pizza. (Actually Andrew breitbart mentioned it years ago and they killed him) and Hillary Clinton is at the top of this along with her charimain john podesta, Obama and others. Yes. It’s true. How can people deny this and not care? Just because Hillary is a woman they are turning away from the truth that she runs huge rungs of child trafficking and satanic child sacrifice. Even a huffington post journalist is investigating it now. Look up David seaman. His videos speak the truth. Please stop denying this because Hillary is a woman. This is pediphilia we are talking about. Please wake up!

    • SG Beth November 29, 2016, 5:06 pm

      Oh sweetheart no, I have been to that pizza place it is one big room there is no back room my love.

      • Ruby Red November 30, 2016, 12:57 pm

        You have been terribly misled.

  • Claudia November 29, 2016, 12:16 pm

    I want to run away from my marriage! But: I know I have to stay, I know I have to stay, I know I have to stay. Staying is truly what lies between me and my happiness. Over the past 20 years I have become very self-sufficient and so used to being insulated and not needing anything/anybody. It is sooo hard for me to open up to another person. But: I decide today that I am staying for the ride. (On a side note, 2 days after the election I had to stand up in front of a college classroom of 46 students to deliver a message of hope, encouragement, and community. It was very hard, because I too wanted to hide, but I did it and I am so proud of myself for it!)

    • SG Beth November 29, 2016, 5:08 pm

      Well bragged!

  • Laurie Mayer November 29, 2016, 12:14 pm

    Back in 2008, when I took Mastery, after the first Saturday session, I almost didn’t come back for the Sunday session… it had triggered something powerful and scary inside me and I felt like it just might not be for me… Yet, I could feel that there was something there that WAS for me… So I did come back, completed the program and did several arounds of Inner Circle as well… And I am SO glad I did… I will never be able to explain in words how grateful I am, and how what I learned in this program has changed my life <3

  • Diadra November 29, 2016, 12:14 pm

    Thank you for such an on-time and inspiring post! I truly believe that nothing happens by accident but rather at just the right time we are open and ready to receive it. I admit that I was afraid of the unknown.. I left a job that I held for 3 years for a new opportunity that I THOUGHT was perfect and made just for me.. well 8 months into and I am told that I am laid off due to budget cuts (last one hired, first to go). I was angry and really didn’t understand. However I am hopeful that the right opportunity is being prepared just for me despite what it may look like, I am exploring new avenues and i am determined to become the woman I was created and DESTINED to be.. stay tuned!!!

  • ABISOLA November 29, 2016, 12:09 pm

    So perfectly said! I got quiet and listened and listened and listened. Coming from the center of creation, questions emerged and I looked, really looked as to how naive I was, how cynical I was and how reactive I was to this whole process. This you tube video by abraham hicks helped: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Miycoa12qE. So I decided to take action in areas of my own life where I feel powerless and clueless. Just taking a stand is all that I needed to begin anew. I view this as an opportunity to first organize and empower myself so I can take action with like minded people who share my worldview. Amazing things have happened. I am alert, aware and not on my cell phone when I am in public places like the NYC streets, subways and buses. CONNECT! I smile more because I take the time to center myself before I leave home. I find something to be grateful for every day. I use the tools you have suggested in all your books especially your most recent: PU$$Y. And lastly, I take self care as the number one life priority. Health is not just physical for me, it is the synchronicity of my total being on all levels. This whole experience was a wake up call revealing my hidden dark prejudices and impatient intolerance levels to people of all kinds. Today, 11/29/2016 is a new moon day and I begin anew again because guess what, the shit never ends! May peace, prosperity and pleasure rule the world.

    • helen November 29, 2016, 2:51 pm

      hi abisola – ya went to check out the abe link – and ended up pouncing on a similar one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rp3z5yUbiCw so funny – ya, it all comes down to being who you really are and the heck with every one else… you are at the centre of your universe, right?

      to Mama Gena ~ OMG -oh mama gena yes omg takes on new meaning 🙂 anyway had to write and tell you the most fun thing i have realized and been implementing, repeatedly!, ya…. the biffing thing… Yes, now biffing to me is a verb. “Oh Bifff!!!……” – oh ya, i catch myself going to do that with people (yes both men and women) – and go, wait.. am i biffing what am i doing, wait… oh i AM biffing, fuck, stop it…. if they want to be in my aura, then expand and welcome them in energetically, stop biffing fer crissakes….(are you laughing? i am) ya, very benefiial, THANK YOU xoxxo 🙂

      • Abisola November 30, 2016, 7:37 pm

        Let’s connect!

  • Cathy November 29, 2016, 11:52 am

    A powerful, honest and inspiring post. Thanks for being a truth-teller of your process and inspiring us to dig deep and find the same strength within. It is a NEW season and we were born for such a time as this….as challenging as it is. Our voices are needed. Our lives of integrity and honesty are needed. May we continue to rise and become the women we are made to be.

    • Ruby Red November 30, 2016, 12:54 pm

      Yes! Our voices are so very much needed now!

  • Rachel Redmond November 29, 2016, 11:50 am

    I ran to The Experience, all the way from Michigan, instead of away from it. Though once I got there I found parts of it, like the dance breaks and swamping, deeply unsettling and uncomfortable. That is my cue that this work is necessary and profound. My commitment to myself is to find the strength in the feminine (ahem, Pussy) because I’ve recently had a visceral experience that that is truly where our greatest strength and power lies.

    About 2 months ago, I terminated a deeply wanted pregnancy at 21 weeks. My baby boy was missing parts of his brain and if he did survive, he would have lived a life of terrible suffering. Four weeks after the abortion and four weeks before the election, steeped in the painful rhetoric of pro-life supporters, my grief turned to anger and hate for those that called me a “murderer” and did not understand the complexity of my situation, or all the women who have ever ended a pregnancy.

    While driving, I saw four protesters holding signs on the side of the road. I wanted to honk my horn, scream at them, flip them off, something. Instead, I pulled over. It was an impulse I followed, never in my life had I done anything so fierce and defiant. I composed myself as best I could and talked to them from a place of love, not hate. I wanted to understand where there is space for people like me in their beliefs. I told them my story of loss and heartbreak and allowed myself to be completely vulnerable in the moment. The most remarkable thing happened in that interaction. They met my love with even more love. They offered me compassion and I was able to do the same for them. They asked if I would pray with them. I said, I’m Jewish, but a prayer is a prayer, so what the hell. Together the five of us prayed. The man said we will all be forever changed from this encounter.

    And it has changed me. I have found more love for those I want to hate. This doesn’t change the reality of our recently elected president and what that may bring, but that I can do my part it in a way that is true to who I am. Vulnerable and strong.

    • Cecilia Moorcroft November 29, 2016, 2:29 pm

      Wow Rachel… This is very moving. How incredibly brave of you to stop and speak to those protestors from a place of love and desire to connect rather than from a place of hate. It’s so easy to be angry, it’s so difficult to sit in our grief and be real. I heard a podcast about a study that shows that one of the only ways to change someone’s deeply held beliefs about hot topics (such as abortion, gay marriage etc…) is by having a face to face interaction with a real live person who has been effected by those beliefs (especially when it comes to legislation). What a gift you gave to those people and to yourself that day. My heart is full and hurt for you and the baby you had to let go. Sending so much love to you and brave heart, belly and pussy.

      Love,
      Cecilia

    • Amy M. Burks December 2, 2016, 2:32 pm

      Rachel, you are 100% heroine. I am in awe of your courage.

  • LadyRhino November 29, 2016, 11:47 am

    I typically don’t comment on blogs that I read, but this one struck a nerve deep in me. I have been hiding, I have been in denial… the events of the past and those to come in the future are exactly the events I was born to face. Not my grandmother, not my Mother, not my Aunts all these women deposited in me their courage, wisdom, hope, strength, creativity, drive, determination and commitment to faith and family. I have not allowed myself to do more than wallow on the edges of what they sacrificed to give to me. I hear their voices saying (to borrow from the Lion King) “Daughter, you are more thank you have become.” I have been born for such a time as this and it is TIME for me to take my place, the place they paid for with pain, blood, sweat and tears. It is time for me to make the mark I am called to make in this world, in these times. I am indeed more and it is indeed time for me to rise beyond events and circumstances. It is indeed time for me to do as they did, build for those who will stand on my shoulders and make history in the future.

  • Brittany November 29, 2016, 11:40 am

    I love how when you need something the most, it will find you. I needed this email. Reminds me that I’m committed to staying in my emotionl pain; to my heartbreak, loss of work and some ugly dark ‘something’ lurking in my body not wanting to escape. I’m staying with it, inviting it all in. Letting it know it’s welcome here and with love. Cause beyond this sh*t, is Radiance! And I’m going to get me some. Thank you Mama Gene

  • Annette November 29, 2016, 11:35 am

    Thank you Mama G. I cried for days after the election. As a woman who was sexually assaulted, I have truly experienced PTSD symptoms since the whole “pussy” conversation emerged. The election of a sexual predator brought me to my knees for days. But no more. I will not hide.

  • Jessica November 29, 2016, 11:23 am

    I wanted to run last night when faced with my own failures, especially in two areas of my life: finances and health. I feel confident in other areas of my life because I’ve seen how people can struggle with it and make a change, but I’ve only seen giving up modeled with health and money. I run when I feel overwhelmed. I commit to feeling the confusion, and letting it be, and then finding a way through it.

  • Connie Fenty November 29, 2016, 11:18 am

    Thank you Mama Gena for expressing so well the feelings you felt after the election. My initial reaction was, “I can’t believe that a Goddess was taken down again by the epitome of a patriarchal male.” I felt wounded all over again and can only imagine how Hillary must have felt, especially since she was plagued with male interference during her campaign. The insertion of her husban’s public infidleity, her opponent’s show of misogyny, and finally the pronouncemnet of the patriarchal papa (FBI) shortly before the election using the computer of a pervert.) Let’s all march on Washingto DC on Jan. 21 and show that the new administration will be held accountable by us powerful women and that “pussy” takes on a new meaning for our president and his cronies. We have to face the challenge to stand up and speak up! You’re right, no running!

    • Ruby Red November 30, 2016, 12:52 pm

      Connie, you are brilliant! Thank you! I will stop running and being polite as of this very moment. The stakes are way, way too high.

  • Monica Guiza November 29, 2016, 11:04 am

    Thank you so mucho for sharing!! It is unbelievable how we are all alike. It is hard for me not to run from my uncomfortable feelings, admit them and share them. But I am sure that if I own them and pass through them with Gods hand I will be better on the other side.

  • Mikko November 29, 2016, 11:02 am

    Thank you Gena for this insight today. It is timely and hit my personal mark. I will use this insight as a guide for a very important decision I am making: after 4 failed marriages, I have the opportunity to date a wonderful man. The terror almost outweighs the potential. Thank you for your gift!

  • Tee November 29, 2016, 10:58 am

    Although I haven’t really been participating on this forum like I should have, this particular story resonates with me so deeply and fiercely. I apologize in advance if I’m writing too much. I’m in the middle of a break-up / breakthrough with my fiancé whom I’ve known since I was almost 18 . I am now 42, he’s 43. Tons of history, fights, laughs, tears and everything else in between. I come from a broken home, as does he. I had/have issues with trust & abandonment that he is /was well aware of & sympathized with, yet also he felt trapped under the pressure of my constant need to be validated every minute of every day.

    We have a 3 year old son ❤ that we both adore. I’ve been in between emotions. Seeking him out, yet hiding at the same time. I made him my life in the hopes that he’d do the same. And maybe he did, but it was in ways that I could not understand. I’m an introvert. I get pleasure from reading, relaxing, hot cups of cocoa, long showers and cuddles at home. He’s the opposite. An extrovert that needs action, movement, loud sounds and atmosphere. Also a bit of a flirt, which always got under my skin. At least thats how I see him. We didn’t start out this way. I use to have my own life, my own friends, etc.

    Somewhere along the line, I traded them all for him & expected the same in return. As the years went by, he’s tried to tell me that the ship was sinking but I did not want to listen for any number of reasons.

    He grew increasingly defiant, unhappy and withdrawn. I believe that he also cheated. I was/am devastated. I asked him to leave. Reluctantly, he did. He does not want to tell me the truth. 90% of his stuff is still here. I’m very angry and hurt.

    Over the years, I’ve written several emails to friends about my relationship. All in an attempt to control him. My family is made up on 99.9% women. Women who have been loved & left holding the bag, raising kids alone, etc.
    They are very bitter and toxic. Slippery, like a bag full of snakes. These were the examples I grew up under. I knew instinctively that I never wanted to be like them, but here I am.

    Alone. Devastated. Lost. Confused.
    I think that my “fiancé” wanted & desperately needed my vulnerability, my trust, my faith that he could & would lead us in the right direction.
    I confused this with being a desire to control. Funny how I’m always feeling like he wants to control me but I’m trying to control him.

    He’s not totally gone as we do have a child. He comes by every few days. I’m really sorry for how things turned out & I want him back but I’m hesitant.

    He’s being very secretive & not only that, he’s very defensive and sarcastic at times. He feels like it doesn’t matter whether he tells me the truth or not, he can’t win with me.

    There’s so much to this story that I wish that I could rip out all of the pages & just start over. But first things first, I’ve come to the conclusion that I need help. I’m stuck. I’m so fearful of being vulnerable with this man that it’s like I’m frozen. I blame my upbringing for this. Men were stupid, dogs and cheaters, not to be trusted unless he had lots of money.

    I didn’t want to believe that & now that I have a son, I most definitely don’t want to feel that way. All of thewomen that raised me are very masculine, energetically speaking, and haven’t had decent relationships in years.

    I’m just so afraid! Ok so my “fiancé” isnt/wasn’t perfect. Neither am I but when things are good between us, it’s awesome. I feel at peace with the moon and the stars. When they’re not, I just want the ground to open up & swallow me.

    I’m upset & depressed. I want him back but I know that it’s pointless unless & until I can get a hold of myself emotionally. It’s like I refuse to give him my vulnerability. I can curse him out, but I can’t be vulnerable. I can throw him out, but I can’t be vulnerable. He can watch me lose our first child, but I can’t be vulnerable. He can watch me give birth to our “2nd” child, but I can’t be vulnerable. I’m sick of this, I’m sick of me. I need a new path. A new way of being. All I do is sit home, crying and waiting. Don’t worry, I did make an appointment to speak with a therapist this coming Friday. (Sigh)
    Thanks ladies 🙂

    • helen November 29, 2016, 2:44 pm

      ah hell, T, why don’t you just rip out the pages and start over.. whythehellnot? Focus on the good between you, forget everything else…. you are the centre of your universe… stop wobblng on the edges and go back to your centre… . i know, easier said than done, but like everything else – takes practice….. wobble, back to centre, wobble, ah fu— back to centre…. wobble, back to centre longer.. ya…. we’re all doing it, you can too.. its all about you… everything around us mirrors back to us where we are… sink back into your pussy and stay there… practice…

    • Paula November 29, 2016, 7:42 pm

      Cara Goddesses

      How inspiring to see mamma Geena bring everyone together in their feminine power

      I am one of the goddesses who bowed out; not because I felt defeated but because child care plans fell through

      To the young lady that is overwhelmed with sadness and lack of the love she needs from her fiancé

      May I say

      Love yourself
      You are worthy
      Stay in the moment

      Little moment by little moment

      Your son needs you to love him unconditionally and the only way to do that is to show him you love yourself

      Embrace your goddess

      I have learned so much through love and loss; and there is always a choice

      The choice I make everyday is to be grateful for all my blessings; everyday

      Cause if I blink; the moment will be gone

      A moment spent depressed is one less moment I could have been happy

      Love yourself

      Practice yoga

      Read your books

      Embrace nature around you

      All is one… And know that you are connected to all of us

      The control you seek wastes your energy; use that energy to dig deep

      Stay in your breath

      Each day is a gift
      That is why we call it the present and try not to compare yourself; cause girl…

      God ( God is love ) made each one of us different … And that is so special

      You are blessed and I wish you all

      Lots of love and light

    • Kari November 30, 2016, 9:19 am

      Tee,
      I was in the same place you are 9 months ago. Except I’m 53 and have 2 boys, 18&19 years old. I am an introvert who struggled as you have with a husband who was an exreme extrovert. My advise:

      1) Learn to love yourself and understand your fears. Christine Arylo Me Before We online course helped tremendously! I’m excited that my next step is Mama Genas Mastery class in 2017!
      2) Keep going to counseling. Find a counselor you feel comfortable with.
      3) journal every day with 2 foci: what are you thankful for?; what are you feeling? Even if you dont feel like journaling, do it for 10 minutes.
      4) meditation helped me alot. I use Headspace app.
      5) understand yourself and learn to take care of yourself as an introvert. Google highly sensitive person. If this applies to you, i recommend Elaine Aaron’s book The Highly Sensitive Person (i think thats the title). It really helped me to stand in my identity and know and accept who i am and my needs.
      6) most important: Be gentle and forgiving with yourself. Dont push the relationship. Focus on yourself so you can be happy and healthy.
      This is your journey. Be patient.
      Kari

  • Rachel Lankester November 29, 2016, 10:58 am

    I SO loved this newsletter! Exactly what I feel. And I’m in the UK! Now is OUR time, WOMEN. We absolutely need to find our voices and step into our power. And our true feminine power too, not another interation of masculine power. And if nothing else we owe it to the women and girls who come after us. I wrote about this on the Huff Post: http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/rachel-lankester/donald-trump-women_b_12897458.html Thank you!

  • Wendy G Young November 29, 2016, 10:58 am

    Hi Regena,
    You know what? I’ve been a truth teller for most of my adult life. Of course it was more surface for a long time. And I’ve had to contract and retreat often from the pain it caused me. I’ve allowed it to mess me up financially, emotionally, physically, sexually, etc. But no more. This past summer I began standing up to evil in my extended family. A cousin (an attorney!) who I asked to be my mother’s financial guardian (I’m my mom’s personal guardian) has been withholding thousands of dollars in reimbursements and back pay from two years of caring for my mom. And to top it off she has been spreading horrible lies about me. But my sister who has been doing her inner work NB became my ally much to my surprise and my father gave us the money to hire an attorney. My cousin represents the energy of my grandfather who sexually abused me when I was one and two and he told terrible lies about my father too. My whole life I’ve lived under the influence of his behaviors and standing up to my cousin is standing up to my grandfather and for my family. I feel that life has been training me for this and I am getting even stronger. Thank you for providing the space for me to share a brief synopsis of my journey.
    Love SG Wendy

  • Teresa November 29, 2016, 10:56 am

    I am getting ready to interview for a different position because I am tired of being subverted because I am female. When it became apparent that I was as intelligent as the men in my state government office, my work started being held to a higher standard than theirs and being sabotaged whenever I met those higher standards. I am terrified that I will be punished by the universe for standing up for myself this way, but I am 45 years old and way too grown to tolerate this nonsense. And I will continue to look for better and more opportunities in my career and my life, even though I am scared to death for wanting more and better. The worst that can happen is I’ll get told no.

    • Simone November 30, 2016, 7:34 am

      Teresa…my entire life, including career and relationships, took a huge leap forward when I turned 45. Age does beautiful things to us. I’ve found that the worst thing that can happen in our lives is not being told “no”–it’s taking that “no” to heart and then no longer asking for what we desire, what we need, what we want and what we deserve. Which is exactly what I did in every area of my life for far too long. NO more. I’m 47 now, and my previous life is unrecognizable. It’s so wonderful that you have an interview. The universe will only bless you as you continue to move in the direction of your desires, your joy, your bliss and your pleasure. Keep moving in the direction of your deepest, most sacred and daring dreams. They’re there because they were planted in you as your birthright. I’m cheering you on!

  • Christina George November 29, 2016, 10:51 am

    Wow. Just wow. What a poignant post. I love the idea to “feel it, embody it, and wear it like a jeweled crown.” It brings a sense of empowerment! I don’t have to be afraid of letting loose my anger but can instead bring it under my command and use it.

    We are often told not to sweat the small stuff, or to let things go or to ask ourselves if *this* will matter in 5 years. The problem is the small stuff adds up. And it builds upon the origin of the issue (in my case anger) and instead of actually letting it go I have found myself *thinking* I am reigning it in, but now I see that IT (the anger) has been controlling ME. I resolve to walk this path out of fear of my anger and into being able to “feel it, embody it, and wear it like a crown.”

    Thank you!

  • Gaye November 29, 2016, 10:49 am

    I feel deeply ashamed of myself for not speaking up and defending Hillary when I would be surrounded by people expounding on the latest Karl Rove inspired misogynistic propaganda lie. I don’t want to see the weakness, the people pleasing inside that keeps me from speaking my truth and staying silent.
    I am resolved to stop hiding in silence. I am committed to accepting myself and my beliefs – as valid as anyone else’s.

    • Ruby Red November 30, 2016, 12:47 pm

      I absolutely could not agree with you more. Hillary was trashed in the worst most misogynistic way, and I do not want to see that happen to other women, or other oppressed groups. So my time to be polite is now politely ending.

  • Deborah Netti November 29, 2016, 10:38 am

    I want to run away from the betrayal I feel after 3 members of my staff with whom I trained and nurtured for 4 years. They left in the most unethical way and stole a sizeable chunk of my business. I am deeply hurt.

    • Wendy November 29, 2016, 10:44 am

      I’m sorry to hear that Deborah as I can imagine how painful that can be. I’m dealing with something really hurtful myself. I know you will become stronger because of this. xo

  • Stacy November 29, 2016, 10:38 am

    I couldn’t agree more with your latest post Mama Gena! I want to run and hide right now more than anything. Just days before the election I was let go from a job that was my dream job. The daily struggle of not running away to food and wine is sooooooo very hard right now. Thank you for your post! It’s helpful to know we as sisters are never alone!

    • Juli November 29, 2016, 12:26 pm

      Firstly, I am outing myself…I am one of the “no shows” who signed up for but did not attend, at the very last minute, the free event you offered in the Spring of 2012 or 13 (it was one of those years.) ; however, I am coming in January for sure this time. Secondly, I am SO happy to read this blog because I had the exact same reaction to the election. I had two mild panic attacks between Wed. Nov. 9th and Fri. Nov. 11th, and the second one actually forced me back to bed, thus eating up half my day and keeping me away from an altruistic commitment. I realized the following day that I am not letting that happen ever again, as much as the situation is in my power. Thanks, Mama!

    • Juli November 29, 2016, 12:27 pm

      Stay strong, Stacy! I am an emotional eater, too. I do a lot of adult coloring now…it really helps!