Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts
Subscribe to Letters from Mama Gena
Get free tips on life, love and sisterhood from Regena Thomashauer

How to get a guy to love you

Darling,

You did it.
You got the job you deserved.
You slogged through and got the divorce you needed.
The kids are handled and thriving.
You make friends every time you turn around.
But why oh why does love—real true love, with an amazing partner—remain just out of reach?
What have we women lost, in our efforts to accomplish so much?

Mama G,

I came across your name on Mastin Kipp’s site “The Daily Love.” I am intrigued and am looking forward to meeting you on January 26th in NYC.

4 years ago this month I took a bold leap and left my 17+ year marriage. I packed up my things (and my precious 3 children) and re-started my entire life. My now ex attempted to make my life miserable every step of the way but I refused to give up and am happy to say I have soared without him. Today I have an amazing job in NYC (complete with awesome coworkers), my 3 children are flourishing (with VERY little financial support from my ex), I have incredible friends (both old and new), but I fall completely FLAT in the relationship (with a male partner) department. (I was in a 2 1/2 yr, dead-end relationship with a man quite similar to my ex husband and have spent the last 18 months “alone” for the first time since I was 18 years old.) Dating has been a disaster yet I attract new friends to me like a moth to a flame (literally I see the gift I have in manifesting new friendships…but NOT romantic ones)…and while I have some ideas as to why this is, it does continue to baffle me because naturally I would like to have a partner in my life. Where to begin?

Best,
Cathy (48, living in Long Island NY) 🙂

Dear Cathy,

I am so glad you found The School of Womanly Arts!
You gotta write Mastin a quick thank you note. Why? Because your life is about to change dramatically. You are about to contact a part of yourself that has wanted to awaken, inside of you, for over 40 years. You have just stumbled on to the Tools and the Arts that will connect you with your deepest heart’s desire – how to create love and intimacy with an incredible partner. And Mastin is the man that will have opened that door for you.
More on that later.

First, I want you to know that I so get you, I so got you, and I sooo feel you. As a single Mama myself, I know there is no more challenging row to hoe. Balancing the job, the kids, your ex, new friends, and this half-baked relationship you had is no easy feat. Exhausting and depleting to even begin to touch the spot you have been living in. No mere mortal woman could pull this off. You have to practically be a superheroine to do everything you just described. If I could, I would shower you with rose petals. Give you a Nobel Prize for reinvention. And then, just hug you hard, and say, ‘Way to Go, Sister. Way to go.’

But as you are noticing, wresting yourself out of an unhappy marriage, working your ass off, and raising kids are not what you might call an aphrodisiac for creating a great new relationship with a great new guy (or girl, if that’s your fancy). In fact, no matter how good you get at those things, and how effective you are, the part of yourself that calls in a delicious, hot, sweet, affectionate, warm, wonderful partner requires something else entirely. Attracting a man has nothing to do with working hard. Or being effective or well-organized. It has nothing to do with being a great Mom. And it has nothing whatsoever to do with harboring resentment and anger at the way your ex(es) treated you, or showed up for you, even if your anger is justified and they deserve your rage.
(We gotta handle that, and we will.)

You said in your question that you will be attending the Intro on January 26th. This is a really good thing! Because I am going to be able to teach you, live live live and in person, how to really get down and work some of these Womanly Arts and Tools that are utterly life changing, and no one teaches us, and know one knows, which are completely game-changing for women. Right now, you are frustrated because it’s like you just don’t know what buttons to push, or what actions to take to get what you want. And I want to give you those steps so you can finally, finally, finally be held, be loved, be seen, and cherished by an amazing man who worships you.

See, right now you are living in a cycle of hard work, and resentment of the men in your past.
You know how to DO.
You do not know how to RECEIVE. Great men are attracted to women who can receive, as well as give. Why? Well, men love to serve women. So, if you are busy serving him, the way you serve your kids and serve your boss, there is no room for him to be the man he wants to be. And receiving is not something we were taught how to do. We were taught how to serve others and take care of others.
Time to change all that around, Cathy, dontcha think?
I want to turn you into an incredible receiver!
It is only when you can flex your receiving muscles with the same familiarity you flex the giving muscles, that you will be able to draw a magnificent man into your orbit.
And don’t worry, Cathy.
Receiving is not difficult.
It is just a new practice for all of us over-achieving women who were taught to do it all ourselves. If you read my blog last week, you got a peek at how the graduates of The SWA Mastery program become really, really good at receiving, and continue to be great achievers in their lives, as well.
Right now, most women in this world are out of balance. The giving muscle is huge, and the receiving muscle is practically nonexistent.

So here are a few pieces of homework, until I get my hands on you on Saturday at the Intro. Report back in the comments below.

1. Each day between now and Saturday, do one tiny action, take one tiny step that is only for you. Show yourself that you cherish yourself and treasure yourself. This might mean something simple like taking an extra couple of minutes in the morning to put coconut oil all over your skin after your shower, or light a candle as you drink your tea and read some love poetry before you wake the kids for school. Treat yourself as if you were a woman, loved.

2. Write a thank you note to any and every man who has made a contribution to you. Appreciating men is so very much more attractive and fun than resenting them.

(If you find your rage and anger just won’t move, grab my first book, Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts. Do the Spring Cleaning exercises in Chapter Two.)

Cathy, I am so glad you wrote. I can feel the delicious longing of your desire. And I stand for you—for you and every woman who has a longing for something more, something deeper and more delicious than anything you could imagine. You are at the beginning of a pleasure revolution in your life. And I am so looking forward to meeting you on Saturday!

With so much love and pleasure,
Mama Gena

P.S. For in-depth training in receiving your deepest desires, join me THIS SATURDAY for my annual Intro event. Check out all the details here before registration closes. And if you’d like to challenge another woman to flex her receiving muscles, please share this post. Better yet, send her this video, or bring her to Intro Day for a live introduction.

P.P.S. Got a Q for me? Hit me with your best shot.

photo: lizlinder.com

Want more of Mama in your inbox?
Subscribe to our newsletter to get free updates.
33 Comments / Leave a Comment

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Lacie January 31, 2013, 10:33 am

    3 bibles for changing your love/ dude patterns:
    1. Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts (by Regena Thomashauer)
    2. Mama Gena’s Owner’s and Operator’s Guide to Men (by Regena Thomashauer)
    3. The Four Man Plan (by Cindy Lu)
    all three are brilliant and FUN, and complement each other beautifully.

  • Cathy January 24, 2013, 8:45 am

    Ladies 🙂

    Mama G hit a nerve with me and that is we do NEED to be girls, ladies, women, feminine…. still….and that is, for many of us, a tough ego pill to swallow. I get it. If you have ever seen the movie “Date Night”…Steve Carell tells Tina Fey she doesnt “light up for him anymore” and she rants back at him that she “works, takes care of the kids, cleans and cooks so sue me for forgetting to light up for you”!!!!!! LOL. Funny, cause i have been there (and am there…in a sea of resentment, exhaustion and righteousness)and i don’t know that i know the answer which is why I am seeking out someone like Mama G. To be frank….many of us do not NEED a man anymore….and this is being felt by men everywhere and generating bestsellers like “The End of Men”. Believe me i get it. My personal belief is that women now soaring (emotionally, financially, physically, spiritually) has created a gender confusion the likes of which has never been seen. I do not know the exact statistics but in the last 20 dates i went on every single man was left by his wife…as I too left my husband and last relationship. I have a feeling the percentage of divorce in which women are leaving men is huge. That, in my opinion, leaves us with a very large dating pool of alot of men who were “tossed back” by our female peers. We can dig our heels in and say well hell no am i going to lower myself to acting like i need a man or we can try to hear what Mama G is saying and see how we can still welcome back our feminine side…because i see it first hand in myself and the women i work with….with our success we now carry VERY heavy masculine energy from the roles we have taken on in the world. It is food for thought. Whether or not we want to admit it men have cavemen blood in them and like to hunt and provide and many of us would rather ….emotionally, financially, physically (all of the traits i described above that we are filling within ourselves now). I do not think Mama is suggesting pandering or batting our lashes demurely whilst acting like dumb blondes (just speaking for my own haircolor here). However it is a fact that we women are more successful, stronger and smarter than ever (more women graduated college last year than men). Have we become superwomen or supermen?

    I have a beautiful, smart, sexy, successful friend i will call Joy. She is ADAMANT about digging in her heels….not pandering, flirting, batting those gorgeous eyelashes. Her dad is dating a woman like this and she called me recently (after having been in their company 3 days) to say …never, never, never ever will i be THAT woman. She has been single for 10 years now. The other day she told me she cannot believe she is single and doesnt get it. I see women like Joy all around me every day scratching their heads in disbelief…and the other day i actually asked my gorgeous, single coworker (who was wearing a black suit with pants) what perfume she was wearing (because quite frankly it was irritating me) and do you now what she said……”oh, its mens colonge”….i kid you not. It was an ah-ha moment for me. Think about it.

    Ready to be a lady and receive……xox

    • Roberta October 29, 2013, 7:54 pm

      Your last 20 dates were with guys whose wives divorced them! Wow. I left the marriage and know many other women who filed. You have something there. Very interesting post. I agree we still need to be woman to attract men. Hugz.

  • Sita January 23, 2013, 2:13 pm

    Mama Gena, I love you! Thank you for your wise words. YES, we all shoud embrace our femininity more, this is so important.
    Im looking forward to attend one of your courses soon.
    LOVE from your austrian Sister Sita 🙂

  • BSG Glitzy Cougar Karen January 22, 2013, 9:50 pm

    I’m still learning this one:)

  • Kita January 22, 2013, 9:31 pm

    Dear Andie,
    Congrats on your equal relationships! With all due respect, it helps to lose the labeling which fosters a fixed mindset and develop a more open, growth mindset. I am working on that as well, which is why I have this curiosity about Mama Gena’s work and approach to life.
    Kita

    • Andie January 23, 2013, 10:36 am

      Kita,
      With all due respect, I don’t understand what you’re talking about. Labeling “receiving” as inherently “feminine” and “giving” as inherently “masculine” is really sexist, and I find it offensive. To me growth means becoming a more interesting, fuller version of oneself, not becoming a needy, simpering ninny who depends on someone else to do what one is perfectly capable of doing for oneself. I really want to know if Mama Gena thinks that someone has to pander to retrograde gender roles to “get a man to love you.” Honestly, I don’t want a relationship if it means that I have to be less of myself. -A

      • Kita January 23, 2013, 12:34 pm

        Hi Andie-
        I don’t think that is what Mama G means- I think she means many women need to learn to receive better than they do, because many women tend to be givers. I think Mama G is all about the special gifts women possess, but don’t realize they have. Anyhow, read her book or attend a seminar if you really want to know.
        Kita

        • Andie January 23, 2013, 12:53 pm

          Kita,
          I’ve read her books, but I don’t live in NYC or have several thousand dollars to burn on something I’m not sure would have any value or meaning for me. I’m trying to figure out if I think she’s just plain wrong by advocated for a “separate (i.e., different) but equal” view regarding men and women based on hocus pocus evolutionary psychology theories. Does she honestly think we can flirt and pander our way out of an unjust patriarchal system that prioritizes the needs and wants of men? Or does she believe (much more reasonably in my view) that we in order to more effectively relate to men, we need to treat them like, I don’t know, actual human beings who ALL crave intimacy, love, and recognition. That I could get on board with. But I’m skeptical. It seems like she’s promoting empty-headed pandering and marketing it as liberation and happiness.

          • Kita January 23, 2013, 9:40 pm

            Hi Andie,
            I prefer the latter view as well. Having said that, there is nothing inherently wrong with flirting. It’s fun and both guys and girls can do it! It may be a man’s world, but as the old saying goes- you attract more bees to honey….and in nature, who REALLY rules the bees nest?
            Kita

  • Deborah Smith January 22, 2013, 9:10 pm

    As always, thank you Regina for the great blog. I get it. For the past little while I have clearly been in the first phase of the three A”s: awareness, acceptance, action. Just this morning I had a “meet and greet” with a lovely man. He was a bit late, so I had already bought my own coffee. On three separate occasions he offered me things: to get me a refill on my water, a bite of his quiche . . . and I said “No Thank you.” every time!!! OPPS!
    As I said, I get it; my giving muscle is way out of balance with my receiving muscle. Whohoo! A #1 checked off. And, for once-thanks to you and VPBC- A #2 is a piece of cake. I was an A student, not only in school, but life. No big deal, just a case of needing to develop a healthier habit (getting as good at receiving as giving) and love myself now as being utterly and completely perfect.
    Caio Bella. You ARE THE BOMB!!!

  • Andie January 22, 2013, 5:04 pm

    It seems to me that this feeds into an erroneous post-feminist ideology that assumes that women have actually attained equality with men or somehow tries to subvert the patriarchy by cleaving to outdated, outmoded gender roles that assume that women are essentially different than men –thus turning men into a sometimes useful, if daft, monolith. How does this square with a desire for equality and the ability to be independent (full stop –not from men, but as an individual)? I, for one, find neediness to be repulsive. In my mind, neediness and receptivity are one in the same and function to keep women in the dark ages. Ergo, as a good feminist, I do my damndest to meet my own needs or hire and pay for someone to meet my needs. And luckily, I’m engaging enough that I feel that most of my personal relationships are an even exchange that feeds both parties.

    For instance, I have a neighbor who is similarly situated to me. Thirties, single, similar work background, physical attractiveness (she’s slightly thinner, but I have better boob, skin and hair), etc. I have fun when I hang out with her, but several things about her make me absolutely batty. 1) She feigns helplessness and acts like she’s ditzier than she is (e.g.s she asks for help carrying groceries in our building when she has two good arms; 2) she made an outlandishly flowery toast at my birthday party even after I asked her not to; and 3) she cannot abide being alone (i.e. in her own company) and therefore violates my boundaries and sacred personal space. I’ll be honest, she gets a lot more attention from men than I do. She’s also much more outgoing and likely to talk to strangers. (I’m likely to pretend I didn’t hear a stranger while calculating the possibility that I’m about to get raped while shuffling away). BUT, I would never want the relationship that she’s in. Her boyfriend’s a patronizing d*ckbag, which she feeds into by trying to be a ditz. Now, I can see where I am extremely closed to men –especially strangers who I do not have any specific reason to talk to –and where I could be more open and trusting. But how does one do that without pretending to be a defenseless idiot? I want a partnership with a man I find interesting (not a dipsh*t who needs to be told how to serve me –as I said, I meet my own needs). Or maybe a romantic relationship is just not for people who value equality and independence?

  • Cathy January 22, 2013, 4:11 pm

    Thank you for your beautiful and heartfelt reply to me. I felt your cyber space hug! I will see you Saturday. 🙂

  • Detox Diva Donna January 22, 2013, 2:36 pm

    True.. True.. True!

  • SG Melissa January 22, 2013, 1:46 pm

    It’s so good to read this (and I’m sorry I’m missing this weekend because I got called out of town on business, but at least I’m already signed up for Mastery). My boyfriend, who had talked about a future of us being together, just broke-up with me this weekend. For not dissimilar reasons as Kita above me. And sure, I’m devastated, hurt, angry – I love him with all my heart…but I realize the last few months & weeks as he pulled further and further away from me…I kept telling him how much I could GIVE him. I didn’t ask for anything in return. Less than anything, except to remain in touch. Now, he gave me the gift of letting me go because it made him feel awful that I gave 100% and he gave NOTHING…he said it was just wrong, unfair. And as he’s not capable of giving because his life has changed…I have to move on. I realize…I can ask for what I want sometimes, but when the answer is NO, I fold…and take what I can get. In this case I tried to seduce him and hold on only by painting a picture of how great I could make his life in the future. Never once did I truly consider if he was interested in making my life GREAT. In the beginning he promised and offered a lot, but I found it hard to receive and not question it. That might have been instinct. But, before I head into the next relationship I really want to understand how to RECEIVE…how to put myself out there as someone open to receiving instead of just trying to convince a guy how much I have to give him.

    • Kita January 22, 2013, 2:05 pm

      Wow, SG Melissa- what you are saying just sounds too familiar to me. I think there might be something wrong with me. I have a good male friend who gives me and my daughter very thoughtful presents for our birthdays and Xmas. Also, he serves as my favorite “plus-1” because my long-distance love cannot accompany me to many things like graduations and various other celebrations. My close friends who know him say that he is so “in love” with me, but I don’t understand why I keep clinging to my LDL. I have dated other men during times when my LDL and I have decided to take a breather from each other, but usually what happens is we end up getting back together again (at the expense of the more local boyfriend- I HATE hurting others!) This sounds crazy, but I am almost fearful of trying a new relationship because of the possibility of causing hurt if my LDL reappears in the picture.

      • SG Melissa January 23, 2013, 12:31 am

        Hey Kita,
        Maybe there’s nothing *wrong* with you at all! Perhaps, like a lot of us, you just haven’t figured out exactly what you desire…or maybe what you desire is just more than what most people think they have a right to have. There’s nothing wrong with having a LDL and dating others at the same time. Not in my book at least — as long as you’re having FUN. When it stops being fun, that’s a sign. When my boyfriend and I were trying to take a step back to give him more space to get his life together, I suggested we try something more casual. But the whole point was that it was to be fun, just for pleasure, lighten things up. I secretly trusted if he could get some pleasure he might not view everything as a disaster and might feel some infatuation revive. I said to him when it stops being fun, we stop. Well, irony is, his feelings towards me are deep enough that he realized continuing only in a casual way would make him feel worse about himself, feel as if he was using me. So, off he goes to work out his mid-life crisis. All I could do is wish him the very best, send him my love, thank him for what we had. And move on, try to pick up a dented heart and celebrate my own life, start to give myself the things I wasn’t getting from him.

  • Kita January 22, 2013, 11:54 am

    Wow, Cathy’s story sounds so much like mine, with some variations! I also became a single full-time working mom 8 years ago and raised my daughter up to be a studious, artistic and well-rounded young woman who was accepted into a great University. Up until that point, I went through several relationships, but mainly stuck to a long-distance lover over the last 5 years. Because my biggest priorities were first my daughter and then my job (I survived a whole host of cutbacks), the long-distance love worked better than the local boyfriends who were too demanding of my time, and too possessive. Now, for the first time since graduate school, I am on my own again- with so many decisions to make! The sad thing is that my long-distance love is moving further away (to another continent) for a demanding work position and has told me that he realizes he is even more limited in what he can offer. He doesn’t want the stress of trying to make me happy, and doesn’t want to keep me from being happy. That’s all very sweet of him, but my heart doesn’t want to let him go. We have a wonderful chemistry and attraction for each other, and we can talk for hours, too. I have been reading an excellent book called “Mindsets” by Carol Dweck and this book discusses how, along with everything else in life, relationships require work as well (from both partners). My mind says I should take this new “empty nest” transition period into attaining some real growth, including possibly dating other men, but my heart still struggles with letting go of my LDL (long-distance lover, not low-density lipoprotein) In my dreams, he would desire to be in a loving relationship with me far into the future….but perhaps I am too much a dreamer and need to now be a realist….I do look forward to some growth and better understanding, and hopefully some positive steps after attending your Jan. 26th event!

  • SG Robin January 22, 2013, 11:01 am

    This is such a perfect blog for me today and I have a question (or two). I have gone through mastery, I use the spring cleaning tool, I do things to treat myself well every week. I have a man that I’ve been seeing for quite some time and we have been through a great deal of challenges in our relationship. Here’s my challenge with him and receiving…I’m really good at receiving and showing gratitude for the wonderful things he does for me. I’m also really good at showing him attention and love. Whenever we have an exquisite time together…and it doesn’t matter if I’m doing all the receiving or it’s mutual….he creates some type of drama, starts yelling or demanding something, and recites all he does for me. This usually happens when we’ve had an incredible time together. He gave me an incredibly loving card and gift for my birthday that touched my heart and brought me to tears…and did the same thing for Christmas. On both occassions, I felt so loved and relaxed into the warmth and goodness that this man was pouring on me. On both occassions, within hours…he became a totally different man. Ranting and raving about all he does for me and it ended up in a fight then a break up…and him blaming me for causing it.
    My question…how do I relax into receiving with my man if he flips out everytime we are in that exquisite, loving happy place?

    • Meg (AKA SG Writer Babe) January 23, 2013, 9:57 am

      SG Robin — I’m no expert and this is just my opinion, of course, so I don’t know if it’s right. (Although I do have some experience because the love of my life can be a very cranky person). It’s helped me tremendously to realize that other people’s actions/reactions are usually NOT about me. They are about whatever is going on in their lives and their heads. Something about the situation obviously triggers something in him –a dn when I mean trigger, I mean something causes him to feel pain, a lack, an unmet need. What that something is, what that trigger is, you may never know. He may not even know. So understanding that it’s not about you but about him is very helpful. It’s just my thought — what I do in these situations is try to think “there is BF, being BF again” without taking any ction or reaction. Sometimes I add “what a shame for him …” As in, what a shame that he is cranky and focused on the challenges in his life, instead of how much fun we are having. I wouldn’t bother trying to argue him out of it or even defend yourself. It won’t work, since you’ve done nothing wrong and you can’t reason with a person who’s been triggered in this way. And yes, he may “blame” you, but again, that ‘s him and how he deals with things. If you really feel like you did nothing wrong in the situation, then let it go. Here is what I find to be the best part of all of this … once I recognize all of this in my head, I get to choose to be the person I want to be. I get to be the loving, grateful, good at receiving person that I want to be, even if he isn’t being that way. Does it always work? Yes, although I admit that it’s hard to maintain and takes practice, so I’m getting better at it every time. Does it make me a doormat? Nope … because later, in a calm, non angry way, I can choose (if I want to) to say something like: I just want to let you know that it didn’t feel good when you spoke to me that way, used that tome of voice with me, said those things, etc. And maybe: I don’t really want to be around you when you act like that with me. Or I can choose to let it go. Choosing how I want to be is the best part. Good luck!

      • Robin February 26, 2013, 8:42 am

        Thank you SG Writer Babe for reminding me I always have a choice in how I react. I get into my head and forget that sometimes!

  • Pam January 22, 2013, 8:41 am

    Oh boy does this question speak to me … I have my life in really terrific order these days. A wonderful fulfilling job, two newly adult kids who are blossoming in ways that fill me with so much pride, a house that reflects the peace and creativity I love to have in my life, a small but very solid circle of girlfriends I adore and appreciate, a community of support at my church … even an awesome fun zippy cute as a button car! But no man. No partner. Indeed, I can’t say that I’ve ever experienced a partner in either of my two marriages or any other relationships with men. I recently told my son, when asked, that the mistake his father made was to take me for granted … which demoted me from a loving self-sufficient “low maintenance” woman to a drudge, appliance-like “zero maintenance” woman. I cautioned him to watch for that kind of impulse in himself. And he got it.

    But what I’m getting from your response is that I have to recognize my responsibility in these situations not because I didn’t assert myself and my needs aggressively enough, but because I wasn’t really open to attracting gifts and loving support … to receiving … in a way that is more inviting. I suspect this needs to be done without attachment to what is received as well.

    I’m SOOOOOO looking forward to playing with this issue in my life as I embark on my own pleasure revolution with you all in the 2013 Mastery Class. YAY!

    • Roberta October 29, 2013, 7:39 pm

      Dear Pam, I had the same “low-maintenance or zero maintenance” kind of relationships for the past 35 years. It got to the point I told my last boyfriend, either you put me in the front seat of your life or I need to move on. The back seat or even the trunk sometimes is not the place I want to be.

      The other day I read Gena’s book Owner’s and Operators Guide to Men & if you have it, page 91 hits it on the head. Gena talks about wanting a man who will make her “primary”. So I wouldn’t say that you didn’t “receive” in your relationships any more than I’d say that about mine (although I don’t know you & am assuming) = But I can tell you, both of the 2 men I’ve lived with these long years have been men who only need a woman’s touch once a week or less.

      So perhaps we’ve both just hooked up with men who were NOT compatible. When I asked my last lover to put me in the front seat he responded “I can’t do that.” Says it all dearie, says it all.

      Hugz!

    • SG C'mere Kitty November 1, 2013, 3:04 pm

      My favorite frame is “I didn’t assert myself and my needs aggressively enough, but because I wasn’t really open to attracting gifts and loving support … to receiving … in a way that is more inviting.”

  • Simone Butler January 22, 2013, 8:36 am

    This issue of how much to appreciate a man without coming on too strong (or seeming too “easy”) really resonates with me. I met a man last weekend and we had a great connection. He announced to me and my girlfriend that he was looking for a date for this Thursday (his birthday) to attend a concert he had tickets to. I didn’t want to assume he was asking me, as I’m 57 and he’s in his early 40s. Now I could kick myself for not jumping on it, though I did express interest. Do you think I should I call him today, or just let it go?

    • Steph January 25, 2013, 10:43 pm

      Oh Simone, I hope you called him!

  • Vivi January 22, 2013, 7:17 am

    This is really interesting. I love the idea of sending thank you notes to men and appreciating rather than resenting them but the two men that sprang to mind I wouldn’t do that with – not again anyway.

    The first guy is my ex-husband. I sent him thank you notes regularly because our oldest daughter went to live with him and his now wife to attend a particular school. His wife had made it clear she wasn’t interested in hearing from me so I thanked him instead. He didn’t like it as what he saw was that I was only appreciating him and not his wife – and so now none of us speak.

    The second guy I think I’ve thanked too much already. He stopped communicating with me after I sent him a copy of a book I’d written with a thank you inside. I would LOVE and adore him to be in my life but I get the feeling I scared him off 🙁

    What would be your thoughts on these, Mama?

    • mamagena January 22, 2013, 10:25 am

      wow-such a good question-
      ask me a q, vivi!!
      and come to the intro!

      • Vivi January 30, 2013, 4:15 am

        Thanks Mama
        Have submitted a q. Can’t make the intro, sadly, but am very interested in the programs available by webinar. A friend of mine and I both have a copy of your book and are about to start working through the exercises together – should be fun!

    • Ale January 22, 2013, 11:00 am

      Hi Vivi,
      I´d say, write the note, but don´t send it. Burn it, burry it, rip it up or put it away. The act of writing out your thoughts and being in that space of forgiveness + gratitude (for the relationshipe, for you, for this man) will free up space in YOU – to attract some amazing men. I can only sing the praises on this work as I´ve been magnitizing some great men lately, even after a painful recent split with the ex-husband.

      As for scaring the great guy away, I´ve had similar situations and I would have that inner critic voice going off – You´re Too Much! You scared him away! – Then came the day I realized that yes! I am too much for some men and I´m the just-perfectly-amazing woman for a very specific, very speacial, very amazing-like-me kind of man who can “handle” me.

      Sending you love Sister,
      Ale

      • Vivi January 30, 2013, 4:23 am

        Thank you Ale. I love the idea of writing the note anyway. I’m planning on experimenting with writing myself a letter and giving it to a friend to post to me in 6 months time just to see where I am romantically and professionally.
        Receiving your love, Sister – thank you so much for that and sending my love right back atcha!
        Vivi

        • SG C'mere Kitty November 1, 2013, 2:54 pm

          Ha! I love that idea of handing the letter to a friend and posting it back to yourself in 6 monthes. I just might appropriate this idea and ask my friend to post it to me in 3 months time! Brilliant, Vivi!