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4 “Rules” to Get Your Desire, Faster.

I got what I wanted.
Exactly what I longed for.
At the precise moment that I wanted it.
Life is amazing.
I am amazing.

Who has ever had the opportunity to say those words?
Seems like desires are somewhat more mysterious than that.
Somewhat less generous.

We get what we want long before we can handle it or recognize it.
Or when it comes, it’s in a much stranger package than we could have ever dreamed, and we might even miss it.
Or, perhaps even worse: for all of our longing, all of our efforts, all of our suffering, no matter what we do, or don’t do, it just does not seem to ever come. And no matter where we go or what we are doing, it preoccupies our thoughts.

What is up with that?

Why do some desires float in effortlessly, and some desires seem to take for-f*cking-ever?

And more importantly, what can we do to increase our innate ability to conjure our deepest desires?

So much of our opinion of ourselves is wrapped up in how close we are to getting what it is we think we want.  When we don’t have what we think we want, we suffer that lack to such a degree that it can impede the quality of the whole rest of our lives.

I have a boyfriend now. He’s not just a ‘boyfriend’. He is my man, my partner, my best pal, my hot lover, my trusted advisor.

And it happened kind of ‘suddenly’. I have not had a real boyfriend for many years. And now, this man has stepped into my world and changed everything for the better. He makes me feel so loved, so seen, so safe, so gotten, so held, and so sensually gratified. And meeting him was a perfect accident.
That I created.

And Sister Goddess Chelsea just had a baby boy, at age 40. And she and her man got married about two weeks ago.
Sister Goddess Paige sold her company for $14 million.
Sister Goddess Sandra, age 65, just texted me from Mallorca, where she is on still yet another ‘honeymoon’ with her fiance.

So the question is: How did we create all of this outrageous goodness?
We did it by co-operating with the laws of “cliteracy”.

Cliteracy is the observation and study of the laws of what turns us on. When you study what turns a woman on, you are making sure that the atmosphere, the biosphere, the growing conditions that she needs to thrive, are met. Both on the inner and the outer.

See, women can literally be the embodied friend or foe of their own desires.

If a woman does not observe the rules of cliteracy, then she is not providing the unique growing conditions that are required for her desire to flourish. And it will whither and languish on the vine.

Much like the gardenia plant in my living room. I so love gardenias. I water this thing daily, I atomize it constantly, but it is slowly yellowing and has exactly one blossom blooming. The rest have fallen off. This plant just does not get what it needs in a New York apartment.

And we all know this.

We all have had experiences of the right conditions and the not-so-right or downright horrifying conditions for us to thrive.

Let me show you what I mean. Let’s look, for example, at how a woman operates, sensually.

When you try to rush an orgasm, what happens? Your pleasure stops.
When you criticize an orgasm, what happens? Yup, your sensation radically diminishes.
When you are harsh or impatient with your sensual experience, what happens? Yup, you got it. Shut down.

And desires operate by the same truth.

Today, I want to introduce you to the 4 Key Rules of “Cliteracy”, as described in my latest book, Pussy: A Reclamation.

Hint: Replace the p-word with the word ‘desire’ and you have the secret recipe for how you radically improve the growing conditions for a desire to come to fruition.

Cliteracy Rule #1: She loves acknowledgement, praise, worship, and appreciation.

Cliteracy Rule #2: She hates criticism, being rushed, being yelled at, being ignored.

Cliteracy Rule #3: She who owns the p*ssy holds the power.

Cliteracy Rule #4: She takes the time she takes—for very good reasons.

The bottom line here is that your quickest route to change is falling head over heels in love with the way it is. Right now. No matter how it looks, I promise you it’s the fastest way to get exactly what you want.

Yes, it feels terribly counter-intuitive. In this culture, we have been taught that change is brought about by criticism or disagreement. But that is not the way change actually happens. It happens with approval and appreciation, which is the pathway for more to come our way.

I know, it is the most difficult thing to do when you do not think you have what you want. But try it anyway.

In the comments below, I would love to dig a little deeper with you:

•  Have you ever had that experience – when you finally let go and accept things as they are, the desired change happens?
•  Where are you struggling with the “rules of cliteracy” right now?
•  Which of the 4 rules above feels the hardest? Easiest? Most relevant?

As always, I can’t wait to hear from you, as we learn how to live life by the design of the feminine. Your design.


Regena Thomashauer aka Mama Gena
The School of Womanly Arts

p. s. Some of you know my dear friend and colleague, Debbie Rosas, Founder of Nia. Debbie is a graduate of the School and has worked with so many of our Mastery students over the years. I wanted to share a beautiful new creation of hers, called The Awakening Project. It’s a 13-month online course of self discovery to awaken the New Feminine Spirit, an exploration of art, creativity, divinity, and community. Hope you love it! Check it out right here.

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18 Comments / Leave a Comment

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  • Cindy April 23, 2017, 10:04 am

    Hi-well I’m a beginner to this whole adventure of connecting to my body,
    self-pleasuring and being in connection w/ my vagina/pussy. Whew, still hard to say! I have believed self-pleasuring is wrong, bad and dirty for most of my life and it’s just hard to flip the switch and make it ok. But I love how I am learning to connect to my body and allow her to speak wisdom and teach me about life.
    I would like you to speak more about #3, not sure I know what you mean. “power of the pussy” – but I am definitely open to learn and love getting to know and hearing all that my body has to tell me. Thanks Mama!!

  • Christina James April 22, 2017, 9:00 pm

    Just today, in reading your articles and realizing that I’m gestating and that in itself is the most important part of what I will be birthing in my future, has given me huge peace of mind and has allowed me to ‘let go and accept things as they are!” I don’t have to control anything! The need for change has been implanted into my womb by my soul and it’s gestating and growing! YA HOO!!! I just need to continue to take care of my mind, body, spirit and soul and begin sorting through the compost of my soul for the diamonds of my new path… and I WILL find them!

  • lomo April 22, 2017, 2:36 am

    THANK YOU…and to keep our attention on justice…as we embrace and enjoy our own power we have more access and energy to shift societal power dynamics so all of us – all races, gender expressions, abilities, faiths and we can all know and live our desires…

  • lomo April 22, 2017, 2:36 am

    as we embrace and enjoy our own power we have more access and energy to shift societal power dynamics so all of us – all races, gender expressions, abilities, faiths and we can all know and live our desires…

  • Angela Hill April 20, 2017, 2:36 pm

    Thank you for sharing this! It is of course in divine timing. These thoughts resonated with me. You use the word longing and I realized, that specific word is exactly how I feel about my desires that “haven’t been met.” I’ve associated negative feelings to the definition of the longing I have for my desires. I can change the feeling and redefine the word to work for me or use another word.

    Also recognizing that the creative process is complex. Pleasure is creativity. Accepting pleasure, being pleased requires allowance.

    Thank you.

  • Ms.Dragon April 19, 2017, 5:53 pm

    She takes the time she takes for very good reason.

    5 years in a mentally, emotionally abusive relationship. I had to leave on my time. I have finally learned the lessons I needed.

    I am grateful for my sisters who patiently sat with me on my journey.

  • Liz April 19, 2017, 5:26 pm

    I have finally let go of needing to have a ‘proper’ job before I move to Miami and am embracing what I knew in my heart all along would be my path there. I am heading down there at the end of the month and will take a waitressing job while I get myself up and on my feet. Although I haven’t experienced it yet because I haven’t started the journey, I’m anticipating that I will easily find a place to stay, a great waitressing gig, a fabulous apartment of my own and eventually the perfect job for me because I have let go of other people’s ideas of what I should have in place before I move.

  • SG Estela April 19, 2017, 10:13 am

    Cliteracy Rule #1: She loves acknowledgement, praise, worship, and appreciation.
    Yes, I do love these, but I do not crave for it anymore.

    Cliteracy Rule #2: She hates criticism, being rushed, being yelled at, being ignored. If I get criticism I take it as a lesson. Not being respected does not happen now, because I respect myself.

    Cliteracy Rule #3: She who owns the p*ssy holds the power.
    I have the power on myself only to say yes or no.

    Cliteracy Rule #4: She takes the time she takes—for very good reasons.
    Yes I am patient with my desires. Everyday is a new day and I appreciate what I got.
    I am reading a book about the life of Rabbi Hirshsprung during II WW in Poland.
    It is teaching me to appreciate peace & order, food, housing and the basics in life.
    Thanks for your insights. It is always a pleasure to hear from you and I am very happy to are in a fulfilling relationship. It is great to preach by example. Love

  • linda montecalvo April 15, 2017, 11:14 am

    I’m in, all in. The big issue is getting out of your own way. Trying to raise the bar of my joy and happiness. Accepting half way or “I’m not exactly miserable” has been in place for a long time so snapping myself out of that has been hard. The laws of clit-eracy seems to be the antidote. The more I obey them the more the “well, at least I’m not entirely miserable” lessens. It takes some bravery. MaMa, can you talk about bravery? Can you talk about luring yourself out of the sleep of – not happy, not unhappy trance.

  • Foxy April 14, 2017, 7:06 pm

    OMGODDESSSSSSS! I LOVE this. Thank you for the reminder, Mama Gena. And, I am very happy to hear about your lover. Mmmhmmm. That is HOT! xxx

  • Kimberly April 14, 2017, 1:19 pm

    Yes! I desperately wanted to repair my relationship with my teen son. He was out of state, not taking my calls…I lived in constant worry, fear & agonizing missing him. When I let go, fell in love with the fact that I was a good mother for loving him so & confident I was doing all I knew how to do to express my love for him & require nothing in return–that’s when it all turned around. Not only did her call me out of the blue, but he came home! Our relationship reached a higher level. #blessed

  • Patricia Campbell April 13, 2017, 11:33 am

    Rule 3 is the one I struggle with the most. My husband tells me repeatedly that he has the power over it and for a long time i agreed. It feels getting ownership over my P***y is akin to changing the direction of a very large ship.

  • chicava April 12, 2017, 11:44 pm

    I’m in the space of falling in love with the NOW.
    Surrender is all there is for me.
    Surrender to the delays because my pussy knows the highest best timing for life’s unfoldment.
    Surrender to letting the past be just that.
    Surrender is salvation.

  • HOLLY HAUPT April 12, 2017, 5:42 pm

    Thank you Mama for the great 4 rules!
    I love the reminder!
    I’m so happy about your partner. You deserve all the happiness !!
    I’ve reached many of my desires so it’s time I spend time dreaming of new desires!!
    Thanks again love holly hummingbird!

  • Liz April 12, 2017, 3:03 pm

    #3 is challenging in the patriarchy. Learning to trust my gut has been paramount.

    The gardenia needs less water and more shade.

    Can we hear about how you are making it work with the man, please?

  • Jennifer April 12, 2017, 1:17 pm

    I’ve really wanted to get myself involved in the school of womanly arts. I love getting these essays in my inbox and pondering how I might integrate the lessons into my own life. Today I’m trying to take a small step in the right direction by posting a short response of reflection here.

    • Have you ever had that experience – when you finally let go and accept things as they are, the desired change happens?

    My simple answer here is that the current relationship I’m happening fell into my lap only when I surrendered. When I stopped trying so damn hard, things started to happen. And while I’m still not entirely sure if anything his actually going to work out, I’m happy uncovering.

    • Where are you struggling with the “rules of cliteracy” right now?

    The first two are the most important to me and the biggest struggle. In all my endeavors I struggle with appreciation and criticism. In relationships, I’m always self-proclaimed needy and I carry a lot of shame around that. My needs ultimately end up taking a back burner all too often. I apologize for what I want or need. I backpedal myself into accepting less than what I want or deserve.

    Overall, I just want to say thank you for talking about these issues and reframing them in such a beautiful and accessible way for so many woman whether they are just like me or completely different than me.

  • Sylvia Becker-Hill April 12, 2017, 12:31 pm

    I’m reading your 4 rules with the word ‘desire’ at the start instead of the word ‘she’ which refers back to ‘pussy’ which you wrote we shall replace with ‘desire’. Rule 1 and 2 are easy for me. I got them, I live them and had huge successes in the last 12 months around letting go of fear around my bank-accounts and getting desired projects financed in magical ways ‘out of the blue’ in such beautiful ways I could have never planned! Rephrased Rule 3 I’m not sure how to understand: “Desire who owns the desire holds the power.” Please explain that a bit more!
    Rule 4 is the toughest for me. I’m fast. The art of slowing down is something I’m practicing to counter-balance my impulses to be impatient. Long prolonged desire fulfillment can trigger doubts that I’m less powerful than I’m growing to know myself to be.
    Thank you for the work you do and this thought provoking article.
    I’m looking forward to meet you latest next January in NY in person.
    Sylvia – Women’s Empowerment Wizard, Love warrior and Leadership Catalyst
    founder of Über Women International Inc.

  • Beila April 12, 2017, 10:28 am

    I’m in