Darlings!!
I am so crazy enthusiastic about this woman, this Barbara Stanny, that I want you all to meet her!
Barbara Stanny is the world's leading expert on women and money. Besides being a Mastery speaker and Graduate, she is my coach, my teacher, and my friend. She has opened worlds for me in the area of finances and abundance.
She will revolutionize your relationship with money so you can begin to really own the wealth that lives inside you. And what better time, given all that we're facing in this economy!
Isn't it time to live richly, inside AND out?
Read on, and meet my inspiring Sister Revolutionary . . .
Love,
Mama
School of Womanly Arts: What does it mean to follow your pleasure when it comes to money?
Barbara Stanny: People don’t recognize the ecstatic pleasure of taking responsibility for their money. It is highly pleasurable to watch your savings grow, to be making more money because you’re worth it. People get really hung up with pleasure as instant gratification.
SWA: When women start studying at the School of Womanly Arts, they open up to all of their desires, and are learning to trust their desires. Some of those desires cost money. How do you balance honoring your material desires and being responsible with money?
STANNY: There is a big difference between pleasure and having something. It reminds me of eating. That rich indulgence is so good at that moment, but the consequences of eating too much can last for years and those consequences aren’t pleasurable. That is what happens to so many of us. We feel depressed. We think we deserve it, so we go out and buy something... a pair of shoes, a dress... And for that moment, it truly is pleasurable. Shopping does give you an actual physical high. But tremendous suffering can stem from that impulse buy, especially if you are going into debt. Unprotected spending is like having unprotected sex. We have to start thinking about how to take care of ourselves and what is healthy for ourselves. Interestingly enough, the Latin root for the word “wealth” comes from the Latin root of “well,” meaning well-being.
I think it’s important to think long term, to ask, “What really serves me? What really serves my soul? What serves my happiness and well being?” If women could reframe that moment where we crave instant gratification, we could realize that putting the money in the bank feels even better than buying that dress. I recommend that people automatically put some money from your checking account to your savings account every month. I don’t care if it’s only five dollars. When you start seeing that money build up -- now that is pleasure.
SWA: Do you think that money can be conjured?
STANNY: Yes, but I think it’s not enough to simply say, “I’m going to conjure it and it’s going to come.” We have to be a container that can hold the money when it comes. To illustrate this point, I give the example of a sieve. So many women are like a sieve. The money comes in, but it’s like pouring water in a sieve: there are too many holes. Having money is one thing. Keeping money is a whole different thing. And the pleasure is truly in the keeping.
Another key distinction is the difference between what we want, and what we ask for. Maybe what you’re asking is, “I want to have lots of money.” But what you really want is to feel safe, to be comfortable, to always have it easy. The problem here is that the key to having money, making money, and keeping money is the willingness to be uncomfortable.
For a long time, I would say, “I want to make more money, I really do,” but what I really wanted was not to be rejected. I wanted people to like me. That desire kept me from asking for more, bargaining harder, risking upsetting people -- all because I wanted to be liked. Very often, we have conflicting needs. This is one of the things that I find at fault with the Law of Attraction. Asking for and focusing on a desire are both important, but there is another step: asking “what do I really need to let go of?”
I’ll give you a perfect example. I interviewed a woman I’d known for years for one of my books. She was a photographer and, for years and years, she never made money. When she heard that I was writing this book, she called me and said, “I’m making six figures now.” Her “let go” moment came when she realized that she had saved nothing for retirement. Suddenly, she understood that having retirement money would not make someone else poor. She actually believed that it wasn’t the spiritual or right thing to do to accumulate money, that she would be taking away from some homeless person. When she shed her illogical thinking, her income went up.
It’s not enough to do the outer work of wealth, like planning and executing a savings plan, figuring out asset allocation, knowing the difference between stocks and bonds -- all of that is really important. But the inner work of wealth is equally important, and if you’re having trouble doing the outer work, then you really need to address the inner issues -- looking at your attitudes, beliefs, desires, and decisions that no longer serve you. Doing the inner work without doing the outer work is not going to get you anywhere. Doing the outer work without doing the inner work can keep you stuck.
SWA: I’ve heard you equate money to your self worth…
STANNY: I believe that money -- our ability to have it and take care of it -- is a direct reflection of how much we value ourselves. I created this workshop called “Overcoming Underearning” in the year 2000 to see if I could teach others to do what I was learning from six-figure women. Five years after I started teaching these classes, I interviewed the hundreds of women who had been through the course. What I found was what I call the “click”: the shift only came once they realized that they deserved to earn more for no other reason than they were worth it.
SWA: Many of us don’t find pleasure in thinking about money and dealing with money. I hear what you’re saying about long-term gratification by seeing your assets and net worth increase, but what can we do to tap into our pleasure as we take the baby steps?
STANNY: You have to be willing to accept the displeasure. It’s like having a baby or getting married. Every transition, every new thing you do brings some discomfort. The wedding is joyous, but don’t tell me there isn’t some hassle. Having a baby is joyous, but getting up in the middle of the night is uncomfortable. So be willing to let it be not fun for a while. Our behavior with money is habit. Every time you do something different from your norm, it feels uncomfortable. There’s part of your brain that says, “I don’t want to do this; go back to what you have been doing”. Except that what you’ve been doing hasn’t been working for you. It’s going to feel uncomfortable at first when you start realizing that you need to cut back on taxis and start taking the subway.
But let it be uncomfortable, because there is a higher purpose to this. It’s what I call the higher work of wealth. I believe that every one of us has a destiny, a reason to be here. The goddess put us on this earth for a reason. You cannot be creative when you are in survival mode. You cannot be your full self when you are trying to figure out how to make ends meet. There is no better way to keep yourself from stepping into your true power than by keeping yourself financially dependent, financially irresponsible, financially intolerant. Delayed gratification is a sign of maturity. It’s a sign of growing up, being willing to forgo the fleeting pleasure in order to create your long-term dreams and desires, in order to give your life meaning.
SWA: Does it frustrate you that this is not the way most people understand pleasure as it relates to money?
STANNY: No, because I lived 46 years of my life like that. I know that they’re going to get it someday. What I always say is, if you don’t deal with your money, your money will deal with you. What I hope to do is inspire them to start taking steps before they hit a crisis that forces them to.
I feel so blessed that I meet women at the School of Womanly Arts who are interested in spirituality, who value personal growth, who want to be more and do more with their life. I feel like Sister Goddesses are willing to do the necessary work. I’m like a kid in a candy shop -- it’s awesome for me.
SWA: What School of Womanly Arts tools would you recommend women to use to keep pleasure around money as they move away from instant gratification?
STANNY: Anything that will give them clarity around money. I would recommend Spring Cleaning on money every day for one week to release some charge. And to get further clarity, track your expenses in a small notebook or empty check register. Write down everything you spend -- credit, cash, debit, or check -- for one month. Put it in categories and see where the money is really going. Get real clarity on how much you have, what you need it for, and how much is lasts. Gratitude is another important tool. It is easy to look at what you don't have and what you can't afford. Instead, be grateful for every cent that comes in, every time you pay for something, every time you put money in savings. Especially during times like these, say "Yes" to whatever is happening, and use it to take you higher. Instead of ignoring your growing debt, say "Yes", get clarity, and do something about it.
SWA: How do you define pleasure?
STANNY: To me, pleasure is when I do things that are good for me. I used to be really overweight. And when I first started changing my eating habits, it wasn’t fun. It wasn’t pleasurable. But now, being thinner and healthier is so much fun, and it just comes naturally to me to eat the way I eat.
When I did those follow-up interviews with the hundreds of women who had been through my workshop “Overcoming Underearning,” I was surprised to hear how many of them had lost weight when they started taking charge of their money. I never expected that. And we’re not talking a little bit of weight. We’re talking 30, 40, 50 pounds. I think pleasure came when they realized their worth and they took positive actions with pleasurable consequences.
Eating is the perfect analogy. A minute on the lips, a year on the hips. I think it’s very important to recognize the difference between pleasure and an addiction. Pleasure comes from love, from loving yourself. Addiction is always sourced from fear. Always. I see a lot of spending addiction in women. “Oh, I’m going through a divorce so I’m going to buy this dress.” “Oh, I had a bad day, so I deserve it.” No. You deserve to put that money in the bank because you are worth your financial dreams and goals.
You see, it’s never really about money. I had a mentor who once said to me, “You can never get enough of what you don’t really need.” People go out and shop until they drop, and they can never get enough because they are trying to fill a hole in their soul that nothing external will ever fill.
SWA: Do you think women have more issues with money than men?
STANNY: I think men have issues with money, too. But I also think -- very generally speaking -- that men are groomed to be financially successful. Society expects it of them. They have role models for this. Generally speaking, women are raised to be financially dependent. That is what society preached for so long. And it’s a lot of work to deviate from society’s norms. Most of all, I absolutely believe that it’s not about money -- it’s about power. And my definition of a power is a woman who knows who she is, knows what she wants, and can express that in the world.
What money gives us is freedom. When we don’t have freedom or choice, we can’t live life on our own terms. That does not make us happy. And we all have different terms. Strictly speaking, you don’t need a lot of money to have that freedom.
The next book I’m writing is called “Women, Wealth, and Power,” and the subtitle is “life changing lessons from women who make millions.” To me, these are extraordinary women, not because of their money, but because of their ability to own and exercise their power. For centuries, wealth, power, and sex have been forbidden and taboo subjects for women.
I also think sensuality and prosperity have some kind of intersection in self love. It always comes back to self love.
We often hear that the problem with women is that they are too nurturing and put everybody else first. I think that if we take that nurturing -- which is natural to us -- and if we can strengthen it and figure out how best to use it, it will serve ourselves first, then everybody. If we figure out how to use our nurturing powers in a positive way, we will be a force to be reckoned with.
SWA: I love hearing you say things like “when enough smart women come together, we’ll change the world”. Would you talk more about that?
STANNY: I think when enough women come together, when we are really willing to do what is uncomfortable, when we are really willing to assert ourselves and use our money to make a difference, I know we are going to change this world. There is no question.
I think the media and the financial industry uses bad news, scare tactics, and horrible predictions to try and motivate women to take charge of their money. In my work, I’ve found that women respond more positively when you help them see the higher purpose, the grander vision, of how their actions in their own money lives will give them the ability to help people they love and make a difference in the world. All this fear-mongering has to go. If we look at finances from a place of love instead of fear, if we ask the question, “How can money serve us? How can it serve others?” it can enfold a whole new wrapper of pleasure around money.
SWA: Do you have any thoughts for women that are not the primary breadwinners?
STANNY: Be sure to have a bank account in your own name. Be sure to have credit in your own name. Be sure you participate in all the financial decisions and never ever see yourself as less than or second class. See yourself as a team.
SWA: What are your thoughts on the current economic situation?
STANNY: Well, it fits perfectly with our conversation on pleasure. This is a perfect example of instant gratification, people wanting things now, consumers wanting houses they can’t afford, corporations wanting more money instantly, regardless of consequences. The current economic situation is a big mirror for all of us to look at where we have an addiction to instant gratification without owning the consequences.
Pleasure comes from owning your power, owning power comes from trusting ourselves, and trusting ourselves comes from telling the truth. What we see is society denying the truth, a society of people who don’t trust themselves. The shake-up that is going on is absolutely healthy and needed to happen. Yes, it is painful, because the longer you wait to tell the truth, the more painful it is.
SWA: With all that is going on, do you have any advice for women to help us stay out of that “fear and panic” mode?
STANNY: One of the things that I have learned interviewing seven figure women is that no matter what happened, no matter how big the challenge or how dire the circumstances, they always saw every problem as an opportunity. Those that suffer see problems; those that prosper see opportunity. The difference is the mindset.
There is huge opportunity here. There are a lot of good values out there, a lot of stuff on sale. If you don’t have cash, this is a time to start saving. Everything that has happened, all this turmoil, is simply a message to us: “See what this does?” Get out of your debt. This is an opportunity for you to call your creditors and stop debting. If you do have cash, this is a great time to learn about investing, and if you already know about investing, there are some great opportunities out there. For women, the pleasure is in the relationship. I’d love to see women starting book clubs and study groups around money. I’d love to see more women talking money. This is such a great opportunity.
Barbara Stanny is on a mission—to revolutionize women's relationships with money. As a bestselling author, speaker, workshop facilitator, and money and wealth coach, Barbara teaches women to earn the money they deserve, build the wealth they desire, and step fully into their power. Barbara Stanny is conducting an Overcoming Underearning workshop in NYC 10/20 and has a live teleclass begining on 10/29. For more information see BarbaraStanny.com.
