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This Week's Question and Response:Should I stay with a guy who is cheap?
Dear Mama,
I've been dating a man that I like very much. As our dating progressed, it became obvious that he is cheap. He owns real estate, has a very nice income, and few expenses. But he refuses to buy me flowers or go to nice restaurants. He gives small tips. At the beginning it didn't bother me because I have my own income. But with time, I am beginning to resent it and feel hurt. It makes me feel not valued and not cherished, like I'm not worth enough for him to invest money in me. If I offer to treat—like buying tickets to a big Strip show—he takes me up on it. Other than the cheapness factor, we have similar interests and life goals. All roads lead to him proposing to me soon. There are so few eligible guys in my age group. I'd appreciate your advice.
Signed,
My Love Doesn't Cost a Thing
Dear My Love Doesn't Cost a Thing,
Cheap is, so, well, cheap, isn’t it? You are so right; it is not sexy or attractive.
But, the big question is: Is it terminal? Or can the patient be rehabilitated?
And we don’t know the answer to that, yet. But I have a few experimental therapies for you to try, if you are so inclined.
See, an ordinary woman would just get mad and blow the guy away. Or compromise herself in order to get that ring on her finger. But, a Sister Goddess is a woman who is determined to use the power of pleasure to have her way with the world. She is challenged by the idea of training her man, and offering him and opportunity to serve her.
So where do we start?
Well, first, understand that his cheap behavior is not personal. He was cheap long before he met you, and he will always be conservative with money. The trick is to decide if you can retain your sense of humor about his silly condition, long enough to teach him how to spoil you. See, if you try to train him while you are disapproving of him, you will not get very far, because no guy likes to feel like he has failed you before he’s even started. But if you can look at him and think he is cute, and look at the situation like a fun seduction, we can have a wonderful experiment.
For example, next time you two are passing a florist, stop, look at the flowers, enjoy every one, and choose the bouquet you most enjoy. Pick it up, smile at him, and tell him how much you love flowers. Tell him how beautiful these would look on your kitchen table. If this hint still escapes him, ask him to buy them for you. If he does, enjoy every moment of the purchase, and make sure he feels your appreciation. If he does not get them for you, tell him how much you enjoyed having a man in your life to shop for flowers with, and how much you are looking forward to one day receiving flowers from a man.
See where we are going here?
It is not about stopping your desires and buying the tickets yourself, or the flowers yourself, because he is cheap. It is about constantly showing him what you want, asking for what you want, with pleasure and enthusiasm, and no pressure. If this becomes a fun challenge to you, to seduce this man into some new viewpoints, then carry on and have fun. Inspiring a man, who has never bought flowers for a woman, to buy them for you, can be so romantic, and such a tribute to your beauty. But, if you are too mad to seduce him, throw him back in the sea and move on. There are millions of wonderful, incredible men out there.
Yours in pleasure,
Mama
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