As you know, our Womanly Arts Mastery Program starts in a few weeks, and as we get closer and closer to filling our final seats, women are calling in, and asking the same question every day: Is it the right time to join Mastery? Is this course for me? Should I, could I, invest in myself, and take the leap?
It got me thinking about how this question “how do I know?” shows up so frequently amongst women.
We wonder everything, from “How do I know if this is the right guy for me?” to “How do I know if we should get divorced or not?” “How do I know if I should take this job, or that job?” “How do I know if I should offer my opinion now, or just hold back?” “How do I know if this is the right decision?”
We flip, we flop.
We doubt, we fret.
We judge, we disapprove.
We hate ourselves for our own indecision.
And then, we start the whole cycle over again.
Whaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!! (Me, roaring in frustration.)
The thing that drives me nuts, nuts, nuts about women is our tendency towards indecision. We flip and flop more that a fish out of water.
Those creatures are dying, and guess what? So are we.
We lose weeks, months, years, in indecision.
We feel like we don’t know, or can’t know.
And, reflecting on it, I think indecision is a huge part of us playing small.
We have all been doing it waaaay waaay way too long.
Losing years of life to self-doubt, and depriving the world of the best and most radiant aspects of ourselves.
The truth is that the ability to feel confident in our decisions, to feel like you “know how to know,” is key to living as the fully expressed, empowered women we are. (Click to tweet!)
So this week I want to dedicate the blog to helping you get out of indecision. First, let’s get uber-clear: it is very useful to distinguish uncertainty from indecision. Uncertainty is when you’ve got questions, concerns, and a need more information. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. In fact, I count on you to get to the bottom of your uncertainty by getting all your questions answered and taking the time to research fully.
What I’m talking about is indecision. When you’re actually fairly certain, when part of you knows; in fact, the deepest part of you just knows, but the rest of you is in conflict with yourself about it. At this point, the voices in your head are coming at you, fast and furious, with all kinds of wishy-washy reasons why that part that knows must be wrong, can’t be right, and makes no sense.
So how do we truly know that that part of us knows what is right? How do we really tap into it, and believe its answer? What is our compass, our north star as women? How do we start to trust our deepest, most powerful intuition? How do we connect with our divine truth, without all the cultural static??
There is a way. And I teach a deep dive into this connection in class, but today I want to get started with a powerful exercise at the end of this blog.
The reason we get confused is that we are not men.
And we can’t look to the way of men to learn how to find our path to our deepest intuition.
We have to get to this place in a different way.
Have you noticed, generally speaking, how men can way more easily decide something? Even if it is flat-out wrong? It is so incredible how confident guys can be. They do not worry about making huge mistakes, like we do. They know that they can learn from their mistakes, as everyone makes them, and they can always fix them, on the other side.
When we try to be like a guy, it just doesn’t happen.
And wow, do we ever disapprove of that.
Our truth and our trust come from a much deeper level of physical connection. Our trust, truth, and confidence come from our bodies, not our intellect. When we try to only use our head, our wheels start to spin and our flip starts flopping.
My job is to get you out of that bad neighborhood, and into your zone of genius: your body.
And once you are in your body, I can connect you to your deepest power: your ability to Turn On. Turn-On is a woman’s superpower. (Click to tweet!) It’s her life force. Her deepest sense of herself. When she is turned on, she is in control. When she is not turned on, she spins helplessly and permanently out of control.
So, it’s an interesting dilemma for me. I teach women how to live from that spot of Turn-On, but I need them to be in that spot of Turn-On in order to make a valuable decision of any kind, especially an important decision like whether or not they should invest in Mastery.
And everything about our culture teaches a woman to do anything but Turn On. We equate Turn-On with the lowest, cheapest, most tawdry, least lofty aspects of ourselves.
And, as women, the key to feeling confident in your decision making is tracking your Turn-On. Really, yes, it’s your Turn-On. Getting out of your logical brain and into your intuitive body. See what She has to tell you. See how confident She is.
Does your light get brighter or dimmer? More on, or totally closed down and off?
This is our uniqueness as women. This is the beautiful irony of our culture—where our access to Knowing is looked down upon to the point we forget to include Her. Include her. It’s truly how magic happens. It’s how the impossible melts away.
Perhaps it’s about joining us this year. Perhaps it’s about relationship, or career. It works for whatever topic.
Exercise: Before we can get to the spot of being turned on, we have to get out of our heads and into our bodies. How to do that? For most of us, whether we are in school, or working, we are called upon to use our heads way more than our bodies. So let’s start by getting you straight into your body, okay?
Here are 3 foolproof ways to get inside that gorgeous body of yours:
1. Jump up and down on your bed, 20 times.
2. Dance like Jennifer Beals in Flashdance, to “Maniac,” or like Beyonce at the Grammys to “Drunk in Love.”
3. Kick box with your reflection for a minute. Try to win. (Extra credit if you do all 3.)
Now, go stand in front of a mirror. And think about that decision you have to make. While you are thinking about it, look at yourself in the mirror while running your hands up and down your body, and flirting with yourself.
I am not kidding.
Give yourself a little wink.
Turn the decision over to your brilliant, intuitive, flawless body.
She will never lead you astray.
Seriously. Ask her.
She may not want what you think you want. But if you listen to her, you will not only get everything you have ever desired, but oh, so much more, besides.
The thing is, if you have not been listening to her much, you may have to tune in and pay very close attention. You might, or might not, get a big huge powerful “YES!” or “NO!!” But, if you pay attention, you will feel a gentle sense of lightness with one of the choices you have to make. Follow that subtle sense, and you are on your way to the best possible next adventure.
And the more you practice this, the louder your inner voice will become. Not to mention your dance moves will really improve…
In the comments below, let me know what decisions you are grappling with, and then, let me know how this little exercise impacted you.
Women—loud and proud—that is what I live for.
With so much love and pleasure,
P.S. Do you feel intrigued? Excited? Curious? A little bit scared, perhaps? Perfect! Call Lauren and Hannah at (212) 787-2411 x1 and ask them all your questions. Get them to help you sort out the impossible. I want you in Mastery this year if you’re feeling the pull. And call now, as we will be full. We are actually working with our class venue to figure out just how many seats we actually have.
P.P.S. One derivative of indecision is the question “Is it the right time?” I often find women saying “I love this, but now’s not the time,” or “Next year will be perfect.” Sometimes this is exactly right, and perfect. But other times it’s indecision sneaking in, helping us feel better about not actually making a powerful decision for ourselves. So if you see this one coming up, examine it closely. Do the exercise above just on that question, as a double check. xo
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