I Hate Myself.

I feel like an idiot.
I am such a loser.
I hate myself.

How many times have you slung one of those phrases at your sweet, unsuspecting self?

It gets worse.

I am so fat.
I am too old.
I look like sh*t.
I hate my body.

How many times have you stood by, while a girlfriend has bombed herself with one of these verbal grenades? And then tossed one in yourself, at yourself, for good measure?

“You hate your body? Yeah, I hate my body, too.”

One of the single greatest invisible, undiagnosed epidemics of our time is the consistent, unreported, and unrecognized attacks that women assail themselves with, consistently, every single day, from the moment they wake up in the morning until they put their head on the pillow at night.

Each little nip of self-hatred exacts a price.
The price?
Your confidence, your joy, your enthusiasm, your sexy.
And ultimately, your health.

And the worst aspect of this invisible epidemic? It is so prevalent that no one notices. And no one interferes or objects. There are whole industries that have sprung up to profit from this self-hatred craze: the diet industry, the beauty industry, plastic surgery, psychotherapy, pharmacology, etc.

What should I do if I hate myself?
How do I stop hating myself?

I should go on a diet, get liposuction, have therapy, get my hair straightened and take Prozac — right?
Wrong.

The antidote to self-hatred does not live in anyone else’s hands.
You can’t buy it, order it online, or take two and call me in the morning.

It lives in your hands.
And mine.
Woman to woman.
The antidote to self-hatred is a revolution.
The Pleasure Revolution.

It lives inside the choices you make, every day. That I make, every day.

The first step is noticing.
And that is what I want you to do first.
Get out a journal.
Keep a record.
Make a spreadsheet.
I want you to notice how many times you trash yourself — and how many times the women around you trash themselves every day.
Notice your kid.
Your mom.
Your co-workers.
You friends.
And report your findings, right here.

And then I want you to take on the antidote.

The antidote to self-hatred and self-doubt is not about fixing anything. It is about making a different choice. A radical choice. A revolutionary choice. A Pleasure Revolutionary choice.

The choice?
It is called celebrating yourself, for no reason.
Yes, you heard me.
Celebrating yourself, and others, for absolutely no reason whatsoever.
Except — you can.
Crazy, huh?
Well, let’s take this apart for a minute:
There is no real reason to hate yourself, now, is there?
It is just a pesky little piece of cultural conditioning that we have inherited from a culture that does not yet understand nor honor the value of the feminine.
And women are the worst offenders, the perpetrators.
We spread self-hatred like a virus. Woman to woman, girl to girl.
If we wanted to, we could do the same thing with the virus of self-love.
Just for the fun of it.
And there is no reason not to.

I took my daughter and her friend shopping last week and the girls bought twin dresses.  I took pictures of them in my phone.  But my girl did not find those photos at all nearly close to pretty enough, so she grabbed the phone, reset the lighting and did her own glamour photo shoot, getting exactly the pretty she wanted for her and her bestie.  You have to reach for it — grab it — and take it.
You in?
Let me give you a fast easy game changer.  The next time you begin to trash yourself:
Grab this exercise from my book, Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts:

“The Womantra”
A womantra is your statement about who you are, as a free woman on the planet, having your way. Here’s one example that I love:

I love you, you’re quirky.
I love you, you’re brave.
I love you, you’re glorious.

Create your own womantra, your own personal statement of yourself as a woman. The benefits come not from dwelling on inequality but, instead, from fully experiencing your freedom. Just take your pen to paper and see what flows. Womantras don’t have to rhyme. They don’t have to make sense. They are for yourself just to entertain you and inspire you.

I want you to report your findings, right here. What have you noticed about those internal messages of self-doubt and self-hatred you send yourself?
And let me know how you do with spreading the new epidemic of self-love for no reason. I am counting on you. What is your womantra today?

With so much love and pleasure,
Mama Gena

P.S. For more exercises like “The Womantra,” click here to check out the brand new audio version of my first book, Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts. It is smashing fun…

P.P.S.  For deep down dirty retrenching with yo Mama, get your sexy ass in Virtual Pleasure Boot Camp.  Click here to enroll.

Photo: lizlinder.com

  • 53 Comments · Leave One

{ 47 comments… read them below or add one }

Suzi Banks Baum April 24, 2012 at 10:27 am

Yesterday I noticed all those negative messages and how they were taking over my inner air waves. So, I posted a big honking set of brags, gratefuls and desires and WOW…as powerful a tool as any piece of chocolate only WAY more long lasting…I find myself bubbling with delight today. Even though the facts of my life have not changed, I am appreciating myself and my whole life, simply by taking this one step of self care.

My Womantra for today is this: I love you, You are capable of greatness.

Thanks to you,
Love right back at you,
S

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Sherrie Huckelberry April 24, 2012 at 10:59 am

Science and spiritual understanding knows that every liveing things is connected- your statement of self love raise the self love vibration for every woman on the planet ! In beliveing this the whole of creation bennifits. Best part is how wonderful you feel. Thank you for loveing yourself and MaMa Gena for cheering us women on.

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mama gena April 24, 2012 at 11:12 am

hey susie-
i love your womantra- those things are so useful, huh?
an easy game-changer.
xo
mg

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Alia April 24, 2012 at 10:36 am

For me, there is a lot of body hatred, so these are my recently used ones!

I have soft rosebud breasts

My tummy is incredible! (I usually say this while I am in front of mirror and try to find all the ways that it IS incredible!)

<3 <3

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mama gena April 24, 2012 at 11:12 am

delicious…..

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Rosalind Mae Reis April 24, 2012 at 11:00 am

Now, you’re talking to me.
Thank you MG!!!
My world just turned around on its axis!!!
Now, I am a magnetic galaxy of light!!!
Beauty pulls me over!!!
With love and gratitude,
Rosalind

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mama gena April 24, 2012 at 11:13 am

yeah you are, rosalind!!!!!!!

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SG Pu-rekini Alison April 24, 2012 at 11:23 am

Thanks, as always, dear sweet powerful Mama.
I’m so literal I thought womantras were for life or nearly.
Here’s today’s, composed NOW:

My body is strong and beautiful.
My skin is radiant and healing day-by-day.
I love myself.

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Ashley April 24, 2012 at 11:23 am

Oh yeah! We’re awesome. It just stinks that sometimes we forget that. I’m constantly reminding myself that I’m pretty, smart, and fabulous… And so is my fiancee. Girls get your men involved! They’re more than willing to remind you not to be so down on yourselves. Dudes don’t do that! They all think they’re great. Even when they are bald, fat, and two feet tall.

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mama gena April 24, 2012 at 11:55 am

so smart to get our guys in the game!

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SG DanseCalinda April 24, 2012 at 11:25 am

luv the pic of you demonstrating self hate, Mama-ji!!! Its SO unlike you that its fabulous!!!! :-D
your post should be printed out and leafletted to women in every major city, small town and village on this planet. love ya!

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Jen April 24, 2012 at 11:31 am

This is just what I needed today. I got chills when I read “It is called celebrating yourself, for no reason.” Everyone thinks we should have a reason,(including my own mother) but that’s BS. If you don’t celebrate yourself, who will? :)

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SG Sof~ull of Joy aka Sofia April 24, 2012 at 11:33 am

This was AWESOME, just what I needed to hear and soak in today . . . it’s that time of the month and my body has been feeling less than herself, but Oh, who would have thought a “womantra” could change that?

Mine for today: My Body she is BEAUTIFUL
My Body she is FULL of LIFE
My Body she is SACRED in all her MANIFESTATIONS
My Body: BEAUTIFUL LUSCIOUS LOVELY ~ MINE!

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SG Sparkling Soul Sister (Yuruani) April 24, 2012 at 12:02 pm

I could feel my cells changing as I was reading this! I was having a conversation with my sister about this sort of self-hate just yesterday. She recently got a breast job and it was so hard for me to understand why because I have always loved her body! We began to talk about it, and then I realized I did not love my body either…until recently! The Breast Loving Diet has been helping me in ways I could not imagine.

Thank you for sharing this message to women!

I will practice my womantra throughout the day:

I love you, you’re smart
I love you, you’re kind
I love you, you’re gorgeous
I love you, you’re amazing!

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SG Mermaid April 24, 2012 at 12:05 pm

So many negative attacks on women and girls all day, every day. I greatly appreciate you, MG, with your many reminders to us each day about how wonderful we are. We so lack a sisterhood in our culture & MG is drawing attention to this notion. We don’t have to tear each other down in order to feel a momentary illusion of confidence. My mantra for today is this:
I am worthy of being treated well
I am worthy of a good life.
I decide to be happy and content.
I decide to be loving to myself.

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SG Janie April 24, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Thanks so much for the reminder of the womantra! I need to make a new one just for today! I woke up feeling down and thinking that I’m too old, I’m not capable of really changing, the negative habits of a lifetime will prevail… I’ve got to make the choice, every day to celebrate myself. Thanks Mama for reminding me. I knew this, but hearing you say it makes so much difference and gives me that little charge I need to keep on keeping on! It’s time to re-read “The Game of Life!” I think I’m going to need to read that every couple of weeks…:)

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mila April 24, 2012 at 3:24 pm

SG Janie,
Are you referring to the book “The game of life and how to play it” by F.Scovel Shinn?

SG Mila

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elizabeth mcdonald April 24, 2012 at 12:19 pm

my mama, she always right on time!

after slaving over my website, the clothes, the lights ,the turning on the charm for the camera, my response was to look at it all w/criticsm and my mantra was, “this work is never going to f!%?&*g end!luckily, 1.my girfriend said, “you look gorgeous.”gorgeous?oh. oh… oh yeah…so then as is many times the case when deeply integrating these gorgeous mama gena tools,2. i had this experience:i awoke from a dream and heard a deep part of myself say,”i want to worship you.”

i realized i had been entrenched in nothing -good -enough- no -matter- how -much- i- d0.
so.today after i write this post, i am going to sit in front of my website which houses and offers to the world my inner and outer beauty, and as i say, “i want to worship you.”- which means for today, i take myself in in all my magnificence-i am going to breathe in and really acknowledge my beauty, brilliance.and then i’m going to wave a sacred flame and sacred offerings to myself.i love you, mama gena!xoxxo

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Vulvanica April 24, 2012 at 12:41 pm

I love you Mama, You are Truth!

Thank you for helping me love me too.

I am forwarding this blog to my bellydance students — it’s right on the dot.

This blog really helped me today because I was kicking my own ass about feeling inadequate — too inadequate to show up for my Desires.

Suzi’s “I love you, You are capable of greatness,” and your “I love you, You’re brave,” were just the outfit I needed to wear today.

Sending you my love bubbles,
Vulvanica

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mama gena April 24, 2012 at 1:27 pm

hey vulv- thanks for forwarding the blog!

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Bombshell Barbara April 24, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Thank you for this important and powerful reminder that self-love is so much bigger, better and bad ass than self-hatred. I always remember you saying in Mastery, “We don’t tolerate self-hatred in this room. We make it cry.” Who would have guessed that it’s as simple as making a decision to always talk to yourself as you would a dearest friend, and when you hear the critical voices remember they are not you? So simple and yet we seem to need constant reminding, which you provide so eloquently and lovingly.

Thank you thank you thank you!

Sending you bouquets of adoration,
Bombshell Barbara

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Kim April 24, 2012 at 1:36 pm

I love that you wrote about this. Thank You.

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Ronel April 24, 2012 at 1:41 pm

I like this idea.. I’ll be back for more later.

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T. L. Cooper April 24, 2012 at 1:54 pm

My self-hatred usually comes in the form of chiding myself for not getting “enough” done on any given day. No matter that I would never expect someone else to do as much as I expect myself to do. I am getting better at this. I’m learning to stop and ask myself “so what? will it cause the world to end?” Since the answer is always a resounding “no”, I’m learning to silence my “yeah, but…” voice.

This morning I woke up with the following in my head… I’m not sure where it came from, but I liked it so much I shared it was my Facebook status. Now I’m going to share it here because it seems to fit in with the topic.

I am human. I am imperfect. I am not broken. I don’t need to be fixed. I need room to be my best self, honor who I was before, and grow into the best me I can be.
Guess what? Same goes for you…

When we strive to be our best instead of striving for perfection, we often find it easier to love ourselves and see our own greatness!

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Lisa April 24, 2012 at 2:59 pm

So true! I never get enough done to please myself! There is always just one more thing. I love how you are learning to stop and ask yourself “will it cause the world to end?” I’m stealing that!

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T. L. Cooper April 24, 2012 at 3:21 pm

It is yours for the taking, Lisa!!

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SG Bobbie April 24, 2012 at 5:36 pm

I would also love to copy this as a FB status – it is beautiful!!

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T. L. Cooper April 25, 2012 at 4:39 am

Thank you! I’m so glad you find it beautiful and because you did, I’m glad I shared it here as well. It’s public on my FB page, so you can simply hit “share” to share it.
I am sorry I can’t read to whom to address this because the feather thingy is block your name and I can’t figure out how to make it go away.

mama gena April 25, 2012 at 2:55 pm

i love your womantra. sheer beauty.

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T. L. Cooper April 26, 2012 at 12:18 am

Thank you so much, Mama Gena!

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josie posie April 24, 2012 at 2:47 pm

i wrote this to myself 2 days ago…
YOU are amazing!  You are doing so well with all of your challenges…
So strong yet so gracious.
I LOVE you so much!!
Don’t sweat the small stuff… and guess what…
Its ALL small stuff really.
Your heart space is beautiful!

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Lisa April 24, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Taken from the genius Mary Poppins: “Practically perfect in every way!”

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SG Ti, Sugarbitch April 24, 2012 at 3:54 pm

I loved this so much I shared it on my fb page with the teaser, “I’m being trained as a Pleasure Revolutionary. This woman is my cell leader.” Today’s womantra, spoken in my best Mae West meets Sugarbitch voice, is:
Imperfection like this takes practice. Keep trying, darlings, you’ll get it some day!

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SG Luxurious Laurie April 24, 2012 at 5:28 pm

“My presence is a privilege” is one of my all-time favorite womantras…and I allow others, especially men, to serve me…because it’s pleasurable for me, and I can tell it makes them really happy!! I also love “I ooze sexiness”…because I do ;)

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Michelle Medina April 24, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Another awesome post and I’d say I’m doing quite well myself!!! Celebrate celebrate, celebrate!!!

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Liliana April 25, 2012 at 1:07 am

Since the first weekend at the School of Womanly Art I learned more and more to love myself, and have become aware of the moments I attempt the “usual” blaming, shaming and doubting myself, my body, my smarts, my very existence. Choosing the womantra instead and having fun with myself has become my new option – and I feel sooo grateful about this change – And yet such a reminder, Mama Gena, like the one you just sent us, is a genius and extraordinarily necessary to help us break the choice-less pattern our mothers, our girl-friends, our daughters know. My small steps are huge ones for every single woman, I am proud of my new pleasure path!

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Jacky Lawrence April 25, 2012 at 3:55 am

Waaaoooww! Here I am in rainy Warwickshire, UK, reading these AMAZING messages! MG! I’m so glad to have found you! I send out a newsletter to all my menopausal ladies every two weeks and I’m gonna fire some of these words to them – they really need
them! And, actually, so do I….. I love the love you give so freely and thank you for such generosity of nature; beautiful lady xxx

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mama gena April 25, 2012 at 2:56 pm

yeah!!!! menopausal women are raw beauty and raw wild power!!

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Regina, Queen of the Desert April 25, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Wow! Womantra?

I am so lusciously, powerfully unstoppable when I choose to let all my passion out!

I just observed today how afraid I had been to devour and taste my own full glory. I am a total, strutting, multiorgasm unto my own fine self. When I am actively loving and lusting after ME, even dogs notice.

Remember that you get to choose to adore yourself- and it is constant check-in, all the live long day. As in, how do I feel about me, right now? How does my Pussy feel about things, right now?

Adjust kaleidescope as necessary!

Loving you all,

Regina Grande, Queen Of The Desert

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SG Ditte April 26, 2012 at 12:36 am

I saw this post when it arrived in my mailbox…I thought ” I’ll read it later”, I don’t have time to read it right now, because I probably would feel like responding…and right I was!
This is exactly what I needed…I’ve had really gotten to a place of done…done with this life (I’m not suicidal :) don’t worrie), I guess it’s rupture… I have turned it around, and my womantra as I go to sleep and I will repeat tomorrow when I awake is:
- I am the goddess incarnate and I can do any thing. I am love!

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Michaela April 26, 2012 at 6:46 am

My Womantra is:

“I am ready to be who I am.”
“I am ready to have what I want.”

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Lynn April 26, 2012 at 1:52 pm

I’m a new reader, Mama Gena…and I must say I am loving everything that’s been coming into my inbox from you! I love how free, easy, and even “silly” your writing is. I went through a period where I was like that too, and it was the happiest time of my life. Over the past few years I somehow managed to let myself get all uptight and sorta cynical and embarrassed by silliness & enthusiasm again — and your writing reminds me of the REAL and HAPPIEST way to be….with nothing to ever be embarrassed about!

I love the Womantra idea! Here’s mine:

“I love how you never let yourself settle for less than you deserve!”
“You are so interesting!”
“It’s amazing how awesome you are!”

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Mara April 26, 2012 at 7:53 pm

I read this at the absolute perfect time – this morning before I went dress shopping. While in the fitting room, I could hear these 3 ladies talking major shit about their bodies and all the things wrong with them. It really was a great reminder that we’re all shaped differently and fit perfectly into different styles. I tried on about 30 dresses and instead of getting down on myself about what wasn’t fitting, I enjoyed what was and found 4 amazing dresses to choose from. The fashion industry, much like the beauty industry, has created a lot of fears that we just don’t need to buy into – with our hearts or wallets. Clothes and make-up can be tools to help us feel fabulous and I’m grateful to have gotten to experience that today! <3

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SG Aynsley April 26, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Oh MAMA,
I was just thinking of how sick I was of being so critical of myself- but my timing was perfect as I am so ready to take your words to heart and start back using my womantra.
Oh how I’ve missed living in my pleasure- time to go on a pleasure diet!

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SG Lois April 27, 2012 at 9:09 pm

These are my womantras for the day:

“I am irresistible. Men of all ages give me admiring looks.”

“I know what I want and I know how to get it.”

“I am a woman of strength and beauty.”

“I celebrated my 64th birthday 2 days ago and I am so hot, beautiful, and amazing.”

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barbara heile May 21, 2012 at 3:05 pm

i love me for how obsessive i am, it shows me the depths i can and will go for the truth. i am obsessively unstoppable in my love of truth. the truth of me, and the truth of this beautiful reflection of me…..YOU!

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tianna August 23, 2012 at 9:44 pm

I am a sultry temptress.

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