There is no worse word for a woman than stuck.
We can handle pain. We can handle loss. We can handle chaos.
There is a beginning, middle and end to those experiences.
But stuck feels like slow asphyxiation.
Like solitary confinement.
Trapped with no oxygen, no windows, and no understanding of how to get out.
Which is the worst part of all.
Because in some way, somehow, we know we put ourselves in this stuck spot.
There are so many ways to be stuck.
It might be a job you kinda hate with a future you don’t want to live into.
It might be a marriage that you knew, from the moment you walked down the aisle, was a compromise.
Maybe you are a drained and exhausted full-time Mom, or a drained and exhausted working Mom, with years of child-rearing stretching ahead of you.
Or you are on that dating treadmill, where you just cannot bear to have another drink with another guy who does not know you, and ask him what he does for a living.
I have to admit I am on a first-name basis with ‘stuck’.
I lived so many years in a marriage I had outgrown.
So so so many years in a job that was low paying and nowhere near the neighborhood of my true calling.
I have even sat down and counted the number of days until my daughter graduated high school. Single motherhood can be overwhelming.
And dating? Big sigh. There and back, sisters. There and back.
Once you have spent a day, a week, a month, a year, or a decade in that formaldehyde, you would do anything—and I mean anything—to avoid going back.
This blog is dedicated to the woman who is willing to do anything to jump off the ledge of stuck, and leap into the turbulent wonderful risky ever-changing waters of life.
How do you even know you are stuck?
You are irritated all the time.
You can’t think of anything you are looking forward to, except if it has chocolate frosting or extra cheese on it.
You actively run through a long, very long, mental list of people that you blame for your current situation. Your parents, boss, co-workers, your kids, your lack of kids, husband, lack thereof—you get the picture. You pull this list out frequently. It keeps you up at night. Which makes you even more tired and cranky.
Exhaustion is the nail in your stuck coffin.
I remember this night, once upon a time, many many years ago, when I went toe to toe and head to head with my ‘stuck’.
I was an actress who was not acting.
A singer who was not singing.
A woman with deep longings for partnership who was not dating.
I was lonely.
And dried up.
And imprisoned by my own limitations.
I came home to my tiny studio apartment, after a long day of waiting tables.
And I was picking up the phone to order Chinese for the 8 millionth time, and sit on the couch in my solitude. But I found myself pausing.
Because I had been invited to a party that night, that I had automatically decided I was not going to attend.
But then—phone in hand, Chinese joint on speed dial—I thought to myself: I know exactly what will happen if I order Chinese and sit here in this apartment by myself for the 8 millionth time.
That’s what will happen.
And I might be here, just like this for another 10 or 20 years.
So I made a different choice.
I tore out of the house and headed to the party.
And changed my own destiny.
Which became the beginning of the adventure of this extraordinary life that I continue to live.
And all it took was one choice.
One small change.
Which led to another. And another. And another.
Which sounds a lot easier than it is.
What led me to take a different action?
And the simple fact that I confided, to a new friend, how miserable I was.
And how much I wanted to change my life.
I was seen, I was heard, exactly where I was.
Can you see the first step out of stuck?
Admitting your stuck truth to someone.
And then admitting your deeply held desire.
In order to stay stuck, you have to bury both.
That is why this community is so powerful.
In the beginning, it was so so difficult for me to summon the energy to put one foot in front of the other and climb out of my deep doldrums.
I was so alone and so lonely.
With this extraordinary community of women surrounding me, I cannot stay stuck for long. There is always someone to inspire or be inspired by.
We all need a hand, now and then, to haul us out of our self-induced, life-induced doldrums.
This is the beauty of The School of Womanly Arts Mastery Program.
The program is structured to dismantle ‘stuck’ and give a woman access to living her most deeply held desires—even if they are long buried inside her.
Mastery teaches a woman to overturn the vat of formaldehyde she has been marinating in, and cut herself loose to live the adventures, the heartbreaks, and the divine exploits that are calling her name.
As you know, you cannot have an adventure, nor heartbreak, nor divine exploit when you are stuck.
Since I have already given you the first steps of how to get out of ‘stuck’, let’s play a little game together. Now.
In the comments below, post an area where you are stuck. You can be free as a bird in one area of your life, and locked and bolted in another. We all have them.
Then, state your desire. Even if you can barely find the words, even if your desire is just a feeling you want to have.
And for those of us responding, we will just fill you with love and support and stand for you in reflecting the beautiful vision of your desire.
Let’s see how many women we can unstuck from stuck this week.
Every time a woman lives her desire, she is not only serving herself, but she serves the world. It is our obligation, as a community, to stand for one another’s most deeply held dreams and desires.
Let’s see what we can create, together.
With so much love & pleasure,