Is greed good in relationships?

Darling,

Tomorrow night is a big night for me.
There is this guy I have been kind of seeing.
I like him a lot, a lot more than anyone that I have dated in a really long time.
Which is awesome, amazing and I am so very grateful.
And if we are to go to the next level, together, I have this obligation to myself.
I need to lay out for him, as clearly as I can, exactly what my desires are.
For him.
For us.
Why?
Well, if I don’t, he will never ever have a shot at making me happy. He will always be confused and guessing, missing some, hitting others.
And uncertainty is so very un-sexy.
It’s actually worse than un-sexy.
It’s kind of mean.
The most generous thing I can do for him, for us, is to be outrageously raw and greedy with my desires.
In fact, last week, when we were together, he asked me for my desires. He wanted to know what I wanted from him, and as happy as I was for his interest, at that moment, I was not prepared to answer. But I have been thinking about his question for a few days, and allowing my imagination to soar and fly. And now, I am ready for him.

How about you?
If your lover/husband/girlfriend/wife/boyfriend asked you what you want, would you be able to answer that question?
Or are you just kind of vaguely going with the flow?
Do you think she/he should automatically know what it is that you want?
Or are you so pissed, that you have not gotten what you want yet, that you refuse to tell him/her?
Are you embarrassed about the pure raw desires that you have?
And do you keep those desires under wraps?

Women have not been taught to prioritize our desires. In fact, we have been told to hide them. Who hasn’t demurred when someone has asked if you might like the last piece of chocolate cake? Or where you might like to go for dinner?
Who has decided not to approach that hot guy/gal at the party, because there was already someone else talking to him/her? Ugh.
And who pays the price when we don’t get what we want?
Not only us, but everyone around us.
Why? Because a large case of cranky sets in when a woman ignores her desires.
Cranky is not something to ignore.
In fact, it’s kind of the epidemic condition amongst women right now.
Mildly annoyed can become a way of life, if you are not careful. Especially since so many women are modeling that look on the runway of life, these days.
When unchecked, cranky can slowly, almost invisibly, exterminate all the fun.
For you, and everyone in your vicinity.
And you and I know those people. (Or, are those people. :-) ) Those people who can never even imagine something more wonderful than you could ever dream could ever come true.
Which is a good way of automatically making sure it never ever does.

So, in an effort to make sure that each of us has the best possible Valentine’s Day, I have a proposition, and an assignment for you. 

MEOLA-219-smallThe proposition is this: I want to know everything that you want to know about relationships and sex. I want to have a chance to answer all your questions. This is my area, my expertise, my joy and my delight. And I want to serve you every which way I can, to make sure that no matter where you are in your relationship life, or your sex life, that you have to best possible Valentine’s Day that any woman could have, and the best next steps as you navigate your way to having the sex you deserve and the relationships you long for.

Ask your questions below, and I’ll use them to guide the next few weeks’ blog posts, as well as our Facebook posts, for the rest of the month. I might just answer yours specifically!

And my assignment for you is this: Also in the comments section below, make a list of everything your heart desires, for Valentine’s Day, and for every day. (Click to tweet!) The place where a woman’s desires can run free is inside a community of sisterhood. If you can imagine it, you can have it. Because we are all women, and all of us have amazing beautiful huge glorious desires, it means that once our desires are unlocked, we can each create anything and everything that we long for, including a magnificent ever-expanding sex life and an unprecedented relationship life. Together, all of our desires are possible. A woman’s desire is the most powerful force on earth. Blow me away with how greedy you can be!

In so much love and pleasure,
mama-gena-sig-180px

  • 79 Comments · Leave One

{ 79 comments… read them below or add one }

Allyson Schmidt February 11, 2014 at 9:29 am

I desire to use my pleasures to bring my life to levels that I’ve never imagined. How do I do that? I desire to use the tools I learned last weekend here in my small town where I am telling all the women I know about Mama Gena. I desire to e-publish my poetry so that I can share it with women to help heal them. I desire to share my gratitude with you Mama Gena for the opportunity to share my poem with all the Sister Goddesses is NYC. I desire to move with my son and bring our lives to the world. I desire to live in communion with my partner and delight in his love everyday and every night. I desire play and creation to be my career which rewards me beyond expectation and then some. I desire to support others in their healing journey to develop their best selves. I desire to be my best self, and then some! Happy V Day Sister Goddesses! <3

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Pat Tallman February 11, 2014 at 11:16 am

Wow Allyson!
You inspired me! I love what you wrote. I’m holding your intentions in my heart for you. Soar, my Sister!
xoxoxoxo

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Kalyani February 11, 2014 at 12:22 pm

This is so beautiful and inspiring, SG Allyson, thank you!
And so shall it be!

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Linda Cantave February 11, 2014 at 3:15 pm

My desire is to have my husband come out of hiding. The problem is I don’t even want to try anymore. How do you satisfy your desires if your partner has none? How can you enjoy yourself when the person with whom you sharing your desires is in a la-la land?

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Christina February 11, 2014 at 4:42 pm

Linda, I just wanted to tell you that you’re not alone in this! It’s a hard place to be in when you’ve told and shown your husband your desires over and over again, and nothing happens. I feel the same way, and it’s so incredibly frustrating. Is it worth trying anymore? You and I are in a place of brokeness. I pray that we’ll both keep trying and keep working towards resolution. My hope is that breakthrough is just around the corner, and we can move on in peace and hope. In the mean time, keep writing down all your desires, keep speaking them, and keep showing love. Blessings to you! xoxo

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Deborah Smith aka SG Wicked February 11, 2014 at 12:37 pm

Beautiful!!! So shall they be or even better!!

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Missy Shupe February 13, 2014 at 4:25 pm

Loved it Allyson…was great meeting you in NYC – you are very motivating and I love hearing your brags. Inspiring to me and also many other women.

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Caroline February 11, 2014 at 9:34 am

How long have you been seeing him?
The way I see a relationship is it’s a long road with many intersections. At each one, there is either a red, green or yellow light. You proceed accordingly. You don’t know what the next intersection will bring. We are changing all the time. How can we tell someone what we want in the future? Are we cast in stone? It’s difficult enough to talk about what we want now. Shouldn’t a relationship evolve? It’s an emotional thing, not a negotiated contract. Yes, tell him what you want but make sure he knows it may change day by day. It is not a want for all times. And also consider once you get what you thought you wanted, you might not want it anymore. (Am I missing something or interpreting this question wrong?)

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Alay'nya February 11, 2014 at 9:37 am

Absolutely beautiful, awesome, amazing, fantastic! And so encouraging to the rest of us!

Very best wishes to you (and others in the SG community) for your (and all of our) relationships, and for having the courage to share at such a deep and personal level.

Much love – A.

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Soleil February 11, 2014 at 10:01 am

Your timing is amazing! I’ve been with my partner for 4 yrs and living together for two of them his idea not mine. We were engaged before he moved in but I gave back the ring bc I felt he only gave it to me so I would go back w him – we had broken up. He also never commited to a date and I found out he was just officially divorced then. It’s now been two years and although he says he wants to get married he hasn’t given me a ring. I told him I didn’t want the original ring bc it would be bad luck. The other day i sent him a picture if the ring I desired and he told me it was out of his league price wise. Do I just keep waiting? I’m 49 yrs old and was married before for 20 yrs, my partner is so good to me in very other way and I love and care deeply for him. It’s not easy for me to ask for what I want as I’ve been used to settling

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Helen Tye Talkin February 14, 2014 at 1:20 pm

Soleil, I am touched by what you wrote because I have also experienced a back and forth relationship with mixed messages. I advise you to keep asking yourself what it is you really want. I was willing to settle for less after my 20 year marriage broke up, but after doing that in a relationship for almost 5 years, I won’t settle for less any longer. I realize now that I was in a desperate place when I met this guy, and consequently was in a desperate relationship with him, on-off for 5 years. I’m not desperate any more, I’m moving on, and I know what I want, and it’s not settling for bad communication, lack of response, ambivalence.

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Stacy February 11, 2014 at 10:10 am

My question: What do you do when you just simply can’t seem to attract people? I am not an unattractive person – actually, many people (other women) tell me I’m good-looking and pretty. I’m 41 and look a lot like the singer PJ Harvey, who I believe is around my age – people mistake me for mid 30s. Men NEVER come on to me, ask me out or pay me attention. Yes, I have low self-esteem and it may show, but it seems weird that I am just ignored. What can I do?

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Stacy February 11, 2014 at 10:16 am

I know this sounds shallow, but I’m tired of being alone and lonely. I know so many people in relationships that are happy. I’ve tried online dating but have met lots of people who are really emotionally closed, have strange fetishes or are potential abusers (been there, done that too many times). I just want a normal, nice, average guy but cannot seem to meet that person or get them to notice me.

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Jill February 11, 2014 at 10:57 am

Dating is so challenging in the electronic, fast paced age. Have you considered joining a spiritual group or taking a class? Chase your passion and maybe a secondary benefit will be that you meet a man who is chasing his too.

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Cherie-Lee Forrester February 11, 2014 at 10:19 am

How do I become a diva or goddess like Ms Monroe, Elizabeth Taylor etc? A man magnet but being a lady with grace and airs?

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Jill February 11, 2014 at 10:59 am

Believe that you already ARE a beautiful diva like Monroe or Taylor. It will come from the inside out. Tell yourself I am a gorgeous diva….

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Cherie-Lee Forrester February 12, 2014 at 7:59 am

:) thanks Jill!
Will put it to the test.

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Deborah Smith aka SG Wicked February 11, 2014 at 12:38 pm

Love this question.

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Suzi Banks Baum February 11, 2014 at 10:22 am

My Desires for Valentine’s Day and every day?

For sure.
I desire to feel sacred resonance with my partner.
I desire him to know me more than he has yet, in our 23 years together.
I desire to stand at the edge of the Grand Canyon with him and declare our desires to each other.
I desire to keep room for our kids in our lives, to make bigger spaces for them to occupy, to hold space for their maturity, and to share more of our selves with them.
I desire to know my partner more deeply than every before, for our transparency to glimmer with divine loving, real time- gritty juice of daily life together and open sharing of what is possible that we cannot even name yet.
I desire to be in Paris with him or some other European town, in a house or apartment with a lemon tree, an Aga stove, two large desks, one gorgeous bed, a terrace that fits our friends, wine and food to feed them and time to enjoy.
I desire to feel connected in our service in the world, whether in our work or beyond, but to express our love and care for others, together.
I desire to paddle a boat laden with fruit in crystal clear turquoise waters to our bungalow on a beach somewhere and stay there, fed and nourished by this exquisite location for a good bit of time.
More, please?
I desire to travel to unknown places, wild places and ancient places and stop long enough to know something of the people who live there.
I desire to learn a new thing with him.
I desire to go on a couple’s yoga retreat with him.
I desire flowing abundance to continue to fuel our lives and our work.
I desire more, Goddess, more love, more trust, more joy, more laughter, more movies, more walks, more swimming, more friendship, more kid time, more abundant-fertile-luscious aliveness with my man.

There. That is good for today, yes?
Thank you for asking.
xoxoox S

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Jill February 11, 2014 at 11:00 am

Thanks for your list!

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SG Kalyani February 11, 2014 at 12:24 pm

What a clear and well thought out list of desires, sister!
Brava! And so shall it be!

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Deborah Smith aka SG Wicked February 11, 2014 at 12:41 pm

Ahhhh! What a gorgeous list. I desire all of those things also plus the man with whom to be/do/desire them

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Lila February 11, 2014 at 2:55 pm

Yeah! Love it. Thanks for the inspiration!

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Dr. Liliana Sacarin, Seductress, the Irresistible Pussy February 12, 2014 at 1:24 am

Such beautiful descriptive desires – I was there in that space with you when I saw them! So it already is, so shall it be or better!

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Meg aka Writer Babe February 14, 2014 at 10:17 am

So lovely and clear! And so it shall be or something even better!

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Queen Kitty February 11, 2014 at 10:30 am

Ok. This May or may not be a tough one for you, it sure as hell is for me. I spent much of my youth (15-17) bouncing from guy to guy, and I must admit, enjoying myself. Others may have considered me a whore, I considered myself strong and un encumbered by traditional roles and free to own my sexuality. After I was raped at 17, sex with men became about conquest and power. So until I met my husband at 22, it was, “if you are what I want, I will have you”. My husband and I have been together now for almost 16 years, and although the sex is almost always mind blowing, if asked what I want him to do, or what I desire, I turn into a blushing ball of demure. And it sucks. This started after our son was born btw. I cannot ask for what I want. I do not understand how I spent most of my life as the temptress and honestly a student of the courtesan path, and now in my supposed sexual peak I freak out at the thought of telling the man who
loves me more than I ever thought possible, what it is I want. I buy fun corset sets and beautiful lingerie, and I will send him perfectly lit, shaded pictures; but I wear it in the dark- lol. Yes. I know how absurd this sounds. Real life is dimply, hair in weird places, in short, I’m not built or smooth or hairless like a porn star. I gave birth to our son 12 years ago, but the damage that birth inflicted on my body has left me ashamed. Harrumph. Now after writing that I am just angry. I look forward to your advice and support.

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Queen Kitty February 11, 2014 at 4:04 pm

I figured it out. I desire to desire myself so much that I can’t help but tell my DH what he can do to please me.
Xox,
Queen Kitty

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Curly Sarah February 12, 2014 at 12:02 am

I love your response! Now that sounds like a woman getting a lot closer to getting her needs met! Hallelujah!

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Dr. Liliana Sacarin, Seductress, the Irresistible Pussy February 12, 2014 at 1:27 am

You are rocking it sister! and wait till Regena comes to infuse your path with even more pussy connection!

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Kini February 11, 2014 at 10:48 am

When is the right time to expose your desires to your guy?

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Sister Goddess Jeanne February 11, 2014 at 11:15 am

I go with always let him know your desires. How else will he know what you are thinking and wishing? And they may change week to week or day to day, so you need to re-evaluate and re-comunicate. Not that I’ve done this much in my past , but hope to in the future….

Just like if you went into a Resturant and went to the counter and the guy asked you what you wanted to eat, you wouldn’t say ‘whatever you want’ and hope he gets it right. You would select something and if the resturant didn’t have what you really wanted , then you would then be able to make a good choice about whether you should go to the next resturant.

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anoek van praag February 11, 2014 at 11:18 am

It is so simple: to be treated like a queen.
Like there is no one more special in the world than me.
How? By getting flowers, going to places that reflect sensuality, class,art, by being surprised in an exciting way, by being swept off my feet and there is no other answer then “yes”

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Dr. Liliana Sacarin, Seductress, the Irresistible Pussy February 12, 2014 at 1:28 am

Love this vision and got more inspiration for my own desires! Thank you Anoek!

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Andrea February 11, 2014 at 11:30 am

I desire to be desired by a guy who I desire. I always seem to be pursued by guys who are “meh,” at best. And even when I expose my desires to them, they flake out or disappear because I’m too high maintenance. (For instance, I asked one guy to aske me on a proper date instead of texting at all hours; he said sure then cancelled our date and I never heard from him again. After an okay first date, another guy texted me constantly for days about the most inane stuff; I tod him (nicely) that it was too much texting but that I’d love to hang out again if he asked me in advance; I never heard from him again).

For once, I’d love it if the hot guy who makes my knees weak were to not only ask me out, but really desire me. I would love for the hot guy I’ve been lusting after in yoga class for almost a year to ask me for drinks. Then, if that goes well, maybe ask me to be his girlfriend. Then, if that goes well, maybe ask me to marry him and move to Hawaii and have gorgeous, flexible babies.

Or, I would love it for the guy that I had the hottest afternoon with last April to show up at my door with a bottle of tequila and a flogger. I want him to ravish me, and then I want to cook dinner for him. And then I want him to decide that he can’t live without me.

But I’m pretty sure that none of this will happen. So, I’m planning on going to yoga on Valentine’s Day and then drinking a bottle of wine with my cat. Sexy, huh?

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Chi February 14, 2014 at 12:54 pm

OMG….Andrea…I feel the same exact way. and I have met those same texting, emailing and no proper date men.
Today, on Valentine’s I am hope and catching up on my reading…and so glad I am, cause I can totally relate to you and all the women on here. I am sorry I missed the weekend in NYC ….I am sure I would have learned a lot.
I, too, would love to know where to meet the “hot” guy and have him court and desire me.
Ah what a tangled web…..

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Chi February 14, 2014 at 12:55 pm

oops..I am HOME

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SG Sizzling Sexy Songstress Heather February 11, 2014 at 11:33 am

WhooHoo! I AM all over this fabulous assignment! Thank you! Happy Valentine’s Day to ME!

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SG Rockstar February 11, 2014 at 12:34 pm

You go girl!!!

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Deborah Smith aka SG Wicked February 11, 2014 at 12:44 pm

You two are so Fucking awesome!!! Love you both!!!

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Dr. Liliana Sacarin, Seductress, the Irresistible Pussy February 12, 2014 at 1:32 am

:) well said, gorgeous SG!

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Dawn February 11, 2014 at 11:42 am

Thank you, Mama Gena, for being a voice of Goddess here! I desire a fabulous, life shaking, mind blowing relationship…that contains a sexual aspect in addition to an intellectual and spiritual bond. Am I asking too much? I’ve never had it all and after avoiding ‘romantic’ relationships for nearly a decade in fear of sticking myself into another one based on fears, I feel that I am ready to stop hiding and jump into this juicy piece of life. But…I’m stuck on the how. Stuck in the idea that maybe I ask too much. Or that maybe it is simply not meant for me to experience such a relationship. Or maybe…I don’t deserve it. Any advice would be most gratefully appreciated.

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Donna February 11, 2014 at 11:57 am

Wow! You all sound like wonderful women!
Desires…I’m 42 and just recently realised that it’s healthy for me to have desires. I’ve never been married and would love to be. (I just need to meet an emotionally healthy guy who desires the same as me.
My mind has now gone blank but I will post again soon.

Love

Donna xxx

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SG Catherine February 11, 2014 at 12:21 pm

Hi Mama Gena, thank you for this blog post. Here is my question: what do you do when you HAVE gone for your relationship desires full throttle and made it very clear what you want…and you get coldly and brutally rejected?

I just tried to type a short version of the story behind this question and failed miserably…but the summary is basically I met a guy who, like your guy, I like more than I’ve liked anyone in a very long time. I made my desires known to him (I gave him a copy of EMO. I took him to learn to OM with me – which he did very well. I asked him to be my boyfriend) and acknowledged everything he did for me. I made sure to brag on the boards and with my sister goddess friends and to write gratitudes in my journal. We had a fight one evening and my inner bitch came out; I apologized profusely. When we finally sat down to talk about it, he asked, “Are you in love with me?” I said yes. He said, “Well, I’m not in love with you, and I can’t be right now.”

Mama Gena, I am so ashamed. I truly believed in my desires, and I went for them with abandon. And now here I am, alone and rejected three days before Valentine’s Day. What did I do wrong? I am in terrible pain, and I’m afraid to follow my desires now because I don’t want to experience this pain again.

My desire for Valentine’s Day: to get through the day without thinking of dying. My long term desires (which I’m very afraid to share) are for this guy to decide he DOES want to be with me and for him to come to your Men’s Night in June. I also desire for Mastery to bring sublime pleasure to my life and to help me get out of this rut I’ve been stuck in for the past five years.

Thanks again for your post. I desire with all my heart for you to read this question and answer it.

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SG Rockstar February 11, 2014 at 12:33 pm

As always your blogs come at the most opportune time for me as I prepare to further a relationship that I have desired for a long time. A desire list is so so amazing and I am looking forward to having this list as I continue on my conjured journey. Mama Gena – you are amazing and so am I!!

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Deborah Smith aka SG Wicked February 11, 2014 at 1:03 pm

Yahoo!!! You ROCK!!!

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Dr. Liliana Sacarin, Seductress, the Irresistible Pussy February 12, 2014 at 1:35 am

Awesome post, Rockstar!

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Kait February 11, 2014 at 12:35 pm

I have entered a relationship with a man that seems truly compatible with me. It’s the first time I’ve had an emotional connection as well as a physical connection. However, I seem to rely far too much on him to read my mind in terms of what my desires are. To my relief, he is better than any other man I’ve dated at tuning in. However, I would like to get to a place where I can freely express those desires. However, I seem to be completely cut off from that source. I know it is not his responsibility to “read my mind.” I simply just draw a blank! Any tips would be much appreciated :)

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Deborah Smith aka SG Wicked February 11, 2014 at 1:02 pm

So shall it be or even better.

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SG Ronda the Sun February 11, 2014 at 12:40 pm

I desire more then anything to have a loving constellation polyamorous family. I desire to start it with my amazing partner. But he is very monogamous and I don’t know how to explain to him that me wanting other lovers in my life has nothing to do with him not being enough.

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Deborah Smith aka SG Wicked February 11, 2014 at 1:03 pm

And so shall it be or even better.

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Morgine Jurdan February 11, 2014 at 12:51 pm

I feel “unconditional love and honesty” are the two most important things in a relationship. I was happily married for over 35 years and still remain best friends with my partner after 44 years, even though he is in a new relationship. Friends and strangers used to asked us frequently, the key to our amazing relationship. We made love almost daily. We radiated our love.

We told them “loving without conditions and, honest and open communication” always in all situations, especially the most difficult times and the most joyous times as well. Sometimes people are as afraid to share their joy and excitement about something, as their pain and confusion. If you love “without conditions” there is no worrying about either one.

Sharing your personal passions, desires, pain and confusions, helps create a deeper more passionate relationship. There is no worry something is being hidden or unexpressed. You can go “all the way” being fully present with the other person, because you can always “discuss” anything which comes up. When he stepped away due to his inner guidance, we still shared our individual pain and confusion. We remained there for each other regardless of our individual journeys.

What I disagree with in what you shared was regarding the statement: …”he will never have a shot at making me happy.” I let that go a while ago. It is not anyone’s job to “make me happy.” It is “my job” creating my emotions from the inside out and not depending on outside circumstances to “dictate” how I experience my life. That is what “conditional love” is about. If you do this and this and this, I will be happy! If you don’t do this, I will be disappointed or angry. I have this list of things “I need from you” in order for me to experience happiness in my relationship with you. Here is the list! Please fulfill it or else we might not be “happy” together.

I TOTALLY agree we need to State our Desires. I used to teach 2 day workshops in “gender communication”. One evening, a man over 50, asked what women wanted in love making. He had made love with several women and he still had no idea what they liked or did not like ,and if we was doing what they wanted!!!! Not one woman responded. It was totally quiet. So I shared. I told him every woman was unique and I could only tell him what turned me on. Many many came up later and thanked me. So YES men need to know what we love and enjoy. AND they too are human beings, unique and individual. They might not be able to do something we desire, because they find it uncomfortable, they do not feel they know how, or whatever has happened in their own personal life journey.

I do feel women NEED to be more open and honest with men and men need to be more open and honest with us. YET for me, it comes without a agenda, free of demands or expectations. It comes from a place of total and complete love without conditions. These are things which I love and enjoy and appreciate. These are things which turn me off. I appreciate you taking these all into consideration when we engage with each other.

Sometimes my partner would say, “I will do the dishes, don’t worry about them tonight.” That meant, he would do them first thing, when he got up in the morning. When I said “I will do the dishes.”, because he was involved in something he loved, that meant I would do them right away, because I did not like to wake up to a dirty kitchen. Neither of us, however, ever required the other person “to change” in order to “make us happy”. We loved each other as we are, here now, with all our complicated likes and dislikes. There are no “conditions” which must be met in order for our love to exist. It is eternal and forever. My two cents. Thanks for sharing yours. Loving Creatively, Morgine

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Deborah Smith aka SG Wicked February 11, 2014 at 1:01 pm

Thank you. I came here this morning aching for a good strong hit of Mama Gena. Yahoo, that desire manifest!!!
I think the SGs above pretty well touched on any questions I might have had for you.
I desire
1) almost everything SG Suzy Banks listed plus
2) the man to to/have it all with.
3) I desire CC.
4) I desire 500K/year income.
5) to get REALLY good at desiring.
6) to get equally as adept at communicating my desires.
7) to go deeper and deeper and get better and better at “people training.
8) to honor and trust this searing rawness that feels part push back and a lot about living and growing.
9) to trust, Trust, TRUST and totally believe in the power and magnanimousness of GPS.

Thank you Regina. So shall your desires be or EVEN BETTER!!! Happy V Day!!
xxx
From one of your “Angels” turned “Wicked”!

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rubelin~ February 11, 2014 at 2:10 pm

I desire to meet a loving, supportive partner to share all my desires with, to grow my business and share my talents with the world.

After the bottom fell out of my life when my marriage ended suddenly 7 yrs ago followed soon after by our beloved community school closing, I’ve struggled to pull myself back up from the depths and find my happy again. I’m very complete with losing my ex but the loss of security, love, support, etc, and the strain of raising my sons alone and with very little income is crushing.

I’m so deeply aware of my desires and every month that passes alone, unsupported, and slightly panicked makes me more & more despondent that those desires will ever come to fruition. So much has happened that’s caused me to contract my life for survival and safety and I don’t know how to expand again. Hope kept me going, but now I’m even losing hope =(

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Sara Scheller February 12, 2014 at 5:34 am

Don’t EVER lose hope! All of this struggle is going to propel you forward. Maybe it’s a lesson in patience…I once read a quote that went something like “patience is not in the waiting, but how you act while you are waiting”. That was a big AH- HA moment for me.
But I certainly know the feeling, as a single mom, I feel the same struggle. But something in me just knows I’m going to be ok! I’m keeping myself open to the possibilities and trusting the life lessons I’m getting along the way.

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magical February 13, 2014 at 11:28 am

Hey, keep going, read Mama’s books, practice. I was in a similar position for 6 years no dates, no men… raising my severly handicapped son, which I thought might be a big challenge for a man…. I did an excercise of trying to feel this man already out there…. on his way :-) I felt a beautiful energy. I just kept connecting and trusting. Setting a candle at the table for him for dinner… then one day I made space in my bedroom closet, made the bedroom jsut right for us, bought towels, and 3 weeks later …..
we have an amazing relationship and he loves my son… so you just never know…. trust and in the mean time learn to have more and more adn more fun

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Flamingo Flame M February 11, 2014 at 2:43 pm

Dear Mama G, I desire ……connection..tenderness.. passion…laughter.. to be picked up after work to go driving along the coast. Cuddling all day while it’s raining outside, cooking for him, him playing for me, singing,, dancing,..someone by my side who supports me.

Love!

M

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Flamingo Flame M February 11, 2014 at 2:53 pm

And yes..
to pet a lion, a rhino and to swim with whales.
to sleep in the desert with Bedouins under starry sky
to sing flamenco
to make an amazing dresses for spring collection
to dance to the African drums
to dance some more
to be free to be me because I miss me so much
I desire to be me

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LinzyB February 11, 2014 at 4:09 pm

Hi Girls,

When I think of greed I think more of being true to yourself. If there are things you want in a relationship be honest with yourself and your partner. Tell them about what you want. Never compromise on your values, what you believe in. It can be frustrating at times when you are alone. It’s better to be alone, then in an unhealthy relationship. Be patient with yourself and for your future partner. For when the time is right, it makes up for everything in the past. You are always worth it.

Linzy

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Alice February 11, 2014 at 5:54 pm

I’d like to know how to inspire more diversity in the bedroom.

Thanks Mama Gena!

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SG LAIKA February 11, 2014 at 6:22 pm

I desire to stand for my true loving self
I desire to always be true to ME
I DESIRE TO always love myself- my past, my present, every bit that’s still growing, who made mistakes and learned in the past, who has been hurt and healing …
I desire to forgive myself and have compassion for me
I desire to more love, trust, romance and growth with my husband
I desire couple’s yoga/sex retreat with my husband
I desire to be desired by my husband- every inch of my body
I desire to be touched by my husband with absolute sensuality
I desire to receive small present by total surprise often
I desire my husband turns off the tv to greet me when I come home
I desire my husband desires to know me more each day through deep conversation
I desire to laugh and smile and play and dance with my husband
Oh yeah, I desire at least 2 healthy pregnancies and babies(I’ll take twins too)
I desire to live in the South of France for a month during maternity leave with my family
I desire a career that fills my soul with light love and happiness
I desire a vacation filled with sun beach family
I desire peace for my husband
I desire that my husband and my family rekindle their harmony
I desire more SG in my life, more friendship n community
Last n not least, I want to say how grateful I am for You Mama Gena, the community you created, all the help you’ve made available for all the women in the world.
And so it shall be….

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Sandy February 11, 2014 at 9:37 pm

What do I desire for VDay and every day? I have a job I love and a grown daughter that has finally become a friend. I’m not lacking anything …. except ….. a man that will allow me to love him and he loves me in return. I’ve been divorced almost 9 years yet haven’t had a VDay for probably 30 years. Oh sure a card was received when I was married – but that meant nothing because there was no feeling behind it. It was obligatory. Honestly I didn’t expect to be this alone for this long – not that I expected Prince Charming to show up on my doorstep the day after the divorce – but here I am – still alone. I’ve had friends tell me I’m a wonderful person, men tell me I’m pretty and sexy – so why doesn’t anyone want me? Do you KNOW what I would give to have a man send me flowers and take me out this Friday? There is a man – we met the first years after the divorce – I love him dearly but he doesn’t love me back. And yes MamaG (and all you sisters out there) I *have* told him – told him straight out what I want – for us to be a couple, to be in public as a couple, to love each other unconditionally. I want to do things for him – big things and small things – pick up his dry cleaning, make his favorite dinner, go to Venice together, sit quietly on the sofa without making a sound. But I get nothing. And I did try to walk away and I was successful for a few months. But I wormed my way back into his life (that is NO meant to sound stalker-ish!). We get together every once in awhile. We text, we talk on the phone, he comes over, we have amazing sex. But we never GO anywhere, we never DO anything. Am I a fool? You bet! But did you eve know deep down that you and another person were meant to be together? It’s not a ‘feeling’, it’s a ‘knowing’.

So now I will amend the ‘want’ I started this comment with – I want him. And if I can’t have him I want the strength to walk away and stay away. I want to find a man who wants to spend the rest of his life with me, who will be honest with me, who will treat me as a valuable jewel. Is that too much to ask??????? Apparently it is.

Oh yeah – and I want to win the lottery and have liposuction too! LOLLLLLLL

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SG Foxy Lady, Ileane February 11, 2014 at 10:03 pm

My desires for Valentines Day and 2014…
Mama Gena I love this question:
I DESIRE to rejuvenate my get-up-and-go as it has gotten-up and left due to my RA and this long dreary NY winter.

I DESIRE to have my husband be more open to what our immediate future will bring as our house is in the foreclosure mode; we were denied a mortgage reduction and it is all so demoralizing; there are more processes to go through.

IF we stay in the house, I DESIRE a major living room makeover; I have envisioned everything in my head via HGTV and I know it will be wonderful, however, this project will not take just a weekend!

I DESIRED a 10th Anniversary cruise and my dream will come true in 4/2014. I let my desires be know. I believe that when he came to Men’s Night in 6/2013 and met Mama Gena he realized that my conjuring skills were totally at their peak!

I DESIRE so much more of myself in Mastery 2014, to practice more SC, blog more and do more dance breaks regardless of my aching knees.

WITH GRADITUDE I already have a wonderful family which has surpassed any DESIRE I could have conjured up when I was ‘just a young girl’ starting out life.

MY DESIRES came true and I wish ‘all that’ for YOU TOO!
AND so it shall be or even better.
Thanks for listening… with love,
SG Ileane
Foxy Lady

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Dr. Liliana Sacarin, Seductress, the Irresistible Pussy February 12, 2014 at 1:59 am

Happy Valentine Regena!!! Taking your relationship to the next level with a man that you really like coincidentally on this week of Valentine – music to my ears! Thank you for sharing – thank you for your transparency with us, for your leadership and your invitation!
There are the first few desires I am posting:
- spend lots of wonderful time with my parents in Spain in May
- have my parents live long and use every encounter to transparently share with them my best and my worst moments
- train man, man, man, men, be sooo excellent at it and know that t I CAN train every man, any man at ANY TIME!
- have Pussy lead me, speak to me, show me the way and EXPAND the sacred connection between my inner core and the GPS – live with ease
- to fall in love with a man that is worthy of my Pussy, my brightness, my sparkle, my brilliance, my seduction, my kindness and my generosity of spirit
- find a man whom I like physically, intellectually and emotionally, someone I feel attracted to on multiple levels
- work less, work remotely, have great assistants, reduce my overhead while having great associates in my offices and feel more in my Pussy
- spend mornings with SWA tools, exercise, dance, creative endeavors and relaxation to set myself up for attracting the life and the men I want to lead this year
- companionship, connection, friendship, life partner, husband
- sex, love, touch, passion, slow sex, quickies, OMs, EMO, flirtations, a Valentine every day!

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Helene February 12, 2014 at 5:08 am

My desire for Valentines Day is that

my partner opens up and lets himself be seen
my partner realizes what makes him feel alive and happy
my parter wants to give and receive
my partner gets in touch with his compassion and love

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Sara Scheller February 12, 2014 at 5:24 am

I desire to release the fear of self-sabotage.
Following a divorce 2 1/2 years ago, I have fallen prey to self-sabotage when it comes to commitment. I want so very badly to be committed in a romantic relationship yet I find myself in a pattern of falling quickly into serious relationships and then freaking out when I feel like I need to be “alone”. As in, I feel like until I have x, y, z taken care of, I can’t move forward (a lot of this has to do with my ex-husband still being a big part of my life due to our 4 year old daughter and him always trying keeping me small, not wanting me to grow). Anytime things are going great in my new relationships, and I’m over the moon happy-something starts with the ex (custody issues, hurtful e-mails) and I feel myself pulled back like on a bungee cord which makes me question my current relationship-feeling like I just need to be alone to “figure things out”.
My current relationship is going so smoothly and my new man is everything great I’ve ever desired-I really feel like I just need to trust that he is in my life for a reason and let go of the control or need to know where things are going with him. He has been so supportive of my situation with my ex and I am trying so hard to control my thoughts and release the idea that I need to “fix” anything before I can be in a loving, supportive relationship and instead just bask in the (now) relationship which is!
Thanks for listening girls!

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Ann February 12, 2014 at 8:35 am

“Are you embarrassed about the pure raw desires that you have?
And do you keep those desires under wraps?” Mama Gena

I am in a loving, long term relationship with a man who adores me… how do I broach the subject of wanting to expand my sensual/sexual self? We’ve discussed this in the abstract.
Me: ” I want to be able to be with other people.”
Him: ” I just don’t want to know about it.”
Not sure that this is working for me… feels like cheating which isn’t in alignment with my desire to be free and loving and move with integrity in the world. I definitely don’t feel I need to share every detail of my life experience with my guy, but would love some wise goddess counsel!

At the NYC weekend there were some ‘banging’ Mastery graduates who seemed in love with life and their sex lives reflected that. I’d love to have what they’re having…

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Shannon Lagasse February 12, 2014 at 9:47 am

I’ll be honest with ya, Mama.

I’m not a girl with a lot of material wants, and I’m especially not one for commercial holidays, but there’s a lot I’d like for Valentine’s Day.

I’d like a romantic relationship that really lights a spark in me. I’d like really amazing sex with a partner I’m enthralled with. I want to feel beautiful, sexy, and powerful. I want flowers and a fancy dinner out at my favorite gourmet vegan restaurant. I want a day off to play hooky and spend more time on ME.

Your book has changed my life. I have been over-committed to my work for a long time, and I was definitely missing out on the meaning of “fun”. Thanks for sharing your brilliance, your light, and your spark in the world. <3

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Barb Ridener February 12, 2014 at 10:44 am

I desire to exude sensuality.
I desire to be vulnerable to receiving as

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Barb Ridener February 12, 2014 at 10:47 am

Oops…I desire to be vulnerable and open to receiving passion as I expand and explode to full bloom.
I desire to be desired.
I desire to experience pleasure in every aspect of my life and to share with others the spark that brings.

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Genea February 12, 2014 at 11:53 am

For valentines day I desire to be my hottest my most turned on!! I desire to be divinely feminine, walking gently, sweetly, softly. I desire to have my lover in a sensual trance from breakfast right through to the next day. I desire him to worship the ground I walk on, yearning to bring me pleasure and happiness. I desire to buy myself a sexy pair of panties. I desire to wear fish net pantyhose!! With sexy heels. I desire to feel desired, connected, light, joy & abundance in every area of my life. I desire to glowing, dewey & magnetically happy.

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Jophiel February 12, 2014 at 8:00 pm

I desire…. to be truly unavoidably in love. I desire to surrender to my own love divinely purely innocently and natural. I desire to be the most natural heartful soul. I desire to exude pure and divine love. I desire my love to shift the universe, to reverberate with the cosmos. I desire to reverberate with the cosmos engulfed in my love. I desire to trust it. Always….

Happy Valentine’s Day, Sisters!!

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Camilla Benedicte February 13, 2014 at 7:01 am

I desire to let love in. To trust that those who love me really do.

I desire the most beautiful diamond ring I can even imagine to caress my finger and my eyes when I revel in it’s glitter and gorgeousness…. mmmm come to me, thank you WWIT?

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magical February 13, 2014 at 11:46 am

Dear Mama Gena,
I desire for all women who posted here to deeply loving themselves
to have that relationship with someone and as such be a part of changing this earth-place into a Love filled Paradise
I desire my relationship to expand endlesly in ever more Love, more fun, more Awakening, more community, sensuality, wisdom, Peace

and for now, my desire is to have a deeply connected sensual experience for Vday and for the very very near future a wonderful place we can call our own.
Also I like all my paper work to be done in time and without any effort, a fantastic trip on my own and… hmmm and something new completely unexpected in my life and a fun lovely gift of some sorts.

As for questions…. sometimes i am ready to go to bed, have in my head the idea that i like to make love, but feeling sooo disconnected from my body and especially from my clitoris. It happens when I have studied a whole day, or became stressed from something that hasn’t left my body as yet… It feels like i would need hours before i can enjoy my lovers touch. Any ideas how to prevent from becoming disconnected so much and/or how to connect again, preferably easy… taking a shower and really paying attention to my body does help…. with love

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Liz February 13, 2014 at 8:45 pm

I’d like for my new boyfriend to give me flowers on valentine’s day. I doubt he will. Wouldn’t telling him I want them sound critical or bratty? I understand telling desires but where is the fine line?

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Helen Tye Talkin February 14, 2014 at 1:45 pm

Happy V Day to women everywhere! We are so fortunate to have role models like Mama Gena and Christiane Northrup instead of Snow White, the Wicked Queen, and Sleeping Beauty!

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Meg aka Writer Babe February 15, 2014 at 9:04 am

Another SG and I were talking about Valentine’s Day desires — and desires in general — and we have a question (or two) about manifesting desires that include other people. If the only control we have is what we desire and the actions we take in furtherance of those desires, how can you manifest desires that require other people’s action? Valentine’s Day is, at least in part, about receiving from others — flowers, candy, being taken to dinner or away, expressions of love. Of course we can do those things for ourselves. But if our desires include other people, and their feelings and actions, how do we account for that? What if they have competing desires? Especially on Valentine’s Day, it feels like starting from a place of want and lack to be looking to other people to make us happy — and they may not want to.

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SG Inzy February 15, 2014 at 3:39 pm

I desire to meet someone special at a pub party I’m going to tonight. I feel old in comparison to the people in he photos, yet my heart desires a beautiful relationship with a special Intelligent nurdy but cute funny, glib man who is in his upper 50′s early 60′s who I would TURN ON by my personality and intellect: a man who is not aware of the great sex that he has missed all his life until he met ME. I don’t want a dummy and I don’t want a bore. -just someone I really enjoy being with.

I’m going this ALONE. I have no girlfriends to hang out with or to egg me on. I’m taking a plunge. I bought the candy, the red balloons and have a red sweater to wear (all requirements to attend this Valentines Gala party for singles. The gods know that I might possibly be the OLDEST person in this group. Hope its for all ages Us boomers over the 60 mark feel young, yet so rejected by the younger people. I know the older men will not be looking for me, but for younger women. I feel so discouraged already just writing this.
CAN I DO THIS? Am scared beyond my wits. -to be continued.

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Elise February 17, 2014 at 2:50 am

Hi Regena,

I was watching a video from Edchart Tolle yesterday about relationships. He talks about the Ego , and how our feeling of lack is keeping us in suffering and that we go into relationship trying to fill that sense,. I get a bit confused by the 2 concept, his and yours. I am at a stage where I am taking responsibility for what I desire and not relaying on my partner to fill me up, growing into self love. So where do asking your partner for what you desire comes in? And this wanting more and more isn’t it where all suffering starts?
I am getting a bit confused sorry :)

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Magical February 17, 2014 at 3:56 am

By following your desire, you will start to recognize what comes from the Ego and what comes from the heart. We are creative Beings, that is what we do…. Deisre is not about wanting more and more, though this might be so in the beginning of the path Mama Gena teaches, it is following your hearts wishes. Asking our partner, is giving the other person the oportunity to share and contribute, after all you are together because you want to share…. right? You will learn to ask, not from need or want, that the other person HAS to do something. They can go really well together Eckart and MAma Gena, and it is living it where you discover Truth, more and more Love and yourself

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