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The KEY to men


I have a little gang of close man-friends. Each of these guys is a rare and wonderful pearl of a man, prince of a man, king amongst kings, in his own unique way. I love my man-tribe, for many reasons. Not the least of which is that, when I am between lovers, like now, their friendship and attention sources me and sustains me and envelops me.

In a moment of reverie and appreciation, I shot a quick thank-you text to one guy, because I was wearing a bracelet he had given me a few years before, when we went to Taos together. He called me immediately, and we had a fun talk and made a dinner date. A bit later, I wrote to another guy, telling him I watched a movie he had recommended to me, and how much I enjoyed it. A flurry of e-mails followed, with a plan to get together.
And maybe not.
Women have the power to get anything and everything we want from the men in our world.
Usually we don’t feel that way.

Well, there is a blight amongst women, right now.
And as anyone who has ever studied agricultural history knows, blights are deadly things. Blights can wipe out whole food crops. Case in point: the Irish Potato Famine in 1845, where over 1 million people died of starvation and a million more fled the country—an Gorta Mór.
Well, we have ourselves an Gorta Mór (the Great Hunger) right here, right now, sisters.
Women are starving for delicious, loving attention from men, and vice versa.
We are all malnourished for intimacy, closeness, a feeling of being seen, known, loved, adored, worshipped, honored and “gotten.”
This crazy world is not set up in a way that makes it easy for each of us to get our minimum daily requirements.

And what happens when people are starving?
Yeah, you got it.
Bad table manners.
Piss poor, actually.
We can get grabby and pushy, because we fear we may never see such like again.
We grab too much, sometimes steal our sister’s seat, and sneak some into our purse for later.
Not to mention, we kinda lose our ability to consume very much because we have all been deprived for so long.
Sometimes we even lose our appetite altogether.
We all have girlfriends (or are girlfriends) whom we call “the avoiders”—the women that avoid men completely. Or we complain bitterly that there are no good men out there. Or we try to stuff every guy we meet into a husband suit, before our first date. Or we are with a guy, but continually find everything wrong with him and set about complaining, criticizing and fixing him.

If you are over 21, you know none of these techniques is in any way effective towards the ultimate goal of ending an Gorta Mór.

And of course, there is no way we will solve this excessively large riddle here, no matter how gorgeous and talented this writer is.

But this being The Pleasure Revolution, and you all being Pleasure Revolutionaries, I want to invite you to conduct a real live experimental research project. And report your findings, right here.

Let’s begin to put an end to this blight, shall we?
We can start right now.

Well, rather than waiting for him to fulfill you, get you, love you, give you what you think you want…
Rather than continually looking at where he is failing you…
Rather than waiting for him to figure it all out…
I want to toss the ball of change and transformation into your lap.

I’ve got a little assignment for YOU.
Today—as soon as you get to the last word of this blog—I want you to pick 3 guys in your world…
And acknowledge them.
Yeah, you heard me.
Just sail a little “thank you” their way.
A tiny thumbs up.
A wink.
A smile.

Word of warning: this can’t be faked.
We can all feel the hostility behind insincere thanks.

So your first task is to find your way to your inner delicious.

And then, pick three guys in your world and give them a very specific acknowledgement for a way in which they make your life better.

Acknowledgement and appreciation are flabby muscles for most of us. Today is your day to dust that little muscle off and work it like you mean it.

Even if you are a woman who is so mad at her guy, she can’t even find one thing to appreciate about him.
Even if you are a woman who has been so burned by men that you want to cross to the other side of the street when you see one.
Even if you think you do not know any men, you really do—your waiter, your grocer, the security guy at your office.
And the more this assignment irritates you—the more you require it.

I am so grateful to YOU. You are my heroine—a woman who is willing to be the change. (Thanks for that cool concept, Gandhi!)

So, my Sisters, I cannot wait to hear your reports, below, as we do our part to end an Gorta Mór.

And here is what I want to hear from you:
How did you fire up your inner delicious?
What guys did you acknowledge?
And how did that feel to you?
And what kind of responses did you get?

With so much love and pleasure,
Mama Gena 

P.S. Want a guaranteed way to fire up YOUR inner delicious? Join us LIVE June 23rd in NYC for the Graduation Celebration of The School of Womanly Arts Mastery Program’s Class of 2013! Over 200 women have already registered. Click here for all the details!


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42 Comments / Leave a Comment

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  • Val June 25, 2013, 10:38 pm

    Hi Mama Gena,

    I’ve seen this one before, and I’m so glad I saw it again now! Instead of just reading it this time I DID it… it was SO hard sending a thankful text to my dad, who has gotten grumpier and grumpier with age, which just breaks my heart 🙁 Because words hurt me most, I have been in retreat and avoid mode with him because of the hurt from his frequent outbursts directed at me during the infrequent times I am around him at family gatherings, his recent surgery, and the like. I am just so very different from him, and I know deep down he is doing his best. I am trying to put myself in his shoes. Its so hard to even figure out how to have a closer relationship with him, so incredibly awkward (why is this with our key, most “comfortable” loved ones??) and of course I’ve been resentful and wanting him to initiate and make it happen. I’m so glad I changed my behavior and reached out.

    I also discovered in delivering the other two messages, how much complaining I do to these close men in my life. Most of my friends probably! This makes me sad, as I know I need to also take time to share the good with my loved ones. So, for this realization alone this exercise was helpful.

    Thanks and much love, Val xoxo

    • Mama Gena July 2, 2013, 10:15 am

      this is how a revolution happens sg val- one move at a time! well researched- keep going

  • sondra June 20, 2013, 5:22 pm

    Hi Mama Gena, I know what you are saying works… absolutely.
    I just realized that I don’t acknowledge them because when I do, then they make it into more than it is… ie: they want to go out with me, they think I am giving them the “I’m interested and want you”…. even when it is not that. Then it is so uncomfortable for me to say that I am not interested in them in that way…. what to do…
    Thank you xo

  • Deborah Smith June 13, 2013, 5:50 pm

    Ahh Mama,
    I love this assignment. Having read all of my SG’s’ comments I am both very grateful to have a lot of men friends in my life and feel quite inspired by other SGs’ actions. I texted 3 Thank You’s to guys whom have been incredibly helpful this week:
    my son for his insistence that I check Craig’s List for my dream care in bigger cities to see the “real” value; my new handyman for being so quick to get back to me in an emergency even though he was on vacation and my handyman’s helper who was on the problem in a FLASH. I had already acknowledged a fourth via email prior to reading this blog (he was going to give up his (to him) very special tango lesson tonight to take me to dinner)! My son has already texted me back “You are welcome. Love you bunches.) Did I tell you he confessed to me yesterday that he had seriously considered spending his next semester’s tuition funding on getting to NYC to surprise his Sis and I at our June 23 graduation??!!!
    I am also in the middle of a fifth Thank You that due to the nature of the help I feel desirous of adding a gift certificate to ( my neighbor moved a full two yards of wet dirt and rock for me Monday night after we had our crazy hail storm and flash floods that tore up my front yard).

    Doing these Thank Yous feels so good. I am desiring wanting to make a mental note to send out such TY’s on a weekly basis to different men in my life.

    Which brings me-How?- to an interesting dilemma/conundrum? Perhaps my FF from your blog point to the cause, ” . . . we kinda lose our ability to consume very much because we have all been deprived for so long.”
    I love doing these Thank Yous. I have been consciously doing them for some time; I have a lot of great male guy friends and I did not check yes to almost anything on your “Anger” list in OOGM. Yet I knew I was angry, so I did all of that work, and I am solo/single. Hmmm. so I go back to having ‘. . . been deprived so long.” I am only able to take in just so much. OK I do know the answer (via you) to that I have to keep working the tools and digesting and whetting my appetites by my Desire Lists. Yes?
    If you do not answer this here, and I doubt you will as I did not get to this until today (Thursday) perhaps I will get to ask this on Saturday or go to the PRs and/or you will give the answer in class (which is usually how these thing flow for me, awesome conjurer that I am/how amazing, giving and abundant is the Universe!!!)
    Thank You.
    PS Handyman just texted back, ” . . . thank u. . . its great to work for friends.”

  • Queen Eugenia June 13, 2013, 10:46 am

    Dear Mom,

    Thank you so much for writing this. Even though I don’t have right now the man in my life, I always note how blessed I am to be surrounded by great men who a my friends and my dear ones. I mean, to name a few, my grandpa, my brother, my father, Andy, Paul, John, Adam, Matt, Ward, Manuel. I can go on. They are around me for a great conversation, to help me with finding a job or build a business concept, or dance tango with me. I’m never hungry for attention but I love to shower myself in their attention and allow them to be my men in the moment, when we meet and when we are together. I’ve been showed in their respect, admiration and support. I’m truly blessed and I’m truly blessed to be able to allow myself be…

    Love and kisses!
    Queen Eugenia

  • Flamingo Flame M June 13, 2013, 5:13 am

    Hi Mama Gena,
    this is my homework report.
    I liked your assignment, but like many sisters I had trouble finding 3 man to appreciate.
    –I thanked my dad for being a super dad. Result: he is not used to being appreciated and I am not used to giving much acknowledgment to the right people, to the ones I really care about. Ironic, isn’t it? So I repeated to him: Thanks for being a super dad (not for driving me to the mall and shopping with me that day)
    –I thanked and smiled to the waiter while paying for lunch. He returned a nice smile 🙂
    —And lastly, number 3, I thanked a “friend” with whom I have a very undefinable and perhaps semi realizable relationship, who showered me with attention, openly expressed his affection and his intentions in time when I was very ill and going through much pain. At that time, he made me feel ALIVE, DESIRABLE, BEAUTIFUL..and I thanked him for that.
    Result: My message made him worry, he asked if everything was ok. I believe that’s because it was something very radical, something I haven’t done before, ever.

    So this is it.
    In awaiting of next assignment ,
    much love, M

    • Flamingo Flame M June 17, 2013, 3:28 am

      My friend texted me after few days: “I have to admit, your message made me really happy” 🙂

  • Zia June 12, 2013, 6:27 pm

    I LOVE this. Doing the challenge right now 🙂

  • SG Melissa June 12, 2013, 5:28 pm

    Ah, Mama Gena – I am so glad I responded to today’s tweet & took you up on the challenge!! It changed how I felt in relationship to 3 men in my life when I had been struggling trying to take responsibility for how I feel in those relationships and not putting the onus for my pleasure in their hands. Intellectually I knew what I wanted but felt at the mercy of circumstance and my own resistance. Basically I let myself get into a bad mood and was blaming them for much of it.

    Your tool just turned my whole day around! More importantly, it grounded me to feeling back in control of my own pleasure. I had been dragging – so low energy all day – doing this, even before I got a response was a big infusion of good vibes energy & power.

    I took a few minutes to stretch, breath & focus in the moment and suspended the rest. i thought about how much pleasure i feel when i take a moment to show appreciation – to anyone. Then I knew I was set.

    I emailed my office colleague who takes walking breaks outside with me & listens to the saga of my dating life. I was cranky today, but I let him know how much I appreciate his company, his advice and simply the listening that he does.

    He was slightly taken aback – in a good way. Told me – oh Melissa, don’t worry about it – my pleasure.

    I texted the man I’m currently seeing who has been deeply frustrating me lately with his lack of communication. He did respond positively to an early direct request – but I couldn’t resist beating a dead horse. Then under your challenge I texted him to genuinely thank him for responding to my earlier query in a positive way and that I appreciated his taking the time to do that.

    He hasn’t responded yet but I know he will in a few hours with a smile – it will make him feel he’s gotten something right.

    Lastly, I emailed my ex- boyfriend who got in touch with me a week ago and wanted to explore getting back together. We’d already had good exchanges, but I been feeling anxious if he will really see me again to talk further or if he will back out. This has been making me feel needy – when he senses that he always stops pursuing – he wants the challenge. Writing him to thank him for reaching out to me – and not asking or saying anything else – just showing appreciation made me feel in control of my own pleasure again and I could feel the difference in the tone I took – more independent, breezy and fun.

    We’ll have to see how he responds – but I’m sure this will intrigue rather than making him feel I’m demanding something he can’t give.

    As I wrote above – the most important thing is how doing this changed me!
    Thank you Mama Gena!

  • MsSukree June 12, 2013, 2:48 pm

    oh my,
    Love reading your posts! It’s always as if you always know what to talk to me about! I have just suffered a miscarriage and was in a black hope and been trying to reach out to friends lately. My husband and I are, at the same time, going through a tough patch(I hope it does not last long)which angers me as we are going through this loss.
    Anyways- since we have not been communicating I never really thanked him for being there for me at the D&C … So he just left for a business trip today and I thanked him for being there and that it made a world of difference. it really felt good!
    Then I reached out to a friend battling Cancer … He and his wife were grateful! This young guy is a great mentor to me. He’s got 3kids, 2 College age boys and the princess in Jr HS!
    I also reached out to an old colleague of mine who travels every wkend to be with his family as he works in NY and his wife and children live in MD!
    The last 2 friends responded right away and we talked and caught up …
    My husband is now driving to his hotel … not sure if the anger will allow his heart to be touched … nonetheless … it feels good to love him and let go a little bit of the anger today!
    Thanks …

  • Chloe June 11, 2013, 6:42 pm

    Oi vey! Appreciation and gratitude are great tools.  

    I think evolutionary psychology provides fascinating clues as to why the genders behave as they do and the resulting conundrums. After much reading and real life observations based on my own and other’s experiences, here is some food for thought.

    Of course, men are powerfully biologically driven to please us in the early courting stages of the relationship. Sex in order to pass on their genes is the deep driving motivation. Once the relationship settles, we know that the deep seated motivation to court and please is slowly over time replaced by a deeply rooted, though often unconscious male (and female!), desire to move on.  Universal divorce rates are highest when children are 4-5 years old. This is the age when the child is less fragile and dependent on parents, and old enough that survival into adulthood is more likely. It’s safer for the male to now leave his partner, regain single status, and rinse and repeat with another partner. Likely most men are not fully CONSCIOUS of this biological impetus, but it powerfully exists in his physiological being nonetheless. Women experience this drive too, but it is generally considered to be more commonly associated with men.  

    So after some variable number of years, we women can begin to feel somewhat ignored, unappreciated, and minimally courted and wooed as his lover. Is it because we are now swimming upstream with our expectations due to human biology?  There is no longer a deep driving motivation to carefully tend to and please his partner, and in fact, his biological instincts scream quite the opposite! Deeply rooted instincts are to now expend MINIMAL courting energy (and worse case scenario….sabotaging energy) because the real rewards are in dissolving one union to get back out on the hunt for another. Often adding insult to injury, the desire is for a younger woman due to evolutionary preferences for fertility. Most men are not walking around consciously thinking and plotting this, but I suspect this is the biological hardware that creates the subtle nuances of the everyday behaviors that drive us all crazy! They are no longer in pleasing and adoring mode, and we are all left going through the motions in a roommate or sibling relationship at best.

    I think this is an important piece as to why things can fall flat in the relationship.  In my first marriage, my dearly besotted and adoring hubby of 13 years with who I had two kids became antagonizing and argumentative. Before the kids, and when the relationship was new and novel,  he would effectively resolve conflicts, flirt, woo, court, and please me. He “served me” as Mama says. The “uphill battle or swimming upstream dynamic” though slowly replaced his “serving” behavior ESPECIALLY after we had kids. We split, and he found someone 13 years younger than my 33 year old self at the time. I was a VERY good mama and wife, the exact same girl he fell head over heels for, but the love cocktail had fizzled out and he did not possess the emotional or spiritual depth to dig deeper in the relationship. It felt like we were swimming upstream. 

    My current hubby initially “served” me as well for the first few years. As a woman, you sense the power you have. This man jumps through hoops for you….initially. He serves you. Fast forward 6 years, and I discovered he was googling escorts on a business trip! I found this in his search history. I’m good looking….workout 5 days a week, pretty, firm and fit, get chatted up and flirted with, and complimented by men. I get hit on routinely! He’s not sex starved or repulsed by me by ANY means. I am a sweet doting wife and sex is good!  I am also the better looking of the two of us as he’s let himself go a bit 🙂  I sense the same dwindling of the love cocktails at work here with a man who does not possess the emotional and spiritual tools to create or sustain a soulful relationship. Interest has waned and the roommate dynamic has set in. After a long talk, I don’t think he went through with the escorts, but whaaaa?!?! Why? Hell, maybe he did. I can’t say for sure. 

    And this man is also a highly functional yet recovered alcoholic. I’ve been to HELL and back with him.  If you’ve ever lived with an alcoholic, you know what I mean. 

    Tiger Woods, Jessie James, Arnold S, Peter Cook, Hugh Grant (cheating on Liz…wha??), Anthony Weiner, Elliot Spitzer, John Edwards, Bill Clinton, Brad Pitt, Jude Law, Ethan Hawke, Eric Benet, Ryan Phillipe, Rudy Guliani, Mark Sanford, Newt Gingrich, and Mark Vitter are just a FEW examples of men who stepped out, and most of them, on beautiful and/ or highly accomplished partners.  Most, though not all, pursued younger women. (I intuit that most of these men are younger souls. My hubby is a younger soul as well. See soul age remarks below.) These men dealt brutal devastating blows to their partners, and on the world stage, for all of us to see and process. Okay, I don’t know all of the details of these break ups, but many of them were vicious betrayals. 

    Nature can be brutal. Survival is just that….survival and the human is wired for it. We can express our gratitude and appreciation all day long to man train but we should never lose sight of the reality of our human impulses with sex and relationships. It can be brutal. I think the way out of this is when two higher evolved (generally mature or older souls…google the Michael teachings) people find each other and operate from a deeper soul connection. If the partners are spiritually (soul age) unequally yoked, it will likely be difficult as one partner will have almost a parenting type role with the other.  If two young souls are paired,  it will likely be a challenge as well as they are not working as much with the energies of the higher chakras. Older souls face challenges, but tend to connect with soul mates at a much deeper and more meaningful level than younger souls whose issues tend to exist surrounding the lower three chakras (ie sex, money, fame, power, materialism, success for it’s own sake, and basic survival issues).

    Barack Obama and Prince William are two examples of more mature soul men with mature soul partnerships. We sense that neither is going to dump his partner and trade her in when the going gets tough, monotonous, mundane, and menopausal. We sense compassion, integrity, and depth in them. As Barack’s “mate equity” increased wildly on becoming the FIRST black president, we sense that Michelle is going nowhere, and he deeply values and cherishes her now more than ever. The man has integrity, and he likely will be faithful to that woman to his dying day. Prince William is a good picture of devotion and loyalty to Kate, and I tend to think that the union will survive the long haul. He respects, protects, and values this woman. I sense his devotion runs deep.  These are older soul men. They are not hungry for fame, power, and an ego fix as the younger soul can be. They are likely conscious of driving biological impulses for sexual variety and novelty,  and have mastery over them, as they are capable of deep heart centered empathetic and compassionate love for their partners as human beings.

    This is what we all want. This is why we often feel hurt, angry, and short changed. When the potent infatuation and attraction chemistry simmers down into companionship,  we want to be protected, cherished, valued, and loved with compassion and empathy as human beings. We want to give and receive this, and this comes from the heart chakra. I wanted to be held in my first marriage, and comforted after the life altering experience of having two children in three years. I was exhausted, run down, depressed, and feeling icky, sticky, and stretched out. I wanted to be held up, supported, and compassionately loved. I wanted my pain, exhaustion, and stretch marks to be SEEN, soothed, and TENDED to by him. Soothed it was not. More pain was to follow, and it was brutal and gut wrenching. Biological impulses won out in the end. I’m sure Elin can relate. I know Elizabeth Edwards can.

    We are all being called to evolve individually, jointly in relationships, and collectively. The highest calling is love. Love for self. Love for other. Love for all. There can be so much pain in this journey, but collectively and individually the lessons yield growth and evolution. In many cases with relationships, the lesson is in letting go, walking away, and making another choice because the former is NOT working for us. God, this is so hard and takes loads of courage at times. We know the men on this planet have some catching up to do with us when it comes to relationships. This is a fair statement. They often can do passionate love rooted in sexual desire, which is male preference, but not so many of them can adequately express the compassionate love that we are hungering for. Compassionate love requires hefty doses of functional feminine energy, and we know how she has fared on this planet over the last few thousand years. We know our men still have much work to do in integrating the feminine within themselves as they have been hobbling along for eons with imbalanced wounded masculine energy (think war, violence, greed, control…horrific at its worst). It has been relatively recent that the feminine has been invited back to the table. “Mad Men” reminds us of this. Burkas scream this at us. This is the piece that is missing. Is it any wonder dysfunction still abounds? No, expect it.

    We deserve to have our needs met,  and we should not settle for less than this. Female preference shapes evolution after all, and we are called to follow our deepest desires to collectively create what we need and desire. Ultimately, the sacred task is to anchor feminine energy back onto the planet to balance and remedy the long lasting dysfunction of an imbalance towards the masculine. Our relationships reflect the dysfunction, and it is our privilege to identify what does NOT serve us, and choose accordingly. The masculine blueprint for relationships is NOT serving us, and leaves us feeling hungry and cold. We are starved for more.

    I’m not sure what I am going to do about my second husband. It eats me alive some days and I’m cold inside. I want more than these crumbs. Stale and moldy crumbs, at that. My soul knows and she whispers to me that, of course, this is not satisfying love.  Elin chewed on Tiger for awhile, and spit him out next to the Escalade and baseball bat and broken glass. This second husband of mine is not tasting so good either lately. I ran right into his arms hoping he could tend to my wounds from the first marriage, and help heal the intense pain of being born female on this planet in 1973.  He’s not doing it. I’m not satisfied. I want more. My wanting is part of the healing, and it is a sacred call. 

    I’m scared though. It seems the Baracks and Wills of the world are few and far between. Are they? Maybe just in my world right now. I think I am spiritually mismatched in this marriage, and SHE, the Goddess, is calling me to choose again. Twice divorced? Never imagined it! What will people think!?! On the other hand, I don’t want to get rid of what I have just to reignite the potent brain love cocktails of norepinephrine, oxytocin, dopamine etc. just to wind back up in the same place with someone else in 4-7 years. How exhausting!!! 

    On the other hand, I think the Goddess would stand up at the banquet table and loudly applaud if I set out to find satisfaction as a woman.  She would invite my hungry self to have a seat and fix a plate at the smorgasbord. She would say, “Choose what satisfies your hunger! Fill your plate with what you like! Spit out what tastes rotten, love.”

    I think we’re terrified of spitting out the rotten. We fear we may starve to death. Something is better than nothing. But no, that’s not true. The challenge is to trust in ourselves as Spirit in body, and keep creating, creating, creating our desires. Spirit creates, and the feminine wants equal representation at the table. We came here for this. We are the face of the collective feminine, and we are here to experience what IS, both desirable and undesirable, and create anew based on our pain and desire.

    That’s the high calling of the Goddess. I think in our pain and misery and lack, we as Spirit are doing our jobs well. That’s the first piece of it. Experiencing and then identifying the pain and lack. We women are such badasses!  We took on this wounded feminine energy on this crazy masculine dominated planet! Think of our sisters in burkas….badass!

    The second piece, which is NOT easy, is saying, “No thanks.” The third piece which is so freakin’ hard at times is spitting out, and trying something else. Yiiiiikkkkkkkkkeeeeeeessssss!!!!

    Ok, SG’s, I’m stuck on the couch today waiting for the AC repairman so I’ve had time to kill for this diatribe. That’s all I’ve got to say! 😉

    Anyone relate?

    SG Chloe

    • Deborah Smith June 13, 2013, 5:25 pm

      Dear SG Chloe,

      Not sure if you will come back here, but I love what you have shared.

      Your question re divorce triggered a memory.; a woman at yoga said her mom had been married 8 times and unabashed had said,” I am going to do this until I get it right.” I thought that was such a brave and wonderful attitude.
      We are all being called upon to evolve. thank you for saying that!
      SG Tru Angel

      • Andrea June 14, 2013, 1:43 pm

        Thank you so much for sharing this! Brave and beautifully written! I relate to so much if what you said and I am so grateful that I took the time to read your post today. I myself plan to dine with the goddess, fill myself with pleasure and end the great hunger!

      • Chloe June 14, 2013, 7:52 pm

        Thank you SO MUCH Tru Angel! I carry the old femine fears of expressing myself truthfully and then being metaphorically staked and burned for it (raised in an oooolllldddd line patriarchal religion). It took me a few days to want to come back and rejoin the discussion. I SO appreciate your and Andrea’s supportive comments 🙂 Thank you!! And a big thank you to Mama G who pulled me out of the icky, sticky, stretched out swamp of my first marriage and the old school paradigms of matronly motherhood. Thank you Regina!!!!

        • Tara February 4, 2014, 2:41 pm

          As Goddesses that create, are we saying we can only create the desire to have men as husbands and/or lovers forever. The creative spirit is not needy, as it inhales and exhales continuously.
          Can we not create our fulfillment in diverse ways that can include men (even as just friends), women, children, animals, etc.? As creative spirits we are all at different stages within our lives and many times those times are without men, but definitely not lacking in sexual energy and creativity.

    • Tara February 4, 2014, 2:42 pm

      As Goddesses that create, are we saying we can only create the desire to have men as husbands and/or lovers forever. The creative spirit is not needy, as it inhales and exhales continuously.
      Can we not create our fulfillment in diverse ways that can include men (even as just friends), women, children, animals, etc.? As creative spirits we are all at different stages within our lives and many times those times are without men, but definitely not lacking in sexual energy and creativity.

  • mara-Venezuela June 11, 2013, 6:26 pm


  • Tina June 11, 2013, 5:33 pm

    One more question. Do gay men count?

    • SG "RevP." La Tonia June 25, 2013, 10:41 am

      ALL MEN! ANY MAN! The door man. The bus driver. The neighbor. Our pleasure and courtesan-ship is not linear.

  • Tina June 11, 2013, 5:26 pm

    I will be on the lookout for my 3 men. I acknowledged one yesterday but I guess that doesn’t count. I can start with my doorman. Just don’t have that many men in my life. My father, ex, son, were all very negative presences. Trying to climb out of that mind set that being with them left me with.

  • Gitte Hansen June 11, 2013, 5:21 pm

    Hi. When I read this email I sat down ready to send a text to 3 men. The problem was I realized that I didn’t have my heart with me. I just wanted to get over with it and get to the point where I got the feedback. Fortunately I stopped my self. Gitte you got to have your heart with you otherwise it would be a fake “thank you”. So I put on some dancing Music and whent shopping to make a homemade bread. During this I tuned in to see if I felt something inside. Any inspiration? No. So I kept listening to music. Removed my make-up and giving me kisses in the mirror. Fun. But still I could not feel that inspiration what to write and to who. Then it suddenly hit me that I should listen to slow woman music. I put on Alicia Keys and “woman”. I danced slowly and sensual in front of the mirror and I really felt great touching my body – I had my clothes on – and kind of strange I really enjoyed my self.
    But it was first after a while I sat down and startet to text the men I have thought of. One is a very nice man – from salsa and massage – he is in a relationsship – but he is just the sweetest man and so warm and lovingly to talk to. And that means a World to me. I texted that to him. I know he is on vacation in the States so I don’t know when I hear from him. The other man I wrote to is a very good friend. Also met him throug salsa. I learn so much about my self when I am talking with him. And I really like that we go out and see things together. I wrote him that. And I got a text right back saying that he love having me in his life. Wow. I wrote two others thanking them for their fun and nice contact we have with texting. One wrote back and thank me too. The other one I haven’t heard from.
    What I found out with this exsercise was that I felt my heart opened. Like opening up for love and letting people in. I am usually very observant and want to see what others do and say to me before I do or say things. When it comes to that vulnerable woman inside me I am so scared of what the reaction would be especially from men that I keep all the good stuff from my self. But with this little experiment I took the first step in opening more for love coming to me. It felt really good to say thank you to the men in my life and what they do to make me happy.
    Thank you mama gena – this came in perfect timing for me

    • Gitte Hansen June 12, 2013, 10:01 am

      I have just got the nicest reply from my friend from salsa and massage. That it touched his heart and he was very grateful for my message to him.

  • Amanda June 11, 2013, 5:02 pm

    Dear Mama,
    Just finished texting my 3 guys.
    Thanked my brother for being a great brother even through this very screwy time in my life.
    Thanked a “friend” who helped me remember what it feels like to feel, to be happy and to be loved. Our time together was a super important part of my journey.
    And then I thanked a guy who is just an absolute joy to be with and who feeds my need for happiness!!
    Not sure what the responses will be but really don’t care, I feel great having acknowledged each of them and their importance in my life.
    Thank you Mama for creating and encouraging this assignment!!!! It was eye and heart opening to be reminded how important it is to not forget even what appears to be the littlest impact a person has had on our lives because no impact is truly little!!!!


  • Kelly June 11, 2013, 4:15 pm

    Mama Gena,
    Thanks for this little “challenge.” I texted my husband and plan to give him face-to-face props when he gets home from work. I texted my ex-husband to thank him for being the wonderful father he is to our children. I sent a facebook message to a male friend and to my cousin’s husband, who is battling ALS.
    What a nice boost of internal energy I received from sending out those appreciations! I feel tons better than I did before. Thanks!

  • Sirona June 11, 2013, 3:09 pm

    Hi Mama,

    I had already thanked a guy today for helping me with something (and I didn’t even ask him). He just beamed a giant smile at me. 🙂
    Thanked my son for being so tender and loving, I’m truly blessed there! He loves getting approval from Mom and shared his dessert with me. At 13, he should be a moody adolescent. Instead, he showers me with love.
    Going to text a third guy, one I’ve not met face-to-face yet but seems open to sharing his thoughts with me (so far).
    The result? I’m hopeful and optimistic that, even if none of the men in my life turn out to be the one that gives me the forever-love that I crave and deserve, he’s out there just waiting to meet me, too!
    Thank YOU and all the SG’s who share so much.

  • Amanda June 11, 2013, 1:35 pm

    Dear Mama,
    The other day my dad and I were having a disagreement, a pretty heated one at that. All of a sudden I stopped and said “you know Dad, I love you, I value you as a person and I am thankful I have you in my life. I don’t like the way you are talking to me and I don’t want to talk to you this way either. Let’s talk about this later when we’ve had a chance to think of a solution to our problem” We spoke some time later and all was well. He was feeling very under appreciated and I can’t tell you how much it changed his tone of voice. I did the same to my man, we have been quibbling about everything lately. It stems from me wanting to move into his house and him thinking his house is to small. He’s not giving me my way and I’m not happy about it!!! So I just told him how much I appreciate all that he does do for me. Like opening the doors and carrying my bags. It made me feel a lot better! Him too. So I decided to thank the boys I work with at my restaurant. The ones who never get tipped or thanked for anything the cooks. I give them hugs and tell them they are awesome. Especially when they cook my food just the way I like it. I make sure to tell them how delicious it is. I love giving it up to my guys. I’m still learning though and I’m stuck when it comes to this moving thing but I’m sure we’ll figure it out. I read your book for the first time when I was 18 I’m 29 now and it has changed my life completely. There were times when I forgot what I read and times when I acted a fool but I always come back to Mama! Thank you, Mama for all that you do!
    Your Lil’ Sister
    Amanda Trolinger

  • T. L. Cooper June 11, 2013, 1:24 pm

    I make this a habit not just with the men in my life but with everyone I care about. Sometimes my friends are a little surprised when out of the blue they receive a random thank you from me for something they didn’t even realized mattered to me, but I find it usually leads to something good even if that something good is just a “I’ve been thinking about you, too.” statement.
    However, reading this post made me face the fact that I have been procrastinating a thank you because the friendship is a bit strained right now… It’s gonna take a bit of courage to send this one, and I’m not sure either of us is ready…

  • Linda June 11, 2013, 12:23 pm

    I sent emails to three ex-boyfriends, all of whom I am still friendly with. They each gave me big TLC at low points in my life…and in each case, it was during a time when we were no longer romantically involved. I was not used to being taken care of by men in so dramatic a way–I usually turn to the many women in my life for it. so it was a great lesson–those guys all took care of me in a more intense way than any woman has. but I had to make myself vulnerable first. so for each man, I said “hey: I was just talking to a friend recently about how you gave me such TLC during X time in my life (layoff, bad breakup, sickness). and I wanted to say thanks, it felt great to it and thanks for prompting me, Mama! they are wonderful men and they each deserve to be acknowledged every single day…

  • Jophiel June 11, 2013, 12:17 pm

    Hello…. A lovely reminder to appreciate!!!!! Its amazing what a potent fertilizer this simple and humble and exquisite act is. Three men to acknowledge today… hmm…. I feel so grateful so much and yet this is still a little bit challenging… to put myself out there and acknowledge their beauty to me.

    Thank you Mama Gena for the gift of the opportunity..
    with love..

  • Lesley June 11, 2013, 12:05 pm

    Texted 3 guys… 2 are lovely friends and immediately heard back from one and we’re going to catch up next week…. am sure will hear from the other friend later but probably not from the third… seems when I’m interested they’re not!!! Still, nice to acknowledge all 3 of them!

  • Lialia June 11, 2013, 11:45 am

    Thanks to my Dad, a real protector Tiger – great enthousiasm and thank you, you’re the best daughter,
    Thanks to my Boss for his care and bonuses – very noble “it’s my pleasure, lialia, you deserve it”
    Thanks to my Mom’s doctor for his optimism and joy – surprise and pleasure and promise to take care of her… and invitation to the picnic next week 🙂
    The story will continue. Thanks to the very nice guy at gym club, to close friend for inviting me regularly to the cinema, in fact, there are lots of great guys around every day 🙂

  • Jennifer June 11, 2013, 11:40 am

    I think every man I know is emotionally stunted. They don’t know how to receive the warmth and love that I have to offer them, even on a friendship level. I wonder why I bother sometimes. I contacted my three guys, all of whom profess to be strong, close friends. I got silence from two, and “ditto” from another. Where are the men who want attention and affection? Geez.

    • Lialia June 11, 2013, 11:50 am

      Hi, Jen, maybe because when we are waiting for specific reaction, it doesn’t work, because we are waiting….. ? I don’t know. Silence doesn’t mean that they are not touched. They are just surprised maybe and will show it in the future! Courage!

  • Kathleen Pedro June 11, 2013, 11:36 am

    Poor me, just one guy. I will email him and hope
    he reads his emails this week. LOl

  • Mary June 11, 2013, 11:26 am

    Hi Mama Gena

    I am thoroughly impressed. I’ve never heard anyone outside Ireland use Irish in a sentence so proficiently. Go you! I’ve got just two great men in my life but they are worth their weight in gold and then some. Let’s hear it for the boys! x

    • mama gena June 11, 2013, 1:42 pm

      thanks, mary! what a compliment!! it must have been all those times i listened to finian’s rainbow as a child!

  • Monifa June 11, 2013, 10:57 am

    Hi Mama Gena I realized while texting my 1 guy that I am beyond malnourished … I haven’t dated in years and that 1 guy and I work together we text when he asks about my sick dad… Wow this is going from bad to worst… I must live is a bubble

  • Monifa June 11, 2013, 10:47 am

    Oh my Mama Gena I don’t have 3 guys :(… I knew I was malnourished but this is ridiculous, I have 1 wow… Well I will text my 1 …

    • Aud June 12, 2013, 2:33 pm

      Hey Monifa,
      How about a brother, or a son, or a co-worker? A dad, a landlord, or your postal deliverer? Men are everywhere!

  • Galina June 11, 2013, 10:41 am

    Mama Gena! I get so tired of appreciating him! It does work (very well by the way) but it’s exhausting! When I stop working hard on acknowledging him all the time it all falls apart. Plus, why do I have to be the one initiating, igniting etc? I’m just tired of being responsible for that 🙁

    • mama gena June 11, 2013, 1:41 pm

      galina- the only time a woman finds it exhausting to appreciate her man is when she is staving HERSELF of pleasure! what have you done to bring yourself joy today? how have you stoked your own coals? being a sister goddess means getting your minimum daily pleasure requirements, my darling. hmmm…..we gotta put you on a pleasure diet asap!

      • Galina June 12, 2013, 3:07 am

        Thank you so much for your reply, Mama Gena! I guess it makes sense! I will search for your posts on the pleasure diet here! 🙂
        I love you, Mama Gena 🙂 Your energy makes believe in myself!