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Masculine overdrive? Moi?

Darling,

I have to be honest. Motherhood absolutely overwhelmed me.
From the first moment I pushed my baby out, I was absolutely overwhelmed with love, with worry, with fear, with responsibility.
I remember the first night after I gave birth to her in the hospital and everyone suggested that I leave her in the nursery so I could sleep. But all I could think of was her crying without me, and I went careening down the hall to collect her and bring her back to my room, as I was unable to bear the thought of her feeling alone and unprotected.
Where the placenta left off, I took over.

This baby brought out my fierce. My righteousness. My determination. My unwillingness to fail. My stubbornness. My ambition.

When my marriage ended a few years later, this little girl brought out a power I did not know I possessed and had me develop a part of myself that never ever would have engaged otherwise–my immovable resolve to stand for women in a deeper way than I had ever stood, and stand for my daughter in a more powerful way than was my known-to-me nature.

MEOLA-249I had been a kind of hippie chick, taking longer than usual to find myself.
But, the luxury of failure, half-assed or quasi, was vanquished by this child. And the purity of single purpose took over.

I had no time to dwell in self-doubt.
There was a world of women who were being crushed by that habit, and I knew that that my job was to live in, and lead, the antidote.

What habit?
The habit of self-doubt.  It is as vicious and virulent as a virus.
When you stand in front of a mirror and hate your thighs, or wonder if you are pretty enough to get the guy you want or smart enough to get the job you want, guess what?  You transmit that to your daughters, your girlfriends, your colleagues.

Self-doubt is a psychically transmitted disease.
You catch it by being in the same room with a woman who doubts herself.
And I was (and am) determined to vanquish this condition in my lifetime.
We cannot waste another woman in self-doubt.
Women are far too precious.

So…my inner masculine was fired up and stoked in order to protect and ensure the growth of all this feminine I was responsible for.
Thousands and thousands of women, one small girl.
But…as all of you know, when a woman lives inside all that strong, virile, productive masculine energy, it can drain the life force out of her.
Especially when there are no strong masculine arms to lean into or stand for her.

I know so many women who have given up the soul of their feminine in order to do exactly what I did–raise a child or children on their own.
I know so very many women who find themselves working in a field that is dominated by a masculine culture that forces them to abandon their feminine and adopt all of the aspects and characteristics of the masculine.
So many women have to sacrifice the softest, sweetest, most delectable, delicious, sensual aspects of who they are in order to climb the corporate ladder, or get noticed for a raise or promotion, or receive the recognition they deserve.

MEOLA-248I did not want to lose touch with a part of myself. And sometimes I would.
So I had to teach myself through serious trial and big-time error exactly how to create balance within, while managing so much without. Not just for myself, but for Maggie.
I was supposed to be her mother. Not her father.

When my masculine was on overdrive, there was no soft spot for her to land.
I became all about getting her where she needed to go on time, but not at all about connecting to her soul, or resonating with her feelings.
My feelings were among the things that got sacrificed.
And that was no good for either of us.

So, I developed a little ritual that I would do, every day, to slide myself into the sweet sexy waters of the divine feminine in me. I had to feed her, cultivate her, or she would dehydrate and die. And I want to share some of my rituals and practices with you, here, in hopes that they will help you locate, feed and nurture your feminine energy.

The feminine needs to be fed, like a fire. Or she will extinguish.
Stop feeding her?
She withers. Which makes a woman feel just awful.  Inside and outside.
And we simply can’t have that, my sister.

1.      I wake up before my daughter, at least 30 minutes earlier, so I can have that time for me.  I light candles, put on some music, and dance naked, stretching and caressing and awakening my beautiful body.  During this time, I am connecting to my emotions.  So, if I am pissed, I dance pissed.  If I am tired, I dance tired, if I am ecstatic, I dance ecstatically.  And so on.  This requires a great music mix that reflects my diverse emotions.

2.      The second dance is a dance of desire.  I dance and imagine all that I desire for the day, for my life, for my family, for the world.

3.      I sit at my altar and spend time doing gratitudes for everyone and everything in my life.  Whether I feel like it or not.  By the end I feel like it.

4.      I dress hot.  It helps so much.

5.      I end every night with a bath.  Epsom salts.  Lavender oil.  Candles.  No matter how late I get home, no matter what, I slide into that tub.

In the comments section below, let me know if you  share my experience of dealing with the masculine in overdrive. And let me know what kind of rituals or practices you use to connect to your feminine energy.  How do you keep your lamp lit? Your home fires burning?

We are all in this, together.

With so much love & pleasure,

mama-gena-sig-180px

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  • Rogue Temptress November 7, 2013, 2:02 pm

    I really love these pictures of you, Regina. I can relate to this more than the pink ruffly dresses. I think this is my first time seeing you rocking the urban wear. However, maybe this was you doing masculine, but you still look sexy. I also liked reading you were a hippie chick. See you tomorrow in Miami! : )

  • Cherie-Lee Forrester November 7, 2013, 10:13 am

    Hi
    I work at a utility helicopter company as the operations manager for a team of pilots and hurly burly guys – I am the only girl in the team.
    YES I have don’t the worst thing in the world to myself. I de-girly myself to be accepted, I stopped dressing like a WO-man cos the boys made pigs of themselves and – I became bland, beige & dull.
    I have survived one of the most challenging career years parallel to finding out my husband had a 2 year affair and loved another woman. It has been Bone and Soul crushing. Yet I have kept the inner me in my heart.
    My journey has just started but I am tapping into my soul and knowing there is someone else doing this gives me hope to cope … so I am looking up and smiling.
    Since I have started claiming me back (small visual changes like flowers on my desk, nail polish and heels) I have noticed that the guys are fluffing up their “feathers” and back to their old flirting habits but I have gained the courage to be the girl again … so I ask for help to carry things, etc. I really don’t care if they are doing it. It is affirmation that I am not one of them, I am unique and I am a woman. It gives me strength to believe in me again in a time where I have doubted every cell in my body, hating myself, compared myself and questioned myself.
    Soon I will be strong, and I will release the inner me hiding in my heart and yes I am going to start dancing! It sounds like freedom.
    But your post also reminded me of a little jewel from my childhood which my Gran used to repeat all the time.

    “When you feel at your worst, dress up!

    • MJ November 29, 2013, 7:12 am

      so are you available to go out dancing tonite

  • E October 26, 2013, 12:10 am

    I love this discussion!

    I’ve never been of the mindset that feminine and masculine are separate and different. As they’re generally defined, they’re both quite well-balanced energies in me and my life. BUT! Other people around me can find this confusing and/or threatening and this is when I feel drained.

    Some of the women professors in my last graduate program clearly weren’t comfortable with the feminine sides of me and they considered them strange coupled with the masculine sides of me. I was simply supposed to be one or the other.

    I’d get subtly reproving comments about wearing perfume or about my clothes and then outright hostility for my levels of knowledge and ambition. A woman who felt comfortable with and exhibited the ‘feminine’ should never also be strong-willed and independent in ‘masculine’ ways. The horror! I really couldn’t win with them and I never tried. I simply moved on.

    Unfortunately, though, I still find that being feminine/masculine in education — and elsewhere too — is not taken well. It’s a mixed bag — some learn to appreciate it and some get incredibly angry about it. C’est la vie!

    I celebrate all of me (feminine and masculine) as many of you do:
    1) Candlelit baths in exquisitely scented warm water
    2) Dancing freely to my favorite music — I sing too!
    3) Spending fun time with friends who *get* it and me
    4) Watching pro-unique-women films (I like “The Good Witch” and “Sex and Mrs. X” among others)
    5) Dressing for my dreams/fantasies

    Thank you, Mama Gena for starting such a great discussion.

  • Frieda Wilder October 23, 2013, 11:06 pm

    After I finished my first novel, ten days later I was hit with agonizing pain in the back of my neck. It spread into my left shoulder and down my arm. Trigger point injections and physical therapy worked temporarily. When I returned to the keyboard, the pain returned and things I’d tried previously no longer worked. I had a medical problem as well as pain. A surgeon removed two disks from my neck and replaced them with synthetic bone graft material. The medical problems were solved but the surgery did not address the pain. I have been under siege for four years. Shortly before it first hit, my sex drive went out for a walk and never came back. Health issues prevent me from going on oral hormone replacements and I simply have no desire sexually. The period in which I sought out relationships is over for me, I know. When the surgery failed to address my pain, friends fled and I split with my family, who were not accustomed to dealing with trauma or turmoil and could not face the corner I was in. My sister’s partner did not wish to give up their winters in Palm Beach golfing so I could remain in my New York apartment, nor did she wish for me to live with them in one of their three homes. Nevertheless, I managed to survive. My doctors helped me get help and I learned to deal with the enormous stigma of being divorced, middle-aged, and chronically ill. The sad thing for me was that the mentor who encouraged me to finish this book had a series of strokes around the time I finished it (three years had gone by since I had talked to him about the project and shown him Chapter One–all I had at the time). He had urged me send it to him as soon as it was done but was never able to read the finished manuscript. His latest stroke rendered him unable to recognize anyone, much less me. When I finished my MFA a literary agent showed interest in the book, but mistakenly presumed it to be identical to a book with a similar concept that was a success about ten years ago. She passed on the project. My best friend’s friend offered to bring the manuscript to his former boss, an established literary agent in her seventies. She reeled me in, carrying on about the caliber of the prose, but turned out to be a charlatan, asking me to hire and editor to tweak the book for presentation to publishers–and to make the check out to her. A few friends of mine whose literary tastes I trust or who are professional writers can’t understand why I don’t march “out there” and sell the novel–they insist it’s great and that placing it should be a cinch. They don’t offer to ask their friends who are novelists to ask their literary agents to look at it, however.

    Regina said that seduction lies at the bottom of all human interaction. When I asked my mentor to read my work he had been observing me for some time. I knew he was curious about me. I was older than the other students, a loner, and took copious notes, trying to write down every word he said in his lectures. When I walked out of his seminars, I always felt as though I’d been shot out of a cannon. I wanted to live again. I was grateful to be alive. Something came over me and I asked him if I could speak to him about a project I had just started. He loved the idea and agreed to look at Chapter One–all I had at the time. Six weeks later he called me at home, raving about it. Send it to me as soon as it’s finished! I had never studied writing with him, so he could not have known I don’t write short fiction, that it would become a novel and take three years. By the time it was in his hands I had already been in pain five months. I was depleted in every way–physically and morally.

    What is the answer to having worn out my skeleton long before my life force faded? On one level, I feel satisfied that I wrote a fine book. I feel no desire to claw my way into some literary agent’s heart and hope to prove my worth. I have done something astonishing. It sits in the archives at Columbia. Yet a book is a living, breathing thing. I have a responsibility to bring my novel into the light of day and make it accessible to those who would benefit from reading it. Devoid of sexual drive, in fragile health, and cautious about my financial future, I won’t turn myself into an animal to get it published. What am I to do?

  • Jennifer Bardall October 23, 2013, 1:17 pm

    THANK YOU so much for this!

    I realize that I spend too much time in my masculine energy. I’m sole breadwinner, also trying to build my own business on the side. I suffer from the idea that pushing through no matter what is “good work ethic”. So even when my health isn’t so great (and with Ulcerative Colitis, it does happen from time to time) I work as hard as I can.

    I find that I’m more bitter, sharp-tempered and dissatisfied when I’m drowning within the hard shell of my masculine energy. Life is more difficult. I’m more difficult.

    My intention is to follow your example now! Thank you for being a shining beacon.

  • Sister Goddess Princess Tammie Awakened Pussy October 23, 2013, 12:07 pm

    OMG that is exactly what I have been doing all my life trying to kick in that glass ceiling…. then when my husband died being mother/father& Provider……

    I am so molding and changing my life with every little tidbit I can get these 8 weeks and cant wait to hug you in Miami Mama Gena…. woo hoooo

    Now to put my mornings into action for me ……

    embrassing it all – working thru it all – living in my passion and desiring all day long

  • Minni October 23, 2013, 11:15 am

    Having grown up around “masculine”, somewhat overpowering women, it has been a long journey to get rid of that kind of thinking and actions in my own life. I had to reach my mid-thirties before I started allowing me to be me. Sensitive, sensual, soft, strong…I have previously worked in a tough corporate environment where women had to be men to get any kind of professional respect. This lead, in my case, to physical pain and weight gain and all sorts of emotional troubles. And the need to CHANGE- and I am so glad I dared to change my life. These days I regurlarly check in with myself, meditate, use art, journaling, whatever…to find out what I want right now, and what I need right now. Clothes and make-up and all those lovely feminine trimmings do cheer me up too, but the real tenderness and love towards ourselves has to come from non-material & less expensive stuff…and what that is, is surely different for each individual. Rituals are great, when you find the ones that you love. The Female Deer Exercise is something I recently discovered, and like. I heard Dr. Christiane Northrup talking about it on Hay House Radio.

  • Shannon Lagasse October 23, 2013, 10:18 am

    Oh, for sure. In today’s culture, who hasn’t?

    I grew up being super masculine in every aspect of my life. Everything was always do-do-do, achieve-achieve-achieve, push forward… It was never encouraged to feel or express my emotions, to feel sexual, sensual, and desirous.

    Now, I am taking time for me. I am putting myself first and making myself a priority. I love to walk, read, practice gratitude, and lull around in my dreams first thing in the morning. I like to take my time to prepare delicious, healthy, nourishing meals for myself. I like to sit down and write. So that’s what I’m doing. By putting myself first, I find that I am more productive, happier, and infinitely more “in the flow” than if I just push through.

    Thanks for sharing your story and your brilliance, Mama Gena!

  • Sheena October 23, 2013, 8:50 am

    Thank you so much for this Mama Gena!! I needed this right now. I am 30, a mother of 5, working full time as a nurse, with a “significant” other who is refusing to work. The last thing I feel right now is sexy..I will try some of these rituals because they sound like a good place to start. Thanks again and always for being such an imspiration to me!!

  • MaryAnne Shiozawa Wiseman October 23, 2013, 5:18 am

    Holy crap, this is an absolutely super awesome post, Mama. How many women have you just touched with this? Thousands. Hundreds of thousands. Including me.

    After taking time off from my practice as a chiropractor to be a full-time mom for almost 8 years, I’m ready to go back to focusing on my professional life. This shift in my desires and consciousness has made me so aware of my masculine energy. It’s been quiet, hiding, calm and in the background. My feminine energy has been soaring high and reigning beautifully, and yet it’s funny because I can sense the contrast as my masculine self comes out a lot these days. It changes the way I deal with my husband, my children, and in my social life! I’ve been welcoming this inner masculine because it actually feels comfortable. It’s that controlling side of me, the one that always wants to be right. This is the inner self that I’ve been very used to, driving me as a “career woman”, going to my office everyday in Midtown Manhattan where the men in gorgeous suits are everywhere. That testosterone is very powerful!

    Thank you for this post. It gives me the reminder to always tap into and lead with my feminine energy. She’s the one that I know makes me happy!

    Love you,
    SG MaryAnne

  • Kayla October 23, 2013, 3:56 am

    I wanted to share something that just happened to me that somewhat relates to this subject.

    I’ve been seeing this guy and, not to be a cliche, but our relationship- is complicated. Certain issues have forced me to question the relationship and distance myself from it. He is not my “type” (my type is sensitive), and we’ve had so many big issues come up it’s insane. Yet we’re both attracted to eachother and have a great time when we’re together. Currently we’re in a state of hanging out and hooking up and being tenatively exclusive, but not making any real commitments.

    But I guess all that isn’t really important.

    I’m leaving town for a few weeks, and I spent the night at his place last night and we had an all day, stay in bed, no clothes allowed sex fest. It was fun.

    Towards the end of the evening he made a criticial comment about my pubic hair (it’s natural. It’s a personal and social statement as well as a representation of my feelings toward hair maintence.) Anyways, I broke down. I literally started full on crying. He was all- whoops. And immediately started apologizing and complimenting me. My immediate reaction when I’m hurt is to withdraw and so I left and cried more and went home and slept and woke up and had some realizations.

    I sent him a saga of a text message (I’m 22, this is how we communicate). Here’s what I said- “It was kind of a slap in the face. It felt deeper than you making an embarassing criticism. It felt like you were disapproving of who I am. I’ve felt that way a lot about the comments you’ve made about my boobs. It hurts me, I want to be appreciated for who I am. I think that’s why it bothers me when you hook up with other girls. Honestly, I don’t feel possesive over you, it’s more that I feel like I’m not enough for you- you aren’t satisfied with the way that I am and you wish that I could be more stereotypically sexy. Like that comment you made when we broke up- that you had to get laid from somewhere. And when you said about wearing a smaller bra size for more cleavage. You know what they’re like, and I know what they’re like. Why should I shove them together and pretend they’re something they’re not? Why aren’t they good enough the way that they are? All these comments built up, and today I realized how much they bothered me.

    Some guys really love my boobs. And they’re turned on by the fact that I have natural pubic hair. They like the fact that sex with me is connected and emotional.They appreciate my body and how it is small and strong but also curvy. It’s a physical representation of me- contradictory, obstinately different, sensitive, and graceful. And because of their appreciation, sex is a whole lot better. To dissapprove of it is to dissapprove of me. My body is poetic, not pornographic, and I’m not going to let it be shamed or anything but worshipped!”

    Bam. I feel so much better now. Like a weight has been lifted off of me. That was my divine feminine speaking through me, and I was honoring her by being strong enough to say it and stand up for my emotions, my beliefs, and my body. One thing I know about the divine feminie is- even though she is endlessly compassionate and giving, she is also terribly powerful. You can’t cross her; she can and will end you. When I speak or act from my divine feminine I am not being girlish and weak- I am being embodied. I am deep. I’m buzzing with the same energy as the tides, hurricanes, and earthquakes.

    To honor her is to honor everything.

    <3

    • Minni October 24, 2013, 9:00 am

      Oh wow! Well done! You are a wise goddess!

    • janine December 6, 2013, 5:41 pm

      “One thing I know about the divine feminie is- even though she is endlessly compassionate and giving, she is also terribly powerful. You can’t cross her; she can and will end you. When I speak or act from my divine feminine I am not being girlish and weak- I am being embodied. I am deep. I’m buzzing with the same energy as the tides, hurricanes, and earthquakes.

      To honor her is to honor everything.”

      Yes! I loved all of that. Glad that you allowed yourself to express in this way. Thank you.

  • Cecilia October 23, 2013, 2:42 am

    I’m a single mother of three girls and there are times when I feel so tired of doing everything on my own. The things that has helping me a lot is to wake up in the morning and go to the mirror to express self love. I also spent few min meditating before my kids wake up, while getting them ready for school I play our favorite songs, we sing and dance. When they are gone I tune on hay house radio before my shift starts ( I work from home) and sometimes on my way to school. At night after putting the kids to bed I take a shower, put on my sexy pajamas, delicious perfume and I grab my favorite book to read. Thank you so much for all your help! I am so happy I found you 🙂

  • T. L. Cooper October 22, 2013, 8:50 pm

    Every morning as part of my routine I stand in front of the mirror for a moment or two and simply appreciate my curves and my flat spots as well as the light in my eyes and the messiness of my “bed” hair. I take a couple of deep breaths and let them out slowly watching my body expand and contract as I do so. Then I smile at my reflection no matter how I’m feeling, I smile at my reflection. It’s not something I started doing on purpose. I’m not even sure when I started doing it. I’ve never thought of it as connecting with my feminine fire or my femininity, but I suppose it is because I always feel both more feminine and stronger after this exercise.

  • TaRessa October 22, 2013, 8:28 pm

    Oh Mama Gena, Mama Gena, Mama Gena!

    As always, you are RIGHT on point and SO on time! I had the revelation just 2 days ago that it’s time for me to get out of so much masculine (from being a super-woman over-achieving single mom) and back into my feminine…

    I love your list of rituals and plan to adopt and adapt them ASAP. AND to go back to the wonderful rituals and practices of both Mastery and Inner Circle. For me, dance–especially bellydance–is the very fastest and best way to connect with and just revel in my yin.

    But it is time for me to immerse myself in this journey, the (hot) pinkness of it, the juicy joy of it, the ooh-la-la-la-la-la-la-la of my inner Love Goddess…

    Meditation is good as well–and I have many ways to do it, whether I’m sitting still and silent, or walking, or riding the bus or the train.

    Like so many of us, I struggle with “receiving.” Mmmmmmm but it is so delicious when I slow down and connect with the soft, sensual side and just allow it to be. Yum!

    Thank you, Mama Gena! It is time to adorn myself, own my beauty, celebrate that yin and twirl and shimmy in the insane deliciousness of it all.

    I love you madly, Mama Gena, and all of my Sister Goddesses….this Pleasure Revolutionary is getting back on track.

    Muah!

  • Krista October 22, 2013, 6:20 pm

    I’ve worked in garbage & recycling for most of the the last 23 years- talk about male dominated. I worked hard to be “one of the guys”. NOW I know better. I am “one of the guys”no longer. I remind myself of this by wearing dresses, and more recently wearing heals! AND I’ve done a couple of boudoir photography sessions- those pictures remind me of my wild feminine and how that’s who I really am.

  • Penny October 22, 2013, 2:50 pm

    I’ve come to realize that I am in need of such deep nourishment that baths and dancing just aren’t cutting it anymore. It can’t make up for this feeling that I am fed up, angry, desperate, unfulfilled. So I am tuning into this deep desire for more, some satiation that I have not yet figured out how to attain. I haven’t been able to fully understand this craving, this desire completely, but I sense a longing for freedom. In all honesty I am a hungry, pissed off woman, but I am quietly fuming because I lack the courage to break the bonds of culture. And so I am doubly pissed. With myself, and with how boring this culture is, and how its gonna make me uncomfortable to break out of the mold. Do you know what I am talking about Mama? I guess it is a matter of clearing this charge, and having the ovaries to go for this…whatever it is. Any pointers here sisters are very welcome.

    PS: You look so hot in those pics Mama.

    • SG C'mere Kitty October 22, 2013, 4:16 pm

      Daily and multiple daily Spring Cleaning, scream, cry, jump on trampoline and grab your Yes!es, write an angry letters and burn them ritualistically, be transparent, do something that scare you, call an SG you don’t know yet.

    • Minni October 23, 2013, 9:55 am

      Darling, have you tried meditation? I found meditation initially really hard to do but when you stick to it (and if it feels right for you) you can get in touch with the true you. ..It can be a bit scary but definetely worth it. I use art therapy on myself too (I’m an art therapist & relaxation coach). Art is a great tool for self-exploration. So try meditation, painting, drawing, perharps journaling too. Fearlessly let the answers come and do let the anger out, too! Ask yourself: Who am I? What do I want? And then go for it. I certainly have. It is not always a smooth path but so worth it. And when you find and L O V E the true you and live YOUR own life, true to yourself, you may find that some “friends” disappear and you find ones that truly love and support you. Do not let culture, old habits, negative thoughts or anyone stop you.
      :)Everything WILL fall into place.

  • Kim October 22, 2013, 12:35 pm

    I just got a dog and I am exhausted! I feel like I’ve been putting all of my vitality into caring for this animal. And to be honest, it’s made me a little resentful of the dog and mad at my husband that he’s gone all day at a “normal” job and since I’m the freelancer her major care is in my hands. I haven’t figured out how to balance yet. It’s been a month though, and I’m ready for some!

  • Meg October 22, 2013, 12:30 pm

    Being a woman who can handle anything, anytime is so tedious, isn’t it? I am raising four kids (three dogs, and assorted other pets), building a business, managing a big house, being a great friend, SG and partner to my BF. I’m exhausted and resentful. I took VPBC again (dropped last time) to refresh my SWA tools (even that sounds like a masculine word!) and have been diving into the self-care and beauty rituals more than ever. I’m going to keep adding and adding, until I feel over the top replenished.

  • Jo ANNE Karg October 22, 2013, 11:59 am

    I am a 68 yr old woman who raised 5 kids, 3 boys 2 girls. No real problems. I came from crap, but decided to love my kids and give them the time and attention I had wanted. Discipline? I just followed my heart and values.

    I loved them, learned to love me, recognise my talents and abilities. I got my GED in 2000, started college in 2003, graduated, 2007. Started grad school in 2007 got my degree and Professional Counsellors License in 2011. Lots of stuff happened during those years, husband cheating, divorce, son’s graduation, grand kids born, life happened. A couple encouraged me all through it, and loved me. attitude of Gratitude is #1. Then looking in the mirror naked and appreciating every stretch mark, wrinkle, and scar on my body because they are the results of victories won in my life. There is no one like me, and I tell all of my clients how unique and wonderful they are and empower them to choose the life they want and go for it. Great friends, are a must men and women and celebrate life and every victory, mine, my kids, grand kids anything…and lots of fun and laughter. I am masculine/famine as we all are…flirting keeps me going, seems we’ve lost the art….everyone too serious. And yet if you saw me in a crowd, the only thing you’d notice is we are laughing and having fun. This is what I do.

    Jo

    • SG C'mere Kitty October 22, 2013, 4:05 pm

      Well bragged! And congratulations on many achievements.

  • Margarita October 22, 2013, 11:44 am

    Ha! I love it, I’ve been struggling with this. I feel like I’m a military drill sergeant getting my daughter to/back from school, feeding her, sports and all I dream of before I pick her up, is to have fun with her but then I turn military/masculine on her. Sigh
    I have been doing more baths at night and candle lit showers in the morning and sexy songs for morning driving commute. I will add more fund and delicious self care.

    Thank you Regena for writing about it!

  • Jill W October 22, 2013, 11:33 am

    I love all of your rituals! I am a small business owners thriving and succeeding
    To get through this recession. It has been brutal as I am also single with
    a fiancé who works for me. Talk about a struggle!
    My rituals to bring out my feminine nature:
    Fresh cut flowers
    Bathes w lots of bubbles
    Silence
    Pedicures/Manicures
    Cut way down on cussing
    High heels
    Asking others what they think vs dominating the conversation with a “know it all attitude”

  • Laura Jacobs October 22, 2013, 11:29 am

    For 39 years I had to survive with no one to help so I went into masculine over drive. I built a business from scratch. I was overweight angry and so incredibly sad and tired. I had abandoned me to survive.

    Now is a different story. I dance every day to music I love weather it is cooking or standing in line at Trader Joes. Every moment I can I find a gratitude I use my senses to make me aware of the pleasures around me however simple they may be. A birds voice Wind against my cheek like a kiss from G-d My dogs gorgeous kissable face A call from a SG that warms my soul.I wear sexy lingerie every day and a favorite perfume After every shower I lather my body with coconut oil to give myself the gift of of soft skin and I make a cappuccino for myself every morning with cinnamon coconut and almond milk

    • mama gena October 23, 2013, 9:51 pm

      can i have your cappuccino recipe?

  • Tracy October 22, 2013, 11:25 am

    Great tips! I used to live almost entirely in the masculine, ex-bosses and mates used to tell me I’d be the perfect man if I had a “unit.” At the time I took it as a compliment, until I woke up one day as a workaholic realizing I had been striving to be my Dad…after all he was the one in control, since my Mom was always upset with him. 🙂 Fast forward a decade or more later…and at time I feel the masculine come out, especially when someone tries to step over a boundary, but I really try to stay connected to myself in a variety of ways…from how I dress (to finally wearing makeup again–regularly), to all the sensual things I notice around me–touching, feeling, smelling and hearing is how I receive. I am creating by: becoming more aware of it in all of my interactions…not leaning in for the kill or the way I communicate–as in not chasing after, instead I put the desire out there and participate (without force or being a bull in the china shop) in doing what I love…so more of it comes my way. Okay, I can go on, but yes, thank you for this post, great tips here!

  • Chris October 22, 2013, 11:23 am

    I ran my own company for 33 years that is male dominated. I had this saying “How can I be a sex kitten at night after I have worked like a dog all day!” While doing that I was raising my niece (from infancy through her marriage) I always wore designer suits and dresses, heels and stockings, jewelry, lipstick and perfume. I always had flowers in my office and at home. Even though I was working with men and machinery every day, heck I even had 3 tool boxes, with pink handled hammers and screwdrivers!, I never forgot that I was first and formost a women, a fierce one, but very feminine. Even though I was moving heavy stuff and most days I would be on my hands and knees with my butt up in the air fixing something, I always worked with grace and elegance. When I arrived home at night, first thing was a hot bath, oils, candles. I had my soft, beautiful surroundings and rituals of senseus pleasure, cooking, reading, entertaining, painting, playing everything I did was with pleasure.. It was what I did to rejuvenate and relax so I could do it again the next day! And this was years before I found Mama.

  • Susan October 22, 2013, 11:23 am

    I’ve spent the last few months feeling “spent” — I have 100% been out of touch with my feminine energy. It took a very long time to begin to seek out the answers yet I’m starting to bloom again. I’m interviewing for a new job and my father has been giving me his great words of wisdom and encouragement along the way and one thing he said recently…”so does this mean now that you’re feeling better about yourself that you’ll start dressing like a knock-out again?”…I couldn’t believe that my Dad used the word “knock-out” to describe how I dressed…it was so loving and special to me that he felt he could describe me as this and now when I stand in front of my closet looking for what to wear…his words ring through my head. “Be a knock-out Susan”. (and it does make me feel better) Thanks Dad and Mama Gena.

  • Barbara October 22, 2013, 11:06 am

    These are some great rituals! Thank you!

  • SG Barbara October 22, 2013, 11:04 am

    I totally agree with the power of dressing. On days when I can’t be bothered there is a noticeable difference in my energy and mood than on days when I am decked out in a cute little dress, tights and high heeled booties.

    I also love to take my time getting ready for the day, enjoying the sensory process of putting on my makeup, styling my hair, selecting accessories and caring for my skin. Scented candles add so much grace to my workspace and indulging in my favorite pajamas and reading in my fluffy white bed at night never fails to help me unwind. If it’s been a really stressful day, I bring a hot fudge sundae into the bed with me.

    Cheers to taking action every day to dump self-doubt and connect to the feminine. 🙂

  • SG Debra October 22, 2013, 11:03 am

    It was this very contradiction that brought me back to MG..Christine Northrup was having a radio show with a mother daughter author team…and when I explained my dilemma she said neither I nor my daughter had been initiated into womanhood…I certainly had not, how could she…
    I did not understand the depths of your commitment to women until I heard (on a VBC call) how you described the work that you do as connecting to the divine feminine (I paraphrase) and I realized, as you again, so beautifully elucidate in this blog, that we owe it to ourselves, each other, our daughters and all the men in the world to balance this out of kilter planet by owning who we are and what we are here to do.

    • mama gena October 22, 2013, 2:13 pm

      truth. pure truth, sg debra.

  • Eugenia October 22, 2013, 10:59 am

    Oh, I can feel this story so much. On my last override at my work I found my new journey. I was crushed, exhausted with no man in site to cuddle in his lap and find a shoulder to cry. I felt like a man in the most assertive, powerful, yet workaholic state of mind. I felt no need for sympathy or protection from another human being. Yet, I felt drained as a woman in my most powerful feminine state. I finally begin to grow alive after another repeat of my grandfather’s words, “live your life, go see a concert or a show, go for a walk, here take a new book to read.” I found a permission to live in the wisdom of a man I respected the most. Slowly, I began to find my way in parting with myself. I took myself to dinner, bought flowers, I signed up for S-factor and the journey began. I found my yarning in my dance and then that journey took me to my erotic creature, then the SWA and now here. I find my feminine in the air, the sun the feeling of my sensual self. I find it in my furry vest that I wear when I want to feel extra sensual. I found my journey back to sensuality in the stork of my fingers against my cheek or the flow of my hair against my back. I spend time paying attention to those feeling. I began to buy more sensual closing and I no longer wear suits, unless I absolutely need it. I can’t get enough of my sensuality. It’s my water I need to drink to feel hydrated as a woman.

  • Diana October 22, 2013, 10:58 am

    I love this post Mama!

    I also love to dance in the AM, specifically to salsa or 80’s Dance Party station on Pandora. For some reason 80’s music always seems bubble-gum optimistic even when the lyrics are sad!

    Other things I do to stoke my Goddess feminine energy:
    1. Light my red hot Yankee candle at night. It reminds me of being by the fire and being taken care of.
    2. Bubble baths!
    3. Long walks in the nearby park.
    4. Making a cup of hot almond milk with cinnamon and taking it to Barnes and Noble and reading trashy magazines!
    5. Making love to my man 🙂

    Love you!

  • Laurie Irwin October 22, 2013, 10:42 am

    As a gay woman I so appreciate all that you share in terms of masculine energy. When I own my own beauty I feel very very sexy and hot – something that I feel that society generally does not associate with gay women. I have learned that my masculine and my feminine energy together combined make a fabulous Rockstar. I learned to do this by practicing the womanly arts even when I did not want to. I also learned this by letting others hold space for me in the beloved skill of Spring Cleaning. I am learning to love both sides of me and the beautiful combination they make in my life.

    Practicing the womanly arts has transformed me – I embrace me – I am beautiful, hot and sexy as hell. I am a Rockstar because you, Mama Gena, gave me the tools I needed and then I used them!!

  • Max Daniels October 22, 2013, 10:36 am

    Oh, Mama! Just this:

    “I dress hot. It helps so much.”

    THANK YOU. xoxox!

  • Lori October 22, 2013, 10:11 am

    Gena,
    Thank you for addressing this concern. I have worked for a plastic surgeon for many, many years. So many times I look across my desk and see a beautiful soft woman sitting there but her world is hard and demanding. She can’t see the beauty she possesses. Because of her actions in a single parent exhausting world the public sees her as neutral, not soft, womanly or sexy. Yet it is there inside her and has been all along. When I ask these women if they think they are beautiful they all say no. When I ask if this was your daughter sitting here with the same thoughts what would you tell her? Each one in their own way say “I would tell her is uniquely beautiful. You have to find a way to show it to the world and believe it yourself”. At that point in the consultation is when I say “Regardless if plastic surgery is for the right choice for you, you need to take your own advice. Your daughter is watching you. And if you value yourself, so will your daughter value her own life. You are her example. She learns from you that feeling beautiful is not vain it is learning to love yourself”
    Gena, keep inspiring. You are teaching women how to love one person at a time.

    • mama gena October 22, 2013, 10:19 am

      sounds like you are too, lori!! mwah!!

  • valentina October 22, 2013, 10:08 am

    I work in the sports industry which is dominated by men…and I’ve found that the women who “made it” have adapted masculine drive. My mentor–a woman who is very much like the one you describe–drives me to reach fearlessly for what I want (which is great!), but also suggests that I dim my feminine side too. She’s suggested on more than one occasion that being beautiful “sends the wrong message,” or “attracts attention for the wrong reasons.” That’s an insecurity I’ve always struggled with, and I hate that it’s getting compounded in my workplace. We all need to get a bit of that masculine energy to go after what we want – women have sat on the sidelines for too long! But I don’t believe being beautiful, sexy, or feminine is a problem in the work place. I just don’t know if expressing it in an environment that doesn’t agree with me could be detrimental. Has anyone else dealt with this?

    On my part, I love to take my time getting ready in the morning like a ritual! Definitely helps to ignite that femininity. I don’t rush through my hair or makeup…I take my time and honor myself.

    • mama gena October 22, 2013, 10:18 am

      valentina-
      slow….is the new fast. so good you are taking time to honor yourself!!
      xo

      • Jean Kathryn Carlson October 22, 2013, 9:20 pm

        Love this and live this!! Slow IS the new fast. Slow lets me immerse myself in the beauty all around me and in the beauty that IS ME!! Gonna start that mornin’ dance!!

  • amber michelle October 22, 2013, 9:54 am

    Mama Gena… you teach us all one of the best ways to deal with masculine overdrive and I do it everyday, multiple times a day.

    When I took your mastery course, you had us write an ode to ourselves about how fabulous, beautiful, sexy, we are. I say my ode to me every day when I wake up and throughout the day, when I need to remember that I am a Goddess. Every morning when I get up, I do yoga and meditate. Send love to others. Do that throughout the day as well, especially if someone is annoying me. Always send love to the one who annoys me most.

    Also, really important…. remember to breathe. A big deep through the nose out through the nose breath, or two or three.

    Dressing hot really helps, both on the outside and underneath. Always wear lacy, sexy hot lingerie. Then I revel in knowing that I am wearing it.

  • maria October 22, 2013, 9:33 am

    Interestingly, I do all the same things that Mama does, except that I teach dance, and I don’t sit at the altar and do gratitudes everyday BUT I SHOULD! I dance everyday for hours, take a bath every night no matter what, and I’ve used the desire dance with great success to manifest various outcomes in my own life (this works and well). And let me say a word about dressing “hot”. Its true. Dress like a vixen whenever possible. Wear clothes that make you like how you look. Go ahead and spend the money. In fact, spend that money with a vengeance. Its a fabulous investment. Those positive thoughts toward yourself are like daily hypnosis and after awhile, you’ll love your body and your beauty.

    • Sparkling Fiesta October 22, 2013, 7:36 pm

      Well stated! FF: Dress like a vixen whenever possible. Wear clothes that make you like how you look. Go ahead and spend the money. In fact, spend that money with a vengeance. Its a fabulous investment. Those positive thoughts toward yourself are like daily hypnosis and after awhile, you’ll love your body and your beauty.

  • Renee October 22, 2013, 9:15 am

    Thank you, thank you, thank you Mama Gena!! You’ve put into words my very experience being a single mother of my now 7 year old son. If I’ve wondered why I have felt so depleted in a core way you’ve just explained why that is. I’ve been trying to re-engage my inner feminine but my way of being has become so tied to this ‘masculine’ energy that it’s almost like tapping into the feminine has become another item on my to-do list. Thank you for your post!

    • mama gena October 22, 2013, 10:20 am

      renee-
      will we be dancing naked together in the morning?

  • Pam October 22, 2013, 9:11 am

    I do struggle with masculine overdrive. I am an engineer. I have been the father/mother for my kids for the past 15 years. Their dad is in their lives, don’t get me wrong, but I am the primary care giver. Well, I was until they moved on to college and beyond. But I still worry that I have not been modeling the value – the grace and beauty – of the divine inner feminine. Not just for my daughter, but also for my son.

    The past is past. What I do NOW is what matters. And I have been using the NOW to really embrace my Self as a divinely beautiful woman. I do that by staying as soft in all my communications as I can, by dressing more softly, adding accents that draw the eye towards my curves, and by being as present as I possibly can with my girlfriends. Their energy lifts mine, and vice versa.

    Now I am stepping into a new experiment to really solidify that sense of divine feminine beauty – I’m taking my VERY real body to an art class to be the nude model for the next several weeks. In that space I intend to really feel my feminine beauty so that the young artists can capture that light and see it for themselves. Let all see how beautiful a woman is … a real woman, wrinkles lumps and all!

    • mama gena October 22, 2013, 10:19 am

      pam-
      i love that you are modeling nude!!!
      so hot!
      xo
      r