Get free tips on life, love and sisterhood

Get free tips on life, love
and sisterhood

Join the Movement

Owning and Operating Men

Welcome to the seventh installment of our 8-week summer series, The Womanly Arts Unplugged, in honor of our upcoming course, Virtual Pleasure Boot Camp! This week, Jane, a Mastery and Creation Grad from Connecticut, joins us to teach about the Womanly Art of Owning and Operating Men!

Jane, Age 78 – Soon-to-be-Author, Retired Family Counselor

jane_wykerWhen I first heard of this Art, I remember thinking, “That sounds a bit manipulative…” — but I learned that couldn’t be farther from the truth! This Art is actually a profound practice in intimacy and connection, stemming from a deep love and respect for men. Mama Gena teaches us how to live into our highest expression, inviting the men in our lives to be their best.

I think of The Art of Owning and Operating Men more like, “The Art of Relating to Men,” or “The Art of Loving and Receiving from Men,” or “The Art of Staying in My Pleasure, Receiving My Desires, and Taking Him Higher”!

You can’t separate your relationships with men from your own personal practice of pleasure. In fact, the crux of the practice is becoming aware of what’s in your pleasure, keeping yourself juicy and happy, and then bringing that to your partner and everyone in your life. The first step in this Art is taking exquisite care of your beauty, sensuality, pleasure and creativity.

That is the way to lead your man and your relationship. In modeling that, you gradually teach him to look for his own pleasure and share that with you. It becomes an upward spiral of joy, connection, and intimacy.

Nearly 7 years ago, when I began my studies at the school, I had one question I wanted answered: “Should I stay in this marriage?”

At the time, my marriage was not working and we were very stuck. Recently retired from a successful business career, my husband, Bob, had little sense of who he was, feeling lost and less. We were not having fun, I was unsatisfied with my sex life, and I was beginning to doubt whether that would ever change.

Through my practice in The Art of Owning and Operating Men, and my coursework at the school, I can now say that at age 78, I’ve never felt more happy, beautiful, sexy and sensual, or deeply connected to my husband than I do right now. Yes, 78! At a time of life when most women of my generation have retired their sensuality, I am proof that there is so much more that’s possible.

Bob and I have been married 28 years, and it’s better than ever. I’m so honored to share some of the most powerful lessons we’ve learned along the way with you today.

By the way, although today I’m primarily sharing about my journey with Bob, I use these principles in every relationship in my life — with my adult children, friends, relatives, everyone. You can apply the practice of this Art whether you’re single, dating, or married and no matter who you love. You can apply these principles to any relationship in your life, because it all starts with you in relationship with you.

Lesson #1: Focus on you first

Jane beachIn Mama Gena’s first book, she asked a question that hit me between the eyes: WHO AM I AS A WOMAN? It was a question I’d never considered. I knew who I was as a wife, a mom, a daughter, a community member, but who am I as a woman? And how do I create my own pleasure? Totally foreign territory!

For many years inside of my marriage, everything had been focused on my husband’s problems. Being a family counselor, I believed that if I could help him with his problems, we could return to the love and connection we’d experienced in the first few years of our relationship. It never occurred to me to put my focus on my desires first.

Mama Gena invited me to take my attention off of my marriage for a year, and put it directly on myself and my own pleasure. That’s exactly what I did, and it was the beginning of my practice in the Art of Owning and Operating Men. I threw myself into the practices: bragging, spring cleaning, swamping, desire lists, womantras, and all the phenomenal tools that are covered in Boot Camp and advanced SWA trainings.

For months, I focused on generating more pleasure for me, invited Bob into it, and surprisingly, he kept joining me.

Lesson #2: Men really DO want to serve women!

One of Mama Gena’s core teachings around men is the notion that they truly do wish to serve women. This was a hard one for me to grasp at first. That was not my experience! Actually I saw it in reverse, that women were there to serve everyone else — husbands, children, parents, communities, etc.

I know I’m not alone in this. As women, not only are we taught the opposite, we live it. It rarely occurs to us to ask for support. And we get dried out and drained, taking care of everyone else’s needs.

Jane hub duoSo when Mama Gena put forth that men like to serve women, I thought, “What?! That’s not my world. What world are you living in?” Yet, I was happy to take it in and explore the possibility; it just seemed so remote and impossible at the time.

Now, I see just how true this is. And I see that my role in this equation is to receive graciously (no small task for a woman taught to give, give, give to everyone else). I now know that a woman’s capacity to receive is the key element in encouraging a man’s giving.

It’s really the pleasure she receives and appreciation she shares that motivates him. As he feels seen, happy and successful, he wants more of that for himself.

Honestly, at this point all I need to do is ask for what I want and Bob is happy to do it. He gets so much pleasure in giving to me, from small errands to edgy steps like going to sensuality classes.

At the very moment I am writing this to you, he just walked in the door with gorgeous white and purple roses for me! I kid you not. A moment like this was unimaginable when I first stepped into this practice.

Lesson #3: Communicate your desire to him with pleasure

jane_flowerPart of the reason so many women have a hard time believing men wish to serve them is because they aren’t asking for what they want in a way that encourages a man to step up.

I see women falling into one of two pitfalls here:

1. They communicate a desire in an angry or unpleasant way because it hasn’t been happening. That puts a man down, he feels he’s not winning with her, and the last thing he wants to do is fight that uphill battle!

2. They simply don’t ask. They withdraw. They remain silent, with resentment bubbling under the surface, feeling powerless and victimized. I was in this second category. I had to learn how to ask, and voice my desires from pleasure.

In either scenario, a man can’t give you what you want, because he’s not hearing the request in a way that makes him happy to meet it.

Lesson #4: Include him, every step of the way

Jane hub danceI know that a big reason for the shift in our marriage is that I always included Bob. As I investigated my pleasure I communicated what was going on with me. I shared my experiences and what I learned with him, and what I wanted. I also asked him to generate pleasure as I was doing.

I listened carefully to what he was saying, and used it for my pleasure and his. Bob often tells me that I have “magic fingers.”  He says: “Anywhere you touch me sends exciting feelings through my body.” I now use touch lots more since it feels good to me and makes him so happy.

This is so important to emphasize! When a woman includes her partner, both will enjoy pleasure and growth together.

Rather than the SWA being my trip—which could be felt as a split off from him—I used it to bring him along in his own pleasure as well as mine. I believe that is why he enthusiastically supported me in my years of study at the school.

Lesson #5: Have patience with yourself and with him (without wavering in your desire)

Remember, deep change doesn’t always happen overnight. (That said, it can happen much faster than you think, too!) My patience was, and is, a big factor in our progress.

It is also important, albeit challenging, to maintain your direction rather than dropping into discouragement when your man doesn’t “get it” the first, second, third or tenth time! You and he are habituated in set patterns, and it takes time and patience to change them. I keep reminding myself to be easy with myself and him.

Naturally, I want things to happen faster! But if I don’t deal with my impatience, I communicate dissatisfaction to him, instead of enthusiasm and appreciation. So a continuous practice in The Art of Owning and Operating Men, is attending to the spots of impatience within ourselves, with our men and with the process.

This was especially relevant for Bob and me when it came to expanding our sensuality. When I was in the Creation Course, this area of my life was deepening, and I wanted to include him in it. I stood for my desire with transparency which inspired him, and we moved on to each next step. Now, Bob is experiencing our sensual time as his gift for himself as well as for me. He is very motivated with our ongoing practice, as we continue to learn together.

Lesson #6: Sink into sisterhood and community, no matter what!

The Sister Goddess community has been crucial in my journey, every step of the way. Whether through sharing their experiences and resources, or encouraging me through my fears and resistance, Sister Goddesses are always at my back. They continue to help me immensely! If I had been on my own, I don’t believe I could ever have made these changes. I knew it was safe to share myself with these women. All of it, my ups and downs—even when I wanted to hide from embarrassment as my relationship would move forward, then backward, idyllic one week, hell another. My Sisters are there to reflect to me my progress, remind me of who I am and what I can create, and cheer me on through the lows. They are my champions, and they stand for my pleasure and my desires.

Jane dinner

In times when Bob doesn’t give me what I want, or repeats things I don’t want, I take time and space for myself, and turn to my sisters. I’ll call a Sister Goddess to practice the tools, get it out of my system, and plug myself back into my pleasure and power. Then, I can come back to him and make the request again with ease.

When I feel full with pleasure, community support, and awareness, I can relate to Bob much more openly. When I’m running on empty with frustration, exhaustion, and hopelessness, I am more likely to respond with anger or criticism, which sets us back.

It is absolutely invaluable to model for each other what it is to be a juicy, turned-on woman. It is so very nurturing and uplifting to have these women available to me, all the time. Because the world isn’t like that — we need to create this world for ourselves.

The Sister Goddess community has truly been a key element in my practice of this Art, and all of the Womanly Arts. Not only in times that aren’t working, but in building wonderful times.

Lesson #7: Be prepared for him to surprise you.

I wanted to share one final story of how my marriage has expanded and deepened more than I could have possibly imagined when I began my practice of this Art.

For years, I’ve had the desire to write the book that’s been brewing inside me. In fact, it was the big desire I brought into Creation. It turned out it wasn’t time then, and my Creation experience became the fertile ground for further nurturing my marriage in the ways I’ve shared so far.

But six months later, I started writing this book of stories about my transformed life! I write every day for hours, sometimes waking up in the middle of the night, jotting down a thought not to forget it in the morning. I am passionately hopeful that my stories will inspire others to create happier lives. This is a beautiful thing about the work of The School of Womanly Arts — even a year after the completion of my Creation Course, it is still working in me!

So here’s where the beautiful surprise comes in. As I wrote my first couple of stories, Bob said to me, “Do you mind if I read your stories?” I was very pleased with his interest, and said, “Sure.”

Well, to make a long story short, he has been the most amazing first line editor. I’ve written more than 20 stories now. He reviews every one I write, and he asks me questions, suggests places he thinks I can go deeper, shares his favorite sentences and frames of the stories . . . It has been such a space of creative intimacy for us that was SO unexpected.

And it all came from me addressing my own pleasure, fulfilling my own long-held desire to write this book. And what I get was not only that fulfilled desire, but an opportunity to share such a beautiful extension of our relationship inside this project.

Thank you so much for reading my post, and helping me celebrate this journey. Now, I’d love to hear from you, in the comments! How are you doing in your relationships with men? I’d love to hear your victories, struggles, and “ahas” in this area. And I hope you choose to continue the conversation inside of Boot Camp, this Fall!

— SG Jane

In case you missed it, check out Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, and Part 6 of The Womanly Arts Unplugged. And stay tuned for the final installment next week. (Make sure to subscribe to our newsletter for updates!)

This summer series is our way of pre-partying for Virtual Pleasure Boot Camp, our distance-learning course that takes a woman deep inside each of the Womanly Arts. It includes live teleclasses with Mama Gena, carefully crafted weekly exercises, and a thriving online community. Find all the details here!

Want more of Mama in your inbox?
Subscribe to our newsletter to get free updates.
78 Comments / Leave a Comment

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Maria Piccone August 10, 2015, 6:59 pm

    Dear Jane
    Reading this today couldn’t have come at a better time in my life. I have been purging my apartment and making changes as we speak. A few months ago, I was in my apartment and said to myself “if I continue living this current existence, i will be in the same life in 20 years”. A month ago, I started purging my apartment and making changes as we speak. I’ve done Mastery and Creation (14-15) and after reading your list, I understand how critical pt. 1 is. Taking care of me…….
    By the way, you look FAB!! I know I’m making change, I can’t go back to two months ago, need to live it. Thank you so much for touching my core. Love Maria !!

  • Theresa January 6, 2015, 11:40 am

    Dearest Jane, thank you for your honesty. I, too, felt Owning & Operating Men was a bit manipulative even though it works. I applied the techniques and was amazed at the response of my man.
    I can think of something I want him to do and he does it. How powerful is that?!? It actually scared me when it started happening. I even told him about it and he said he is always thinking of ways to make me happy.
    I like how you rephrase the message of the book to “The Art of Relating to Men”, “The Art of Loving and Receiving from Men” and “The Art of Staying in My Pleasure, Receiving My Desires, and Taking Him Higher” because that is exactly how I feel. I have to print this blog because it reached me on so many levels that I must read it again and again. Thank you for sharing.
    The SWA is one of the best things I ever encountered in my life.

  • A Natural Jpurney September 16, 2014, 10:42 am

    Love reading this…
    It reminds me of patience in this state of transition n provides a great goal to reach
    There’s light at the end go the tunnel

  • Yael September 16, 2014, 8:53 am

    What an inspiring post, Jane! Thank you for sharing your journey so transparently. It is truly inspiring.


  • SG Robin September 7, 2014, 9:33 pm

    Jane, what a gorgeous blog post. I loved reading about you and Bob and how far you’ve come.

    You’re the reason I am part of this community, as you well know, and you inspire me. You truly do look so gorgeous and radiant.

    Sending lots of gratitude and love. You’ve given me permission to imagine love in my life again and appreciation I’ve had for these years of focusing on my own pleasure.

    Xo SG robin (aka Twinkling Eyes)

  • SG Ileane, Foxy Lady September 6, 2014, 10:44 am

    Dear SG Jane,
    Thank you for your inspirational and uplifting story.
    As a Boot Camp and twice Graduate of Mastery, I have come to the cross-roads in my marriage.
    I have taken a deep look at myself, practiced the arts, remain charming and fun. In your Lesson #3: Communicate your desire to him with pleasure I am on target but what do I do with a grumpy husband who cannot even stand next to me at the kitchen counter because I’m in his way? He is deep into himself, his sadness, his failures, his depression.
    All this is taking a toll on my happiness and health.
    I am definitely stuck.
    I am so happy you have found the key to your happiness, I am searching for mine and reaching out.
    It is not in my storybook ending to be divorced after our 10 year marriage.
    I am looking for a Happier Ending.
    With Sister Goddess Love and Devotion,
    SG Ileane, Foxy Lady

  • Clare September 3, 2014, 8:49 pm

    WOW. You are so freaking awesome Jane. Your story is one of the most inspiring I’ve ever heard at the school. Although I’ve heard parts of it in person, this post articulates it with such clarity that I want to print it out and carry it with me as a constant reminder of how to be in the world.
    Creating a great marriage/relationship is a skill that is so underdeveloped in our culture-and both women and men suffer so needlessly. Thank you for sharing your wisdom,grace and beauty with us.
    Love you
    SG Clare, The Alchemistress Pussy Tingle x

  • SG Junia September 1, 2014, 2:46 pm

    Dear, dear Jane,

    Reading your experience brought me back to Sisterhood, the joys and support and fun experiences. I will reach out, reconnect, reignite. It will be wonderful to see you and everyone again. So glad to read your story an

    d feel, live the truth. Blessings

  • Sarafina August 25, 2014, 5:59 pm

    Beautiful Jane,

    So wonderful to see your pictures and read your amazing story. I MISS YOU!!! You were always, always inspirational and you continue to be . . . .

    Love, Sarafina

  • Ditte August 25, 2014, 1:14 pm

    Sweet Jane

    I’m so full!
    I’m just back from Paris (remembering magical moment with you there, in CC last April).
    I read your blog post and then read every post and answer after that!
    I’m as always so inspired by you and you deep wisdom that you share so generously.

    I’ve been married 34 years and I’m practicing many of the tool Mama Gena taught me,but you blog really opened up what it means to take yourself and your man higher.

    I’ve been struggling with which kind of things it was okay to ask for and after reading your blog I’ve decided to go back to focusing on me for the next 6 month and that anything I desire is okay and perfect.

    Thank you for your clarity and wisdom,
    Much love,
    Sassy Divine, (Ditte)

  • SG Do-Nothing with Ecstasy Lara Wisniewski August 22, 2014, 1:51 pm

    Jane!!! So so beautiful and inspiring. Reminds me of all the things I am going to Creation for this year and pulls me to want to work harder in my marriage through my pleasure. THank you for breaking it down so eloquently. My FF: As I wrote my first couple of stories, Bob said to me, “Do you mind if I read your stories?” I was very pleased with his interest, and said, “Sure.”

    Well, to make a long story short, he has been the most amazing first line editor. I’ve written more than 20 stories now. He reviews every one I write, and he asks me questions, suggests places he thinks I can go deeper, shares his favorite sentences and frames of the stories . . . It has been such a space of creative intimacy for us that was SO unexpected.

    I have come to consider things like this to be miracles!! Thank you for sharing and instructing!

    • Jane Wyker August 22, 2014, 5:37 pm

      Dear SG Do-Nothing with Ecstasy Lara,

      How beautiful that you have given yourself the gift of doing nothing with ecstasy. A lesson for all of. us.

      Congratulations on starting Creation which will bring you to greater pleasure, naturally spilling over to your marriage.

      SG Jane

  • Melanie August 22, 2014, 12:35 pm

    Such richness Jane! Every drop is golden….Thank you for sharing your powerful life lessons & the reminder that it really does start in the relationship with ourselves:-)

    I have recently had to revisit the “Art of Staying in my Pleasure” in order to take both my beloved & myself higher (thank you for your inspiration) I am now focusing on ME fully again & the shift has been quick & oh so yummy… I love how you categorized the areas of exquisite self care: beauty, sensuality, pleasure & creativity..a true road map to receiving.

    I could go on & on as there are so many gems you shared with us…especially the preciousness of you & your amazing man! Thank you for your generosity!

    • Jane Wyker August 22, 2014, 5:32 pm

      SG Melanie, thank you for receiving my thoughts so generously. And for sharing the “yummy” results of shifting your focus back to yourself.

      Knowing you as I do, you will no doubt share the benefits of your fullness.

      SG Jane

  • SG Stilleto Yoga aka Amy Elias August 21, 2014, 5:31 pm

    Wow. I have been in flight mode and hovering over my 36 1/2 year old marriage. I feel empty, used up and deeply unhappy with every part of my marriage. Seems my guy has some sort of personality inconsistencies and when I hear you say how you can be so honest and responds lovingly, it makes me so happy for you and That is my desire. To be free to speak and share from a place of Truth, Honor and Integrity and not have it woven into something bad. When I share my truest of Truth and know the potential to share that is deafening, I feel swiped out of that gift. I have been really thinking that if a mate–partner —has unresolved issues, does the SWA really have impact? I can do better for Myself and Have promised myself, my deep desire to get back to the Community. I need it, NEED. I see how I have not been oxygenating my soul sister genes. Thank you for inspiring me,. Magic Marriage Rocks!

    • Jane Wyker August 21, 2014, 9:58 pm

      Hi SG Stiletto Yoga aka Amy Elias,

      Welcome back to the SG world. It is so good that you know that you desire us! We desire you, too.

      Thanks for sharing and speaking from a place of Truth, Honor and Integrity.

      SG Jane

  • Suzanne Bonham August 21, 2014, 6:47 am

    Hi Jane! THANK YOU, THANK YOU so much for writing this, all of it!!! It could not have been more perfectly timed. Blessings to you both. S

    • Jane Wyker August 21, 2014, 1:35 pm

      My pleasure SG Suzanne, blessings back at you!!!!!!!!

      SG Jane

  • SG Sensual Shakaya August 21, 2014, 12:20 am

    Wow! You really are the most alluring courtesan of all time!
    Thank you for inspiring me with your glowing beauty and success.
    Bob is a lucky guy, and I’m sure quite deserving too xo

    • Jane Wyker August 21, 2014, 1:33 pm

      Thank you SG Shayaya. Much appreciated!!!!

      Your photo shows me that you are very alluring too!!!!!!!

      SG Jane

  • Anita August 20, 2014, 4:00 pm

    thank you for your share. congratulations for coming forward in your relationship. you give me hope in my singlehood. and you look Fabulous!!!!!

    • Jane Wyker August 20, 2014, 5:57 pm

      Hi SG Anita,

      Thank you for your compliment!
      Wishing you much pleasure in your dating life.
      SG Jane

  • Andie August 20, 2014, 9:39 am

    I love your story and hope to have as juicy a marriage as you do someday. Unfortunately, it seems that men don’t want to serve me. They want to have sex with me. In the dating world, it’s not uncommon for a guy –within a few messages on an online dating site — to say something like, “I’m not looking for a relationship. But can I stick my thing in you anyway?” I’ve made a game of guessing how many messages it will take for a guy to ask me for some sort of zipless f*ck situation. I’m confident in my sensuality, and I know what turns me on: no-strings-attached-sex is not it. I want intimacy and some freaking romance. It’s so frustrating and depressing that I end up signing off and deleting my profile after a lackluster drinks date or two. I just want a marriage like my aunt and uncle’s –they support each other and act like teenagers in their 50’s! But I’m not sure I’ll ever get there if I have to brave online dating to do it!

    • Jane Wyker August 20, 2014, 11:07 am

      Hi SG Andie,

      Thank you for your comment. I hear your frustration and wonder whether you are enrolled in the School of Womanly Arts.

      That is where I learned how to recreate my relationship in a way that you have just read about. Mama Gena’s teaching and the community support have made a huge difference in my happiness.

      I will be in Boot Camp. Do you want to join me/us?

      SG Jane

      • Andie August 20, 2014, 11:17 am

        I do. But, unfortunately, I can’t afford SWA right now. 🙁 I’ve tried to practice the arts, as described in the books. But it seems guys in their 30’s are not interested in being owned and operated.

        It does help to know that something more than “DTF?” is possible, though. So thank you for that!

  • audacious August 20, 2014, 8:41 am


    I’m rubbing your head from afar. You continue to be an inspiration to me.


    • Jane Wyker August 20, 2014, 10:54 am

      Thank you, SG Audacious.

      SG Jane

  • Detox Diva Donna August 20, 2014, 8:39 am

    What a beautiful testimonial! Thank you!!

    • Jane Wyker August 20, 2014, 10:53 am

      My pleasure, Detox Diva Donna!!!!!

      SG Jane

  • Mirella Love August 20, 2014, 4:16 am

    Dear SG Jane,

    I Loooooveeee your story! I love that you are 78 and full on riding the waves of life. My ff is to include your husband in your pleasure journey. It opens a opportunity for me… as I was pounding how to include my husband. Obviously he is indirectly happily effected by my opening pleasure and fun buds but to include him directly is much better and fun and juicy.
    I’m a new Sg on the block and will join Boot camp and come to Miami. Two things unthinkable until a few months ago. I feel honored that you will be on this boot camp too.

    SG Mirella Love

    • Jane Wyker August 20, 2014, 10:52 am

      Hi SG Mirella Love,

      Yes, do include him! It will be more pleasure for both of you!!!!

      I look forward to “meeting” you in Boot Camp.

      SG Jane

  • Cristina August 19, 2014, 10:18 pm

    Jane! I am first of all floored to learn your age! Seeing you at SWA events I assumed you were in your 60s or so. You have found the fountain of youth and in this delicious post, you have explained to us how you did that!! Thank you!! Love, Sg conjuring courtesan cristina

    • Jane Wyker August 19, 2014, 11:57 pm

      Thank you SG Conjuring Courtesan Cristina!

      It is so nice to meet you on this board.

      SG Jane

  • SG Lovingly Juicy Lucy August 19, 2014, 9:28 pm

    Oh Jane!
    Thanks so much for sharing your life and all that you have created/co-created with your husband ! Three cheers that age is irrelevant when it comes to choosing to live life fully!
    I deeply appreciate all of your ‘lessons’ as I apply these to my own marriage of 31 years. Mastery was such an amazing experience and I realized that my own pleasures needed to be my first priority so as to add pizazz to my marriage.
    Please share the launch date of your book!

    • Jane Wyker August 19, 2014, 11:55 pm

      Hi SG Lovingly Juicy Lucy,

      I can feel your enthusiasm!!!!! Yes, Mastery is an amazing experience!!!!!!!

      And thank you for your interest in my book. The tentative launch date is Spring 2015.

      SG Jane

  • Maggie August 19, 2014, 9:14 pm

    Thank you for sharing your life experience with us.
    I am also going through questioning about staying or leaving my marriage.
    My husband doesn’t want to talk about intimacy or trying new
    Ways of exploring conscious relating. When I am so devoted to doing yoga,
    Ecstatic dance, doing women’s circles, learning about my sensuality
    And awakening my yummy ness as a women, he supports my
    Actions but doesn’t want to try anything new
    With me. This is my main factor in considering moving on

    Any tips are much appreciated!

    Thank you

    • Jane Wyker August 19, 2014, 11:49 pm

      Hi SG Maggie,

      I see that you are doing many activities that are expanding you and your Divine womanhood. That is beautiful!!! It is also very positive that your husband supports you in them.

      Your question brings to mind what Mama Gena taught me. She told me to make one specific request at a time that I would enjoy, that I thought my man could get into. And when he accepts my request, to express my appreciation. What is a specific desire you want to request?

      I hope this helps.

      SG Jane

  • Fiona August 19, 2014, 8:19 pm

    Fabulous- so brilliant a path of discovery and joy and love and pleasure. I did Mastery in 2009 AFTER I left my relationship and it helped spark and rekindle my life, love and journey and I have never looked back to my former self. Pleasure is my birthright and the love and relationships have been phenomenal. The sisterhood and the teachings are everlasting! This is a glorious roadmap- such a delight.

    • Jane Wyker August 19, 2014, 11:21 pm

      Hi SG Fiona,

      YES, YES, pleasure is all of our birthrights. Once we stand in our pleasure with strong sisterhood support, we get to experience it and share it more and more in our relationships . Congratulations!!!!!!

      SG Jane

  • Catherine August 19, 2014, 7:41 pm

    I read your post, Jane, just after having blown up nasty reproaches to my Beloved about not fuelling his life and our relationship up to my expectations.
    Let me guess. I got it backwards.
    I admit I feel stupid, but reading you today gives me ideas. And direction 🙂 Thank you immensely!

    • Jane Wyker August 19, 2014, 11:16 pm

      Hi SG Catherine,

      It is so good that you are open to thinking about new ways to bring yourself, your man and your relationship higher. BRAVO!!!!!!!

      SG Jane

  • Eleanor August 19, 2014, 7:11 pm

    I think that for younger women, in many cultural settings, it is not seen as “cool” anymore for men to serve women. It is condemned as an outdated patriarchal practice.

    But honestly, I love receiving flowers from my boyfriend and he loves giving them. It was something that only happened because I expressed my desires to receive flowers. Now he provides them every few months 🙂

    Even if it doesn’t seem cool or “feminist,” if it’s your desire to receive, let him know!

    • Jane Wyker August 19, 2014, 11:12 pm

      Hi SG Eleanor,

      I’m so happy that you are receiving the flowers you have conjured.. And that your boyfriend enjoys giving them to you! That is lovely!

      Keep asking for what you deeply desire and give him your generous appreciation!

      SG Jane

  • SG Purring Delight August 19, 2014, 4:04 pm

    SG Jane,

    you are stunningly beautiful ! that in itself is and inspiration. That you married in you 50 and are now so dearly growing with your man is too and inspiration.
    As I have just turned 51 and would like to give up on my dream of a true partnered relation.

    You remind me that the key is to ask for what I want ( I have always been able to provide for myself!!) …and I am just learning that yes men are willing to serve and that evens makes them happy. I can see that in my 3 grown sons now.

    I have been practicing since I did Booth camps a few years ago…

    Thank you for the reminder and for THE INCREDIBLE inspiration!!

    I stay with you question : Who am I as a woman ??


    SG Purring Delight.

    • Jane Wyker August 19, 2014, 4:12 pm

      Hi SG Purring Delight,

      What a delicious name!!!!!!!!

      Yes, “Who am I as a woman?” is a very deep question, resonating far beneath all the roles we play as women.

      I am so glad to hear that you are practicing the tools you learned in Boot Camp. They are very powerful indeed!

      SG Jane

  • SG Barbara August 19, 2014, 3:37 pm

    Dearest SG Jane — That was the most exquisite description of your journey and a beautiful reflection of the Sister Goddess I have come to know and love. You are divine and you are a delightful example of how the tools really work! xo SG Barbara

    • Jane Wyker August 19, 2014, 4:08 pm

      Thank you SG Barbara. I feel you in my heart!

      SG Jane

  • Mai August 19, 2014, 3:30 pm

    Thank you for this wonderful post. It comes at exactly when I needed, and reminds me to focus on the essentials in a difficult relationship. You’ve hit the nail on the head several times, and I am keeping a copy of the post to share with others as well. Much gratitude.

    • Jane Wyker August 19, 2014, 4:06 pm

      Hi SG Mai,

      Glad to hear that these thoughts serve you. Yes, focus on the essentials, remembering that your pleasure is essential!!!!

      SG Jane

  • Heather Strang August 19, 2014, 3:07 pm

    OMG SGJane – this was the best post ever!! I loved every morsel of it! Thank you for sharing your inspiring story and your tips. I’ve just united with my Beloved and I’m so excited to have such a long and sexy journey with him. Your story reminds us all of what is possible! Love! XoSG Heather

    • Jane Wyker August 19, 2014, 4:00 pm

      Hi SG Heather,

      I am so excited for you!!!!!!! Wishing you moments, hours, days, weeks months and years of Divine pleasure together!!!!!!!!!!

      SG Jane

  • Santha August 19, 2014, 3:05 pm

    Thank you!

    Your post provides a detailed roadmap that I have sorely needed.

    I can read the map a little, but I know there is so much more there, and so much more to discover as I learn to read it better and better.

    I look forward to BootCamp, Mastery and connecting with the Sister Goddess Community, as I enter the year to come with a very similar question to the one you entered with.

    Your post helps me to gather my courage and enter with the Big Question front and center, where it needs to be. Is this marriage all there is for me in this lifetime, in the area of Relationship with Men?

    To identify my desires, ask for what I want and need, be grateful for what I receive without giving up on what I want, find joy and satisfaction and continue to experience still more desire … AND to know that it is OK to want what I want — even if “Society” may not approve …

    Can all of this be possible?

    I look forward to finding out!

    • Jane Wyker August 19, 2014, 3:58 pm

      Hi SG Santha,

      It sounds to me that you are clear on many of your desires. That is great!!

      So far as your question, I’ll pass on what Regena told me: “Let the marriage be for a year and focus solely on yourself.” That turned out to be perfect since the more I did that, the clearer and happier I became.

      You are on the right track Santha! Will I “see” you in Boot Camp?

      SG Jane

      • Santha August 20, 2014, 12:29 am

        Yes — I will be there.
        I am so tired of watching TV every evening!
        I need this to be dealt with — I don’t want to go to my grave looking back on this the way it is now!
        I need to keep this front and center.
        A year of exploring my possibilities and desires sounds like a very good idea!
        If the world (and my husband) gives me permission, can I give myself permission?
        I hope Boot Camp can be a start.
        I don’t want to be whiny and needy, but I NEED CONNECTION, and FUN! And Engagement with People, not a TV set or other machines that substitute for human companionship, collaboration, or connection!
        And I need beauty and sensual excitement and pleasure and appreciation — to live in a world of sensually pleasing experience.
        And I need simplicity — not to be overwhelmed all the time. Enough but not too much. The right amount at the right time. And beautiful!
        And good friends I can count on.

        These are some of my desires. I am hoping and praying and working for these things.


  • Mim August 19, 2014, 2:58 pm

    Beautiful, thoughtful, generous and hot blog!! Thank you so much for sharing, Jane. Your words resonated with me. You two are so adorable in these photos!

    • Jane Wyker August 19, 2014, 3:49 pm

      Thanks SG Mim. So appreciated!!!!!!!

  • SG Alex August 19, 2014, 2:30 pm

    Jane! What an awesomely beautiful post! Thank you for sharing your experiences and journey so eloquently. I look forward to reading your book.

    I have always had a way with men. I have no trouble talking with men. I feel comfortable with them. I can get them to do what I want most of the time. It’s fun and pleasurable to me. It’s totally different when I’m in relationship with a man. Something about my pleasure goes out the window. I endured almost 20 years of marriage to a man who, although he is a good man and wanted to please me, I finally realized it was really about him. He tried hard to ‘please’ me so that he could get what he wanted. After years of counseling together, nothing had really changed on his end. He continued to think I was the one that needed to change (back to the compliant person I had been). My decision to finally end a marriage that was not bringing me any joy was a tough one. It came during Boot Camp. When I entered the Mastery Classroom, my question was Who am I now? I found my pleasure with men again and I found love again. I am vigilant of my old patterns in relationship and committed to doing things differently. Thank you for these reminders and for sharing your journey. You are inspiring.

    • Jane Wyker August 19, 2014, 3:48 pm

      SG Alex,

      You sound like you have come soooo far!

      I know how difficult it is to leave a twenty year marriage, and you did it and have found love again!!!!!! And self-love enough to do Boot Camp, Mastery and be on these boards. BRAVO for you!!!!!

      Thanks for your uprides.
      SG Jane

  • Colleen Hannegan August 19, 2014, 2:24 pm

    Dear SG Jane, This post is so timely! I joined Bootcamp for this fall, mainly to get a grip on this relationship I feel is a very good one with my boyfriend, fiancé, future husband, I don’t know what to call him, to be honest. I’ve moved in with him, again, to see where this can lead; HOPING and DREAMING of a fabulous NOW but frustrated more than anything too much of the time. I’m 59, we both have been married twice before, we’re in couple counseling….why do I work so hard at it? Why don’t I just go live alone and forget it? I’m on the verge of giving up, but decided to take the bootcamp course instead. SO thanks for sharing all this. I too will be PATIENT and allow my Pleasure Zone to lead me!! I believe he’s worth it. I just hope I haven’t spent too much time (6 years) trying to make him into my fantasy life. Maybe my problem is I just can’t accept him AS IS!
    Thanks for sharing and yes, your photos say it all. You look so amazing and happy!

    • Jane Wyker August 19, 2014, 3:42 pm

      Hi SG Colleen,

      So glad you will be in Boot Camp! I’ll be there with you!

      The more you live from your own pleasure, the more you will know what best in your relationship.

      Looking forward to meeting you..

      SG Jane

  • SG Diane August 19, 2014, 2:03 pm

    Hello SG Jane:
    What an inspiration you are! You just have such a lovely glow about you. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I will be starting Boot Camp next month, and I am looking so forward to it!
    SG Diane

    • Jane Wyker August 19, 2014, 3:35 pm

      SG Diane, that is wonderful! I will be in Boot Camp with you!!!!!!!!
      Yes, I am looking forward to it too. Connecting with all of you, and brushing up on the powerful tools.

      Thanks for your upside.
      SG Jane

  • Kate August 19, 2014, 11:23 am

    I have been wanting to participate in this experience. Thanks for sharing. I havery had the same question and my problem is I think I don’t respect my husband because he is narcissistic and draining. I feel like I married a toxic man and I spent much time trying to “help” him only he doesn’t see need. I completely drained my resources. I’ve read all books and have separated from my husband for a year now and I feel like he fights me all the way as I invest in learning my own desires and infusing my life with pleasure, fun, and joy. I just could not get to that place with him physically in my presence. It is as if he is trying to be girl. Like he doesn’t know how to be a man. I don’t have energy for his energy. I feel like my spirit is being crushed. Yikes.

    • Jane Wyker August 19, 2014, 12:56 pm

      Hi SG Kate,

      I hear your pain. Yet I hear you have made a self-caring decision to separate and invest in your own learning, desires and fun.

      As you read in my blog, Regena advised me to focus on myself for a year before focusing on my marriage. She suggested that I give my energy to myself and my pleasure and turn to the community for support. The SG community is a very powerful support!

      SG Jane

      SG Jane

      • SG Kate August 19, 2014, 1:11 pm

        SG Jane,

        Thanks for sharing!

  • SG Tease Me Tammi August 19, 2014, 11:21 am

    Jane, your post was beautiful, every word. Your pictures did a fantastic job of illustrating and making your words come alive. Thank you for sharing. I’m looking forward to reading your stories. As always, I desire more!

    • Jane Wyker August 19, 2014, 12:43 pm

      Hi SG Tease Me Please,

      Your name brings a smelt to my face.

      Thanks for sharing and for your compliments.

      SG Jane

  • SG Linda August 19, 2014, 11:14 am

    SG Jane,

    Your story is very very inspiring and juicy! You are beautiful inside and out. I love that Bob is editing your book. I am glad that the CREATION course is on my desire list. Thanks for sharing your experience.

    SG Linda

    • Jane Wyker August 19, 2014, 12:41 pm

      Hi SG Linda,

      Thanks for your uprides SG Linda.

      I, too am glad that CREATION is on your desire list! It is a very powerful, life changing and fun course. Hold that desire on top of your list!!!!!!

      SG Jane

  • Christine August 19, 2014, 11:01 am

    Thank you for this SG Jane. I can see a few elements I’ve been missing: patience and sisterhood. Do you think Boot Camp would be a good place to work on patience?

    • Jane Wyker August 19, 2014, 12:36 pm

      Hi Christine,

      You are already steps ahead, aware of what you desire to address. Yes, yes, Boot Camp will meet you on whatever desires you have with support while you grow in your focus on pleasure!

      SG Jane

  • Susan August 19, 2014, 10:47 am

    Oh My Goddess! SG Jane, you look FABULOUS!!! What an inspiration you are!! I am not in a relationship now, but I will always remember what you have shared here, and I’m sure it will embellish and enhance my dating life and future relationship(s). Congratulations on turning things around in your marriage! You and Bob are stunning together, and I can’t wait to read your book when it is published!!! With GREAT admiration and respect, SG Susan

    • Jane Wyker August 19, 2014, 12:32 pm

      Thank you SG Susan.

      It is wonderful to have these thoughts and practices in mind before you start a relationship. No doubt you will guide your future relationship(s) in a beautiful direction with all the tools you are learning now!

      SG Jane

  • SG C'mere Kitty August 19, 2014, 10:15 am

    That is the EXACT QUESTION i held as I joined Mastery 2013! I will make time to read your post as I am very intrigued. I am grateful for this opportunity! SG Fierce Lioness, the Kitty grew up.

    • Jane Wyker August 19, 2014, 12:29 pm

      Hi SG C’mere Kitty, I love your name!

      Please keep us posted. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

      SG Jane

      • SG Fierce Lioness August 22, 2014, 8:59 am

        Hi SG Jane, Mmmm appreciating your post and being seen! There’s so many morsels of deliciousness for me to taste and digest. Mostly profound gratitude for you and your stories.

        My story is that I divorced my husband, it finalized in May. And just yesterday, for the first time in over a year, I met him for lunch. We’ve been communicating via emails, and this face-to-face was a precious gathering of visceral information as to how I felt now about him and the situation. You see, he’s been illustrating how terribly low he feels every day and night. Well, he looked well cared for and his skin was glowing and overall youthful. I told him that. Between you and I, I think he’s relieved that the pressure he felt from me (I was crowned the “queen of disapproval” in Mastery 2013) throughout the decade long marriage has lifted (but he’s not “yes!”-ing that yet.). I expressed my gratitude for him and said thank you when ever he shared any morsel of his emotions. He’s never been quick to feel emotions. He’s often said “feelings are not facts”. At one point he teared up and felt what ever he felt in silence (typical) and attempted to compose himself. Yesterday I compassionately asked him what he was experiencing in silence before he began composing himself. He appeared relieved i noticed. His resistance to express his feelings, even though I attempted in good faith to nurture it out of him from the very beginning, is the essential intolerance I experience with him, and this resentment is a reflection of my own resistance of the same in me. I feel sad that I didn’t come across Mama Gena’s version of “man training” and “discipline of pleasure” at the beginning of that union. Now, with SG tools, I can see how he and I can remain life long friends and thrive within each lives and be happy for one another. Thank you for this opportunity for my self reflection, and as always, Sister Goddess, your timing is perfect and elegant! 🙂 Formerly known as SG C’mere Kitty.

  • SG Karen August 19, 2014, 10:14 am

    Thanks so much SG Jane. This is so inspiring and fills me with hope and faith in the process. I haven’t been doing so great with men, and perhaps it’s because my requests come from a place of disappointment. Your piece is a nice reminder to keep an eye on that. I am looking forward to boot camp and the opportunity to improve my skills through the arts and connection to sisterhood.

    • Jane Wyker August 19, 2014, 12:27 pm

      Hi SG Karen, So nice to hear from you.

      I am glad you can see the possibility of asking for what you want from a new place.

      Regena has taught me to fill myself with pleasure, pour my appreciation over my man for what he does give, and turn to the community for juice and support.

      Please keep us posted on how it’s going.

      SG Jane