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My deepest fear.

Think with me for a sec.
What scares you the most?
Falling in love?
Never falling in love?
Raising your kid the right way?
Or the wrong way?
Taking that radical step to get your voice out there in the world?
Asking for that promotion?
Telling your deepest truth when it might hurt someone?

This week’s question comes from a woman who was stumped by a Daily Fluff last week. I chose her Q because I know something about fear that I want you to know.

Dear Mama,
Today this was your Daily Fluff: “Your fear is your gift. Like anger, it acts like the internal marker to your own magnificence.” Would you please go into some depth about how fear is our internal marker to our own magnificence? Thank you.
SG Deborah

Dear Deborah,

I am so glad that Daily Fluff tugged at your sleeve. It is a powerful one, for sure.
And over the past 15 years of teaching classes for women, I have seen that one of the greatest things that women have in common with one another is our fear.
It is one of the natural consequences of living in a patriarchal culture. When the feminine is not celebrated and honored, but rather, diminished and disparaged, we learn to fear our very nature, rather than bask in its glory.
As we internalize the external prejudices of the culture, we learn to fear everything about ourselves—we are scared of our desires, scared of our sensual, feminine bodies, scared of our anger, scared of our opinions, scared of our lust, scared of our power. And the list goes on.
In fact, the things we most fear are actually the least scary.
We fear not fitting in. But, what has fitting in gotten us?
We fear disapproval of others. But what has approval of others really done for our hearts and our souls?
We fear taking up too much space. But what has diminishing ourselves brought to the world?
Nothing worth having.
It is way, way, way more scary to not live our desires, but rather, to live someone else’s.
Or to not own our bodies, but, rather to let someone else (the medical profession, our partner, our job) own us.
Or to stuff our anger rather than express it.
Or to buy the party line rather than voice our opinions.
And why would I ever want someone beside myself to own my sensual power?

Women have not been taught to seize the reigns of our own lives, and drive the magnificent adventure that we each are, towards our own destinies. We feel way more comfortable in the back seat. As if there is a back seat…
Think about it: When we are not driving, who is?
It doesn’t feel nearly as frightening to play small and stay home, as it does to cut a wide swath on the world’s stage.
Is this making sense to you, Deborah?
Can you see how “Your fear is your gift. Like anger, it acts like the internal marker to your own magnificence”?
Just like Marianne Williamson said,
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’”
Fear is that internal marker. If we are scared, we must be looking headlong into the eyes of our own brilliance.
And when you retrain yourself to run towards the fear, instead of away from it, your life changes utterly and completely.

You can start doing this right now. Take this exercise from book, Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts, in the chapter on The Womanly Art of Partying with Your Inner Bitch:

Do Something Every Day That Scares You:

Notice your fears. Are you scared of commitment? Scared of changing careers? Scared of telling your husband or best friend the truth? Scared of auditioning? Having a baby? This exercise is not about biting off the whole enchilada. It’s about taking small steps in the direction of your fears. You are afraid of buying your first house or apartment? Just go house hunting. Scared of dating? Tag along with some girlfriends as they go to parties or out with friends. Scared of having a baby? Just go get a checkup at your gynecologist’s. Baby steps toward your dreams get you there just as efficiently as great leaps.

There are lots of amazing quotes about fear.
Let me inspire you further.
Two of my favorites are from the Roosevelt family: “There is nothing to fear, but fear, itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt.
And “Do something every day that scares you.” Eleanor Roosevelt.
You will love this one:
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.”
? Ambrose Redmoon
And from the mother of the women’s movement herself:
“The moment we begin to fear the opinions of others and hesitate to tell the truth that is in us, and from motives of policy are silent when we should speak, the divine floods of light and life no longer flow into our souls.”
? Elizabeth Cady Stanton
And finally:
“A man that flies from his fear may find that he has only taken a short cut to meet it.”
? J.R.R. Tolkien, The Children of Húrin

My wish for you: may you meet your fear, in all its magnificence!
How about it, sisters? What are your greatest fears? Share them in the comments below. And inspire us with a tale of how you have overcome one!

If you know a woman who needs the encouragement to grab fear by the hand and jump, please share this post.

With so much love and pleasure,
Mama Gena

P.S. If you’re considering The School of Womanly Arts Mastery Program, enrollment is open right now. There is not one woman who ever enrolled in Mastery who was not flat out terrified. Why? Because she caught a glimpse of her brilliance, talent, and fabulousness—and was overwhelmed. Fear. What a great place to be.

photo: lizlinder.com

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  • Tatiana January 19, 2013, 11:52 pm

    I just want to thank you Mama Gena. I’ve been chronically afraid my whole life. I was afraid to speak up to anyone. Afraid to succeed. I’d read your book a few years back and while it helped me, I put it down and only used a piece of it here or there. My whole family just went through one of the hardest financial times we’ve ever faced. I was afraid. I’d lived with boyfriends before. But I was afraid of succeeding on my own. I just graduated from SDSU with a degree in English and now had to look for a job. I was a bit terrified. I stalled for a couple weeks. I did a two week bartending school during finals, which was fun. but i couldn’t find a job. Then I applied for everything I could. Hostess at restaurants, etc… I decided to pick your book up again. I read the first chapter. And I thought about what I want. I decided not to move out yet, but instead for the fun of it thought I might look for a lowly, but fabulous paid internship. Maybe teach English abroad… My best friend called the next day. He said the rep for his company’s sales department quit and he recommended me for the job. I rushed over there. Got ready in an hour. I got the job. Right out of college (one week after I got my graduation notice from SDSU), I have my own office and job security for two years. Plus I bargained for what I was worth just like you talk about in your books. I was shaking when I asked for the salary I wanted, but they agreed. So in 6 months I get an instant increase. My first day on the job I checked my email on my iPad and got a rejection notice from Chili’s for their hostess position. It was the best rejection I’d ever gotten. And though I’d been working out regularly already, I started my first cycling class. Terrified, I kept repeating to myself that fear is just a signpost. I go two times a week now to cycling classes. And have never felt better. I broke a destructive relationship that had been on and off for two years. Cleaned my closet today for the clothes to come (I lost a lot of weight and the old ones don’t fit, but I was afraid to let that part of my life go). For the first time, I’m truly enjoying my life. Thank you!!!

  • Heather November 26, 2012, 3:34 pm

    I stared my biggest fear in the balls about 2.5 years ago by changing careers. I stewed over the idea for about a year and a half thinking, ‘A) I either stay in this dead end job allowing my soul to rot in a cubicle at only 28 years old, or B) Get off my butt and make a change no matter how scary the outcome, what’s the worst that could happen? I become stronger by taking charge and not allowing fear to take control of my decision-making?’ Those two thoughts alone gave me the courage and motivation to finally make the move. And here I am 2.5 years later NOT saying “well that was a mistake, whoops”. Hands down THE best decision I’ve ever made, it made me stronger, wiser, and it led me to my future husband. Just remember, what’s the worst that could happen?!

  • genna November 5, 2012, 6:35 pm

    I often feel like I fear not being enough, but I know that it is BEING TOO MUCH that is my true FEAR. Too much to fit into someone else’s plan, too much to keep trucking along without upset or drama, too much to not create some disruption to what is easier for everyone else, too much for myself and my desires, too much to ask questions and admit when I don’t know or I haven’t done it, too much to show my vulnerability right when it comes up instead of when I can package it up with a pretty bow to share, too much emotion, too much feeling, too much curiosity, too much wonder, too much anger, too much love… too much, too much TOO MUCH! I fear I am just enough, just as I am, just as I continue to grow.

  • T. L. Cooper October 25, 2012, 4:07 pm

    I wrote a response last night and accidentally deleted over half of it. I told myself it was a sign I shouldn’t post on this topic. I awoke this morning with the realization, fear told me it was a sign I shouldn’t post. Crap!
    So I’m back to use that fear to my advantage.
    I believe fear has the potential to stymie us or to motivate us. It’s our choice. I prefer not to act from a place of fear but to recognize fear and face where the fear originates. At that point, I can approach the action that needs taken from a place of love even though fear helped me recognize what I needed to face.
    A few years back I was terrified to get back in touch with an ex-boyfriend from many years ago because I thought he hated me. I had treated him very poorly at another time in my life when I let fear take the reigns and keep me from the beautiful love he offered. I felt too afraid to let love in my life at that time in my life in large part because I was tricking myself into believing self-destructive behavior was strength. (see my blog for more on self-destructive behavior and strength.) So I finally contacted him, and then immediately wanted to rescind the contact. Turned out he felt very happy and surprised to hear from me. I faced another fear and apologized to him for the way he treated me. He told me I had nothing to apologize for. We became friends. In the process, I learned I was never as bad as I saw myself. Facing my fears reminded me that strength is always about being tough sometimes it’s about being vulnerable enough to risk speaking the words that need spoken…

  • SG Katrina October 25, 2012, 6:23 am

    I was so scared of dating my xxxboyfriend and have been single mum for 2 years now. I was so scared of getting out of my unhappy marrige so it took me 12 years to understand that that was the best thing I could do for myself and my kids (3). I have enjoyed being single. I have been in Mastery, IC and I have used so many of your tools to get where I am today. I have now been dating the most wonderful man I could ever image n for 3 mount and I have fallen fallen fallen so deep in love. I threats me like a Goddess and we have future plans so huge I could never believe there was a man out there so fantastic. So thank you Mamagena for teaching me to trust myself and live a life in pleasure and gratitude.

    Love SG Katrina

  • Aussie Girl October 24, 2012, 10:01 pm

    Thank you SG Starlette!
    I will feel the blood and heat pumping from my heart and will smile next time and think “I am going to embrace being a hotty.” lol
    Mwaahhh!

  • Deborah Smith October 24, 2012, 1:29 am

    I remembered the connection between anger and fear! Anger is a secondary emotion brought about by fear and/or hurt. Usually I use this knowledge to cut through my anger to the base fear or hurt,-or fear of being hurt-and deal accordingly. That said, I do remember the energy I get from anger and am wondering if there is a way to keep that high energy to be even more effective? I know that is what this Week 7 of VPBC is all about.
    Again, thank you all for all the awesome shares!!!

    • regena October 24, 2012, 9:49 am

      reading these posts- i feel like i have drunk deeply from the well of the purest most powerful sisterhood. thank you.

  • Earth Empress Shakaya October 24, 2012, 12:13 am

    I’m going to brag, then I’m going to tell you my deepest fear.
    I don’t let fear stop me.
    I have a TON of fears, but I HATE that feeling so much I actually find facing fear less torturous.

    But here’s the one I can’t face, can’t deal, can’t find any power or room for anything other than terror…
    I am terrified, terrified of anything happening to my kids.
    I can’t even handle the thought.
    It’s extremely painful…

    (My youngest just turned 13, a teenager, and he just broke his collarbone- again for the 2nd time in 3 months.
    I am just beyond relieved it wasn’t anything more serious.)

    My heart goes out to parents of children with illness and special needs…

    One of my biggest, brightest passions is making these particular dolls…
    OMGosh they are really the sweetest things you’ve ever seen or held…made from lambswool and velvet velour with these little hoods and soft faces…they take 5 hours to make each.

    I’ve made them for children in hospitals and orphanges abroad. I dream of being able to have women around the world make them with me and be able to send them to every child who needs a little comforting friend…

    I know I’ll do this.

    Thank you Mama Gena for this beautiful post, and for every SG who shared and inspired me to share this too!

    Shakaya

  • Aussie Girl October 23, 2012, 6:25 pm

    {Laughing out loud} I’m scared of leaving comments too so thank you Stine for leading the way!
    I fear more than anything having a burning red face when I speak in front of a group of people. I am usually an extrovert and can easily be the centre of attention with my fun and excitable personality. I believe I’m an uplifter and motivator amongst noise and laughter but as soon as the room is quiet and all eyes are on me, my face explodes into red hotness.
    I’d rather have a nervous gabble than a red face!

    • Starlette {Universe} October 24, 2012, 6:13 am

      Ahh SG Aussie Girl~
      I feel you and experience the same fear- I, too, love being the center, I love the attention, I love sharing me to all that are open and ready- and yes, the silence and the red face…..it’s real although for me I’ve chalked the whole experience of the thumping of my heart and the blood and heat rushing to my face as a sign that I AM home! I AM exactly where I’m supposed to be in my full on glorious gifts- I encourage you to embrace that experience, stand in it and let your light shine- even if your voice shakes- my guess it’ll be absolutely gorgeous!
      Rock On!
      xooxox
      SG starlette!

  • Judi October 23, 2012, 5:06 pm

    ” If we are scared, we must be looking headlong into the eyes of our own brilliance.”
    Thank you for explaining maybe the most important thing ever Mama Gena.

  • Lilia October 23, 2012, 4:50 pm

    It takes so much courage…

  • Deborah Smith October 23, 2012, 3:04 pm

    Dear Mama Gena
    WOW!!! Thank you and all my amazing, awesome, beautiful BSGs and SGs! Reading through all of your thoughts is intense, uplifting and just flat out Pussytastic!
    Ever since I asked that question I have seen Mama Gena pointing me to the answer with her Daily Fluffs. To have the Tuesday Blog be an in depth discussion on the issued is so helpful!!!
    I signed up for VPBC way back in the spring. I already knww I desperately wanted to go to Miami for the Sister Goddess weekend and when Mama Gena gave us the discount of VPBC plus Miami, I sat at my computer and bawled in gratitude. About a week before VPBC started I felt really afraid; afraid to fail and afraid of the unknown.
    I suspect that one of my biggest fears is Fear of the Unknown, that and being trapped. One of the most terrifying dreams I ever had was of being a wild bay mare that three cowboys drove into a corral and were busy putting the bars up to close me in. I broke up and over the bars only to become en-snarled in loop after loop of barbed wire that had lain hidden in the grass. One loop was tight around my throat, others around my legs. Done a lot of work with that dream, and still need to do more work on “being trapped.” There is another SC topic for moi!

    Now that we are in week 7 of VPBC I know that this chapter (Partying With Your Inner Bitch) is going to open some major windows and doors for me. And I love that SG BlissNAloha gave me this acronym last night: Babe In Total Control.
    Why am I talking about anger along with fear? For me I think the two are intimately connected. I am not sure exactly how, or how it works, but my ears are perked forward to catch every word on both of these subjects. Think I will also SC the stuffing out of these two topics this week!!
    And, yes, I will do the research on doing something every day that frightens me. I will then post brags and blogs accordingly on the VPBC boards.
    I wish that everyone of you were coming to Miami so I could meet and hug you all.
    Thank you so much!!!
    Deborah Smith
    aka SG Deb (on the VPBC boards)

    • Judi October 23, 2012, 5:13 pm

      Dear SG Debbie;
      I know some of the anger that comes up the most around fear, is anger at myself for being afraid, or having been afraid. And I think it is mixed with frustration because of not having the knowledge that Mama Gena explains in her A to your Q as to why fear plays such a part in our lives and decisions as modern women.
      Thank you so much for asking your Q!
      Much love,
      SG Judi

  • Sabrina October 23, 2012, 2:37 pm

    Thank you for this timely insight. I have been struggling with the fear of moving forward to my highest good, my greatest potential. It is safer to stay anonymous, and staying thus keeps those around us content. Change will inevitably cause emotional disruption to those in our lives. Yet, how can we reduce ourselves to being mere shadows of our greatest self? How can we accept living half-lives? I absolutely love the idea that my greatest fear is merely the mirror of the greatness that is in me. It makes it so much easier to take all of the energy I was expending to feed my fear and turn it around and feed my greatest life. I send this wish to you all.

  • Ann October 23, 2012, 1:26 pm

    Regena could you touch upon anger being an indicator to your magnificence? I have a person online who hates my guts so much that even though I block her, she has others who follow me and she mocks my every word and action. I don’t care at all, as I know the terrible place she lives in, and I keep sending her spiritual guidance and love. I’d love to hear your words on anger indicating magnificence.

    • Ann October 23, 2012, 1:26 pm

      PS. I’ve never ever met this person, and she is 5 states away. A complete stranger has such disdain for me.

  • SG RICA October 23, 2012, 1:20 pm

    Remarkable timing Regena…
    I was just about to submit my blog entry for http://www.sistergoddess.com when I saw yours…our posts coordinate seamlessly. Here is an excerpt:

    How do I document this pinging within me? The pulse of the impulse, the shift in consciousness. This is not an “ah-ha” moment, nor a marked enlightenment. This, instead, is an alignment…a succinct alliance of all my brags, all my gratitudes, all of my desires. I have been called to ACTION; to actualize my potential. With certainty the most strident appeal I’ve ever been able to identify, caroled outloud from within the lattice of my most turned on and informed inspirators. In this moment, taking pause to just THINK…tuned in with my ‘be still’ voice, I find clarity…
    and I am TERRIFIED,
    to the nth degree.

    Run for office.
    POLITICS.
    What the fuck?
    POLITICS
    Run for office.
    Really, what the fuck?
    Run for office.
    Run for office.

    It rings out, in such harmony. Coordinated, yet uncharted. And it rattles me.

    *my deepest fear=becoming a politician
    (and I’m gonna party hard with this fear!)

  • Jamie October 23, 2012, 12:37 pm

    I fear even admitting my desires to be a powerful, sensual, force of nature, to put myself out there, where everyone can see, expressing my full blown talents and inspiring other women to co.create their highest potential in the aspect of sexuality/sensuality. These thoughts are exciting, thrilling and terrifying…. wow.

  • Meagan October 23, 2012, 12:08 pm

    Zombies.
    I know it’s silly, but ever since I was young the idea of this particular fictional monster has terrified me to the point of paralysis in the dark alone at night. Generally, fear is not something that keeps me from going for what I want, and I’ll jump out of a plane or put my most vulnerable little self out there on the line for all to see. So what’s with me and zombies?
    Well, often times myths reflect real things inside us. Mama said today:
    “It is way, way, way more scary to not live our desires, but rather, to live someone else’s.
    Or to not own our bodies, but, rather to let someone else (the medical profession, our partner, our job[or a scary zombie virus?]) own us. Or to buy the party line rather than voice our opinions…”
    This sounds an awful lot like being a zombie to me!

    Now on the to fun part: Recently my lover proposed a little game we could play to address my fear of zombies. I listened to his idea, made a few tweaks, and off we went on a wild little adventure.
    With my total consent and delight, he strapped me to a chair and we sat down to watch the latest zombie TV show. He watched my body and reactions carefully, and any time I started to get really tense, he would in some small and delicious way stoke my pleasure – sensual kisses on my neck, trailing fingers to tender places. The pleasure would launch me back into reality and into the safe and sweet moment with him, rendering the scary zombies totally useless. In this way we made it through the show and though my heart was thumping I was having a raging good time.
    The cherry on top was the follow up: For me, it’s not just watching the scary shows, it’s that for nights afterward the images replay so vividly as my mind processes it that I will literally lay in my bed paralyzed with fright till I can talk myself out of it. So my lover, as per my negotiating before we embarked on our adventure, made sure that for the next FIVE nights I was never alone, always had someone to curl up with. By the last night, I admit, I was ready for the next episode, and feeling much more equipped to continue to explore this fear instead of run from it!

  • Amy October 23, 2012, 11:48 am

    Sometimes I find myself fearful to really go for what I desire. Then I find myself trying to justify my desires or talk myself out of them. Ughh how crazy is that! I have discovered often times that fear and excitement tend to show up the same within the body- you know that crazy out of control feeling. So what if fear was really excitement in disguise? Maybe the body is just super excited that you are getting ready to step into brilliance – YES, i think I will have some of that.

    Thank you for this post today! Now I know I must sign up for the next level in my Nia training.

  • Barbara October 23, 2012, 11:27 am

    Today I must put a monetary value on my worth. Meeting with my husband and a mediator to decide my dollar value for the past 28 years of our relationship and raising our three sons. My greatest fear is that I will not feel valuable enough to receive what I am entitled to.

  • Jill October 23, 2012, 11:03 am

    Today I am afraid that I will never meet a man who adores me and whom I enjoy sex with as much as the one I’m letting go of, because he doesn’t really meet ALL of me – and I am so sad and scared. What if there is no one else for me and I just couldn’t love or open or compromise enough. I am afraid of being on the open market and having to face all that rejection again. I fear that I won’t be able to live from my Pussy, stay aligned with the Divine, feel my own Beauty and Power if I allow the longing for a man to even creep into my consciousness. I fear being swallowed up. I fear my difficulty with saying No. I see that I fear standing in my magnificence and owning my Beauty and Power and Voice.
    I fear putting my work, my thoughts, my writing out into the world. I fear the largesse of my vision. Currently I fear writing to Lady Gaga about a photo shoot- what if she says yes! and if I stay small and don’t write the letter out of fear, that is just another example of how I kept quiet and small when God places these amazes opportunities in my path.
    This post and all the comments is like a balm for my aching spirit right now and I am so grateful <3

  • Tova Gold / Finding My Muchness October 23, 2012, 11:03 am

    My biggest fear is failure, plain and simple. I left my job to follow my passion, to empower women to re-find their joy and Muchness after grief or trauma, and embrace color and light and sparkle in their lives. I have no clear, organized plan and the responsibilities of feeding my family and not disappointing the people who believe in me most hover over my head. And as I travel this path myself, I fear, on days when I am not all sparkles and glitter, that I am a fraud, that I am not equipped to take on this responsibility.
    But I also KNOW this is my calling, my lifes purpose. It’s an internal journey I began as a kid that took me through my parents divorce and stepfathers death, and one that found it’s external voice after my twins were born still, 3 years ago.
    I also KNOW that action is the ONLY cure for my fear. And so now, after sharing my truth, I’m gonna go get back to work. 🙂
    Thank you Mama Gena for this inspired and empowering post.

  • nathaliereb October 23, 2012, 11:02 am

    Andie, this is for you…

    “Pursue your dreams not because you’re immune to heartbreak but because your real life, your whole life, is worth getting your heart broken a few thousand times.”

    Keep on going and never give up. That phenomenal man is out there for you. Just believe in it and have faith!

  • Nancy October 23, 2012, 10:53 am

    WOW!!! this is just what I asked for today; I am ready to clear my throat chakra once and for all, and step out in the world and shine…thank you for this wonderful blog (first time I ever read one, not to mention be a part of). Thank you all, I wish everyone much success as we move thru our fears…xo Nancy

  • Lolita October 23, 2012, 10:42 am

    Isn’t it funny how we are told to run from fear instead of understand where it comes from?

  • BSG Luscious Lizzie October 23, 2012, 10:35 am

    Oooh good one Mama. My biggest fear was leaving my 10 year career with no plan, no new job, no definitive idea of what I was going to do next. I did it in April, after mulling it over for almost 2 years!

    I’ve found that fear is a HUGE signpost to important change. Sometimes you need to sit with that fear and take the baby steps you describe to start getting comfortable with it, and not feeling so overwhelmed by it. I’ve also found that fear has a cagey partner-in-crime–your rational mind. So you’re afraid, and then the Ol’ Brain kicks in with all the practical, logical, obvious reasons why, say, leaving your great job and big salary is a terrible idea.

    Your pussy/heart/body knows what’s right!! It knows! It counters fear with this amorphous sick feeling when you’re caving. It’s much quieter than fear, but more insistent. It whispers to you in a little voice: “Imagine if…” That imagine is possible. That imagine can be your new day to day. The secret is enjoying the ride there. It doesn’t happen overnight. But there is no deeper, more contented feeling than the dissolving of the fear and the unequivocal knowing that you chose for you, even if you’re the only soul on the planet who can see why that was best.

    • Jill October 23, 2012, 11:06 am

      thank you Luscious Lizzie. FF: There is no deeper, more contented feeling than the dissolving of the fear and the unequivocal knowing that you chose for you, even if you’re the only soul on the planet who can see why that was best.
      I am going to write this reminder and put it where I can read it everyday! So well put!!

  • Suzi Banks Baum October 23, 2012, 10:27 am

    What a line of truth here at Mama’s. I am sending love to you all today. I am about to press ‘send’ on a query letter to a literary agent who heard a page of my manuscript read out loud this weekend and responded positively, even with the mention of ‘Pussy’.
    This is huge for me, this little pressing of my finger on a well written letter. And like so many women before me, I am willing to speak my truth, to tell my stories and to run in to the heart of this panicky feeling I have…and I knew enough to get my sweet self here, before sending!
    This is it, right here Andie, this gathering of women. My fear is about my stories being out in the world and being judged negatively. So I take small steps towards with this fear every single day. I share my writing with others, I blog, I post on other people’s sites. These are small steps that bring me courage to take the bigger steps. That is why MamaGena suggests doing ‘research’ – “Baby steps toward your dreams get you there just as efficiently as great leaps.” Leaning in to your Sisters is a great way to absorb some love- like putting on socks lined with love before you take the baby steps- nice cashmere socks in a perfect color that bring out the blazing beauty of your eyes. Reading this blog today and all these comments is like putting on those socks for me.
    Off to send that letter now!
    Love, Suzi

  • Missmedieval October 23, 2012, 10:22 am

    I have so many fears I don’t even know where to start! I have never been able to decide on what one thing I want out of life – except for marriage and family, which I still have not achieved in my thirties. On the one hand, I love everything and want to do everything and go everywhere; on the other hand, I have done so many different things, gotten bored and desired change too quickly each time and have never really mastered any one of my skills. I guess I am afraid of finding out the one skill that I should master, mainly because I will have to give up many other things I dream of having a part of in my life.

  • Andie October 23, 2012, 10:09 am

    I kind of still don’t get it 🙁 How does my fear — that I’ll never meet a guy who I desire who really wants me and that I’ll be a lonely, crazy cat lady with no babies –translate into action? Does that mean I need to embrace being alone/lonely? Date guys who I’m not interested in? I don’t get it. How is that pointing to my brilliance? Because it sure does not feel brilliant to be sitting in my office, weeping because yet another guy has disappointed me and hurt my feelings…

    • Amy October 23, 2012, 11:25 am

      Oh sweet Andie, your post resonates with me for I was in your shoes many years ago. Seems to me you want to be with a man who sees your worth and magnificence. My question is do you fully embrace this within you? Do you own your brilliance? Maybe your action plan is to remind yourself of all that you BE. Brilliance isn’t something we become rather it is who we are.

      I have recently learned the truth will always make you feel lighter and a lie will make you feel heavier. Now how does the statement “I fear I will never meet the guy” make you feel? I guessing not so great – that is because it is a big fat lie! Now go stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself all those wonderful things you want to hear from a significant other as if he is talking to you. Practice your womantra. How do you feel now? Keep reminding yourself of your greatness and everything you desire can’t help but find its way into your life.

    • Paige October 30, 2012, 3:42 pm

      Hello Andie:
      Do you fear that there are no men out there who would LOVE to be with a crazy cat lady with no babies? Are you afraid of loving your own fine crazy cat lady-self, with or without babies? Are you afraid that crazy cat ladies with no babies are unlovable?
      Just like “a man is not a financial plan” (in my opinion), looking for love from ANYTHING outside your own fine self will not bring you the love you seek. YOU are your best partner/husband/mate. As you love yourself more and more, you will find that men of all shapes and sizes are drawn to your power! IF, that is what you really want.
      Try loving yourself for a full day, then stretch it out into a week, then stretch it out into two weeks….
      You will be astonished at the magic that appears in facing the mythical fear that you are unlovable exactly as you are!

    • veronica November 27, 2012, 5:09 pm

      hi andie~
      your comment resonated with me.
      i am a crazy cat lady and i found a (handsome, sexy, talented) man that fell in love with me (and my cats).
      all those nut-jobs i was reaching for were fun but ultimately a waste of time. as soon as i made a list of what i really wanted in a relationship and decided not to settle but to truly be myself with the next guy, he appeared.
      as if the universe was just waiting for me to want someone to love ME!
      dont settle….and then you wont have to. thats how it works!

  • Ellen Levin or SG WARRIOR October 23, 2012, 10:02 am

    This blog is critically important! WOW! I need to favorite frame all of it, and to add that I HAVE ALWAYS been afraid to shine TOO BRIGHTLY! It was always ok to be “dim” or shine but but but to radiate out brilliantly…………….woah! thank you sg for the brilliant Q and m.g. for the brilliant A and listed quotations. “Lions and tigers and bears OH MY” or “anger and fury and fear OH YES!” (my quote)

  • M October 23, 2012, 9:45 am

    Dear Mama G. this is THE BEST text I have read in a long time.
    In the middle of the reading I sent my mother a message saying I love her. This scares me cause there is a kind of family crisis going on and I feel she has done me wrong. And we don’t do much Iloveyous.

  • Hedonia October 23, 2012, 9:22 am

    Once upon a time, my greatest fear was saying, to anyone about anything, “No.” Now, it is my favorite word of all! I find when I take care of me and speak my truth from my Pussy, I have more to give when I want to give. Everyone benefits! Everything in my life changed for the better. If I can’t love me, how can I love anyone else? So, now I love me first… and everyone more. With much love and appreciation, Hedonia

  • BSG Glitzy Cougar Karen October 23, 2012, 9:19 am

    This is the mother of them all…Fear. I have walked through so much that it landed me in two books on Fearless Women this year…and I still have fear! I’m hitting the big one now, even bigger than the fear of never being loved by a man. This one is financial security…I prostituted myself in a loveless marriage for 25 years before I walked through the Mt. Everest of fear to leave it. And I did…beautifully…with spirituality and brilliant books (including “Broken Open”)and angels (both here and beyond), I landed here in NYC and at SWA, which has been the biggest gift of all. That, and giving this amazing world to my daughter, SG Lauren, and introducing it to my son, Chris. I’ve learned so much, and have been guided to write…the tv pilot, then my solo show, then music, then the Huff Post, and now my memoir.

    But I have never really earned my own living, and now I’ve used a lot of the divorce money (very wisely), but getting my work out into the world has been a challenge, so now I have to let go and trust. That’s all there is. And remembering this…there is nothing that will fix my life except going deeper and knowing God – per August Gold.
    AND “Pursue pleasure as though your life depended on it.” Mama Gena

    I am in deepest gratitude in my life for these amazing teachers and writers.

  • Lola October 23, 2012, 9:08 am

    The posts by these women who fear but dare are inspiring. I shake with emotion as I read the posts. I shake with emotion as I deal with all that is happening in my life. Emotion is energy in motion. I am moving toward joy every day even if it scares me. With so much shaking, it’s a good thing I’m taking Zumba 3 days a week. I feel so good to shake it up. It’s good to shakes things up. Best to you all.

    • regena October 24, 2012, 9:46 am

      gorgeous posts, just gorgeous. so grateful for you.

  • SG RedChilli October 23, 2012, 9:07 am

    I am sacred beyond measure to start my self employment and telling the world that I am a healer. And that I am brilliant. And I am scared to offer my talent and saying yes it costs money, I want to live my dreams.

    • Ruby Red October 23, 2012, 12:21 pm

      I love the Freudian slip in the first line… “SACRED beyond measure.” Yes, you are sacred! Beautiful!

    • Chantal October 23, 2012, 9:13 pm

      Dido just reread you post ….sacred beyond measure!!
      Well I do touch the healer in you every
      time we speak and it is worth gold !

  • SG Smita October 23, 2012, 8:52 am

    My fear at the moment is that of speaking my truth. If I speak my truth then everyone will leave me and the feeling of being alone in the world is terrifying

  • S October 23, 2012, 8:44 am

    I fear people seeing me, the real me, and judging me harshly. I fear being surrounded by cool strangers who are enjoying their life and being alone and shut out. I fear depth-learning a new language or instrument, understanding something to the bottom of the iceberg…I fear learning something hard completely to the point where it becomes natural. I fear that I can’t do it and that I will fall behind.

    • Nerina November 29, 2012, 5:17 am

      EXACTLY how i feel since … years. Change is overdue. I’m with you S 🙂

  • Tara Dixon October 23, 2012, 8:39 am

    One of my favorite acronyms is FEAR=False Evidence Appearing Real.
    My greatest fear, Mama?
    That I am too much.
    And each time I dim my light and make myself wrong and doubt myself and care about what other people think I have taken the short cut to a downward spiral and a surreal stay in the spin cycle of Life.
    Gratefully, I catch myself and remind myself of some of my womantra’s I adopted during different periods of time while studying at the School of Womanly Arts.
    The two most powerful ones are:
    “I ooze sensuality…I just can’t help it.”
    and
    “I AM THE SHIT!”
    My latest womantra that I am saying is:
    “I am love.
    I AM LOVE.
    I am LOVE.”
    Which reminds me of one of my favorite take aways from you Regena that self love is self protection.
    Thank you for being my teacher and mentor.
    Studying with you and publically aligning myself with you has been one of my most courageous acts.
    in gratitude and with love-
    Tara

    • Ann October 23, 2012, 1:24 pm

      Tara please don’t ever dim your light you are shining so much right now and it’s contagious!

      • Tara Dixon October 23, 2012, 3:07 pm

        thank you…it’s TRUE!!!
        xo SG Totally Tara

    • Starlette {Universe} October 24, 2012, 5:56 am

      Love, love, love it Tara!
      I love your womantra’s! I AM THE SHIT!
      I totally smell what you are stepping in when you write about catching yourself dummy down and dim your light- I, too, am grateful to be that awake that I can feel the difference and make the changes needed to shine BIG!
      I AM here, the world is waiting and so ready for me and what I have to offer!
      Today….I shine bright, I, too ooze sensuality!
      Thank you and Shine {on} Sister!
      xoxooxoxox

      • Tara Dixon October 24, 2012, 8:38 am

        Starlette- I love your name. We are all stars headlining in our own movies! Thanks for the feedback to my comment…Shine on Sister! xo t

  • Gwyn October 23, 2012, 8:39 am

    Janet…your post really touched me. Thankyou for sharing and thankyou to all the other women who have posted on this topic. Wow, I am in complete awe of the strength, and resilience you women all represent.
    Im starting to welcome my fears as I see them for what they are….a sign that its time to take action whoo hoo!

  • Janet October 23, 2012, 7:52 am

    I have a chronic illness, one that fills my lungs with a thick white fluid. I have lived with a fear of drowning, dying. When I went through the thought process of “what is the worst that can happen?” and came back with “death” and what that means, peace….. the fear began to subside and I was able to start living. Every day I hear a new voice in my head, one that sings a song to live fully, in joy, in passion, in a place of love. I feel a shift happening every day, a restlessness, and feel positive changes each and every day. I live in gratitude, a place of abundance, and am thankful for people like you, who inspire and remind us to live fully! Thank you!
    JV

    • regena October 24, 2012, 9:44 am

      thank you for the inspiration of you, janet.

  • Theresa October 23, 2012, 7:39 am

    I too have come out of tremendous loss and change only to blossom and learn more about me and gain confidence.As a child I never liked to do any presentations in front of class.I was so shy and intimidated.
    Now, I have my white belt in Nia and my Masters in Reiki and I am afraid to teach for fear I may fail.I also have a bit of dyslexia so I stumble some.I am working on this part of me now so I can find the courage to take another risk and maybe I just won’t fail.If I do does it matter anyway.I know I will get up again.
    Thank you,
    Theresa

    • Lepa October 23, 2012, 3:32 pm

      Go for it, Theresa!
      I’m sure you’re gonna make it!

      Lots of love and Blessings,

      Lepa

  • nathalie October 23, 2012, 7:10 am

    I had to face several ‘big’ fears a couple of years ago. I lost my job, my marriage fell apart AND my father died. All within a month of each other. I had a choice to make: run and hide under the covers and let my depression take over, or, grab the light myself, at the end of that long dark tunnel.

    I chose the latter and have never been more contented with my life. Going through such a process and feeling your power and strength is such a gift. Elizabeth Lesser’s book, Broken Open, became my bible and I chose to face my fear dead on, and rise above the ashes and fly like a phoenix.

    Sisters, I am still flying.

    As painful and difficult as that period of my life was, I am grateful for the transformation that happened deep within me. To get over your fears you’ve gotta go through them.

    My youngest daughter just said to me recently “Mommy, when are you gonna stop laughing and dancing all the time?”

    Gotta love it!

    • Robin October 23, 2012, 7:26 am

      I had a similar experience, marriage ended, mother died, lost my job, my daughter moved three thousand miles away and then I had to find a place to live with no job and two dogs! I, too, have been rising like a phoenix, but not without absolute terror. (Loved “Broken Open” too!)

      I recently started putting my writing out into the world again and it has been very scary. A good friend of mine, another writer said to me, “When you put yourself out into the world you may be attacked by others, but if you stay in your cave, you will attack yourself.”

      I think we are all afraid – men too. But I also love another Roosevelt quote, Teddy Roosevelt’s: “It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.
      The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotion; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly…”
      Brene Brown’s TED talks and books are brilliant.
      So is Regena.

      • SG More-Ahhh October 23, 2012, 9:02 am

        Robin,

        Thank you for sharing that quote:
        “When you put yourself out into the world you may be attacked by others, but if you stay in your cave, you will attack yourself.”
        JUST what I needed to read this morning. My fear is about being seen in all my imperfections.
        Thank you, Mama. I’m gonna go make some spectacular mistakes!

        • Ann October 23, 2012, 1:23 pm

          Brilliant! All above answers are brilliant.

      • regena October 24, 2012, 9:42 am

        rising like a phoenix is terrifyingly beautiful…

    • Adele October 23, 2012, 11:14 pm

      A couple of months ago on my birthday month at lunch this new acquaintance told me she had changed her mind about having me as her room mate.Apparently she didn’t know me well enough. Funny,I never asked to move in with her. She proposed that so that I could save enough money to get on my feet and get my own place. I just moved to this new town for a new job and to be closer to this man I had fallen with. A week later from my birthday my dad passed away.A month later I lost my job.
      All of these things happened back to back.
      I have to admit “Fear” started to creep into my psyche. I don’t know how I DID it but I found the courage to withstand and FIGHT because I knew ONLY I could change my life.

  • Fiona October 23, 2012, 7:01 am

    I’m scared of admitting to the world that I have finally found a new boyfriend. I’ve been alone for almost a year now since my divorce. Announcing my new relationship is making me feel vulnerable in case it doesn’t work out again. I don’t want to tell the world about yet another failure.

    • regena October 23, 2012, 7:36 am

      what a fantastic brag, fiona!!

  • Stine October 23, 2012, 6:41 am

    I´m actually scared of leaving comments like these and letting my voice out there, for everyone to hear and maybe have an opinion about, so i´m facing it right now…and just doing it, not stop to think about it, is the easiest way. (which by the way allready is to late since english is not my first language, and i´m trying to get the spelling and stuff right) So thank you, for reminding me, that my fear only gets worse when I stall, and encouraging me to take small steps 🙂

    • regena October 23, 2012, 7:36 am

      you go, stine!! you have….ovaries!!!!

    • Hedonia October 23, 2012, 9:15 am

      Stine, Darlin’…

      You’re voice was heard, and heard beautifully. Thank you for sharing yourself with us. As an ESL (English as a Second Language) tutor, may I say that while English may not be your first language (that honor belongs to the language your Pussy speaks)… you speak and write beautifully, which, in then end, is what matters. You have been heard and understood, with much love and appreciation.

    • Jade October 23, 2012, 10:36 pm

      Stine… You go girlfriend!