Partying with your Inner Bitch
The Dark Side of the Goddess
The dark side of a woman is just another face of the goddess that wants to be known and adored. We all have one. The only way your dark side can work against you is if you don’t own it. In other words, if you keep pretending you are all sweetness and light, the daggers appear when you least expect them. The bitch will own you if you don’t become her friend.
If you’re playing a team sport you want that bitch on your side—you certainly don’t want her playing for the other team. On your side, your inner bitch will teach you boundaries, she will guide you through your feisty life. She’ll also alert you to areas of your life where you feel short changed.
Our dark side is a part of ourselves we feel uncomfortable owning. It’s easy for us to be effective, talented, pretty, charismatic, reliable, attentive and supportive. But we don’t feel so good about showing disapproval or disagreement, our hurt, anger or vulnerability. All that is part of the dark side.
And to make the most of our best, bright, jewel-like qualities, we must first venture into our darkest emotions. We cannot always be the good girl and still be able to tap into the amazing power of our individual enthusiasm, love and fun.
Yes, my courageous ones, being a Sister Goddess means approving of every facet of the Goddess within you, not just the good and happy parts. In fact, the more you develop a rapport with your dark side, the more truly happy and balanced you will be.
The womanly art I’d like you to learn is how to form bonds of friendship, love and understanding with all your shortcomings, downfalls or weaknesses. It’s time to get closely acquainted with your hellion’s rage, your bottomless sadness, your spiny jealousy, your deep greed and your profound loneliness.
You might be asking yourself, “Why must we take this dark trip?” There is a very good reason indeed. We women are all currently living in a cloud of repressed emotion—mostly anger, from what I can see. You know how I know women are angry? They get angry as soon as you suggest they might be angry. This is because many women spend their whole lives trying to act nice, and when that nice cover is busted, all the anger they have been storing, along with frustration at their inability to completely hide it, comes right to the surface.
Learning from Anger
So, one of the main things we can do to come out of the fray holding what we want is to really get in touch with our individual desires. Anger can help us do this. Anger is often a big signpost that points us toward areas in our lives where we feel shortchanged. Once we locate those hot spots of anger or resentment or sadness, or just the ache of want, we can start asking ourselves what would fill those spaces and what steps should be taken first.
In what areas are you a slave to your life? Are you a slave to fashion? Your husband? Your children? Your job? You will be amazed to see how many areas you can name, once you set your mind to it. Are you a slave to youth? A slave to money? To time? Are you too scared to get the job you want? Too resigned to tell your husband exactly what you want in bed? Do you submit to the expectations of others? To compromise?
Until we know what’s got us under its thumb, we can’t choose the alternative. Identifying those things that currently rule your world and limit you is a crucial step.
Owning Your Feelings: Anger versus Pleasure
Mama’s goal here is simply to expose where we are so we focus our energy in a more positive direction, namely toward our pleasure. That is the choice: anger versus pleasure. We have the freedom to choose. Our pent-up anger is a wonderful turbo boost, but it can also bring about great damage if it’s left to boil and embitter us.
Mama wants you to practice the art of using your anger for your own benefit, rather than suffer behind it. You have a rich emotional terrain, teeming with energy, passion and life. Mama wants you to mine this fertile soil without getting blown up by anger’s land mines.
Part of being a Sister Goddess is allowing yourself to feel the way you feel. Feel the whole thing—the whole rage, the whole fear, the whole loneliness. Invite it into yourself, don’t shy away from it! It is important to understand that your feelings are right. Your passion is part of your genius.
Exercise: The Poem
Write your own rage mantra or rage poem. Focus on expressing angry thoughts and feelings about your anger on paper and take notice of any clarifying and healing effects. When I do this exercise, I feel an incredible release and a wave of relaxation envelops me. Does this happen to you? Or is there something else you feel? Do this exercise as many times as you like.
To get you started, I’ll share with you poems of other Sister Goddesses have written. One S.G. taking my course stated in her anger poem, entitled “If She Loved Her Anger More,” that “she would wrap herself around [her anger] and let it be the rocket that propels her.” Another S.G., in a piece entitled “Rage of Goddess Soiree Poem: Celebrating My Anger,” spoke of “wiping the taint off rage and letting it soar free.” See what kind of emotion your words can set free.
Want a first date with your inner bitch? You can meet her in The Womanly Arts Mastery Program.