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Perfect on the outside, dying on the inside


It was just another cold December morning.  I woke up, got the kid on the bus, went to spin class, showered, dressed.
I settled in with a gigantic cup of English breakfast tea, in my God Save the Queen mug, to catch up with my emails before the office opened.  In my inbox, I received the most inspiring story from a woman who had written to me at 2 a.m. that morning.

I get gorgeous acknowledgments now and then from my grads, and I do not normally share them here.  I tuck them away in a special box.  But this email was too good to keep to myself.  It was inspiring in every way a woman wants to be inspired.  And I recommend that before you read it, you do what I did: make yourself a gigantic cup of tea in your version of a God Save the Queen Mug, print this story out, and sit down and enjoy the new 2013 fairy tale of a woman getting hers, creating hers, enjoying hers, exactly the way she wants.

Dearest Mama,
As I lie awake at 2 a.m. this morning unable to sleep, I am overcome with tears of gratitude. I had to drop you a line.  Today my life has changed in so many ways.  I could only have imagined in my wildest dreams that I would be living the life I do today.  Since first meeting you and the women at the School of Womanly Arts almost 4 years ago during Spring Mastery 2009, the changes in my life have been nothing short of a miracle. 

Rewind to March, 2009.  I was 25.  I had just opened my own insurance business nine months prior.  I was married a little over two years.  I lived in a beautiful home, in a beautiful neighborhood. I had a little six-pound, white Maltese dog named Momo.  I wore a size 6.  Based on all external appearances and by many accounts I was living a wonderful life.  Up to this point, I had done what I thought was right and what I should do based on someone else’s ideal.  I went to college, got married, got a dog, bought a house, and found work that I enjoyed.  Next step, have a baby, right?  I was supposed to be happy, right?  Living the American Dream, right?  Not so much… 

The truth is, I was living someone’s else’s life—not mine!  The odd part is that I didn’t know whose life it was.  I was dying on the inside, and I didn’t even know why.  I was under major pressure and stress 24/7 to perform to someone else’s standards in my insurance business.  In less than two years, my marriage had quickly become an uninspired and unfilled roommate situation.  “Pleasure” – that was not a word in my vocabulary.  I was working just to earn a paycheck and living just to get to the next day.  Simply put – I was exhausted, frustrated, tired, dried up, sad, unhappy, alone, and I was only 25.  The thing is, no one on the outside would have known.  I pasted on a smile, used that positive attitude I had adopted for years, and kept drudging forward in my own silent abyss.

I’ve learned in the years since that timing and life’s simple perfections have a funny way of showing you what you need to know at exactly the time you need to know it.

I had an angel in the form of a real-life woman walk into my life and forever change it one Tuesday morning in the winter of 2008.  She recognized that deep-down, unsettled “something” that no one else had seen.  She knew the empty hollowness that creeps into your soul when you’re not living the life you were intended to live.  She knew that I had potential and I hadn’t even begun to tap into it.   I had never heard of you, Mama Gena, the School of Womanly Arts, Mastery, or the Pleasure Revolution.  But, one week later I was on a train heading to New York City, sitting in your classroom with more than 200 women from around the country.  (This is your job—you get to be that angel!!!!!!!!!!!!!) 

To say that Mastery, the School of Womanly Arts, and the Sister Goddess community changed my life is a major understatement.  In less than six months after starting Mastery, I had changed the course of my life forever.  I had found the courage to end the lifeless marriage.  I moved into a small beach cottage on the water that was so much more me. My business sky-rocketed and has continued to since then.  And, I met the man of my dreams who would later become my husband.

The experience of Mastery is in short the only place I have found on this planet where a woman has the complete authentic ability to become the woman she was born to be.  The tools I learned have become a cornerstone to everything I do in my life.  The friendships forged and the bonds made extend deeper than this lifetime.  My life today is more meaningful, more inspired, and more harmonious than I ever thought possible.

I brag that I married that man of my dreams on November 11, 2012, in the beautiful, tropical island of St. John in the USVI.  I brag that I just found out several weeks ago that we are expecting our first baby in August 2013.  I brag I am currently ranked in the Top 5% of agents nationally among 18,000.  I brag that I have opened my young women’s mentorship organization called “The Women’s Institute of Leadership” where being a girl, making a difference, and changing the world is who we are. 

And mostly I brag that I know who I am – at the very core and in the deepest parts.  I know what it means to dance with myself – to reach into the deepest and darkest places of my Soul and allow that beautiful little girl inside me to shine.  I have the self-confidence to make choices on my own terms and in my own way.  I have MY LIFE back – written and lived EXACTLY the way that I CREATE it.  My deepest, most heartfelt desire now is allowing my Soul to do her work on this planet…to inspire and serve others to live their Soul’s Purpose.

I’m eternally grateful that you chose to listen to your Soul’s Purpose so many years ago.  If not for you, I wouldn’t be in this place I am today.  It’s women like us that are changing the world! 

Sending you so much love, happiness, and gratitude this holiday season, Mama Gena!

Hugs and Kisses…
Erin Ross

Unbelievable, right?  We live in a world where women can have it all, can get everything we want, no compromise, once we learn the Womanly Arts and Tools.  If you think you can handle more brags like hers, check out these brand new videos featuring the stories of some of our Mastery Graduates.

In the comments below, let me know what Erin’s story inspired in you. And if you want to know what she’s talking about firsthand, join me in NYC on January 26th for our live Intro Day, I know you want me. You will leave this event with the specific tools that enable you to live as the attraction point for everything you desire.

And if you’d like to show another woman living proof that she’s capable of having everything she wants and more, please share this post.

With so much love and pleasure,
Mama Gena

P.S. Sister Goddesses have been having a field day with our latest video series, Someone Who Loves You. Check it out if you want to spread the love…

P.P.S.  I take mine with a splash of milk and a teaspoon of honey.  How do you take yours? 🙂

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45 Comments / Leave a Comment

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  • MagicMirna January 16, 2013, 11:18 pm

    It’s January, can’t it be February already? It’s when Mastery launches! It can’t come sooner for me. I am so happy happy happy to read Erin’s letter. Thank you for sharing it MamaG. I am looking forward to exploring pleasure in the company of some hot, inspiring, amazing and beautiful women. Feeling like the universe smiled on me the day I met you MamaG. Truth be told, the wait is killing me softly xxx

    • little jo July 20, 2013, 1:59 pm

      Oh I wish you could tell us how it was 😛

  • SG Tats January 16, 2013, 6:34 pm

    Go Erin!!! 😀 I am smiling ear to ear! So glad to have been in Mastery 2009 with you. Seeing you fly off to the stratosphere is incredibly satisfying.

  • SP January 15, 2013, 8:14 pm

    Is the first time I cry for someone elses happiness, and I did it joyfuly, as if I was you. I belive you, I belive in Mama Gena, and of course I belive in me…
    Congratulations …Im doing myself my own job trying to fix my life. So bad Mama Gena is too far (another country) to enroll her guidance. But I still feel her light and advices, and also the examples she post.

    • little jo July 20, 2013, 1:58 pm

      there’s more than her posts, you can enroll her guidance through virtual Boot Camp…

  • Dorothy January 15, 2013, 7:00 pm

    I am thrilled and delighted to read this post about Erin. We were in Self Mastery together in 09 and had many phone conversations about the ending of her marriage and her hopes for the future. Erin’s determination and courage to change were so inspiring. Thank you, Mama for paving the way for all of us….
    SG Dorothy
    Sedona, AZ

  • Deborah Smith January 15, 2013, 4:29 pm

    Dear Mama Gena,
    Such a lovely post. thank you so much. I cannot tell you how many times my Gratitudes are for you, your school and my amazing, incredible Sister Goddesses. Mastery is almost upon us!
    Erin’s statement, “I brag that I know who I am – at the very core and in the deepest parts. I know what it means to dance with myself – to reach into the deepest and darkest places of my Soul and allow that beautiful little girl inside me to shine.” has moved me deeply.
    I desire that, too.
    SG Deb

  • Julie January 15, 2013, 1:50 pm

    Hello there Mama Gena,

    I loved this story! very inspirational — loved it! I am 54, just read your book, “School of Womanly Arts” — loved that, too — yet want more! I cannot make it to NYC for the training (I live and work in California and am not able to travel to NYC for this) — does your online course give you a similar experience as your mastery course? What’s a girl to do? Are you coming to the West Coast/San Francisco??

    thanks!! j.

  • Donna January 15, 2013, 1:48 pm

    This came at a perfect time for me. I woke up just this morning thinking: “this isn’t my life!”

    Maybe it was triggered by my b/f saying to me last night, “I’m going to ask you what you always ask me: what makes you happy? What do you WANT TO do?” He told me to think of something I used to do that made me happy and try to put a little of it into my life every day. (Where did that wise man come from? I’m thinking. What did you do with my b/f?” lol)

    So this morning I’m remembering the things that used to make me happy and they were the things that are really, truly ME. I’ve been living a life trying to be what I think everyone else wants for such a long time, I almost couldn’t remember how to be happy any more!

    That said, I’m taking the day today for reflection, some quiet time, and I’m going to work on the blog I promised myself I’d start. I’m a writer. That IS what makes me happy and it’s who I am. A little introverted. A lot introspective. A quiet woman, filled with feminine grace, who can be a powerhouse, a steam roller, a force to be reckoned with.

    Today, I’m ready to give up the pretend me and to accept my real self. Not perfect. I don’t want to be rich. I don’t want to try to be thirty when I’m sixty any more. Not ready to shrivel up and die, I’ve got a whole lot of living to do — happy, fulfilled, “real me” living.

    I’m so glad I found this. Thanks. ((((hugs))))

    • Deborah Smith January 15, 2013, 4:24 pm

      Ohhhhm SG Donna,
      Your note filled me with song!!! I hope you make it to Mastery this year!!!

  • Keri January 15, 2013, 1:21 pm

    Wow….. She sounds so like me…I just ended a 20 year marriage for reasons that should have been ended 10 years earlier. On the outside I have all the trappings of success but on the inside I was shriveling up. I have made changes but the job situation i feel is the most trapping….so I am working on that now. I am unable to go to NYC for boot camp due to distance but I am so going to look into online courses….Love where I am headed…. and with your help and others I will make it…. I want to live more Passionately!

    • Deborah Smith January 15, 2013, 4:22 pm

      Dear SG Keri,
      I hear you! I started with the Seven Day Free Pleasure Intensive. Then I jumped on board for the Virtual Pleasure Boot Camp.

    • little jo July 20, 2013, 1:53 pm

      Boot camp is on-line Keri, with a w-e in Miami with Mama. It’s Mastery thats in N-Y (5 w-e)…

  • SG Alyssa January 15, 2013, 11:38 am

    This is a beautiful story! Thank you SG Erin for opening up and sharing it and thank you Mama Gena for spreading Erin’s love and gratitude! So affirming to read that we can have our cake and eat it, too!

  • Mimi January 15, 2013, 10:48 am

    Great story Moma Gena! Thanks for sharing it. I hope to be bragging about mine soon!

  • robin Kahn January 15, 2013, 10:22 am

    I have read this letter several times now and I continue to be moved. This last time this line jumped out at me:

    My deepest, most heartfelt desire now is allowing my Soul to do her work on this planet…to inspire and serve others to live their Soul’s Purpose.

    Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful story, SG Erin! I remember you at Mastery and I couldn’t be happier for you!!

  • BSG Rockstar Abbey January 15, 2013, 10:16 am

    Its so incredible to hear women’s backstory. The transformation has already started the moment someone walks in the mastery room. Erin, thank you for telling us your story. From all of us who were dying on the inside before we met Mama, we know we are not alone. You are living proof!!!

  • BSG Glitzy Cougar Karen January 15, 2013, 10:02 am

    Woah Erin…Fabulous! It makes me want to jump up and down, and then press the edges of my own pleasure revolution, because I need to do it these days!
    I spent a life settling in a terribly lonely, empty, emotionally abusive marriage (25 years)! Okay, some of us are slow learners.
    I couldn’t see a way out, and I struggled to find the gift of it, the purpose…there were two, my kids. Then one more. My unhappiness forced me to dig deep, and I found my passion…theater. The kids and performing saved my life.
    But I couldn’t avoid the disaster of my marriage. I was choking from it. Finally, with a 2×4 over the head, I was forced to leave…great spiritual journey, but I couldn’t date. I was terrified of my choices…until I got to Mama!
    I walked into that room and knew I was home. And I stayed in that room for 3 years because I was so hungry to know…
    SWA should be called the University of Womanly Arts, like no other. I have taken many other courses since…all good, all related, all helpful…and they are like the electives. But this? This is where you get the degree.

    • little jo July 20, 2013, 1:50 pm

      I couldn’t agree more with you B.S.G. ‘Glitzy Cougar’ Karen* there should be a Univertity which would be Mama’s of course and many other SWA’s attached, where all the girls around the world could learn from tender age to listen to their inner Goddess… The Dream I’d say, the ultimate Dream to make this world a better place for women (and men!) to live in…

      * what is the B. for?

  • SG Carolyne January 15, 2013, 9:45 am

    Wow!!!! Fantastic and inspiring story. I was in that 2009 Mastery and remember how turned on I was body-mind-heart and soul. Thank you Erin and Mama Gena for re inspiring me to go after my pleasure and my dreams. This is a perfect reminder to launch my day. Blessings to all my Sisters.

  • Anna January 15, 2013, 9:26 am

    Indeed, a beautiful story. But what about us married 40somethings with kids, husbands and no career prospects and no money to speak of? Who would love to be able to travel the world or at least live somewhere sunny instead of dreary old London but have no way of achieving this? If truth be told, I just find stories like this a little depressing. Or should I say jealous?

    • Anonymous January 15, 2013, 10:48 am

      I agree with you, Anna. I am truly, truly happy for Erin, but in today’s world, she’s more the exception than the rule. I know so many women, myself included, who have worked their butts off, done what’s made them happy, taken care of loved ones, the list goes on, but still cannot catch a break. Especially in the U.S., the effects of the recession are still stifling women all these years later. It’s really tough out there. My resources aren’t necessarily overflowing right now, so I have to make my fun where, when and how I can.

      • mama gena January 15, 2013, 12:13 pm

        hey anonymous and anna-
        let’s get your sweet hot butts in mastery-
        a woman is too magnificent to waste on self-doubt.
        let me fan the flames of your desires.
        better than you could dream is what i want for you.

        • Deborah Smith January 15, 2013, 4:18 pm

          Dear Anonymous and Anna,
          It’s true. Get to Mastery! I KNEW I had to do Virtual Pleasure Boot Camp this past fall and it was BEYOND imagining FANTASTIC. Which led me to KNOWING I HAD to do Mastery: with no idea how I would pay for it and still get all my other obligations covered. The change in my thinking that has come from my studying in The School of Womanly Arts: i.e. “There is ALWAYS more than enough!” and ” . . . or even better.” Has so far made the financial obligations easy as pie!!! I know it sounds goofy, but I swear there is REAL magic in this way of being in your own skin.
          Hope to see you in March!!!

          • little jo July 20, 2013, 11:22 am

            of course there’s always more than enough… but I don’t wanna flirt to get $ to achieve MY dream :/

  • Sarah January 15, 2013, 9:25 am

    This gave me courage. I really really want to work for the company whose bug girl I had dinner with tonight. Really. Courage.

  • Liza January 15, 2013, 9:01 am

    Beautiful story! Thank you Mama Gena for sharing this story with us. This is inspiring!!
    Congratulations Erin!

  • Ellen Levin or SG WARRIOR January 15, 2013, 9:01 am

    This post brought tears to my eyes, particularly Erin’s comment that she now has her life back, written and lived as she create(d)(s) it!!!!!!! BRAVO and WOW! Also, the mentorship program for women that she’s now created is so inspiringly beautiful and/or beautifully inspired. A BIG YES! to this transformation!

  • SG Kerrie Blazek | Pleasure Catalyst January 15, 2013, 9:01 am

    That’s my BIG! I’m so honored and deeply touched to read her story on your blog. Erin is a endless supply of inspiration, as are you, Mama Gena. The transformation possible when we step into our divine right power is beyond measure. I’m forever grateful to be a part of this sister goddess community. XO

  • SG Melissa January 15, 2013, 8:56 am

    An exciting & moving story for a raw, gray January morning in NY! Thank you for sharing with us Mama Gena. Aside from the beauty of Erin’s journey – which is so tremendous – there was that drool inspiring photo! (Does anyone else feel the need to run off to a tropical island right now after seeing that??)

    For me, it’s just one more confirmation the universe is handing me that I did the most brilliant thing signing up for Mastery 2013. How soon can March come?!!? 🙂

  • Alison January 15, 2013, 8:38 am

    I loved this story. AND I found myself feeling a little jealous. Which is a good thing. It helped clarify what I want.
    Thanks for a great and beautifully written story. And Erin, welcome to Chapter 2. Kids!

  • Sheri January 15, 2013, 8:33 am

    Wow! I am blown away by Erin’s wonderful transformation! Thank you for sharing it with us, Regena!

  • Meg (AKA SG Writer Babe) January 15, 2013, 8:30 am

    Wow Mama! Once again I am reminded of the power of pleasure and the SWA tools. Thanks for this post — and thanks to Erin for sharing her beautiful story. The tools and Mastery have helped me make a fantastic life for myself — yet it is easy to lose sight at any one moment of the fact that pleasure and choosing to be happy over being miserable is essential. Erin’s story was such a great reminder. I think a tune-up is always in order, too. I’ve been enjoying the Somebody Loves You series (thank you SG Barbara Stanny!) and can’t wait to see everyone at “I Know You Want Me!” in a few weeks. xoxo

  • chris kerr January 15, 2013, 8:24 am

    Please sign me up for the next womenly arts masters program!I am 58 and need to find
    my way to loving my life again, being in live with myself and the passionate romantic side of life. When can I come to New York to join. I’ve got the big, Save the queen mug herem and ready to come join!
    Chris 413-584-6904

    • mama gena January 15, 2013, 12:10 pm

      can’t wait to meet you in mastery, chris!!!

    • little jo July 20, 2013, 11:14 am

      way to go

  • Gilda Sall January 15, 2013, 8:18 am

    What a wonderful story. It reminds me of what happens when we honor the power within and take responsibility for the change we want to create.
    I had the opportunity to take the Virtual Boot Camp class last fall, and it changed my life.
    Each morning I read at least a page in each of Mama Gena’s books to keep me inspired by receiving a message for the day via THE PINK BIBLE.
    Congratulations to Erin for creating a super life. Her story serves as a reminder to continually practice what I learned in Boot Camp. I wish I could take Mastery in order to learn more and inspire others…just sayin!
    Sister Goddess Amber Romance.

    • little jo July 20, 2013, 11:13 am

      the Pink Bible… I like that 🙂

  • Kristin January 15, 2013, 7:25 am

    Good Goddess. I found myself looking into a mirror when I read Erin’s ‘before’ story. In many ways, my life is good, but I feel like I’m on the verge of tapping into some deeper potential inside me. I’ve started wonderful things, and it all seems to be stalled at the moment – and I want to get that shizzle movin’ and groovin’! THANK YOU for such a fab sharing. <3 Go, Erin, go!!!!! 😀

  • Janet January 15, 2013, 7:23 am

    That’s very inspiring. I have made some of those choices and know they aren’t easy. I’m grateful for every wonderful day of MY life. I would love hear more.

  • Laura Jacobs January 15, 2013, 7:21 am

    Beautiful It tell me that change is possible and it is just as hard to be miserable as it is to work at being happy. Since the effort to be happy takes just as much work to be miserable I CHOOSE Happiness.

    Thanks for this uplifting story

  • Anita January 15, 2013, 6:34 am

    Really great story. Very uplifting to read this on a very cold, grey morning in London! Congratulations to Erin. Her courage and self belief are inspiring. And well done to you too Mama 😉

    • mama gena January 15, 2013, 12:09 pm

      thank you, anita and erica.
      let this inspiration loft you straight into the heart of YOUR desires…..

  • Erica January 15, 2013, 6:23 am

    Wow, thank you Mama Gena for sharing this and thank you Erin for living the dream and sharing it as a source of inspiration. I’m wiping the tears away as we speak because I can so relate to how Erin felt but I cry because her story gives me hope that all of us women have the tools and the opportunity to live the life that we so desire and more importantly, deserve. What a damn good way to start a Tuesday!
    Love and light to you all,
    (aka Sister Goddess Assurance)