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In Praise of the Pig-Headed Girl

I have always been a pig-headed girl.
Always.
Sometimes overtly, sometimes subversively.
I secretly thought my way was always the best way.
I had no tolerance for a certain kind of conformity.

I got severely reprimanded for using orange typing paper by my closeted high school English teacher, since the white-out I used was, well — white.
Actually, I never ever even learned to type properly because I never ever ever wanted to work in an office.
When I was doing a chore I hated – like setting the dinner table – I would spit in the glasses of the family member I was loathing that day.
Pig-headed, that’s me.

Imagine how much better my English grade would have been if I were not so.
Imagine I could have typed my own papers in college rather than off-loading them to my boyfriend, or writing my whole first book in longhand on lavender legal pads.
Imagine enjoying my family chores instead of using them to get secret revenge.

Being pig-headed has downsides, for sure.
Pig heads are not so well-liked.
They are the problem-makers and shit-disturbers.
And they frequently make choices that might not make ‘sense’.

But the upsides so far outweigh all of that.
A pig-headed girl never ever lets someone make her do something she does not want to do, without saying and feeling ‘ouch’.
A pig-headed girl thinks her opinions – even if they are wrong – matter, and are worth fighting for.
She listens to the truth inside her, rather than opting for the party line.

She makes mistakes – no doubt. But she never makes the mistake of self-betrayal. Which, for a woman, is the most heart- and soul-breaking move that she was taught to make.
pigheaded2When a woman folds, and says yes to something or someone she does not believe in, she deflates a little.
Every tiny time she betrays her truth, and feels the guilt of that, more of her good sweet hot air seeps out of her.

Today is a good day to celebrate the belligerent.
The rebel.
The truth-tellers.
The marvelously mischievous pig-headed girls.

xox,

p.s. Are you a pig-headed Sister, too? Where in your life could you use a medicinal dose of pig-headedness to stand for your truth? Would love to hear from you in the comments below!

 

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46 Comments / Leave a Comment

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  • Martha June 9, 2015, 3:26 pm

    Mama: with all due respect, what was the point of your mentioning that your teacher was “closeted?”

  • Molly April 30, 2015, 8:19 am

    Hi Sisters, I am pig-headed on my job 🙂 I told to the incompetent guy who was named COO and gave me very unprofessional instructions that I won’t execute them, bcs I take care of my reputation and stand-up for me and for the success of our start-up company, so I definitely won’t follow him in his delirious innovations. I continue to do so. I was recently also pig-headed with my BF’s best friend who insulted me – I just put him on his place, even if I was pretty afraid to loose my BF.

  • Aimee Auby April 26, 2015, 5:36 pm

    In defense of a peaceful resolution, I asked my writing group what the people who died in the 9/11 attack would want us to do, the shocked and offensive reactions was the start of a long and difficult trial as a rebel. I have to admit that sometimes I feel that keeping my opinions to myself would be easier. After all, whose going to listen? Whose mind will be changed, and if I do manage to sway one or two people’s beliefs what will it matter anyway? However, I just can’t seem my words inside. Thank you Mama Gena for the encouraging incites. At least, I am strong..

  • Rani April 25, 2015, 12:33 am

    I licked the cutlery on the dinner table
    I told off the men who were my elders
    I stayed out late at night – dancing commando
    I dyed my hair in shades of red and purple
    I left the country in lou of marriage and a morgage
    I loved and lived in 5 countries, learned 2 more languges
    Now im a international psychic medium who still dosent do what shes told and just wont fit in a mold!

  • SG Karin April 24, 2015, 10:38 pm

    That’s me -thanks so much MG !!
    Never thought Anybody else would feel like that..

    It needs courage and self-reliance to be pig-headed, not the best employee type,
    too individualistic, rebellious, righteous, just want it how I want it!
    Experienced the (financial) downsides of HER.
    How to be successful with that approach?

  • Deborah Smith aka SG Divine Love April 24, 2015, 7:42 pm

    Ahh, “Bossy.” That was the term. zi heard that a lot as a youngster. Forgot all about it though, ’til now. “Stubborn”was the other label. I now own these for the beauty and the strength that they keep in my life.

    Thank you MG
    xoxoox

  • Sister Goddess Margo April 24, 2015, 12:15 pm

    Wow! I was called pig-headed so many times as a child really just for being a strong, out-spoken female,…no spitting involved 🙂 I LOVE how you TAKE BACK this word – like Pussy to celebrate the root of our female power and CALL OUT the social attitudes that try to undermine that amazing, awesome, wonderful about us when we USE our power.
    OINK OINK – proud to be pig-headed.
    Sister Goddess Margo

  • Birgit April 24, 2015, 6:01 am

    There is parts I am very pig headed and proud of and there is places I shrink, struggle and do not stand for my self. Loving both places, escpecially the shrinking places needs boat loads of love cause I tend to critizize myself for not standing for myself and then these shrinking places feel even worse. Loving me up …. with loads of tenderness thats what helps and let myself grow stronger that I can stand for myself in the most tender, vulnerable places, that I judge …. Big hug to you Regena

  • Jeni Rogers April 23, 2015, 6:08 pm

    Thank you MamaGena, for shining a light on the positive aspects of pigheadedness.

    While I gleefully root my pighead around in areas I feel confident, when it comes to areas of my life I feel vulnerable in, like rocky relationships, I slip. This is when my power starts dissolving. This post reminds me to trust myself, to be vulnerable and strong at the same time, and not compromise on my truth. Because in the end, if I don’t do that, those relationships will never smooth anyway.

    Let’s go hunt some truffles, Jeni

    • helen April 23, 2015, 6:43 pm

      hi Jeni – ya me too, i would think oh i should accommodate my friend etc but when i would actually voice what i really felt like doing, she would say, actually you know, that works out way better for me too ~ surprise surprise.. so i am learning to dig deep and say what i would really like for a change (tiny daily steps – big change)…. ya…..

      oh and yeah… after years of abuse, so much internalized and much of it now cleared out – wll the big stuff anyway i think… I realize – hey i have been a Stealth Pig!! ta da! yes…. smile, say nothing, and then just go do the fuck what i want…. and so many times i have people at work (in higher paid positions that me) taking advice from me… one lady actually said, ‘thanks for talking me off a bridge’ regarding a patient…. i hung up and thought that was hilarious… deserve a cafe mocha for that one ya!…
      Aikido Stealth Pig… a whole new moonlighting career… stealth pig therapy…. oh the possibilities… hmmm thanks mamaG xoxo

  • SG Magnifique Monick April 23, 2015, 6:05 pm

    I’m not particularly pig-headed. I will make a stand when it’s important, but in the diplomatic way of the libra I am. I get people doing what I want in a way that makes them think it was their idea. Everyone’s happy. My daughter, on the other hand… oh boy, is she stubborn! She will NOT do what she doesn’t feel pleasured to do whether it’s in school, ballet class or at home. She’ll cross her arms and stand as still as a statue in resistance. And it’s SOOO frustrating and it’s sooo brilliant of her. I am never going to worry about her being a people pleasure or not listening to her own guidance. She knows herself more than anyone I’ve ever known or experienced and it’s one (of infinite) reasons I love my little goddess. Thank you for your celebration of the pig-headed girl!

  • SG susanMarie April 23, 2015, 6:02 pm

    Is anyone as in love with the movie HOUSEBOAT as I am. ?
    It’s one of my favorite go to romances
    No one has ever used the word ‘pigheaded’ more passionately sexily or wonderfully than Sophia Loren telling it like it is to Cary Grant.
    Love love love it!

  • Valarie kanofsky April 23, 2015, 5:54 pm

    I wish I knew these truths 50 years ago my life would have been so much easier. The biggest gift one can give one’s self is the gift of self-love. To believe one is worthy of respect, and to put one’s self first is to honour the very essence of who we are. At 75 I am finally learning to revere my traits good and bad.
    Thank you for your daily wisdom and for sharing your hard won zest for life!
    Best wishes,
    Valerie Kanofsky

  • Madelyn Hoffman April 23, 2015, 5:41 pm

    Thank you, Mama Gena.
    I so am that Pig Headed Girl.
    And I have paid a price for it too.
    But fortunately I had a Texan Dad who used to tell us,
    “Sometimes You Havw To Be A Majority Of One”.
    We butted heads a lot as we were both strong and stubborn and proud, didn’t do Vulnerability well, but I adored him, and am grateful in those moments when my own Truth contradicts the Crowd, to be able to hear him whisper:
    “Listen to The Still Small Voice”.
    Don’t be afraid to be “a Majority of One”.

    XOX
    SG Madelyn
    Junkyard Angel

  • Sister Goddess Kim April 23, 2015, 3:56 pm

    When I was quite young I was very “pig-headed”!! But, by seven or eight I had been molded and brainwashed into being a “good girl”. Today, I am thrilled, tickled, over-the-top happy to report that my new mantra is “Fuck-it; what you see is what you get and I’m damn proud of it!!” Love, Miss Piggy

  • Diane Divone April 23, 2015, 2:45 pm

    Perfect post for me today!!! I am in the middle of a Real Estate negotiation and something happened this morning that I kept thinking”Am I just being rebellious” (never thought to use the term pig-headed) But I came to realize that “I am NOT abandoning or betraying myself to be -the good girl–in this transaction”. Thank you sooooo much for the perfect timing of your post. And Thank you so much for being who you are and for helping me see myself more clearly and with confidence and LOVE!

    • SG susanMarie April 23, 2015, 5:54 pm

      Well done Sister REALTOR…Such a perfect situation for some well developed pig headedness isn’t it. I now realize I have often relied on this awesome trait to bring successful resolutions to real estate transactions.
      Hope to meet you at weekend 2
      SG Susan Marie

  • Mali April 23, 2015, 2:37 pm

    At last not another demand that I be a good girl,
    smile and take care of everyone, you’re just a spoiled
    brat – all the while, yes taking care that everyone gets
    what they want, and yes – how many times “settling”
    losing hope “believing” I’m no good, I don’t deserve
    to have what I want… Well I’m not sure what it’s
    going to take BUT I’m taking on having The
    Mastery Program, be blatantly, open, the strong,
    hot, sexy, lovely bitch that I am. I make lots of good
    happen in the world cuz that’s who I am. Selfish enough
    to want a world that works for everyone, including
    Moi!

  • Carissa April 23, 2015, 2:29 pm

    This email was perfect today. I have always been the “Take care of everything and everyone Girl” I have worked over the years to honor my personal needs and not to commit to giving away too much of me. But being a single mom without a co-parent makes it challenging to get help I sometimes crave and my career as a massage therapist can sometimes make it a struggle to maintain the balance I need. I’m just having one of those weeks….I need a trip to the ocean:)
    Thank you for the inspiration! Blessings. Carissa

    • helen April 23, 2015, 6:35 pm

      Carissa ~ sounds like you need a massage, honey ~ the same TLC you dish out, lavished upon you 🙂

  • SG Kate April 23, 2015, 2:00 pm

    Definitely. That’s all I can say.

  • SG susanMarie April 23, 2015, 1:41 pm

    Mama Gena,
    as my thirteen year old niece says ‘THERE ARE NOWORDS’

    Thank you for exploding my old perception and creating this paradigm shift!

    I adore my pigheadedness !
    And when I am on a roll I am extraordinary…oratories of such
    eloquence and brilliance flow from my mouth. I am fierce and passionate, bold and outrageous! I can actually feel an almost orgasmic trembling in my belly and chest when I have tapped into something that resonates as authentic for me. I can be terrifying and courageous and righteously angry. And also strongly and profoundly loving and healing and nurtuting. I too scream I LOVE YOU like SG Meg!
    And sometimes I feel like a lioness.

    Thank you for expanding what womanhood means and for showing us how to own and exercise all our sacred notes!
    With so much love,
    Susan Marie

  • Denise April 23, 2015, 1:38 pm

    Absolutely!! I’m the annoying person at work who will not go away because someone in authority just “said so.” Can’t count the number of times I’ve been thanked for not letting something go because it ended up being a big deal and maybe I saved the day… probably not as many times people wished I’d shut the hell up 🙂

  • Eugenia April 23, 2015, 12:55 pm

    That’s awesome! I know what I want, how I want, when I want it!!!

  • mindy April 23, 2015, 12:34 pm

    Looks like I fit right in here.
    Im a totally creative person because I love both of my crafts. One is author of picture books and the other is doing voiceovers. As a result of these heartfelt professions I am unable to hold a “real job”. and I don’t care. Fortunately I have financial support but I’d like to start adding to that with my own doings.
    I say, God Bless the spirits that choose their own way! That may read as being rebellious but it’s called being “true to your heart.”
    THank you
    Mindy

  • SG Laurie April 23, 2015, 12:27 pm

    I believe that having the guts to Stick With YOUR truth will always put you ahead. I created penis enhancement through hypnosis 20 yrs ago. My friends were rolling their eyes and my mom threatened to disown me…until Howard Stern said,”let me check this out.” The rest is (beautiful) history. So often ‘going against the grain’ leads to great discovery!

  • Maria Allyn April 23, 2015, 12:01 pm

    I’m celebrating by pulling out the balloons and streamers. In my youth I was labeled as rebellious and hard to handle. In adulthood , I’m admired for being a risk taker , creative and possessing out of the box thinking.
    Who would’ve thunk it?

  • francine April 23, 2015, 12:01 pm

    Self awareness is a big thing,for me. It allows me to choose a new pattern of behavior instead of an old conditioned one. Even though I have been known to frequently go up the down staircase and listen the sound of my own drummer, my most successful strategy has been to pause question myself and my reactions and if I know that I could be better seek support from those who are either wiser than myself or have more balance in dealing with the situation I am facing.
    I always want to have the head of a wise,caring,compassionate person. I always want to be able to rise above my pig-headedness to be my Goddess self.

  • Aaiyn foster April 23, 2015, 11:54 am

    Yaaaaaaaayyyyyy Y O U * . . . . . still remember seeing ‘Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts’ in writing for the first time so long ago; stopping, re-reading this title, nodding my head v e r y, v e r y slowly side-ways then up and down, eyes schrinched a bit as I efforted to imagine what on t h i s earth THIS might include and said outloud in a deep, soul-full voice, “Wow – THIS is courage.”

    Having lived two miles in the woods on 400 acres on the coast of Maine, simply and having had the experience of breaking trail in a deep snow with my snow shoes, the 2 miles into town for my provisions . . . I thought, in those times, and the time when half way out I heard my first band of coyotes calling, coming closer (singing those sacred shower songs, loud and full to the Cosmos – it does work * ) and I thought of Gandhi and all that it must have taken for him, around and through how many bands of coyotes and wolves, to create the trail/the path and . . . come to find out ~he was a curmudgeon – crusty, snappy, pig-headed kind of guy ~ c l e a r in his vision.*

    I am so very grateful for your full out clear vision and o u t r a g e o u s midwifery of us out of the thousands upon thousands…upon thousands…upon ~ ~ ~years of bondage of the feminine. What a gift this pig-headedness ! ! ! (. . .may no one ever spit, in your food though ~ ~ ~ now that ~ is yang on fire, in Traditional Chinese Medical parlance *)

    Bellissimo ~ * Thank you a million and one times ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * * * oxo muah *

  • Vivianne April 23, 2015, 11:46 am

    I love this conversation as it is something that I have been reflecting on for a while. My daughter is at times one of those truth tellers, stubborn girls, hell bent of expressing anything she dislikes or does not want to do. My journey with her has been one mixed with awe and wonder at this feisty spirit and feeling like a train wreck at times wondering how to meet such force in a way that can lead to cooperation and joy! I am the Queen of grace and ease so she chose the right mother…. I have also the right daughter to help me to fully stand in my truth and end any tendency for self betrayal or wishy-washiness. I love how my energy flows, how I can smooth and solve situations with a magic soothing balm. However, who is doing that for me?? I am learning to brandish my sword and embrace other parts of me so I can protect and honour my gift and not get diminished by it……

    • S.G. Tisha April 23, 2015, 12:03 pm

      WOW! Brilliantly put S.G. Vivianne!
      I too am a mother of a goddessly pigheaded daughter…she is a gift beyond measure and at the age of 12 naturally man trains, goes for the full on buffet of pleasure and when she apologizes…her father and I cringe! I dare to be the magic salve I be with the tenacity of the all that M.G. calls me back to!

  • SG Purring Delight April 23, 2015, 11:41 am

    MAMA !! this is PERFECT so PERFECT.

    I too was very pig headed as a girl. I was judged as bossy by my family and friend.

    How my little pig headed me does a little joy danse right now reading this.

    And how I will celebrate her with gusto from now on.

    THANK you !!

  • SG Kristine April 23, 2015, 11:41 am

    WOW! Did this hit me hard! Thank you Mama Gena! I cringed at your spitting in the glasses of the family members that you loathed that day. I am such a good girl that this would never occur to me – even if I was being abused (as I was). Over time each of those little “well, it doesn’t really matter if they….” reduced me to a small spark (my intellect) walking around in a dark, dead, amorphous structure. ENOUGH! Bring on a little of that pig-headed girl, and may the Goddess grant me the grace and strength to make space for her.

  • Linda Fairchild April 23, 2015, 11:32 am

    I needed this post this morning!!! I adore you Mama Gena, lady on the white horse in Miami…another pig-headed girl, XO L.

  • SG Marisa Bettina April 23, 2015, 11:32 am

    Ugh my pig-headedness has been repeatedly squashed mostly by my family & education systems. I have been made to feel, over & over again, that the way I feel is wrong , doesn’t matter or will upset somebody else. Never embraced or rewarded, my pig headedness made me feel like there was something wrong with me. No other girls would act that way so why should I? I went through a brief period of locking my pig away but that never worked & only caused the pent up rage & anger that I am now dealing with at this point in my life. I love my pig headedness & don’t want to flame to ever die. I guess I’ll have to put some excitement into the feeding process as mentioned above!

  • Debra April 23, 2015, 11:24 am

    I could stand, yes stand to be more pig headed. My easy going nature can make
    It much to easy on others, at a great cost to me.

  • SG Kathleen April 23, 2015, 11:20 am

    I have give my little pig-headed farm persepective. Not only to do our lovely Gloucester Old Spot piggies not give up on whatever they are after at the moment: They take more pleasure in going after their meals that any other animal I have ever seen. Genuine, sparkling, enthusiastic, sensual YAAAAHOOOOO for whatever meal we have put before them.. . or they have managed to find for themselves. They also know that just because it doesn’t look so pretty right now, or the “other animals” didn’t like the idea. . .it still has excellent potential to feed them and help them grow! Let’s all approach every “meal” in our lives (project? relationship? work? challenge? swamp? windfall? ) with that kind of unhooked, uninhibited abandon and get-your-whole-self-gloriously-dirty-in-it enthusiasm!! 😀

    • SG Purring Delight April 23, 2015, 11:39 am

      Love this SG Kathleen. When I was 20 a friend and I had this saying :
      Pig can fly !

      To us it meant everything absolutely everything is possible…and I would had to that right now…if you are pigheaded enough.

      Big hugs to your Gloucester piggies.

      xoxo

      • SG Laura Marie April 24, 2015, 11:21 am

        Ha! Pigs can fly! I love it and will say it to myself when I might not be looking out for my best interests. Thanks Purring Delight.

      • Deborah Smith aka SG Divine Love April 24, 2015, 7:39 pm

        Love Glouschester Spotted pigs and “Pigs can fly.” Love it love love it!!!

  • SG Meg April 23, 2015, 11:10 am

    OOHHHH! SO perfect for today! YES, yes I am adorably pig-headed. And today I am fighting for myself in my relationship. Telling my BF that I did not enjoy the way that he talked to me (rude and dismissive), and that furthermore, I was tired of being last in line to receive his time, attention and energy, and that I wanted MORE from him and MORE of him in my life. I’ve been doing it his way for too long – showing up in his life and not getting him to show up in mine. Then I yelled I LOVE YOU! at him and hung up the phone ’cause I have NO time for fighting with him on the phone in my super-busy goddess/courtesan day.

    • SG Tiiu April 23, 2015, 12:16 pm

      Gorgeous! So spot on in my life as well, so thank you for that insight!

      You rock!

    • helen April 23, 2015, 6:28 pm

      Hey SG Meg ~ that was pretty kickass ! way go!

    • karen April 28, 2015, 11:39 pm

      You got it Mama Gena. We women have to stand up for ourselves, because no one else will. If that means being pig-headed, or bitchy then so be it. It’s essential female-ness. Stand up for it all. Stand up to the medical system, big food, big pharma, your husband.