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I dare you to answer this question honestly.

Hi.
How ya feeling?

How many times a day do we get asked that question?

And how many times a day do we actually sink into the question, sense, discern and become conscious of the actual way we feel – and then, risk the truth of transparency in our answer?

I get to feeling kind of awkward when someone asks me how I am and I know they don’t want to really know.

I have a moment of wondering if I should reach for my truth anyway, or give them the finey-shiney answer they are expecting.
Or maybe I make the inner call that I don’t want to risk anything with them beyond “Fine.”
I might decide that they can’t handle my truth, or they are not really interested. Maybe I don’t want to be known by them.

We make instantaneous decisions about who we are – and who we are not – going to reveal ourselves to.

Who hasn’t been told to keep her feelings to herself?
Too much, too loud, too emotional, too intense?
We restrict our true feelings to conform to a culture that does not understand, appreciate, or acknowledge the ever-changing, ever-unfolding inner life of an emotionally healthy woman.
And by doing so, we restrict ourselves.
Suffocating ourselves.

When we tourniquet our truth, we cut ourselves out of the love we long for, the intimacy we crave, and our own innate sense of rightness with ourselves.

What will my date/my boss/my classmates think of me if I say:
“I am exhausted; my kid had a tummy flu and I was up all night.”
“Pissed – I just got a ticket for running a red light on my bicycle.”
“Lonely.”
“Frustrated.”
“Humiliated.”
What do we do with all that?
Stuff it all inside?
Pretend it’s not happening?
Stiffen the upper lip?

Not in the world of the feminine.
In the world of the feminine, everything you feel is right, perfect, beautiful, changeable.
Like the wondrously variable weather, the emotional variety of a woman is glorious.

You feel. Exactly what you feel.
The feeling part is the best part of each of us.

Our feelings connect us to ourselves, and one another. Our feelings connect us to our joy. Or to our unbearable sorrow. Our feelings connect us to every animal, every blade of grass, every human being.

When we risk feeling, there is a very deep body sensation of being absolutely connected, plugged in, a vessel for divinity.

Feel is from the Old English word, felan – to perceive through the senses. The sense of being conscious of sensation or emotion was documented in the 13th Century. And ‘to have sympathy or compassion’ dates back to the 1600’s.
So, let’s break this out a little.

Feeling is how we establish a relationship with ourselves.
Something happens, and it either feels good, or it doesn’t.

The way a human being is structured is that when we are safe/happy/healthy, we locate our center by moving in the direction of pleasure, or what feels good. When we truly feel, we can sense when it’s time to move away from what is unsafe or bad or wrong.

If we don’t take the time to locate ourselves, then we are lost.

I was in trouble a few weeks ago.

I got some disappointing news.

At first I tried to ‘be strong’ and carry on business as usual.
But, as much as I could rationalize, the hurt, wounded part of me was whimpering around like a lost puppy. My feelings were hurt. Not rational, just feelings.

Instead of hiding my disappointment, I told everyone.
Not only did I tell everyone, but I sung my feelings. Danced them. Got some friends on board and had them dance and sing my disappointment right along with me. (I highly recommend belting the song ‘I Dreamed a Dream’ from Les Misérables, next time you want to process some disappointment in a hilarious and cathartic way!) And by the time I moved through all of my emotions and feelings, I was free. And even more deeply connected with everyone who witnessed my story, and with everyone, everywhere, who ever had a loss or disappointment.

I want to know what happens to you when you feel overcome with a deep emotional response.

Do you brush it aside?
Or surrender?
Do you move it through?
Or push it away?
Do you feel righteous about honoring every gorgeous experience that you are able to perceive through your senses? Or not?

What is one feeling risk that you have taken and had it work in your favor?
What is a feeling risk that you could take, today?

Let me know in the comments below today . . .
​​​​​​​
xo,

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39 Comments / Leave a Comment

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  • Darrell Maynard August 6, 2017, 9:00 am

    What a lovely self aware person. I read your piece about the babies in Israel; I started to cry. We need more of you; tens of thousands of you. I learned about maternal infant bonding from John Bolby’s book “Child Care and the Growth of Love. I love you Gena. My Darling. Darrell

  • Donna May June 9, 2017, 4:56 pm

    I reread this article mama Gina it’s still great thank you so much

  • Vanessa Thiemann June 8, 2017, 2:16 am

    Thank you so much for being so rave and raw in describing a journey so many of us have taken….. I have recently encountered a man…. thank goodness I got out fast… but he was so willing to be with be, pursued me etc… but he was living a double life…. of course I called him on it and I ended up being threatened.. time to block and move on… I have two daughters to protect…. I know it’s not about me but wow did it get me spinning and feeling out of control… rejected, abandoned,… felt like an idiot!! Why do men do this? And more importantly, is there something about me that attracts this kind of man…. this was the first sociopath, first true compulsive liar but I’ve had some really bad eggs!! Looking inward for the lesson.. thank you again for sharing…

  • janine June 8, 2017, 12:07 am

    Thanks for the reminder… its funny … in the last 6 months this rockin woman of 50 has been told im bi polar by sisters and her friends, need anti depression drugs by physiologist and doctor, intimidating and threatening by ex husband and have strong emotions by new partner !!! Actually ive realised after all this time im just a normal woman who has a normal range of emotions going through a divorce, relocation, re entry to work force, menopause, juggling young children who can articulate what im going through in a non violent, passionate way which other people seem to get worried about. Ive been told by some other rockin goddesses that maybe they are just talking about themselves and that maybe a lot of people on this planet at the moment have a fear of emotions??? Oh my gosh what would happen to society if we were actually honest??? Huh!!!

  • SG Maria June 7, 2017, 1:32 pm

    I cry every day.
    I’m living abroad, alone, I’m 23. My internship is disappointing. I miss everyone. I miss feeling like the days are not all hard.
    I read MGs book for the first time many years ago. Then a couple years ago. Again this year. It keeps teaching me things.
    And today I thought: I have nothing to lose. I have a month left of my internship here and I just want to survive it. But even more, I long to thrive in that month, as much as possible. So I listened to the pussy. Played around with makeup. Wrote a mile long desire list.
    My roomies asked me out for a drink. My first reaction was, as per usual, to say that I would be “studying”. Not that I ever really do.
    But the pussy wanted that drink. Wanted to put on lipstick and go. So now I’m going in ten minutes. And it’s scary as hell, I would much prefer to stay in my bed in my fluffy robe – but I’m practicing listening to the pussy. And she sure knows what she wants.

    Thank you, MG. You have changed my life multiple times and I have a feeling this will be a big one. I’ll see you one day in Mastery.
    All the love in the world
    M x

    • Rachel Simpson June 7, 2017, 11:36 pm

      I lived in Italy so I know that asking “How are you” in this country is just what people do. I had someone ask how I was and kept on walking. Weird right!!?!?! I am often finding myself digging deep for that answer, but as you say MG sometimes you don’t want to be known by that specific person. Lately, I have been feeling lonely as I search for work. I try to park myself in a very lovely coffee shop and that helps since it is filled with kind people. I desire to find a network of women who will refer clients to me. I am keeping my sights on that. In the meantime, when someone asks me how I am, I will smile and look deep into their eyes to see if they really want to know or if it’s just habitual gesture of saying hello. Thanks Mama Gena for posting this and getting the conversation into the consciousness. xoxoxo

  • Elizabeth June 7, 2017, 6:51 am

    Thank you for reminding me, “The way a human being is structured is that when we are safe/happy/healthy, we locate our center by moving in the direction of pleasure, or what feels good. When we truly feel, we can sense when it’s time to move away from what is unsafe or bad or wrong”, Regena. You always tell me what I need to hear and remember. Thank you for a most memorable time in Creation and in Paris.

  • Rachel Preston Prinz June 6, 2017, 7:59 pm

    I am a million kinds of broken. And thankful. Bless these healing words, @Mamgena. puuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

  • Cassandra June 6, 2017, 6:25 pm

    I am dying.
    Dying of grief.
    Dying to the self, the soul.
    Dying of need.

    My ex is fucking someone new.
    They started dating while I was pregnant with his kid.
    Now, she is three months old and still breastfeeding.

    I have been struggling with post-partum depression on top of my usual anxiety.
    All I want is for him to let me back in.

    In his defense, I broke up with him.
    He wanted to make things work.
    He even took me to therapy.

    But, I was too afraid to commit.

    You see, my whole life, I’ve felt like I was unworthy.
    Unworthy of love, commitment and support.

    My father abandoned me and my mom before I was born.
    In fact, he got another woman pregnant while my mom was already carrying his kid.

    He came back when I was two years old and stayed for about a week.
    Then, he left again. On a Greyhound bus. Never to be seen again.

    When I was seven years old, my mom relinquished custody of me.
    She was too exhausted to fight the system anymore.
    She had few friends, no husband, three kids and no real sense of self-worth.
    She’s currently in recovery.

    No matter how much she told me she still loved me, all my seven year old self could think was that there must be something fundamentally wrong with me.

    Not even my own mother wanted me.

    Sure, she said she wanted me and just couldn’t care for me because she was sick.
    But after putting us in foster care, she moved 5 states away.
    Sometimes actions speak louder than words.

    On top of that, I’ve been told ever since I can remember that I was sexually abused as a little kid.
    Based on my conservative Christian upbringing, what that translated into for me was this:
    “You have been abused. No one will want you. Something is dirty and broken inside of you.”

    When I was 22, I became pregnant for the first time.
    By this point, I was already an adult survivor of rape.

    My then-boyfriend and I had bonded over a mutual drug addiction.
    I was ready to quit, and he wasn’t.

    So, even though he wanted to stay with me and raise our daughter together, I pushed him away.
    I thought he would just make things harder and more work for me.
    I wanted my daughter to be safe.
    I wanted her to stay with me.
    I couldn’t risk him bringing drugs around and getting her taken away from us.
    Sometimes, I wonder how different things would be for me if I had let him stay.
    Would he have been inspired to shape up and quit the junk?
    Would he have demonstrated a level of commitment, dedication and follow-through that only exists in my dreams?

    I don’t know.
    I never will.
    And neither will she.

    When my daughter was just a little over one year old, I met the man of my dreams.
    He came in a much different package than what I had expected.
    He carried much different energy.
    He wasn’t ready for me yet.

    After a few months of dating and maybe one time having sex, it started to become more clear to me.
    The fact that he was not ready for me, I mean.

    I wanted to take a few steps back.
    Continue seeing one another but stop having sex.
    Give each other some time to work through things and some room to breathe.
    He said that he was not willing to be in a relationship that did not include sex.
    And, that if we were to break up he would need at least a month away from me.

    Looking back now, it seems that apparently I was not ready for him either…
    Because my reaction was to abandon my own needs.
    My three year old had already developed a strong fondness for him, you see.
    And I thought, if I stopped having sex with him and he stopped seeing me, he was going to stop seeing her too.

    In retrospect, it probably would have been worth it to allow that to go down.
    A few months of “hanging out” would have been a swift recovery.
    Instead, I kept having sex with him.
    To be perfectly honest, I still wanted him.
    I still saw his beauty and his majesty.

    The issue that made me think he wasn’t ready had a shelf life.
    A guaranteed end date.

    So, we forged ahead.
    I was confident that when the outside influence was gone, all of our problems would go away.

    And for a few more months, our sex life was ok.
    He was patient, attentive, dedicated and sweet.

    He was always available when I needed help with something.
    We even started talking about having a baby.

    He wanted a baby right away, but was worried about what other people might think.
    That’s what he said at the time, anyway.

    I was afraid.
    I wanted to wait.

    I was already responsible for one life, and we were living on welfare and student loans.
    I wanted to be financially self-sufficient before having another child.
    I thought that it would be safer, that I would feel more secure.

    In my besotted stupor, I came with a “perfect” solution.
    It was to ask him this:
    “If we conceive a child together, will you take care of us?”
    He said, “Yes.”
    I said, “[My toddler] too?”
    He said, “Of course.”

    So, a few months later, we did.

    Our relationship had been pretty rocky, and we’d broken up and reconciled at least one time.
    But, when we learned of the pregnancy, we were both overjoyed.
    That outside influence I mentioned that was causing some problems was still there.
    But it was going to be gone within a month or two.

    I was struggling financially, as usual, so I asked for help.
    He paid my rent and possibly a few other things.

    I was in the process of trying to start a business and he patronized it by purchasing my services.
    In retrospect, that was a terrible solution to the problem I was experience.
    I didn’t feel confident that he actually wanted what I was offering.
    Plus, I would have been perfectly happy to give it to him for free.
    He was my partner, after all.
    I loved him.

    My sense of self-worth was pretty much toast by this point in time.
    My business was failing miserably.
    I’d stopped letting myself enjoy having sex with him.
    I didn’t think I deserved to have him please me sexually.
    He was already doing so much for me.

    My now two-year-old daughter and I moved into his home.
    He had grown up there and inherited it when his mother died.
    The place was not ideal for me.
    It didn’t have enough space in it for the emotions I was feeling.
    Our relationship didn’t have enough space for us to talk about our feelings safely.
    We both started repressing things.
    We didn’t communicate.

    Meanwhile, I still wasn’t allowing him to please me sexually.
    I started demanding money instead.
    I didn’t feel valued or loved or supported.
    I wanted him to demonstrate to me that he knew my worth.
    I was retreating into the fortress where I had spent my lonely childhood.
    I should have been opening up to him.
    I was distancing myself from him emotionally.
    I should have been trying to deepen our intimacy.

    He was doing more of the work of parenting my toddler than I was.
    He even told her once to call him, “Dad.”
    Apparently, it must have freaked him out because he immediately reverted back.
    But she didn’t seem to notice that.
    She had latched on to the idea that he was her dad and wasn’t letting go.

    I was terrified.
    Paralyzed with fear.

    I felt trapped with no way out.

    How could I have gotten myself into this situation?
    How could I have let things come to this?
    Why hadn’t I protected my three-year-old from this?
    Dad, not Dad.
    That wasn’t fair to her.

    He was toying with her emotions.
    He was neglecting me.

    All these thoughts were swirling around in my panic-stricken head.
    But I couldn’t speak them.

    I asked him if he would hear me.
    He said he had some feelings that needed to be heard, too.

    But I was carrying two people inside of my body.
    And I was responsible for a third person’s well-being, too.
    I didn’t have room for his feelings.
    I couldn’t do it.
    I couldn’t hear him.
    Unless he heard me first.

    At the time, I didn’t have the space to even think of that.
    All I thought was, “I can’t do this.”

    I should have asked him to go away with me.
    To take a vacation, take a trip, get somewhere safe with lots of open space.
    I should have gone to see a therapist.
    I should have cried in his arms and let him see my vulnerability.

    Instead, I said, “We made a mistake. I think we should break up.”

    Fast forward about a year and our daughter is three months old.

    He is seeing someone else.
    He says he is in love with her.

    He won’t even consider reconciling things with me romantically.

    At the same time, we are attending co-parenting therapy almost once a week.
    We are combing through the issues of our past.
    Resolving things.

    Every time we reach an understanding that heals an old hurt, I swell.
    I swell with need.
    The need to communicate my love for him physically.
    I speak, and speak, and speak, and speak.
    But nothing makes my desire to hold him, touch him, kiss him, make love with him go away.

    People keep telling me I just need to process my grief.
    That eventually I have to get over it and move on.

    But how do you move on from a family that has never had a chance to be?
    How do you bury something that never lived?

    And how do you forgive yourself for destroying the best thing you never had?

    • Michelle June 6, 2017, 8:43 pm

      Thanks for sharing your feelings. I cried. The patterns we repeat, the doubt we have in our ability to be loved. It’s all we want and we reject it everywhere every time. Heal my friend, find and tell yourself a mantra every time your negative feelings come over you. It has worked for me, I do it often but also notice sometimes I don’t… only you can put yourself in the position to get what you really want even if it scares you to death. Keep going.

      • Cass June 6, 2017, 9:43 pm

        Thanks, Michelle!

        I actually wrote this a couple of months ago, so I’m feeling quite differently about the situation now. I just still feel disappointed by how things have worked out, so I imagined it would be worthwhile to share.

        I’ve actually submitted the story to Rebelle society for publication and they wrote back asking me to cut it down to 1400 words. I haven’t felt able to because I thought there was something so special about this RAW version… but now that I’ve published it here maybe I can craft a more palatable version for them.

        Much love to you and yours! :-*

  • Debbie June 6, 2017, 5:51 pm

    So like many of you ….. I NEVER leave comments on boards. I have been following MG for almost a decade. I managed to get my butt in a chair at the last Miami weekend ( fall 2016) & it was an interesting glimpse into a world I desperately wanted to belong to. But I never connected with anyone the entire time I was there, not even a have a chat or a coffee let alone a soul filling sister goddess connection. So for me that was a feeling risk that really sucked! This is a very common theme in my life. Always on the outside, I come across as major strong and a hard shell but I really just want women of substance in my life. This question today also had interesting timing.

    I am going though changes at work. I have been waiting 2 months to find out if I have a job due to restructuring.. and still no answers in sight. I have been feeling so much. I’m just a big hot mess. But I think I allow myself to feel just a little bit. I know that I’m not really dealing. let alone surrender. rupture or rapture.
    I’m sad, scared, lonely, confused.
    I just cant see past this block. My light has been off for about 3 years. Interestingly enough.. I have been getting glimpses of her coming back. My radiant pussy powered cant stop me now life & here at work its a conservative place & I think I might be “JUST TOO MUCH” so I pull it back again. I’m not good at moderating.. I’m either out there living and following pussy… or I’m shut down completely. I cant be genuine & feeling here at work,
    I feel like a major shift is coming & I know I can have anything I want but I have no frickin!@#$ clue what that is.

    Blessed Be.
    Debbie

    • Debbie June 8, 2017, 10:37 am

      I Am SO FUCKING PROUD OF MYSELF!
      After yet another day of just being so sad I went home last night.. miracle of all miracles I had the house to myself.

      SOOOOO
      I put on some sad music … and did my very first sad swamp! I’m working on a playlist on spotify if anyone wants to use it too (SG Sad Swamp, ) is the name of the playlist.
      I was the first time I have done that ( other than the Miami weekend). It wasn’t a total rupture but I am proud of myself for jumping in!
      I just let it roll around my body and my mind, When I felt better I put on more music that spoke to me, Made me feel, dance, smile and sing at the top of my lungs! More firsts for me!

      I grabbed a note book and didn’t censor what I was writing. just wrote, It felt real and genuine for once.
      Today I struggled to want to go to work , so I put a little pleasure into my day… I’m wearing a beautiful sundress, and my crinoline something straight out of a 50’s show, here at my work.. I haven’t felt the pull to do this for well over a year.
      It s my very own fun for myself thing I did. Pleasure Research
      I decided I needed a little fun in my day!
      Now I’m going to go take an early morning coffee break & go sit with a kindred spirit SG & have some breakfast.
      Today this is how I nurture and honor myself.

      YEH ME!
      Blessed Be.
      Debbie

  • Kimberly June 6, 2017, 5:12 pm

    At this point in the game, I have so many unbearable emotions that persist…just to get through the day I stuff them down for now. Lose of big love, dissapointment at not being able to create a different outcome. My heart is taking forever to heal. Its been like 3 years, I’m just lucky to get through the day sometimes.

  • PatriciaG June 6, 2017, 4:53 pm

    Ciao Mama Gena,
    Thank you for your blog today. The timing is interesting as I called out from work sick today. I’m inspired to write as I notice a pattern in me that when I don’t share my feelings and stuff them I tend to manifest illness.
    Working on getting better at this and have seen some improvement, however today’s sick day tells me there’s room for more work.
    As far as a recent sharing of feelings…I recently had an injury where I fell and f’d up my right arm. It was very humbling and one of the biggest lessons was that I needed to learn how to ask for help. In that asking I realized I had to share my vulnerability and some fear and sadness that I tend to keep to myself. Most of those close to me showed up for me.in beautiful ways. Some didn’t show up at all and some pretended to show up. Although painful on many levels, I am grateful for the lessons. Ok, grazie babe…(ps: I very rarely share in comments, so this in itself is huge for me)

    • Michelel June 6, 2017, 8:46 pm

      I try to tell myself even the people who fake it or don’t show up may be going through their own shit, it’s not about me or maybe they aren’t capable, doesn’t mean I should still show them I care.

  • Gayle June 6, 2017, 4:52 pm

    I am just pissed! I have so much anger that has been held in. I could explode with it. From reading some of the unfair heartaches in the comments to the Trump Nation, to PWC, to misogyny I can’t stand it!!! I’ll try the song and dance though…

  • Rachel L June 6, 2017, 4:32 pm

    I learned that with those walking the same painful path, opening up about my two miscarriages and our fertility struggles could help heal us both. They knew I was a safe place to feel whatever they were feeling whether it seemed rational or “normal” or not, and I began to feel as though I had not suffered senselessly. It also served as a way to help friends who had never walked that broken road, but whose loved ones were on it. They knew they could ask me questions and I would be frank about what their loved one needed from them (i.e. You don’t need the perfect words. There aren’t any. They will appreciate hearing that you don’t know exactly how they feel or what to say/do, but that you’re there for them and you’re sorry this happened.)
    Today, I think I could be more honest about feeling lonely in our new town, having left my best friend behind at our previous home overseas. I have friends here now, but none as close and open as she was. It has pushed me to grow in some ways I wouldn’t have, but it also sucks sometimes and I don’t really let that out.

  • Sandra June 6, 2017, 3:32 pm

    I am NOT great at handling emotions in general. If I’m sad or upset or not feeling well in any way, I internalize it. I simply wait until it passes and keep it to myself. I’ve been getting better about that, but I still have a LONG way to go to easily acknowledge when I feel “bad”. On the other hand, the whole WORLD knows when I feel good – to the point that I annoy people and then I feel bad for annoying them. So I’ve toned down how I express my joy.
    I have taken one – and ONLY one – feeling risk in recent memory that worked in my favor, and even that wasn’t completely in my favor. I fell in love with the man who is now my husband – and I took the risk of showing that love and putting it before everything else. I knew I risked losing my family by putting a chance at a future with him before them, and I did. But in return, I gained the love of a lifetime. A risk I could take today is telling my family how much I miss them, and that I love them. I would risk them ignoring me or, worse, yelling at me for “betraying” them. I won’t take that risk though – not yet.

  • Donna May June 6, 2017, 2:58 pm

    I felt confused today my friend had posted my wedding picture with my ex-husband he sort and all feeling stir it up he had seen it on Facebook and he was talking about engagement rings again he left me 23 years ago and I’m not going into all that pain again I’ve moved on and became a self-sufficient businesswoman and I’m happy I don’t need to be confused but happy thank you for analyzing my feelings in this caption mama Gina I really needed this today thank you

  • Donna May June 6, 2017, 2:55 pm

    I needed this today mama Gina thank you

  • Brianna June 6, 2017, 1:56 pm

    This morning, I woke up feeling annoyed with my fiance for staying up late when he had to get up early, for complaining about our diet choices that we made together, for not waking up to the alarm the first time, for telling me when he has no more work pants that he needs more work pants washed….

    So, I went for a walk (where I ran into an old friend I didn’t even know still lived on the block!). I played with my cat and ate some delicious watermelon. I chatted with my mom. And, yes, I started the laundry.

    I’m so happy to have gotten this article today of all days. I realize that I’ve fallen off the SG-wagon, and this is my signal to get back on it! Thank you, Mama Gena!

  • Agota June 6, 2017, 12:42 pm

    Hi Everyone!

    My dog, Csibesz died 4 weeks ago. He was a young pet. I woke up in the morning to see that he was sick, seriously sick. Put him into my car, rushed into the hospital where he died.

    Nobody knows what his illness was. i tok him home and buried in our garden with my son.

    I spent 6 years with him. Yes, I kept his hand while I was reading in the evenings. I spent all my holidays with him, almost all my evenings and week ends.

    I can not tell you the shock and sorrow I feel now. I can not tell you the love we felt for each other. Life will never be the same again without him.

    Thank you for the possibility I could tell you what I feel.

    Love, Agota

    • SG Jophiel June 6, 2017, 2:35 pm

      So much love, Agota.. <3

  • Marina June 6, 2017, 12:35 pm

    Wow!, oh wow sweet sisters, mama gena- you rock ! I went straight to dance the les miserable dream song – powerful stuff needed it. Need all of you. Blindsided in a 35 year marriage, reeling on all levels, I am carrying so much that wants to be felt, be expressed and leaning into my gps and I’m going to come through ! Thank you all, bless you all, f*** the hard stuff we are so much bigger than it all.xoxox

  • Jaime June 6, 2017, 12:31 pm

    Wow!! Exactly what I’ve been dealing with and thinking about this year!
    I’ve had a crappy 2017 so far…the man I loved intensely for 23+ years chose someone else, my main source of income has been halted(looking for a new commercial tenant) and my brother just passed away on Sunday. I feel like everything is being taken from me, and people say “it’s making room for something better”…When? What? To me it’s just loss…there is nothing in it’s place, nothing better has come. So, people ask me how I am, and they expect my normal, happy, sunny disposition, positive answer of “super great”, of even “fine”…but when I say “crappy” or “awful” they don’t know what to say. I think it makes people uncomfortable because they can’t fix it, because they don’t have an answer and because they aren’t expecting the truth. I learned this year that the truth bothers people A LOT!! I am comfortable with honesty and vulnerability and moments of weakness and loss of faith and hope. I like when people are honest rather than try to appear strong when they feel like their whole world is crumbling.

    • Rachel L June 6, 2017, 4:42 pm

      Yes! Of course there is value in those who can cheer us up but people so often want to skip the step that comes before. People are not willing to stay uncomfortable long enough to let us work through our grief. A person who can meet you where you are and sit with you in your pain until you are ready to take the next step is priceless. The only way out is through.

      • Meenu June 6, 2017, 10:28 pm

        Wow – the only way out is through!

  • Shereen June 6, 2017, 12:07 pm

    Hi Mama Gena! This is my first time leaving a comment. I came to a conference at BMCC (I believe in November of 2016) and my sister gave me a copy of Pussy for Christmas. Your work has helped shape and affirm the woman I am today. I’m always amazed at how aligned your emails are to what’s going on in my life. Two weeks ago I packed up my car and moved across the country from NY to LA. I left my love, my family, my friends and my wonderful students to give myself brand new opportunities as an actor. I have stepped into my Queendom and am living my life out loud! I knew my journey had to start with my being transparent and vulnerable. I surrendered to a higher power and am letting the Universe use me. I’ve been documenting and sharing my journey. This is huge for me because I’ve never been big on sharing my innermost and intimate thoughts with people I don’t know (and even sometimes those that have known me the longest). Taking this huge leap of faith has been a mind blowing experience. I tap in a listen to whatever my pussy wants to do. Yesterday, I needed to cry. After a long phone call with my Dad I could tell he missed me, then one of my students revealed to me that she started cutting herself and then I was missing my sister’s surprise bday brunch. Here I was alone in LA in my car with all my stuff still packed in it because I hadn’t found an apartment yet. I thought to myself, well this is part of the journey, you should be sharing the down moments as well as the good. So I recorded myself “feeling” and shared it with the world. It was scary to press send, but I felt so much relief afterwards. I received so many positive responses, love and blessings and made space for people to share their vulnerability with me as well. So, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for always listening to your pussy and being a vessel to encourage us to embrace our divine feminine energies and change this world! You are a light worker Mama Gena and I love you so much!

  • Roshni June 6, 2017, 12:04 pm

    I was emotionally vulnerable in front of a man- I said exactly how I was feeling. It was scary as f***, because I was brought up never to show my true self to a man – but finding the courage to finally be vulnerable with this man, brought us closer.

    I am so inspired, I’m going to keep doing it. Even if it’s scary sometimes.

  • Loren Spagnuolo June 6, 2017, 11:41 am

    Dear MG! Thank you for this. Let’s see. Raised Italian / Catholic ( guilt, major PWC) – eldest of 3 – last year diagnosed with Stage 2 Breast Cancer – a year later leaving me with one breast. I’ve always been into personal growth, given the year I have had, I am gravitating to teachings such as yours, ( and always to Dr. Reggie Ray ) … to learn more about myself. I have been literally screaming from the 2nd chakra for about 11 years, not finding the right practitioner to help me move it. Your teachings have suggested I dance it out. How long have a prolonged the dancer? Since I was a very young woman. I live on the West Coast in Canada, and ironically as a very young person, I wanted to be a theatre actor/dancer and I consciously made the decision that I knew that I didn’t live in New York. Where I got this thought from, I don’t know. In the past few years I went back to school to get my degree in Professional Communication ( I am 52 ), I started a TV program called EMPOWERED, however the CRTC has closed the station..prior to my diagnosis I landed a position as the Executive Director for the West Vancouver Community Arts Council. So I felt I was finally in flow in terms of working in the arts, having a TV program (as a volunteer)…somewhat finding my creativity. And then of course bam. So now, I am in search of employment (we suffer with no real culture in depth – it’s an outdoor city, beautiful albeit, but it’s like a good looking boyfriend with no depth) … all my life I knew about the PWC, the old paradigm, I just didn’t know what to do about it. How am I feeling? Pissed at the whole thing. Pissed at the conditioning from family right through to society. When I read Pussy, I thought, Regena is just so bang on. So, I’m going to find a way to dance my shit out and find a way to move in the world career wise as authentically as possible. Thank you.

    • Kira June 6, 2017, 12:05 pm

      Love it all !! I can relate as a dancer – and movement therapist , , mother and creator of reiki dance and creative expression !!! But sooo many days go by where I am consumed with emotions -BIG emotions and I can’t let them out fast enough or no space – and I know I need to advertise my creative reiki dance expressive art workshops to let us all dance, draw, write and sing out our emotions and be witnessed now !!! Feel and be seen !!!! Release and be free – stop and embrace the voices in the head and the folks around that want to repress these glorious feelings from having life 😱😱😱💗💗😱😱thank you !!! I cry for my dying mom and our difficult relationship ..-and for my soul that wants a beautiful soulmate who meets me and sees and shares beauty and creativity and vitality and life !!! Thank you !!!

  • Colleen June 6, 2017, 11:39 am

    Perfect timing to receive this. Thank you for the inspiration.

  • Donna June 6, 2017, 11:02 am

    Not showing emotions for so many years was the choice I made.
    Recently, while very happy for someone I was elated with joy… I jumped up and down and laughed with my head back enjoying every moment of the feeling. I never considered the risk…it just happened…my actions helped others feel their joy too and express themselves.
    Today the risk is to accept that I am not in a joyful feeling and work through that pensive feeling and to allow others to see the real feeling that is my experience today.
    To me the more pleasant feelings are much easier to openly express.

  • Anonymous June 6, 2017, 10:59 am

    Mama Gena! Oh how I needed.to read this today!
    I am pissed! The dental crown I had put on a year ago is acting up. Hurting like hell! I knew since day one that it was not right but I ignored it and now the possibility of a root canal is looming in the horizon and I am pissed at myself, at the dentist, at my husband and my dogs for not allowing me to scream and cry in pain because there are people with worst matters in the world. Like my girlfriend who just lost her husband to a heart attack. Her pain, her daughter’s sorrow at loosing her beloved father haunt me. And I am denying how much his departure has rocked our world. He was a dear friend too. And I can’t cry because I will not allow it; because this is.life…because my husband is well and very alive and I am thankful for that so why should I cry? So I am pissed instead. Maybe my toothache comes from not allowing myself to chew this reality. I have lost a dear friend; my girlfriend has lost the love of her life; her daughter has lost her father…and I feel their sorrow as much as I deny it. I am exhausted!

  • Michelle June 6, 2017, 10:58 am

    Thank you 💜 I was in a 6 car wreck that totaled my vehicle a few days ago. I am struggling with the fear and anxiety I have always had around driving being a lot worse right now and afraid to drive at all. Yet my commute is 30 miles each way and I have to figure out how to honor myself and get back to work and income. And “normal”. Thank you.

    • Roshni June 6, 2017, 12:06 pm

      Rooting for you, Michelle X

  • Sister Goddess Bold Belinda June 6, 2017, 10:49 am

    Thank you, Mama Gena. I needed to hear this. I am in the midst of a challenge I have created for myself around letting myself be seen for who I really am. It is challenging. My inner critic is becoming very vocal and I find it hard to post when I’m not feeling ‘up’ but I’m going to do it anyhow. I tired of hiding, tired of feeling like my emotions are too much.

  • Angelique June 6, 2017, 10:36 am

    Thank you for this! It’s exactly what I needed to read. ❤️