The most unexpected gift

Darling,

I’m writing to you from Miami, as I’m about to board a plane back to NYC.

What’s spinning through my head?
“Through the Eyes of Love” by Melissa Manchester.
“I Had the Time of My Life” from Dirty Dancing.
The Sentimental Saccharine Geek has taken over my soul.

I have been weeping with gratitude and joy since we closed Miami with a round of favorite frames on the beach, at sunset on Sunday, with about 150 of the over 500 women with whom I have just had the flat-out overwhelmingly beautiful privilege to spend the weekend.

And, wow. Seriously. Wow.
What an incredible five days.
I just couldn’t be more wrung out, dripping with exhaustion, rippling with excitement and inspiration and – yes – so deeply, wildly proud for this community of extraordinary women.

First, we spent two days doing intensive work on Rupture with the women of Creation Course. Then, more than 500 women, a mix of new students, past grads and guests, joined us for three days of plugging into some brand new content about how a woman can unhook the shackles of what stunts her growth, keeps her small, limited, repressed and depressed, and learn to live Unleashed. Perhaps the most fun of the weekend was the Unleashed Olympics, where women were taking their Unleashed practices out onto the streets of South Beach and creating all kinds of deliciously holy mischief and life-changing adventures in Sisterhood.

After a large gathering like this weekend’s, I’m always left moved and inspired by what you all are up to, and how you’re taking the work of the School and the Womanly Arts and impacting and radically changing the lives of so many others.

As we have our third and final post this week on Rupture, I can’t help but be inspired by Sister Goddess Betsy’s story. She transforms her most intense, dark, beaten down time into something extraordinary that’s having a major impact in the world.

Sister Goddess Betsy, take it away…

******

Thank you, Regena. What can I share with you and your readers about Rupture? Let’s see …

When my marriage ended fifteen years ago, I pushed on with a prescription of Prozac and a glass of wine every night. Post-divorce, I seemed happy. It may have been the Prozac.

I started a new relationship with a beautiful man. He fell in love with me and then with my four small children. He even loved my wounds that I had always tried to hide. It seemed perfect, but when he proposed in the tea room of the Plaza Hotel in NYC, I said No. Deep down I didn’t feel like I deserved to feel good, to be happy, to be in a loving relationship.

I let my failed marriage define me. I let the sexual assaults during my childhood define me. I let an abortion when I was nineteen define me. I let the loss of my fifth baby, James, define me.
I spent the next ten years raising children. I kept quiet about the past wounds. Most people in my life thought I was doing great.

I read about Mastery online. The idea of being in a room with two hundred women did not appeal to me, but I went to an Intro to Mastery event in NYC where Regena was speaking. I refused to wear the pink boa handed to me as I walked in, and I didn’t speak to anyone.

After being betrayed by several of my closest friends, the last thing I wanted to do was make friends with a room full of women. The energy of the room was almost too much for my closed down bodymindsoul, but Regena is a soul-whisperer and after the event, signing up for Mastery was something I had to do. It felt like the most radical form of therapy I could do.

I didn’t know what I desired, but I knew I didn’t want to be unhappy and disconnected anymore. I knew I wanted to be a better role model for my daughter for how to live in the world as a self-assured woman. I knew I didn’t want to keep saying No to myself. I knew I didn’t want to keep being the martyr; the role was not sexy and it was wearing me out.

By the second month of Mastery, things were starting to shift. My relationship with my ex-hubby was healing, I started to feel more sensual and explored shifting my orgasms from a quick vibrator induced climax to researching extended orgasms (and gave up a vibrator forever). I mention the orgasms because if you aren’t fully feeling and receiving in one area of your life, it carries over into the other areas.

And then a miracle. I always desired more children, especially after losing my fifth baby, and I received a call that there was an abandoned baby named Loveness in Zimbabwe. Did I want to adopt her?

I discussed the option with my children and extended family. Everyone was thrilled. Even my ex-husband said he would help raise the baby. It seemed like a dream come true after many years of pain and loss.

A month later, I got on a plane to Zimbabwe with 300 lbs of baby supplies and a baby blanket embroidered with Loveness, a gift to me from Regena and my sisters in Mastery.
I landed in Zimbabwe to the news that Loveness had died. I ended up burying a baby instead of bringing her home.

My loss of Loveness is where my story turns to gold.

There was a point when I was burying Loveness that I wanted to throw myself into the grave with her. I wanted to bury myself with all the pain of losing Loveness and James, the loss of my marriage, the sexual wounds. I wanted to die.

But instead I spoke up. I stopped being quiet. I stopped hiding. I stopped disconnecting. I stopped pretending that everything is okay because I didn’t want to burden others.
I shared my pain and honored my sadness instead of medicating it with pills.
I moved my body, even if it was in the slowest walks or gentle swims, I kept moving.
I surrendered to all the sadness, grief and darkness. I sobbed until there was not one tear left in me. And through it all, I felt more alive than ever because I was allowing myself to feel again. I let all those tears release water the garden of my soul. I had gone to Zimbabwe for a baby. It felt like I had re-birthed myself.

My biggest rupture became my biggest gift.

The tools I learned in Mastery helped me shift from being a victim into being an advocate. I found my voice as an advocate for the abandoned children in Zimbabwe. I also became an advocate for myself and how I wanted the rest of my life to feel.

A month later, I was back on a plane to Zimbabwe to take a wheelchair to one of the children I met who was scooting along on his hands on a dirty hospital floor. His legs were atrophied and his name was Kuda. He and six other children were living in the children’s ward of a local hospital. Friends and family asked how they could help so I founded House of Loveness. Five years later, Kuda goes to school and is playing soccer.

This Thanksgiving I am hosting a “Giving Thanks Service and Safari Retreat” in Zimbabwe. Many women from the Mastery community are joining me to volunteer at the school we support in Zimbabwe. We will be spending Thanksgiving Day on safari and dancing that night with the women and children of Zimbabwe.

We will be celebrating life and Loveness.

SG Betsy

hol_circle_betsy

Thank you again, Sister Goddess Betsy, for sharing your story and for everything you are doing in the world.

For those of you currently experiencing a time of crisis, use the tools, use this community, use Mastery. Dance. Move. Feel. Create from this time and let your Rupture bring you Redemption.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below. What do you wish you could go back and tell yourself at the beginning if it all? What Womanly Arts, tools and practices have been most helpful to you? What amazing things are you doing in the world as a result of your Rupture?

As always, its a gift to teach and to serve you.

To all that joined us (in actuality and in spirit) in Miami, I thank you. It was the most incredible time together.

In love and service,

mama-gena-sig-180px

  • 40 Comments · Leave One

{ 40 comments… read them below or add one }

Susan Winters (SG Sweet SuzyQ) November 12, 2013 at 9:09 am

As always, Betsy inspires me. Her story of her rupture helps to heal mine.

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mama gena November 12, 2013 at 12:43 pm

Right?????
We are so blessed in this sisterhood and community.

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Betsy November 12, 2013 at 2:32 pm

Thank you Susan. I know that activism was so helpful to me as I was in rupture. But the first person I had to remember to stand for was myself.

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Suzi Banks Baum November 12, 2013 at 9:13 am

Dancing in awe and gratitude. I would not have missed this weekend here in the Berkshires for the world, but believe me, I wore pink all weekend and pressed my daughter whose 16th birthday was Sunday to brag, offer gratitude and state her desires. I will write about it more, but the Miami Magic was upon us for sure. Blessings to Betsy, to you and the Palace Staff and to Sister Goddesses every where who know just where to find the gold.
xooxox Suzi

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Donna November 12, 2013 at 9:18 am

Betsy, I’ve known you for years but somehow never knew the whole story behind the House of Loveness. You are an inspiration to me, and I acknowledge your strength and commitment to living and serving and feeling and enjoying. God bless you sweet sister.
Those kids and this community are lucky to have you!
xoxo
HOTmani

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SG Susie November 12, 2013 at 9:40 am

Betsy your legendary generosity of spirit extends to sharing your story here with all of us–the beautiful impact of that will be immeasurable. You are such a gift. Regena, all I can ever say to you is thank you. thank you for the gift of a structure and community in which to know and feel myself and connecting me to the most amazing women on the planet.
Lots of love xo

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SG Taiza November 12, 2013 at 10:01 am

This story made me cry. It’s truly lovely. Thanks for sharing. Thanks for being the beacon, inspiration,and divine embodiment of love you are.

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SG Bubble Butt Bombshell November 12, 2013 at 10:10 am

What a wonderful Miami trip it was!
FF: “But instead I spoke up. I stopped being quiet. I stopped hiding. I stopped disconnecting. I stopped pretending that everything is okay because I didn’t want to burden others.
I shared my pain and honored my sadness instead of medicating it with pills.
I moved my body, even if it was in the slowest walks or gentle swims, I kept moving.
I surrendered to all the sadness, grief and darkness. I sobbed until there was not one tear left in me. And through it all, I felt more alive than ever because I was allowing myself to feel again.”

I desire the same. Thank you!

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Betsy November 12, 2013 at 2:33 pm

Dear BBB,

Thank you for your favorite frame. I desire it for you too.

Love from Betsy

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Robyn (SG Sunshine) November 12, 2013 at 10:10 am

I have always been so honored to know you. I remember when you stood and told us about Loveness passing. Look what you’ve done to change the world. So grateful, my Sister. Thank you for being the revolutionary for us all.
Much much love, Robyn

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Liliana Sacarin November 12, 2013 at 10:25 am

Waaaooooow, I can’t find words, for your story of turning your personal rupture into changing the lives of children far away from where you live! And I do not know of any place that elevates (instead of shutting down) a woman’s rupture as Regena and the sisterhood at the SWA do – so that we can trade the victimization of a woman into the gold you, SG Betsy, DID! Thank you for sharing all of your story of rupture.

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Leslie November 12, 2013 at 10:44 am

Betsy, I am so incredibly moved by your story. After some major losses in my life, I went to Haiti several times to volunteer after the earthquake. It is both soul awakening and heart wrenching. I would love to connect with you and be a part of your next trip to Zimbabwe. With immense gratitude for your transparency,

Leslie

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RedChilli November 12, 2013 at 11:05 am

this makes me cry and happy the same time, the heart wrenching story you shared with us Betsy and the rising to your power, that´s why I am crying and also because I am grateful and honored to be part of our community. Regena, I am floored by the gratitude for the community you started and the magnificent fullness with which you inspire me and all of us. Thank you for having all our backs and standing so fiercely.

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Anne November 12, 2013 at 11:14 am

Wow!! Betsy, I don’t think we’ve met but what an incredible story yours is. I’m in awe of how you were able to transform your pain and then create an amazing life for yourself, for your children and the children in Zimbabwe. You’re like a giant butterfly who’s beautiful wings powerfully and gently fan all of those around you with love. Your courage, action and activism inspire me to be more, to do more. Thank you. And thank you Mama Gena for asking Betsy to share her story.

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Jennifer ( SG FAB) November 12, 2013 at 11:47 am

What a glorious story of suffering painful losses, slowly receiving redemption, and rising to find your true greatness.

Thank you for the gift of your voice. I’m grateful that you dared to share it. And because of that you positively impacted the world!!

Well done, Betsy. I desire our paths to meet some day so that I can give you a hug <3.

xoxo ~ Jennifer

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Alison Love November 12, 2013 at 12:09 pm

I read this and tears stream down my face…Thank you for sharing the Gift of your Rupture. It is a gift for me. xo

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Natalie Alexander November 12, 2013 at 12:31 pm

I write wiping my tears… how glorious this SisterHood is!
The profound inspiration that propels each woman into the highest version of herself.
I am forever grateFULL to Mama G, the Palace… and each and every woman on the planet.
Goddess is BLESS’D !!

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Allison aka SG Plushious November 12, 2013 at 12:51 pm

I loved reading this story! It completely opened up your experience for me.
Betsy, you were in my pod at Mastery, under the excellent guidance of SG Rorie, in 2009, I think. I didn’t get to know you as well as I would have liked then, which I see now is attributed to both of us having some protective boundaries. I recall thinking you were a beautiful mystery that I wanted to know better, but realize now that I carried with me fear of being hurt, so wasn’t so open to many others as much as I deeply desired those deeper, creative connections. Thank you for sharing this opening in yourself, your desires for more, your losses, and the House of Loveness school, which is such a gift, and is truly inspiring.

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Betsy November 12, 2013 at 2:35 pm

Allison!

Yes we had an amazing POD and, yes, I kept mostly to myself. I love that we are allowing ourselves to open and connect more. I know once I nurtured the deeper connection with myself, I felt ready to open in bigger ways to others.

Love from Betsy

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MagicMirna November 12, 2013 at 1:05 pm

Thank you Regena for featuring such an inspirational woman and her story. I had tears reading your story Betsy, thank you for walking this path to Loveness. What a gift to you, to us.

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Betsy November 12, 2013 at 2:37 pm

Thank you Mirna for the gift of sharing time with you yesterday in Miami. I’ll see you in Zimbabwe on your birthday! :)

Love from Betsy

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Ellen Levin November 12, 2013 at 1:18 pm

Betsy……so loved reading this ……..YOUR STORY/YOUR LIFE…… such a reminder to dig deep and make sure we feel “worthy” of love……. to heal any blocks to self love and then to share love/give love to all……….

And that is exactly what you have created in Zimbabwe

Using every rupture/crisis/pain for rapture/for love

I am trying to live a life of gratitude and love and forgiveness 24/7….. and am doing it for the most part

YEAH

My favorite tool from mastery 2012/13 and VPBC 2012 use to be spring cleaning for a couple of years…….did it EVERY DAY…….. whew!………However, I no longer need to do it

I have to say that tool #2 for me ………… YESSING EVERYTHING………being grateful for EVERY THING that happens in my life has now become my #1 tool and most likely will always be.

I now take responsibility for EVERYTHING in my life…….. I see myself as cocreating it………and so in a sense it’s the BIG YES!

YES! Love to all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE this journey of WAKING UP!

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Betsy November 12, 2013 at 2:39 pm

Thank you Ellen.

Yes!!! The deeper I sank into the rupture, the more space I made for the light to shine in.

Sending massive love to you on your path. xoxo

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Linda Kannapell November 12, 2013 at 1:20 pm

SG Betsy, My Personal Favorite Frame of Miami ( and believe me, there are hundreds running through my head right now) was Dancing my Virgin Qoya Dance with You! Until this Miami, I only knew you through Face Book posts and RoeRoe’s Tales of you. But Now! I will sum it up with ” Thank Heavens To and For, Betsy”! <3

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Betsy November 12, 2013 at 2:42 pm

Linda.

You were my favorite Miami frame too.

Love you!

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Tara Dixon November 12, 2013 at 2:01 pm

Thank you Regena for a wonderful Miami…
Betsy, your story touches me every time I hear it.
Way to model birthing oneself out of devastation. It has been a pleasure watching you rise like a Phoenix and take us all higher on your magnificent trajectory.
Much love-
Tara

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Betsy November 12, 2013 at 2:41 pm

Thank you Tara.

I’m so thrilled to be collaborating with you on the launch of a Gratitude Wall at our school in Zimbabwe later this month.

I take your Gratitude with me everywhere. xoxo

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Betsy November 12, 2013 at 2:29 pm

Oh my. My heart is bursting with expansion from feeling the love of this community. Especially after revealing pieces of my life that felt so unlovable for many years. I am so grateful.

I didn’t realize this piece was coming out today and I’m in the midst of packing for Zimbabwe (new shoes, clothes and gifts for the children made possible through the donors to House of Loveness). I leave tomorrow and will be spending the next 3+ weeks with the children and working with animals at a local safari park. November 23-30 I will be joined by fifteen women (and two of their daughters) who are volunteering at the school supported by House of Loveness.

Regena, thank you for standing for me when I couldn’t remember to stand for myself. To my sisters everywhere, I hope you come dance in Zimbabwe with me someday.

Love from Betsy

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Charisse "Zoh'ra" Sisou November 12, 2013 at 2:38 pm

Betsy,

I was so moved by your story, I’m sitting here crying as I type.

Thank you for being your unmitigated Goddess self and sharing yourself so completely.

Much love,
Charisse

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Dara November 12, 2013 at 2:44 pm

“And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.” — Paul McCartney

Betsy, I believe we spoke briefly Sunday evening at the bar at The Standard (me—dark curly hair, hot pink top, you—sparkly aura, orange top), and learning the backstory of your current story has moved me, too, to tears (in my client’s office, yikes!). Your radiance that night is surely thanks to all the love you are creating, making, each minute of your journey. Thank you for inspiring. Thank you for Being.

Love
SG Dara

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Wildcherry November 12, 2013 at 4:02 pm

Darling Betsy….I LOVE YOUR LOVE-LI-NESS. I will return to my land of birth, arm in arm with you, oneday. We’ll dance and play as we treasure little Zimbabwean babes.
Great Pussy, thank you for hearing my heart’s prayer and making my way.
Love to you, beautiful Betsy.
Beautiful Regena – I bow to you in honor for once again sharing your soul with ours. Miami en-fired kiss.x

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Barbara Tomasulo November 12, 2013 at 4:37 pm

Betsy,
I can’t wait to spend time with you and the children in Zimbabwe next week! Your story always brings me to tears. What a beautiful example of reinvention….
Much love,
SG Beautiful

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Stephanie Marrone November 13, 2013 at 12:12 am

Thank you sweet SG Betsy for sharing your incredible story. YOU embody what it means to truly be a woman-strength, love, wisdom and brilliance!!. SG Regena, I believe the tools are helping to save my life and to re-claim my self worth. Love and immense gratitude to you both and for this amazing community of sisterhood. xoxo

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Leann November 13, 2013 at 7:27 am

Thank you for this story. It is so easy to stop ourselves from feeling and let our bodies hold on to all the grief, pain and sadness. This summer after mastery, I had tons of rupture. My grandfather passed, my longest relationship ended and I was hospitalized for a mystery infection and weak and alone several days in the hospital. I remember using so many tools at the time. I posted a photo of myself in the hospital for SGs to see. I did swamps and took excellent care of myself. I sang my sorrow in a solo at the memorial and grieved that relationship. Now I am healthy and happy. I am dating and I am building an amazing friendship with that ex and learning to actually enjoy one another outside a relationship, something we never really did before dating. I started following my desires by enrolling in culinary school. I love myself and shine. Thank you for this ability to let rupture bring me higher.

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Betsy November 13, 2013 at 4:38 pm

FF: “I love myself and shine.”

Shine on sister!

Love from Betsy

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SG Sizzling Sexy Songstress Heather November 13, 2013 at 4:12 pm

And out of ashes and tears shall rise something so magnificent-the real SELF. Very beautiful and moving. Thank you.

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Jane Wyker November 14, 2013 at 10:52 am

Chills and more chills in reading your magnificent story. The depth of your love and courage is a huge inspiration. And our radiance, such encouragement to be as big as I can be.

Thank you for sharing your extraordinary life. You are a blessing indeed!

Love,
Jane

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Deborah Smith November 16, 2013 at 12:11 am

FF: “Regena is a Soul Whisperer.”
SO loved Miami and practicing acts of Unleashedness.
FF: the view from the pool at the Mondrain.
FF: that incredible late lunch inside at the Raleigh Saturday afternoon and the deluge of rain that greeted us when we were trying to get back to our room.
FF: Mastery morning when Mama took a moment to read my pink t-shirt “Mama’s Angels” and then shortly after going to the source of the idea, beloved SG Naughty Angel to have her speak on our wings and t shirts. Brilliant as always!
FF: all the Goddesses in our suite helping each other with just the right outfits and makeup and hair.

Betsy, what an amazing story of rupture, growth and love. I want to be with you in Zimbabwe some year. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for doing.

FF: knowing Creation Course is my next step.
FF: post it notes unbottling my desires.
FF: now having two “homey” SGs!!!
Thank you Regena for your love, courage and brilliance.

SG Heaven & Earth
(formerly know as Tru Angel)

xoxox

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Kristin November 17, 2013 at 5:31 pm

Miami, my first Mama Gena event, was unbelievable and felt so alive and inspired by all the Sister Goddesses. Thank you Betsy for the story and thank you Mama Gena for all the inspiration to help us unleash… My SG ‘s Dana, Lynne and I had so much fun and we are keeping it alive, and bringing it back home! XXO!

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Fierce Grace December 15, 2013 at 11:35 am

Betsy, I honor and appreciate your ability to keep your heart open through such “sadness, grief and darkness” and surrender. I’m also grateful for Loveness, whose soul lives on in the deep love that you demonstrate for so many children in Zimbabwe. Thank you for allowing your rupture to bring forth your gifts. Thank you for being a gift. With gratitude, Fierce Grace…

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