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Shacking up in Stuck-town?

So you’re stuck, huh?
Have you tied yourself into a big fat twisted stuck-knot?
Ugh. It’s the worst.

Stuck is everywhere. And there are so many ways for it to show up . . .

  • Stuck in a 26 year marriage, and it feels suffocating, sexless, and numb.
  • Stuck because her whole life, she’s had a sense of deep purpose, but she doesn’t know what the hell it is, and what she is called to do in this world.
  • Stuck because she just wants a damn date and for a good man to stick around . . . she’s waiting for her guy and just keeps hitting an invisible wall.
  • Stuck in her relationship with her body, after trying and failing every diet ever created, she doesn’t know what it’s going to take to feel healthy and beautiful.
  • Stuck in a job that does not honor her value and there is no room for growth. Not to mention, she doesn’t feel that she could actually sit her boss down and ask for a raise. She can’t even imagine having that conversation.
  • Stuck in a small town, where there is only one idea of what a woman can and should be — she wants to reclaim the fierce woman inside, but her culture doesn’t accept that part of her.

One thing about women is that we take our stuck very, very personally. Don’t you? Aren’t you convinced that something’s wrong with you, that it’s something inside you that has you immobilized like a fly on fly paper?

You think to yourself . . . Why the hell haven’t I been on a date in six years? What is wrong with me? Or why haven’t I had a relationship that lasts? Why isn’t anybody coming to do my astrology readings? Why haven’t I gotten that raise? Or why am I still in this stupid town? Or why am I still with my husband? Or why did I ever get divorced?

Here’s the thing. I’ve got a little secret to tell you. This is collective stuck. Let’s zoom out here.

It’s important to know that you live in a world that does not understand, accept, honor or celebrate being a woman. You don’t have to look very far for proof. Look at the headlines, any day, and you’ll see what kind of hostile environment women grow inside of.

There are child brides. There is gang rape. There is abuse. Women still earn 77 cents on the men’s dollar. Out of the 190 Heads of State, only nine are women. I could go on.

And there are personal consequences to those global headlines. Because what happens, is a woman begins to internalize this exterior culture. You were educated with no words, by the culture itself. You were taught to be stuck.

Without anyone telling you that you were not supposed to lead the country, or move to the head of your class, or make as much as or even more than a man, or be free, loud, proud, sensually confident on your college campus, be capable of making decisions, trusting your intuition, moving from your deepest creativity, all of that somehow got cut off, got stamped down, tamped down.

All of that light was not encouraged to fire.

This is not about being victims, in fact, it’s the opposite. It’s time to take back ownership for every perfect painful drop of our stuck.

The good news here, is that we are now in a position, like never before, to get in motion. To rise and thrive as women.

Don’t get me wrong – it is no small feat to get unstuck – which is the reason women fly thousands of miles and hustle like nobody’s business to get themselves inside the Mastery classroom.

But whether or not I’ll see you in Mastery next month, I want to teach you two steps to get started, right here and now. These are simple, but not easy.

Step One:

Say yes to your stuck. Own it. Mean it.

This is an internal shift of how you’re thinking about that place in your life that you just can’t seem to make headway in. It’s about being in a different kind of relationship with your Stuck. When you “yes” your stuck, you begin to make more room inside yourself for it to move.

Why? Stuck is in the eye of the beholder. When we judge ourselves for where we are struggling, we lock in our stuck.

twitter pink logoThe degree to which you can get in agreement with your state, is the degree to which it can move. {Click to tweet}

Step Two:

Call up a sister, and dump your stuck inventory. (If you’ve read my book, or taken a course at the School, this exercise is a variation on Spring Cleaning.)

You can also do a written stuck inventory, but it’s not as powerful as sharing it with a trusted sister.
Either way, let ‘er rip.

let-er-rip

Your Stuck Inventory includes any place where you’re shut down. Or hopeless. Or feeling like this one area of your life is never going to improve or heal. Or completely out of ideas for how to “fix” it. Or up to your eyeballs in frustration.

Here’s how it works: Each of you will get 3 minutes to share where you’re stuck. Just get it out and put it on the table. Then switch. That’s it.

Seriously. I know this sounds counter-intuitive.
Normally, we try to hide our stuck.
Or act as if we are unstuck when we are really knee deep in fly paper.
And when you admit first to yourself, and then to a close compatriot, your deep stuck truth, you have unlatched the hatch on what is holding you in place.

Sisters, we’ve got shared stuck to unstick here.
It’s women everywhere not standing for themselves.
It’s women everywhere wasting their lives on self-doubt, self-deprecation, self-hatred.
Women everywhere not engaging in their full throttle power.

I want to assure you, it’s not permanent. But we cannot use the tools of the father to dismantle the father’s house. This Stuck calls for different tools, a new paradigm, a new path.

After you do the exercises above, I want to hear from you in the comments. Where are you stuck? How much can you “yes” it? What are other strategies that help you get unstuck?

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40 Comments / Leave a Comment

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  • Jevyn Nelms March 18, 2015, 6:36 am

    I’m stuck in very low paying costume designer gigs. I’ve been in the industry for more than 7 years and I’m still pulling down production assistant rates. Not to mention not getting any rental, kit, pre or wrap fees! It’s just ridiculous! I do good work and get complimented all the time. I’m just stuck and on the verge of losing my mind!

  • Barbara February 5, 2015, 4:49 pm

    The warm thoughts of the weekend still linger.
    Reentry is tricky.
    Oh I’m stuck. And yet there is a beautiful scent around me as I dance around naked in my bedroom. I can desire and love and move now. It’s a rawness that I have been missing.
    Thank you to the 800 women who shared the weekend.
    I can’t even describe the gift it is !

  • gordi February 5, 2015, 4:20 pm

    I am stuck in the fear that I will always push the men I love away from me…that in every relationship I have been in I have been overwhelmed at some point with this fear of being abandoned, of being ‘found out’, of being seen as the ‘real’ me, which is full of imperfections, weakness, vulnerability, insecurity, jealousy…that these are unacceptable things..because I was taught to be ‘perfect’, as a child, and that my inherent ‘wildness’, my natural state of ‘ who gives a shit what anyone thinks of me!’ was often criticized. I am stuck in that I am a fiercely courageous, powerful, passionate, sensitive, vulnerable and open woman who fears there is another me that only comes out when all my defenses are down..ugh, feels great to send that out into the ether, and out of me.

  • Sister Goddess Margo February 5, 2015, 12:51 pm

    Home sick with the flu after the awesome weekend – odd brag: the chills are actually quite orgasmic! Lying in bed looking around at the piles of stuff, clothes, clutter that surrounds me – feeling disgusted and ashamed of all the crap in my life. I was really inspired on Sunday when one of the Big Sisters said we can stop wasting our time and money on crap when we love ourselves. Feeling ovewhelmed – but yes just saying where I’m stuck DOES help shift.

  • Dorothy Davis February 4, 2015, 3:39 pm

    Yes, I am feeling very stuck today. I have to move by March 1st, I have been packing up my house, but I have no place to go as yet and frankly don’t have the energy to even look. This totally sucks! I am feeling so down…it’s like being on a freaking roller coaster every day, one day I’m up, the next day down. Mercury Retrograde is not helping me…grrrrrrr!

  • rhonda February 4, 2015, 3:29 pm

    I am stuck. I want to take the Master class, but I won’t let myself-time, money, fear… where will I stay? how can I do it? fear, fear, fear!……..aarrghh……….

  • Cecelia February 4, 2015, 12:47 pm

    Hi!

    I attended the Womanly Arts Experience this weekend and it was amazing. I love these tips and I’ll do everything I can to keep practicing what we learned.

    One of the biggest things I learned about myself this weekend was that I need more sisterhood in my life.

    Is there a place where Womanly Arts Experience attendees can stay in touch? A Facebook group or something?

    Thanks!

  • Eliza February 4, 2015, 3:25 am

    I am stuck in the past, reviewing the reasons why other people have caused my stuckness, and using up precious drops of time in which to move forward or self-care or look at clouds or otherwise experience pleasure.

    Saying Yes to this kind of stuck for me equals recognizing that this reveals my love of history, and the idea of tracing the threads of how and why we got to where we are now. Rather than berate myself for reviewing all the reasons for my stuckness, such as: allowing my parents’ fears and issues to dictate my choices as a young woman; not using my education to do more than stay at home with my children while my husband traveled and built his career and had an affair; allowing this and the subsequent divorce to create a financial situation that causes stress and feelings of lack; attracting a new man into my life who can’t seem to get his own financial life in order…I am choosing to use this love of history to research and write about some of my ancestors who left their home country, braved an ocean journey, and started a new life here in this country. Talk about unstuck!! Perhaps in this process of discovering their story, I will “unlatch the hatch” on my own stuckness and stand in my full power as an unstuck woman, in the company of legions of us blazing a new trail together. Thank you for this perspective, Mama Gena, and the tools to honor our stuckness and collectively move it forward!

  • Lisa February 3, 2015, 9:23 pm

    Such an amazing weekend! I brag the total turn on of repeating the “stuck” exercise for the second time since Mastery 2014. DAMN! What a brilliant way to first recognize your “stuck’ and then YES the shit out of that. My view from the stage, watching all of you, new or seasoned to the SWA. Your swamp was magnetic… a vortex of energy that made me push myself into the moment. What a pleasure, to stand in sisterhood as a “big” and unravel my own journey through yours. Mama, once again. NAILED IT!

  • Sg rockstar February 3, 2015, 5:20 pm

    even though I was not able to be in New York this weekend the magic still continues in my life mainly because of the art of spring cleaning. I haul all kinds of baggage around from my family, my sexuality and anything else I can pack in those bags – when I unpack during spring cleaning it is so empowering that I have no words to describe it. Every spring cleaning is a new experience and I love it and I love this community.

    • Lisa February 3, 2015, 9:24 pm

      Missed you soooo much RockStar! You are always there is spirit!

  • Kate Goldsborough February 3, 2015, 4:32 pm

    I attended the Womanly Arts Experience this weekend and heard the technology of getting unstuck put so masterfully by Regena. (Thank you, Regena for this FREE weekend) I am amazed at how two days can both teach all the new goddesses a truckload of tools and relocate mine for me. I love the yessing. It brings in amusement for me and my spring cleaning partners to jump and yes on the phone–magical every time for getting shifted out of judging the stuck story. And when stuck, the LAST thing I remember to do is make my story erotic. Same story, instantaeously different perspective.

    For me, having a community that knows this very different language is key. I was so grateful the newbie I brought two years in a row now, got it and wants it badly. I could weep with gratitude at having an actual sister goddess in my small town.

    What a weekend I am still hoarse from screaming out my rage.

  • JJ February 3, 2015, 4:24 pm

    I’m stuck because I think I know what I want and need to do, and then I don’t do it. Again and again I just don’t do it. But do I really want what it is I say I want? I don’t know. I don’t know what I want, I just know I don’t want where I am…I think. So I’m stuck.

  • Martha February 3, 2015, 2:41 pm

    Nice reminder to re-read Audrey Lorde. (“The master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house.”)

    Wishing everyone a radically pleasurable day!

    • Jay February 4, 2015, 12:21 am

      I just requested bell hooks’ “Ain’t I A Woman” from the library!

  • Sister Goddess Sparkle February 3, 2015, 1:07 pm

    “When we judge ourselves for where we are struggling, we lock in our stuck.” WOW. That is EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. I woke up this morning with a loud (and, unfortunately, familiar) voice in my head saying something to the effect of “There is something just inherently wrong, or missing, or not enough, or x, or y, or z with me that I STILL don’t have a man in my life, STILL don’t earn what I need and am worth, etc etc.” Anger at still being there. Shame at still being there. Embarrassment at still being there. Feeling the need to push it away to start my day. Ugh. So the idea that this is not a reflection on MY horrendous flaw or lack, that it is not personal to me, that we’re all in the variations of the same place — that this is just a place called “stuck” and it is incredibly human and universal — is SO LIBERATING. Thank you! I will do the steps. Thank you, thank you! xx

  • Kristen February 3, 2015, 1:04 pm

    Hello Sister Goddesses –

    I loved being in the presence of so many amazing women this weekend. 800! And that’s only the tip of the (sisterhood)iceberg. There are so many more out there.

    I am also stuck. I am stuck in my career. Afraid to move on from a job that doesn’t honor so much of who I am and allowing myself to stay trapped in the need for security. And I don’t just mean the paycheck and the health care…I mean the expectations of a situation that doesn’t ask me to grow. There is safety in keeping things static and not taking risks. If I choose not to step out of this ‘professional sardine can’, then I don’t have to feel rejection, failure or – even worse – MY POWER! Why am I so afraid of my power and divinity? I can rattle off 100 reasons, but instead, I’m raging and dancing them out of my body in preparation for Mastery 2015. Can’t wait to connect with those of you jumping in!
    -Kristen, NYC

    • Lisa hyland February 3, 2015, 2:19 pm

      Sg Kristen, I can very much relate to you being stuck.I am stuck also for very much the same reasons. I am so glad you signed up for masterery, I took it last year.it pushed a lot of my edges and I am a better woman for it. I would love to connect with you sometime to hear where you are stuck and to share my areas. My number is 413 523 2397. Looking forward to connecting and chatting with you.

  • Sister Goddess Roxy Star February 3, 2015, 12:08 pm

    This process -and the tools we learned this weekend, are ingenious! I’m saying yes to everything. I’m raging and dancing and turning on. After this weekend I finally felt my inner Goddess turn back on!! I will fight fiercely to protect her at all costs , I won’t let this world take my light from me anymore.
    As a result of lack of confidence and being trapped in fear and negative thoughts about myself, I am in a financial situation of lack and stuck. As a result of hating on myself , I have let my musical talent gather dust in the corner and haven’t played guitar (my heart) in a year. I’m saying yes to the following stucks: under earning, hating the chaos and culture of NYC but not having enough money to leave, working in a job that is abusive and demeaning and pays barely anything (and is far beneath my abilities and accomplishments), and I dread going to, being paralyzed with shyness and feeling isolated and alone all the time but too scared to reach out to anyone. I’m saying YES because just doing so makes it feel less like I’m trapped… Just writing this is liberating. Being at the SWA event woke me up from a numb and painful sleep. My pussy is ON and my inner goddess is AWAKE and anyone who needs an SG, I would love to connect with you! I was too shy to reach out to anyone this weekend but I would be greatful to connect with any SG’s who want to: Amber, aka RoxyStar, 607-229-5246. Yes!

    • stephanie February 5, 2015, 12:20 am

      roxy star, i hear you! you just described my stuck to a tee. i’m excited for your journey. run, don’t walk to mama gena and the sister goddesses. i’m in california and broke beyond measure so can’t attend mastery now but hope to attend in the future. good luck!!

      • Sister Goddess Roxy Star February 5, 2015, 4:26 pm

        SG Stephanie, thank you, thank you, thank you! I am realizing the incredible importance and power of supportive sisterhood. Please feel free to message me at my # above if you want to connect! <3 Enjoy that California sunshine!!!

  • jessica February 3, 2015, 11:57 am

    I wished I had got up this weekend and talked to you, but felt my sadness so cliche and and was not sure how to express it in a room of 800 amazing women, WOW 800 amazing women!.
    I am most madly, deeply, in my abosolute turn on in love ever in my life at 44 with a totally married man. Our friendship evolved having spent hundreds of hours working, it is a clearly mutual and deep connection. Although never involves discussion of our marraiges or our “feelings”. While am able to use the clarity, magic, emotion and chemical reaction as a gift to bring me out of a bad marraige and to help fuel my turn on in my buisness, and love of life. I feel so stuck…guilt in my desire and hope to be with him and in the constant pain, sadness and lack of power that this experience also brings.

    • Jax February 4, 2015, 9:33 am

      Jessica, I just want you to know that I have been where you are and while we may be cliche’s, we are also human. It’s the most amazing, alive conscious, painful, agonizing, heart breaking place you will hopefully ever be. You will see your way through this and whatever path you choose be sure to do what speaks to you and your true self. There is total and complete power in this experience, that’s why you are in it. Use your power for good. This is an awakening to be grateful for. Sit still and listen to what speaks to YOU. This isn’t about the amazing man or your bad marriage because they both can and will change. Get present to Jessica and you will be a rock star with no regrets through this. You are definitely in the right place with MG and the house! xxoo

      • jessica February 4, 2015, 1:15 pm

        Thank you Jax! your note was so helpful and true it is a very tough place to be and thank you for your wish that this is the most pain I will ever feel I do understand, I have had that thought many times, thank you for all that you said… I cherish my sisters wisdom and understanding. I hope to take Mastery this spring, so out goes the desire -J

    • estela sasson February 5, 2015, 7:41 pm

      If you permit my comment, I would advice you to deal with
      your marriage with consideration & respect with the man that
      has shared your life and then open to another relationship where
      he has dealt in the same way. Otherwise let go your unfulfilled
      desires, because you are to experience extra-pain, and create
      more to other people. There is not pleasure there at all.

      • Jess February 18, 2015, 6:57 am

        Estela, yes that is the only way, any other would to icky to have any part of for me at least, it’s a real truth, and mostly what makes this so painful. Not sure how to let go of the feelings but hopefully in time they will change or subside and that this expierance given its soul shattering affect will bring me the deep mutual connection I desire with someone who is ready and avalaible.

  • Mariela February 3, 2015, 11:55 am

    Hello. Very interesting.
    I’m stuck in many areas. I didn’t independence from my parents.
    I’m stuck FOR COMPLETE in RELATIONSHIPS.
    I’m stuck in the last relationship with a man that It didn’t work.

    I don’t know If I have an strategy yet, but yesterday I took the first step of several ones, and I remove my ex from the last social network where we still can talk, or better say ( I still chase him to talk or he still ask me for a sexual favor)
    And now, I’m here reading this, and thinking about with wich friend or sister can I do this…
    And also I thinking how it’s going to be my life from now, cause I’m think this is a NEW CHARTER.
    I’m afraid and I’m stuck.
    I wanna make it perfectly from now, but I know sometimes my mind will take to me to HIM again, but Yesterday I finally UNDERSTOOD, that his attitude is no what I want In my life, no what I deserve: So I’m very decide to no to take it.
    Maybe I will feel Lost. But there’s a little light of hope, somehow, someway I WILL MAKE IT.
    And I hope to reach an state of self, where I can attract a REAL MAN, a good one who cares, and appreciates me.
    Thanks from now to the UNIVERSE.

    Mariela ♥

    • estela sasson February 5, 2015, 7:35 pm

      We all want to feel loved. Creating new safe relationships
      with SG will make you feel much better, and by loving & respecting
      yourself relationships will change. Be gentle with yourself,
      and firm to create something new. Mastery & the beautiful SG
      ready to support have helped me a lot.
      Good journey!

  • SG Aaren February 3, 2015, 11:45 am

    I was STUCK in the birth of my business, then came to the Experience and realized how afraid I was of doing what I’m called to do as a life coach. I SWAMPED THAT SHIT OUT and, lo and behold, the next morning I got my FIRST CLIENT!!!! I am so grateful for this community. Thank you MAMA GENA!

    Love,
    SG Aaren aka Infinite Wisdom

    • Lisa hyland February 3, 2015, 2:00 pm

      Sg Aaren, your life speaks volumes to me. Congratulations on your first client. I know you will be awesome.

  • Barbara February 3, 2015, 11:37 am

    Yep, I am stuck. Working on the sharing. And embracing the changes I need to make.

  • Masha Schmidt February 3, 2015, 11:23 am

    I was also at the Experience this past weekend – profoundly moved and touched. As instructed, I called up a sister yesterday and we dished out our stuck areas. My main one is being unable to forgive myself and my husband for the harm we did to one another in the past, even though we’re back together and making it work. My strategy this week is to stop complaining and making myself a victim of these overwhelming feelings. Instead, I’m celebrating my relationship – the grit and perseverance of this amazing man. Voicing gratitude, feeding each other chocolate, and having major dance parties. LOVE being part of this revolution.

  • Caro February 3, 2015, 11:18 am

    Mama Gena, thank you for the amazing life changing weekend. I was feeling so low and stuck before it and you have given me hope. I was stuck in not being able to receive the good things in my life, on how to play my new role as a wife (got married last year Aug) and mother to be. You reconnected me with my pleasure and for that I’m so grateful! I registered for Mastery and can’t wait to work deeper on my desires. I will keep on being a pleasure researcher in the meantime and say yes to the wonderful husband and baby life has gifted me with.

  • Anna February 3, 2015, 10:55 am

    I’m stuck because I can’t move forward in this country. I have buried my desires because I have been here for 16 years and have yet to get my green card. Moving forward is very tough and I’m sick of it. No mama Gena can change that. Time will.

    • Arisbeth February 3, 2015, 12:09 pm

      I feel you. That’s what I kept telling myself, that time will change my situation–my status in this country. But I got tired of waiting. Time does not change things, people change things. My status is still the same, and my days of self-pity are not completely gone yet. But I am trying. I am trying really hard to own my status. I don’t want to hide anymore. I don’t want to ‘bury my desires’. I want to be unstuck. I know it is damn hard to move forward when it seems like you are the only one with mountain high obstacles, but everybody has them. Please don’t wait on time. Please.

    • julia February 4, 2015, 1:50 pm

      There was a sg in my class, pissed she doesn’t have her green card. Mamagena made her (Isabelle night orchid!) Jump topless on a trampoline with a deep resounding YES to what is.
      Now she has her green card, bitches.
      Just saying.
      Line up with where you are, and it shifts.
      Best luck to you!
      And American status is overrated these days anyway;)

  • Eva February 3, 2015, 10:23 am

    I was at the Womanly Arts Experience this past weekend, and after completing Step 2 (and speaking to my fellow Sister Goddesses about it) what I realized is that I’m stuck in several areas due to lack of courage. I’ve been a college professor for 10+ years, have run for political office, have been on TV, interviewed by media – yet, when I got up to the mic to speak my own truth, my heart was pounding like a hummingbird. As the saying goes, “the only thing to fear is fear itself,” but now I know that facing this fear of fear is the first step of my own journey, and not something to criticize myself for and dread. Sometimes, the best way out of a bind is stop resisting the knots.

    • SG STILLETTO YOGA aka Amy February 3, 2015, 11:44 am

      I totally get this. I share this. I can public speak but getting up to that mic was never a consideration. Courage as you say gives us the option and habitual right to shrink from who WE are. So advocating for office or being interviewed is not your feminine turned on truth – it is you in a role. Maybe we are Afraid to shine even though THAT is exactly what we cellukay want. Thank you for bringing this to the forefront- You inspire me in a new time A new space. Go…!

      • Eva February 3, 2015, 11:54 am

        Thank you!

      • SG Barbara K February 3, 2015, 4:48 pm

        Thank you. Like you, I have found/perfected ways to appear strong. Like you, I don’t reveal my real desires and that I am stuck. I’ve become so good at keeping that secret. And so I remain stuck.
        You inspire me to get to work and get “unstuck”.