True confessions: I did not have an easy spring this year.
Now, as the self-proclaimed Pleasure Queen, I hold myself to a standard. Not so different than yours, I’m sure. And so, like you, I disapprove of myself heartily when my little row row row my boat does not go so gently down the stream.
What happened? Well, I, me and myself overbooked the crap out of my schedule, honestly beyond what is humanly possible (or at the very least, healthy), this Spring.
Now, we all know that women are designed to dilate to an almost impossibly wide variety of whatever wants to be born through us – but when it was time for me to push, it felt like I was giving birth to triplets simultaneously.
I know you know that feeling.
Add to the mix – I risked myself in love, and it hurt. Oh yes.
Seems I had cooked up an amazing backyard BBQ, just in time for Memorial Day. Recipe: overworked little body, only child graduating from high school, new book to launch, courses to teach, business to run, topped with a decidedly messy broken heart.
Naturally, I spent an evening making and eating dozens of little sandwiches made of white chocolate and dark chocolate bars, with a milk chocolate center, chased with smoked almonds, drinking rosé, and catching up with Christina and Meredith on Grey’s.
There are so many, many good reasons that can bring a woman to her knees.
One of my best pals cannot claw her way out of her failing relationship. She can’t stay, she can’t go.
Another friend has been dating a guy for years, and he just won’t pull the trigger on giving her the babies she wants.
Another of my besties is in the middle of selling her business and is overwhelmed by the incredible demands and deadlines she must meet.
Two other pals just got engaged and are drowning in family drama.
Another lost her Dad a few days ago.
Another buddy has been deeply upended by a flirtation that is threatening her marriage.
And all of us are feeling the impact of devastating violence and destruction happening around our globe.
The truth is, life sucks sometimes. Rupture happens. The human experience is really good at throwing curve balls.
And I have news for you:
“Life Sucks” is just a face of the emerging goddess in you.
For a woman, a well-lived life is going to mean you are zinging back and forth, all kinda slingshotty, from dark to light and everything in between.
There is no woman, who is really and truly living, who wants a plain vanilla life. Vanilla life is death to a woman’s soul. It would be the equivalent of wasting an entire orchestra by only playing the timpani. Or asking Van Gogh to use only one color. You can’t paint ‘Starry Night’ without lots of blacks and blues – and BTW – he painted this masterpiece from his asylum room. Often a trip to the dark side indicates a masterpiece is on the way.
We are always on the verge of a masterpiece in the making. It just doesn’t always feel that way.
Masterpieces require new and different pieces of our body and soul breaking through to reveal new aspects of our unfolding womanhood.
That is never comfortable. Nor should it be.
In fact, it will inevitably feel like it kinda sucks.
Which just means you are onto something. Big time. Congratulations.
Thus, I bring you my 3 Favorite Survival Tips for When Life Sucks:
Yes. Yup. Move that body. I have no idea why we all want to hunker into our underground bunker when the shit starts to fly, but it is never-nada-ever the right choice.
Stomp around if you are angry.
Roll on the floor if upright escapes you.
But that frozen position on your well-worn couch is only going to lead to chocolate tea sandwiches, and believe me, I ate enough for both of us that night. Join me in a dance break. The entire soundtrack to Lemonade is a great place to start.
2. Get transparent.
In other words, reach out and share the messy, raw truth of where you’re at. This seems counter-intuitive, I know.
When we are in the heart of shitstormy darkness, we feel like there will be some easement of our pain in isolation. This is one of the great agony-inducing falsehoods of the patriarchy.
Pain is a portal. An opening. An opening to invite others in, and allow them to get to know who you are. And an opening to join with others in their vulnerability.
We all have pain sometimes. We all have glory sometimes. Sharing one without the other is just downright unfriendly. Not to others. To yourself. When you are willing to share both your ups and your downs, you are approving of your ups and downs, and therefore, yourself.
3. Turn on your darkness.
To clarify, it’s all about emphasis here. Don’t turn on your darkness, as in turn away from it, which is what we have been taught to do. But, rather, turn it on, feel it, say yes to it.
Be willing to find your rupture sexy.
Make it slinky, off the shoulder, little black rupture.
Hot molten rupture.
Like mother earth.
This may sound kind of cray, but, stay with me for a moment here.
Picture a volcano erupting.
Or a hurricane doing her thing.
She does not hold back. She brings it. In a totally vulvacanic and vulvatastic way. Live it large.
And then, like all storms inevitably do – she will pass. And leave you fresh and renewed and ready for what’s next.
I invite you to try these out, and report back.
In the comments below – I’d love to hear from you:
- Which of these resonate the most with you?
- Which is hardest, or brings up the most resistance?
- What are your go-to tips for moving through the inevitable stormy times in life?
Meanwhile, I am going to slip on something dark and slinky, and roll around on the floor. See you there?