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3 Survival Tips for When Life Sucks

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True confessions: I did not have an easy spring this year.

Now, as the self-proclaimed Pleasure Queen, I hold myself to a standard. Not so different than yours, I’m sure. And so, like you, I disapprove of myself heartily when my little row row row my boat does not go so gently down the stream.  

What happened? Well, I, me and myself overbooked the crap out of my schedule, honestly beyond what is humanly possible (or at the very least, healthy), this Spring.

Now, we all know that women are designed to dilate to an almost impossibly wide variety of whatever wants to be born through us – but when it was time for me to push, it felt like I was giving birth to triplets simultaneously. 

I know you know that feeling.

Add to the mix – I risked myself in love, and it hurt. Oh yes.

Seems I had cooked up an amazing backyard BBQ, just in time for Memorial Day. Recipe: overworked little body, only child graduating from high school, new book to launch, courses to teach, business to run, topped with a decidedly messy broken heart.

Naturally, I spent an evening making and eating dozens of little sandwiches made of white chocolate and dark chocolate bars, with a milk chocolate center, chased with smoked almonds, drinking rosé, and catching up with Christina and Meredith on Grey’s.  

Oh, sister.
There are so many, many good reasons that can bring a woman to her knees.  

One of my best pals cannot claw her way out of her failing relationship. She can’t stay, she can’t go.
Another friend has been dating a guy for years, and he just won’t pull the trigger on giving her the babies she wants.
Another of my besties is in the middle of selling her business and is overwhelmed by the incredible demands and deadlines she must meet.
Two other pals just got engaged and are drowning in family drama.
Another lost her Dad a few days ago.
Another buddy has been deeply upended by a flirtation that is threatening her marriage.
And all of us are feeling the impact of devastating violence and destruction happening around our globe. 

The truth is, life sucks sometimes. Rupture happens. The human experience is really good at throwing curve balls. 

And I have news for you:
“Life Sucks” is just a face of the emerging goddess in you.

For a woman, a well-lived life is going to mean you are zinging back and forth, all kinda slingshotty, from dark to light and everything in between.

There is no woman, who is really and truly living, who wants a plain vanilla life. Vanilla life is death to a woman’s soul. It would be the equivalent of wasting an entire orchestra by only playing the timpani. Or asking Van Gogh to use only one color. You can’t paint ‘Starry Night’ without lots of blacks and blues – and BTW – he painted this masterpiece from his asylum room. Often a trip to the dark side indicates a masterpiece is on the way.

We are always on the verge of a masterpiece in the making. It just doesn’t always feel that way.

Masterpieces require new and different pieces of our body and soul breaking through to reveal new aspects of our unfolding womanhood. 

That is never comfortable. Nor should it be.
In fact, it will inevitably feel like it kinda sucks.
Which just means you are onto something. Big time. Congratulations.

Thus, I bring you my 3 Favorite Survival Tips for When Life Sucks:

1.  Move.  

 
Yes. Yup. Move that body. I have no idea why we all want to hunker into our underground bunker when the shit starts to fly, but it is never-nada-ever the right choice.  

Stomp around if you are angry.
Roll on the floor if upright escapes you.  

But that frozen position on your well-worn couch is only going to lead to chocolate tea sandwiches, and believe me, I ate enough for both of us that night. Join me in a dance break. The entire soundtrack to Lemonade is a great place to start.

2. Get transparent. 

 
In other words, reach out and share the messy, raw truth of where you’re at. This seems counter-intuitive, I know. 

When we are in the heart of shitstormy darkness, we feel like there will be some easement of our pain in isolation. This is one of the great agony-inducing falsehoods of the patriarchy.  

Pain is a portal. An opening. An opening to invite others in, and allow them to get to know who you are. And an opening to join with others in their vulnerability.  

We all have pain sometimes. We all have glory sometimes. Sharing one without the other is just downright unfriendly. Not to others. To yourself. When you are willing to share both your ups and your downs, you are approving of your ups and downs, and therefore, yourself.

3. Turn on your darkness.  

 
To clarify, it’s all about emphasis here. Don’t turn on your darkness, as in turn away from it, which is what we have been taught to do. But, rather, turn it on, feel it, say yes to it.

Be willing to find your rupture sexy.
Make it slinky, off the shoulder, little black rupture.
Hot molten rupture.
Like mother earth.  

This may sound kind of cray, but, stay with me for a moment here.  

Picture a volcano erupting.
Or a hurricane doing her thing.
She does not hold back. She brings it. In a totally vulvacanic and vulvatastic way. Live it large.  

And then, like all storms inevitably do – she will pass. And leave you fresh and renewed and ready for what’s next.  

I invite you to try these out, and report back.
In the comments below – I’d love to hear from you: 

  • Which of these resonate the most with you?
  • Which is hardest, or brings up the most resistance?
  • What are your go-to tips for moving through the inevitable stormy times in life? 

 
Meanwhile, I am going to slip on something dark and slinky, and roll around on the floor. See you there?

Love, 
Mama Gena

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  • Jennifer January 12, 2017, 8:45 pm

    The three survival tips:

    1 – Move
    I did this today. Exercise, even walking, is the one thing I have learned to do that always makes me feel better. I want to dance though. I want to box, kick, punch, swim in the ocean. I live in a cold place where getting outside to move requires snowpants, boots, hats, mittens….I even bought walking poles to get around town! I am blessed with the ability to do this, and I do love where I live. however, there is always the challenge of moving in winter, of being outside and moving easily, of finding the fun in exercise outside. I’ve transitioned my exercise from the gym to the outdoors for the most part, however, I want to do things like snowshoe under the stars, hike in the woods or on a trail, downhill ski, or otherwise find ways to be in the natural environment, moving; feeling my body. I especially love the ocean and swimming yet these are outside ability right now. There is a pool at the local gym, yet this feels unnatural and I long for the salt water ocean.

    Part of it is that I haven’t tried. I think about going for a hike but I want to go with others and having moved to Nova Scotia in October, have few friends. I know lots of people, yet just by name and “hello” on the street. I know I am taking myself out, but I also am stuck…..I feel paralyzed. I used to take dance classes, and now the thought of registering, especially when I am unemployed, seems stupid, like a waste, like everyone will say, “Who does she think she is, dancing when she should be looking for a job.”

    I guess I can’t move the way I want because I feel worthless. stuck.

    2 – Get Transparent

    In another blog post you said don’t ask “how” – but how do you make friends that you can share your darkness and your light with when you are new to a place? I volunteer as much as I can, yet everyone has their group, their family, their life. Especially during the dark times, and this is a dark time, the last thing I want to share with someone I want to befriend is all the dark stuff, because then it’s bad vibes and it drives people away. Yet I also want to be honest.

    So again, stuck.

    3 – Turn on your darkness

    I am lost on this one. What do you mean? Go dancing, or get angry? Please help.

    Generally I am pretty good at being the optimist. I write a letter of gratitude each day, and I do have a lot to be grateful for. Yet I am also having a difficult time.

    Another thought is Mastery. I want it. I’ve wanted it for 7 years. yet I am terrified to go.
    What if it’s a waste? What do others do to ensure they do the work rather than just go for the weekends? What actually gets you to go outside your comfort zone when you just want to curl up in it, even when it is painful, sad, and lonely?

    I welcome your feedback, tips, and experiences.

  • evelyn July 27, 2016, 10:45 pm

    I love you SeXy MaMa!! thanx for sharing. this has been a very challenging year for me…….with more freakin’ upheavel revealing itself. at this time in my journey, I know it’s all in Divine order, but it certainly doesn’t lessen the pain, anger and tension any less!! i’m making my ass do yoga!!!! laugh everyday and drink a cool delicious smoothie with lots of kale!! i’m addicted to grilled cheeze sandwiches???? it took Spirit to literally start a fire under my Ass to make the changes i’ve needed to make for sooooo tooooo loooonnnnggg!!!! to bring truths about myself I’ve needed to addess and change!!! thank you so…. knowing i’m not alone in my despair is comforting and the idea that this is preperation for a masterpiece opens a space to let a little more light in!! can’t wait for your new book!!,

  • Jenny July 22, 2016, 12:48 pm

    In the dark, a masterpiece will come – this has driven me to tears.
    Thank you, Mama Gena
    What does “XO” mean??

  • SG Ileane Foxy Lady July 21, 2016, 2:06 pm

    I can certainly identify with your letter of July 13th. I’ve had a rough spring and am in trauma state this summer. I can’t seem to grasp onto anything because I am so upset about a situation in my life. I’ll get straight to the point! My oldest daughter is moving away and I am so traumatized. The woman in me, who is always looking for new adventures, is so happy for her; that she has found a new love and is joining him. But the mother in me is hysterical that she is leaving NY. It’s very far away (but in the US). We got a Life Coach together and now I cry even more, basically 24×7, because I told her how I feel and I still cannot do anything but cry.
    It was suggested that I blog, read Boundries, swamp, cry out loud when I need to, even in the shower, and reach out to my friends. I’m doing all these wonderful suggestions, but I’m still in a lot of pain and don’t know what to do next.
    I agree, that the truth is, life sucks sometimes. I have really been thrown a curve ball this time and am completely out of my comfort zone. Mama Gena, I am taking your advice and moving more by walking the dog instead of eating scrambled eggs on my porch with the dog. The hardest part is that I am trying to be transparent but that needs work, a lot of work. I am so happy that your email was there for me today when I needed it the most. I told my Life Couch the other day that when I joined MG’s School of Womanly Arts, I found my Joy and she smiled as she is a SG too. So I am sharing, swamping and facing reality that I cannot change this situation, I don’t have to like it, but can learn to be more transparent and that will help me in my grief. Realistically, I know I can go visit my daughter whenever I want to but the cutting-of-the-apron-strings is also tugging on my heart-strings.
    Thank you for listening to me today; if there is any one else who can offer me some advice, please feel free to contact me.
    With love,
    SG Ileane
    Foxy Lady, Mastery 2012, 2013

  • Andrea July 18, 2016, 6:45 pm

    Thank you. I’m 51 years old. I survived a 28 year old abusive marriage, lived through a parent’s alcoholism, put my daughter through college (solo), and successfully navigate the intense career of teaching. I show up every day with hope and compassion. Yet, I still beat myself up for not being good enough. Instead of being something for others I’m learning just to be me. Peace and blessings to all of my sisters????

  • Natalie July 18, 2016, 10:21 am

    Your confessions empower me, Mama G. You, who “has it all” inspire me to be- to feel all my feelings and trust that the downs come to all of us. I am so grateful for the reminder! Love, love, love your writing and insights. Bless us, Everyone. <3

  • SG Catherine July 17, 2016, 10:55 pm

    What’s wrong with timpani?

  • Jess B July 17, 2016, 5:46 pm

    Thank you Mama Gena! Sometimes I forget that shared pain is cut in half. I too had heartache this winter and it hurt. Mix in medical issues which led to financial issues (among never ending credit card debt) and I found myself isolating in a dark place and unable to reach out to other women and share what I was going through. When I finally could not take it any more I reached out for help and am finally getting around to the other side of the situation. I am grateful that all the medical issues were resolved without further treatments and that really helped me be able to move on. After seeing the heartbreaker a few many times recently around other friends, I wish I could only get him out of my head! I am ready to move on with my life and to regain my spiritual connection that has dwindled during this time. Thank you for the strength and encouragement in this post!

  • Alice July 17, 2016, 4:34 pm

    Loved it. It all resonated and we absolutely need to let the volcano erupt. I lost my husband three years ago and played tough until a short relationship ended and I lost it. Now I am truly healing. Thanks for the inspiration

  • Valerie July 15, 2016, 7:44 pm

    Yes! I went through a very painful divorce (after an emotionally abusive marriage of 20 years) I had to not only heal the recent wounds of th divorce, but the long-standing neglected ones from long ago (which undoubtedly were part of the reason I tolerated emotional crumbs for so long…) My greatest healing came from all three recommendations: moving, sharing, and going into the dark. My portal to the dark came through creating whacky, offbeat pieces of art reflecting all those “unacceptable” feelings: anger, pain, sadness, fear. No vanilla here! (Thus my Instagram titled “whybebeige.” Because beige, like vanilla, SUCKS. I strongly recommend both creative outlets and humor as healing modalities!

  • Michele July 15, 2016, 1:32 pm

    I woke up to the news about France, as well as the news that all of the cars on my street got broken into. I decided to make blueberry pancakes, and appreciate that my first morning glory opened. I will keep trying to be happy in spite of it all. I now avoid crowds at all cost, true story.

  • Michelle July 15, 2016, 11:12 am

    Thank you! Even just after ready these tips (especially #3) I feel lighter! <3

  • Melissa July 14, 2016, 9:24 pm

    This line is gold, puts into words what I sense & still sometimes struggle to trust. Thank you!: “Often a trip to the dark side indicates a masterpiece is on the way.”

  • Leslie July 14, 2016, 8:21 pm

    Thank you. You are so brave to share and allow us to realize other’s have challenges too, even you. Sorry about heartache. You have helped so many. Wish I lived in NY.

  • Marie July 14, 2016, 7:01 pm

    I’m so glad a friend shared this with me today. Perfect timing (and I’ve shared it with others who’ll likely feel the same!). For me, turning on my darkness means accepting responsibility for the part I played in the mess I’m in. I had understood that on an intellectual level but this week I’ve been faced with a choice: stand in my power and learn to stop giving it away and being the victim of my circumstance, or continue to let hurt feelings, feelings of “it’s not fair,” or “it’s too hard,” stop me from growing. And I can still accept that it sucks, that I have all these emotions and thoughts, pain, a butt load of fear, anger, disappointment… but I’m not going to let that be my worldview anymore. I can feel it, but I don’t have to live from that place anymore. So this week, that’s what turning on my darkness means. I’m shining light on it and looking at it, so I can finally clean it up!

    Thank you so much! You have a new subscriber and I’d love to have you on my radio show sometime if it fits into your schedule.

  • Helena July 14, 2016, 2:07 pm

    Mama Gena, you are incredible and you write so beautifully. The words you choose to describe your journey leap off the page, speaking to the depths of our being. I love your 3 favourite tips and, in my experience, I would even add one more. You touch on how powerful nature is when she explodes in the form of a volcano or a hurricane. It is very important to commune with the beauty of Nature and with our subtle senses tune in to how exquisitely we are supported by her in ways we cannot even comprehend. What is happening on the planet, and in our relationships, is part of our disconnect with Nature.

  • Corinne July 14, 2016, 12:13 pm

    Perfect timing. Planning my dads funeral. Ugh. No words right now. Except maybe thank you

  • SG Ti Sugarbitch July 14, 2016, 11:23 am

    Damn, Mama, you are one timely goddess! You’ve reminded me that I am fantastically good at turning on to my despair. Even in a culture that venerates light, I can radiate darkness. The hardest tool for me to utilize is movement. In a year in which I’ve moved twice, gotten married, quit my job, become financially dependent, and taken on being a full-time mom, I’ve gotten way too fond of the couch. So, onto the floor and out the door I go! Thank you for this!

  • SG LotusYes July 14, 2016, 10:24 am

    Always the right word at the right time!! Great tips thanks Mama! I am glad with feeling suckie that I was using these tips and tools. The moving part, I booked a moving Walking session with a Sister goddess, and after sharing and being transparent woohoo!

  • Elizabeth July 14, 2016, 7:22 am

    Thank you Mama Gena for reminding me to move, be transparent, & turn on. Being on vacation with my hubby has made me forget about what you taught me in the SWA. Day 1- fabulous, totally turned on & tuned in. Day 2- too much lying in the sun, drinking mojitos, being complacent, waiting to be pleased. Today is Day 3, & I’m going to move, dance, spring clean, flirt with myself, & turn back on.
    Why is it when everything is perfect, I forget to turn on.

  • ANNE Marie FOLEY July 14, 2016, 5:31 am

    I thank you for this article. I’ve had a very tough week with my father in the hospital and other challenges.I am in the middle of a big growth spurt. the guy I have been dating for six years is kind of checked out.I really appreciate you.

  • Roxanne Andrew July 14, 2016, 12:48 am

    As always, Mama Gena, spot on, purrfectly timed advice! Bless you!

  • Sister GOddess H July 13, 2016, 10:25 pm

    thank you for letting me share. so much gratitude thank you
    For the past two weeks i have been so angry and just sad. I am a black woman and I am frustrated and scared for what is happening in our country for all races. but yes it hurts deeply as a minority. I recently changed religions to buddhism and none of my womens members understand or accept me old or young. I feel like I am in that movie saved with mandy moore except instead of christianity its buddhism. i am literally going to quit. i am working a job that barley pays my bills and doesn’t use my greatest potential as a human being it hurts my ego so bad cleaning other womens houses. I am an artist who is afraid to walk into galleries and ask for her art to be shown. My boyfriend told me that he really cares about me but doesnt love me just yet and doesnt want me to meet his family he keeps walking around the issue. I am fucking pissed i spent so much money on lingerie for him lol ok for me. but still. i am tired of being broke and i am living with my mother and im 30. i want kids and i want to be able to care for them financially. My boss has breast cancer and its hard to watch because my dad passed from cancer. i literally woke up this morning and said what is the point. i have been going through a solid year of darkness and im tired of it where is the light where is my door. when is my chance?

    • Leslie July 14, 2016, 9:00 pm

      To H: you’re going thru a tough time. (Me too). I’m a white woman who is incensed how the police officers so readily use deadly force on blacks and get off. I believe our country has come to a turning point (hope so). I’m scared Trump will get in. I’m amazed and pleased all races have been showing their support. Religion: I so often hear when one is growing it can be lonely. Are you saying Buddhist women aren’t welcoming you? I am Jewish and also metaphysical and also spiritual of my own beliefs I don’t fit in with traditional Judaism so I celebrate holidays with them but don’t get really involved. I’d like to start my own ministry, positive, powerful, spiritual.
      This may be out of line, but the people who choose to clean other people’s houses are widely sought and respected where I live (Florida). They make lots of money. So in demand here, set their own hours. Where are you? In dealing with my own issues (recovering from 2 broken shoulders, feeling lonely, regretting choices not to marry, etc), all I can say about not having courage to walk into galleries to show your art: if you will take a deep breath and DO it, I will make a promise to get up courage to call a possible date, fix-up, instead of putting it off because of fear. Would help me to have a compatriot in courage to get moving: you do a gallery and I’ll call the guy. Seriously. You are young and have your whole life and things can change quickly. I am 75, no kids but still living. Your boss’s be: I had it 16 years ago and all is well. I wish her the best. I’m sorry about your dad, truly. I did counseling in a cancer center for years and I know it’s difficult. Just so you know, when I was 34 my life became wonderful for a few years. Then, relationship broke up and I still compare everyone to him, thus wasted my life being in relationships that didn’t work out. You know the old saying: if I could live my life over knowing what I know now lol. You sound like you are seeking and that can be dark…keep on though. You are aware. Do we have a deal about the gallery/me calling guy? BTW, whenever a black person tries Judaism, we are thrilled and inclusive. Just saying. Hope I haven’t been too crazy – hurrying because going out to buy delicious Choc covered organic ice cream bars and stop watching terrorist attack news in France tonight. If I can help, let me know. You have helped me. Thank you.

  • Dawn-Marie M. L. Ali July 13, 2016, 10:12 pm

    Ohhhh Mama! Mama Gena: I went through a HORRID Spring too…my lover/best friend of 3 years just threw me under the bus suddenly–no warning!–right as I was finally move from my country to his to finally be together. I was seperated emotionally from my marriage of 25 yrs, grown kids(who now kinda are disgusted with me)…and all for naught. Long story short: I have had awful days and some days I begin to see some Light shining through the dull dark somber Sky again. This is one of the good days, thanks in part to your sharing of your own pain and your vulnerability. Mama Gena: thanks from the bottom of my own bleeding heart. We may take a while,but we will make it.

  • Katherine July 13, 2016, 8:46 pm

    Thank you for sharing! I learned this a long time ago…when all the self-help books and gurus were telling me to “stay positive” or say affirmations. And all I felt like doing was blowing the eff up. I used to think there was something wrong with me, and then I learned that I had to embrace the pain/suffering in order to understand it; therefore give it less power. I surrender to my pain and let it blanket over me, and I wake up stronger and stronger every day after. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel; don’t worry about if it’s right or wrong.

    • Dawn-Marie M. L. Ali July 13, 2016, 10:14 pm

      I agree. Totally!

  • Rachelle July 13, 2016, 7:32 pm

    Thank you for this today! It was exactly what I needed. One of my biggest struggles is asking for help even if it is just someone to listen when things are getting really dark.

  • Amanda July 13, 2016, 7:11 pm

    WOW!

    From the other side of the world I say THANK YOU so much for sharing your story. It’s great to know that “even you” feel this way sometimes. Life has been so tough lately I can’t get my positive self up off the ground…. there is so much rupture and so much pain everywhere I look, I am just keeping low and trying to put one foot in front of the other. I miss the me that loves life. I trust that transformation is on the other side and that if I keep my heart open and my head up that LIFE will come back and bite me on my delicious arse!
    THANKS MG I love your work!!!!

  • Margo Wixsom July 13, 2016, 6:09 pm

    Thanks Regina for modeling the transparency part. It is so difficult to show/admit our pain and fuckups being conditioned as we are to see ourselves as both whollyresponsible/completelyinferior about everything. Even though I am having a great vacation week and feeling a lot of good vibes the negative constantly creeps in – of not being/doing enough – even on vacation when I have permission to relax! It is so wonderful to be reminded to USE the TOOLs on a regular basis to clear and uplift the spirit and to LIVE in the turn ON in the light and dark sides.

  • Mariana Arellano July 13, 2016, 5:54 pm

    Hi Sister Goddesses,

    Mama Gena how are you always telling me the perfect words in the perfect moment!!! You could have not said it any better. After I ended reading it I said to myself, ” Okay, I am doing most of it correctly!” I’m definitely moving around and running when everything seems like it is falling apart. I am definitely transparent, but I am always questioning what words to choose when I want to be transparent. I always doubt myself when I’m showing too much. Vulnerability can sometimes be my worst nightmare. What I have learned is that if you stay quiet nobody will here and you will be surprised who is willing to listen and help!

  • Caroline July 13, 2016, 5:16 pm

    Like the others, I honor you for your transparency and thank you for reaching out at the perfect time to all the rest of us who have been in rupture. (Me since Mastery graduation). It might not always be easy to sling shot from highs to lows, but I don’t want a vanilla life. I’d prefer to just pull out the tools when I need them because I know they work. Thank you Mama Gena — for everything!

  • Julie July 13, 2016, 5:15 pm

    It’s great to be a part of this crowd!

  • Mary Duncan July 13, 2016, 5:05 pm

    Thank you, Mama Gena, for putting this out there for us, even when your plate is so full! You are amazing. I love your spirit and your generosity.

    For me my spring did not suck, it saw the fulfillment of many dreams from the past year, and they all came true on the same weekend! I moved to a new home after solving my legal dilemma with the old home, took delivery of my grand piano which had been rebuilt, and was served by many fine men who helped me in the move and afterward. Then the shit hit the fan with the murder here in St. Paul of Philando Castile, and the other violence that we’ve all been hearing about. I am now challenged to use my music to bring people together. I need to create a way to do that. I’m now living in an integrated neighborhood, a dream come true. Thanks for listing the three ways to cope: I find that movement helps me the most, and that I resist swamping and connecting my darkness with my turn on. But you taught me how, that day during Mastery on the stage, and I promise to keep doing it.

    I love you, MamaGena, and am so grateful for what you did, are doing, for women and the planet. Xo

  • Jen July 13, 2016, 4:30 pm

    I love you, mama gene. I appreciate your work, your words, your struggle and your kindness. You are a way maker. The first beat through the wild to build a path is the hardest. Thank you.

  • Jeyan July 13, 2016, 3:09 pm

    What perfect timing…. Last Monday, I came to realize in my body that he really didn’t care the way I was starting to care….. this drove me crazy!!! It was my intuition, my pussy that kept telling me..there’s no trust..that will drive you into jealousy – he doesn’t freely give his hugs & affection… It finally bubbled up to cause rage within my body! So meaty that I had to start writing about it…It was all about my mind not listening to the body, mind trying to override the pussy!!! I continued to write…. To hit the bed with my yellow plastic bat,,,, to dance to lemonade, then after writing for so long… I said shit and sent it to him …. telling him I deserve more and better!! Then he slinked back saying “You’re scaring me”…. That drove my body into the dark zone! OMG, I’ve never been into so much power…what the fuck!!! It caused a calmness … it broke the chain…. it was the true me that I could embrace … I’ve never seen/felt that side of me… I loved the power of the takeover… the strength that said I could do anything….. even sleep from exhaustion!!!!

    Next day, softness and a feminity that feels so real…so me… the crisis past and the storm clouds departed from my vision…. I knew now that there will never be another time when pussy doesn’t reign nor that I will not listen to her … but when she says no… not good for you…. I will gently walk away or walk over them like a storm trooper with nails on the bottom of my fucking boots!!! Depending upon the mood that my body conjures!!

    Thank you for bringing up this topic…. for showing – reminding us – everyone deals with shit not to our liking and not in the perfect timing!!!

  • Kathy July 13, 2016, 2:41 pm

    I find it so interesting that when one feels so alone you get a message like this!! I have been wondering why things in my life seem to be falling apart daily? And in my gut I knew why and MaMa states it as well. I thought I had this all planned out, ha! These are the times I know I am not driving the bus.. I’ve been working so hard trying to get that uncomfortable feeling to leave and I guess I’ll just have to sit in it and feel it until I want to leave it.. thank you for sharing this today.

  • Sister Goddess Suzi Banks Baum July 13, 2016, 2:18 pm

    “Masterpieces require new and different pieces of our body and soul breaking through to reveal new aspects of our unfolding womanhood.”

    Oh Mama. You have me right here. SO happy to read you today.
    Thank you! xoS

  • Barbara July 13, 2016, 1:33 pm

    Thank you for keeping it real – it comforts me to remember even Pleasure Queens such as yourself have tough times. And the volcano image is super helpful. Keep walking the talk, Genius Mama! Your work is so appreciated!

  • Carrie Pappas July 13, 2016, 1:09 pm

    This post was so timely for me. We have been in a bedroom transformation since April and are 99percent there. All the upheaval has gotten to me. In addition, my older daughter is getting ready to go to grad school and we are all trying to adjust to this move–we know it is right, it is time, but it is emotional. Just a few days ago I felt so overwhelmed I called my counselor. Until that appointment, I also called my doc because I am so low. Doc wants to perscribe medicine that I really don’t want to take.
    After reading your post, I did call an aunt I can talk to and processed through it all.
    Yesterday, had a facial which was good self care.
    I also get my headphones on and tap into my mindfullness app.
    This is how I cope. But I really like looking at the volcano image. Thank you for helping me look at this from another angle.
    You too, will get through this with surprising gifts:)

  • Debra July 13, 2016, 12:52 pm

    Oh Regena
    To come home to this after a Yoga class that inspired me to write what will follow was the universe reaching down and pulling me up to sit with my sisters.
    Thank you so profoundly for your transparency.
    I feel embodied again..
    The piece

    I am in that place again
    Familiar and uncomfortable
    A small box created by my mind
    It is old and I slip there spontaneously
    It surprises me and overtakes me
    There is little air
    And little space
    It suffocates me and from there I suffer
    The world moves quickly around me when I am in this box
    Full of doing
    I am not capable of doing in this space. Only suffering happens here
    Encouragement and light fro another can lift me out of the box
    But the box is always just around the corner of my mind.

    Thank you for being my light this morning

    With Great Love and Great Respect

    Debra

  • Erica July 13, 2016, 12:52 pm

    I love the Turn on your darkness comment. I think it is great to face your fears and be in the space where you do feel afraid. It reminds me of the teachings of Pema Chodron.

  • Cindi July 13, 2016, 12:46 pm

    Fantastic article! I’m grateful!

  • sahara July 13, 2016, 12:42 pm

    Speaking the truth about the transient tidal waves of life is so healing. I trust more, open more, engage more, breath more deeply because of your sacred honesty.
    may the force be with you, girl

  • Sarah July 13, 2016, 12:30 pm

    Unreal timing on this one, and perfect to wake up to after a rough night. For an active woman, I actually have the hardest time with the first one. All I want to do is curl up and sleep all day, take a break from the constant go go go. I was thinking about skipping my pole dancing class this morning in favor of sleep but this changed my mind. Thank you! ????

  • Leila July 13, 2016, 12:30 pm

    Wow. This post is definitely one of my favorites if not the most. Even the wisest person will go through the same pains as any one else. The difference is how you will react to it.
    Exercise and moving definitely help to lift the mood especially when done consistently.
    Although I feel that Im a pretty open person I sometimes struggle with sharing. Im scared of the response Im going to get. No response or someone telling me to quit before I get even more hurt, or “just stay positive”, or pitty. Yikes!!
    I wish I understood turning into my darkness. I dont really get it in my heart. I know I cant run away from my problems but I do keep hoping that they would get resolved. Im scared of identifying too much with the darkness and getting stuck there. Is turning my darkness on the same as loving and pampering myself even more when times are tough?
    Thanks Mama Gena for all that you do! <3

  • CC July 13, 2016, 12:02 pm

    The love of my life dumped me and it feels like this heartbreak will destroy me. This came exactly when I needed it.

    My best tip is to love yourself fiercely and remind yourself that this too shall pass.

    • CC July 13, 2016, 12:06 pm

      I have trouble embracing my darkness. I try to be a light in the world, so when I say hurtful things or explode in a furious mess because it just hurts too much, it’s hard to forgive myself. Especially when it just gives the love of your life another excuse to think I’m unworthy of him.

      Will have to work on that.

      • CC July 13, 2016, 12:20 pm

        Okay, wrote that all in a rush and it came out crazy!

        This came exactly when I needed it. The love of my life dumped me and it feels like this heartbreak will destroy me.

        I have trouble embracing my darkness. I try to be a light in the world, so when I say hurtful things or explode in a furious mess because it just hurts too much, it’s hard to forgive myself. Especially when it just gives the love of my life another excuse to think I’m unworthy of him.

        Will have to work on that.

        My best tip is to love yourself fiercely and remind yourself that this too shall pass.

  • Sarah July 13, 2016, 11:59 am

    Woman! You have no idea how badly I needed this. Now. Today. This moment.

    I left my neglectful, abusive, torturous relationship and am finally about to move my final belongings out and things are getting ugly. He’s clinging on with his final claws. Doing what he can to make as much damage before I finally break free.

    I’m on the precipice and it’s dark and lonely here. It’s so amazing to hear that is OK to give into that darkness I feel deep down. I’ve felt so shameful in all of this and want to scream my pain from the rooftops but haven’t felt it’s right or lady-like to tell my sad story. But, hearing it’s okay to do so its so freeing. I’m stuck at my parents’ home until I can financially recover from uprooting my life from my partner, but I plan to move my body, my mind, my soul in every other way until I can get back on my feet again.

    Thank you for this. From one broken heart to another, we are better for it, SG!

  • Tammy July 13, 2016, 11:57 am

    Thank you Mama Gena, I’m so thankful for the transparency in this post. I have been in full-on Rupture to Rapture almost daily since the end of Mastery. I have been reaching for these tools & have found a power in me that I never acknowledged before. I’ve been getting transparent daily (theough the tool of spring cleaning), and finding the turn on in the grief & the anger of what is going on in the world & in my own life, with my finances & other things. I have found healing in the pain and even more, the voluptuous gorgeousness of my anger turned on its head– the power that will lead to change in the world rather than destruction, of myself or others. It lets me get back to love & connection & action — thank you Mama Gena & for sharing this with the greater community. We need this. It’s changed my life & therefore my son’s & those I encounter daily. Please know that you are moving mountains. I’m holding the space that you are as are all those countless women whose lives you change through your programs & here & elsewhere where you hold a space for each woman to reach for her highest good, for the power each of us has to be the change, by doing this deep selfcare & self-love first

  • Charlotte July 13, 2016, 11:43 am

    Thanks Mama Gena. Sorry to hear your tough journey. It has helped me feel not so alone. In ten months my partner died, i was evicted from my home and have been homeless for seven months, my daughter made a suicide attempt and ive just had the most painful left knee replacement. Your videos and wonderful affirmation of women has given me hope. I know women can make all the difference.
    keep up you good work after you have recovered yourself.
    bright blessings Charlotte

  • Harriet Kelly Gibbe July 13, 2016, 11:38 am

    Yes, Mama Gena! Thank you, thank you, thank you. My almost finance…asked me three times but could never move to next steps… and I officially ended our 18 month relationship yesterday…18 months of me aching for more connection during the week broken up by weekends and vacations of pretty good connection. He thought I should see a therapist about my aching…he was probably right but not for the reasons he thought. So I question myself again…..am I a “love addict” attracted to “love avoidant” men? Maybe..that’s the sucky part. But I am also a gorgeous, loving, giving woman of depth and grace and a just girl who wants to have fun. That’s the fun and healthy part. So I will dance. I will laugh. I will be the change I want to see in the world to the best of my ability. I will share with you and I will heal myself as I look at every rupture as a gift to grow. I promised myself when I ended my 28 year marriage a few years ago that I would end the cycle of financial fear that seemed to have devastated my family. I had hoped my financial fears would be alleviated by marrying a financially stable male partner but the fear came with me. Maybe Gloria Steinem is profoundly correct once again, “We have become the men we wanted to marry.”

  • elisa July 13, 2016, 11:32 am

    you are unbelievable! always the perfect thing to say…
    x,
    petit vulcan

  • Ann July 13, 2016, 11:23 am

    This quote spoke right to my heart. I too was accused of “having no filter” when my heart was broken and my world turned upside down (for the better it turns out but it didn’t feel like it then). So grateful to be on the other side of that particular storm, because as others arise, I find it easier to have faith now. Faith in myself and my place in the universal pattern. The toxic masculinity of the patriarchy is toxic because it is an “overdose” and we are lacking endarkenment–the quiet the cool the space! I wish for all beings to be whole.

    “When we are in the heart of shitstormy darkness, we feel like there will be some easement of our pain in isolation. This is one of the great agony-inducing falsehoods of the patriarchy.”

  • Sue July 13, 2016, 11:22 am

    I’ll be transparent. Life totally sucks. I’ve been dealing with my breast cancer, my sister’s breast cancer, losing two jobs I adored, my man having a nervous breakdown, buying a house that I fucking hate, and the disappearance and apathy of those who I considered friends. If I could wear a trash bag to this job, I would. Thank you for reminding me and everyone else, that life sucks for everyone sometimes.

    • mama gena July 13, 2016, 5:25 pm

      sending love light and juice to you in this gorgeous rupture!
      i know you will triumph.
      xo
      mg

  • Annette July 13, 2016, 11:18 am

    Rock the fuck on Regena!!! I know exactly what you mean and can soooooooooo relate! You just know how to tap into exactly what I’m feeling! This spring was CRAZY!! Son graduating, home renovations, Paris, new job, no sleep, ending a beautiful trist that I loved playing in, demands for time, weight gain…. On and on. July 4th weekend I just had to say NO!! Stayed in and stared at the ceiling. I love what you said about embracing the rupture, make it sexy, transparency and moving. Been swamping a lot and doing yoga and started a 2-week cleanse. I Love love love these tools! Thank you Mama Gena!

  • Gwynne Montgomery July 13, 2016, 11:09 am

    Yes, to all of it. It’s been a painful few months, feeling like a trainwreck, and wondering when it’s going to end. Just as it seems to lift, it all comes crashing down again. Needed this reminder to get off my ass and fucking move. <3

  • Adrianne July 13, 2016, 10:23 am

    I so hear you sister! I am at a point where everything I thought I wanted I now realize was only a stepping stone to bigger desires ! Ouch! This may require big moves on my part, both physically and emotionally , to step into what is unfolding. I may be off my spot , not creating as I normally do , as I am having growing pains right now , but that’s ok . As you point out , it is all part of the process of my evolution. Onward for all of us!

  • pam zibell July 13, 2016, 10:23 am

    whewwwwwwwwww just what I needed today. And the comments below give some comfort that I am not alone, although I already knew that. My favorite is getting moving. I tend to head for the couch and watch tv shows I have already seen. Today I put sticky notes all over the house- Don’t waste it. This means the hour, minute or day cause we can’t get it back. I am well aware of the gift today is but sometimes forget. For those struggling- hang on. I believe Mama when she says, this will past and something great will come out of it..Happy Day all.

  • Sabrina July 13, 2016, 10:19 am

    Thank you! I am so glad there is room for dark and stormy when it seems like everyone around me is cosmopolitan.
    Recent heartbreak coupled with a ligament tear makes for thundering rupture all around. Will put your wisdom to action.
    In gratitude for your transparency and sharing
    Much love
    Sabrina

  • Suzanne July 13, 2016, 10:19 am

    This message came at the most perfect time for me ~ THANK YOU! I am going thru a life changing shitstormy messy shift in my 21 year marriage and I love the 3 suggestions because those I can do, if nothing else today! Much gratitude for you and your wise words!

    • Sheri July 14, 2016, 12:41 pm

      Suzanne, I’m with you! Nothing easy about that. Surviving by staying moving and talking it out… working on accepting that dark thing. I want to smile the world away 🙂 Take care, sister <3

  • Shivani St George July 13, 2016, 10:17 am

    Yes yes yes! We’re moving through personal *and* global rupture together and as women, we are the ones who feel it most. I’m so grateful for you and your perfect, elegant timing. With you in solidarity on the floor.

    • mama gena July 13, 2016, 10:58 am

      love this: ‘With you in solidarity on the floor.’
      back atcha.
      we need one another.
      xo
      mg

  • Sandy July 13, 2016, 10:14 am

    Wow and Yes! The other day life sucked and I began “hating on myself” – the BEST news is I got out of the hijack in about 10 min and began to welcome the tears and fears. Move – yes. For me the most soothing, when life sucks, is a sister supporting me. I can fall gracefully and KNOW I am not a failure. I LOVE your work Mama Gena. Thank YOU.

    • mama gena July 13, 2016, 10:57 am

      wow. 10 minutes is record time!
      well done, chum.
      xo
      mg

  • Lea July 13, 2016, 10:14 am

    Hey, mama! Yes to everything you wrote. Just been in a quarrel with my beloved, telling him, that he hurt me. And then he starts persuading me to stop being so vulnerable… So sick of those words… And me explaining him, that vulnerability is a part of me, that I pushed away because of that kind of words… and I hurt my self with trying to be tough. If I let myself be what I am, when I am vulnerable, I would be a healthier person right now. But OK, it had to happen, I’m less healthy but at least I am wiser. And I am angry. And I allow my self to be. Because that’s healthy. Still learning to allow myself to be and to show how I feel, in spite of others disapproving of it. That is still hard for me, but I’m growing. 🙂 And what I learned is to always listen to myself, what my intuition tells me is always the best choice and the best guidance. Lots of love and strength to you sister!

    • mama gena July 13, 2016, 10:56 am

      thank you soooo much tiea, laura, amparo, kathy and lea!
      we are truly all in this together.
      i am grateful for our sisterhood.
      xo
      mg

  • Kathy Blume July 13, 2016, 10:11 am

    Yep yep yep. Valentine’s Day, my appendix exploded. 2 weeks in the hospital with sepsis and other craziness. 2 weeks after I got home, my lover pretty much vanished. I’ve shut down my business so I can take the time needed to heal completely. Lots and lots and lots of love and support from other areas, including my Best Husband Ever. But loss and pain are still loss and pain, and there’s no rushing the process.

    Thanks for supporting me and everyone else in embracing it all!

    • Andrea July 13, 2016, 1:20 pm

      How about putting on something slinky and rolling around on the floor??

    • Corene July 14, 2016, 9:08 am

      This is powerful stuff. I love the idea of finding “rupture” as sexy and the framework of A “Vanilla life is death to a woman’s soul.”
      Inspiring!!!
      Thank you Gena!
      Corene

  • Amparo July 13, 2016, 10:07 am

    Thank you, your words were like written for me today.

  • Laura July 13, 2016, 10:02 am

    Beautifully said, and perfect indeed. Grateful that you shared this today!

  • Tiea July 13, 2016, 9:55 am

    Thank you for your message this morning – it was absolutely PERFECT for me today! All of it – and I need to read it over several times. I am eternally grateful for your message and your timing!