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4 Steps to Crash Through Your Upper Limit

Whew. Wowza.
Last week’s book launch was seriously and no kidding the total highlight of my career, my life.

What do you do when a dream you have been dreaming, slowly roasting, basting, tending, turning, and nurturing for 20 years, leaps to life and comes true in more glorious, fabulous, heart-opening ways than you could have ever dreamed?

Well, today, instead of flying and flitting around like a chirpy little birdie, I am one cranky ass. 

Yeah you heard me.
The pleasure queen tanks to the cranks.
And I know that I am not alone in this.

I have witnessed thousands of women, over the years, going down for the count as soon as one of their sweetest, most tenderly longed for dream comes true.

My pal Veronica took a four month vacation with her boyfriend, and as soon as she got to paradise, she was hit with such an attack of the crankies that her boyfriend moved to another hotel.  

When Simone’s girlfriend told her she loved her and wanted to marry her, Simone suddenly found a billion things wrong with her.

Leslie finally bought herself the farm upstate. And spent the next year hating the farm she finally bought, and ran away to the city every chance she got.

Have you noticed, let’s say, after a big party, or a wedding, or a great vacation, that as soon as the big event is over, you crash and burn?
Bam. Kapow. 

Have you ever hit your upper limit?
Are you at the tippy-top of your ability to have?
And more importantly, is our upper limit finite, and written in stone?
Or is there another way around it?

Can we bust through this invisible wall to have even more than we are having?

Because, let’s face it: one of the most beautiful designs of being a woman is the fact that we are composed of one gorgeous, raw desire, after another. That’s what makes us beautiful, eternal and irresistible at any and every age.  

Once one longing is gratified, and we have properly ingested, digested, enjoyed and savored it, another desire will spring to magnificent life inside of us.
Which is where the fun is.
A new adventure is cut loose.

A woman knows who she is when she is turned on, rather than turned off, and in the flow of her desires, rather than all clogged up and cranky.

So, I thought on this, the morning of my great crankihood, following a week of one of my greatest desires fulfilled, I would share with you my 4 best tips on how to have even more than you have ever dreamed you could have, by digesting the goodness that is in your life, right now.

You see, a pleasurable experience is composed of three very important parts.  

A.  The desire appears as an idea, and we begin to court it, long for it, prepare for it, enjoy the thought of it, and take relevant steps towards creating it.

B.  The actual desire manifests in our lives! The dream becomes real! (Your book is launched, you become engaged, you get the big promotion, you are finally pregnant, etc etc etc.)

C.  This is the least known and most important step. No one teaches us how to actually digest a desire, once it comes true. The fairy tale ends with the words, “happily ever after” but—let’s get real here—no one tells us how to do that step. 

We all have to put some serious meat on our happily-ever-after muscles. I am going to show you how it’s done.

Here’s 4 Steps to Crash Through Your Upper Limit . . . so good times can get better:

Step 1: Get cracking with the gratitudes.

Go over the top. Thank everyone you can think of. Be effusive. Be creative. Think Academy Award speeches that go on waaay too long. Do that, no one is stopping you. Thank everyone and then some. Write a thank you note to the maid who made the bed in the hotel you stayed at.

I’ll go first, here’s a slice of my gratitude:

Whew wow. Wowza. I am so grateful. Grateful to you. Grateful for being welcomed into your inbox more than usual. Grateful to you who showed up live for the launch, in person, grateful to those of you who livestreamed with me from every state in the United States and 41 countries of the world. I am so grateful for the support of Hay House, my publisher who said yes to my gorgeous dream, grateful for my pals Kris, Marie and Gabby who showed the f*ck up, grateful to my brilliant amazing team who put out non-stop for all of us. Grateful for the word grateful. Grateful to my dad who always said I could be a writer. Grateful to my mom who, thank goddess, is alive to share this moment with me. Grateful to my bro Richard and his wife, Jill. Grateful to my roommates from Mount Holyoke College who are still my dear chums today. Grateful to Ruth, the song siren, who is my person and who sets Mastery to music. Grateful to my daughter Maggie – the living, breathing reason for my being and my greatness. Grateful to Susan B. Anthony, Lucretia Mott, my mama Wilma Harris, Bruce Springsteen, Pink, Freddy Mercury, David Bowie, Sheila Kelley, Nicole Daedone, Tracy Chapman, blueberry scones from the Golden Pear, Kate Bush, that first coffee in the morning. Grateful for this breath.

This was about 4 minutes worth. I could go on, and I will. But I think you get the point?

Step 2: Create a ritual for yourself.

Today, I might head to the ocean. I will call in my ancestors, and express my thanks. I will feed the ocean small bits of fruit. And bring her flowers. I will whisper my thanks for all that I have and I will dance on her shores, and baptise myself and all of my goodness with her generous waters. If there is no ocean nearby, no worries. You can light a candle in your own home, and say a prayer, giving thanks. You can whisper each of your gratitudes out loud, and lay a small stone around the candle to signify each gratitude. Place a small offering of fruit and flowers around your candle, to make a gift to the holy. Giving your accomplishment straight back to the divine feels so good. We are nothing without that which is greater than us.  

Step 3: Do an act of anonymous good.

This might be making an anonymous donation to a favorite charity. It might mean secretly giving flowers or chocolates to a co-worker, or a neighbor. It might mean that you buy a coffee for the next person in line, and quickly leave the cafe, or cleaning up the restroom for the next person. Or taking a trash bag with you on your walk and picking up any garbage on your way. It feels so good to give.  

Step 4: Every time you pass a mirror, wink at yourself and say, “I deserve this”.

Because you do. You can handle this. You got this. Hell to the yes, you created this!!

In this world, we have to be so fierce with this much-underused muscle of building up our ability to have what we have. Why? Well, I need you to be as big and blazing and beautiful as you can possibly be in this lifetime. 

And if all of us can digest what we have, then we can go on to create even bigger and better dreams. And the bigger and better your dreams become, the bigger and better my dreams become –and so on and vice versa until each of us grow bigger and brighter than we could have ever imagined on our own.  

In the comments below, I’d love to hear from you:

  • Tell me about an experience where you hit your “upper limit” and started to sabotage the good in your life. How did you move through it?
  • Which of the steps above resonates the most? Which feels hardest? Easiest?
  • What are your tricks to increase your ability to let in and celebrate the goodness in your life? 

p.s. Because of you, this unbelievable community, Pussy has been a raging success. Last week, we crushed it on the Amazon Bestseller lists and we SOLD OUT pretty much everywhere. That’s because of this sisterhood right here, and I couldn’t be more grateful.

Also, we’ve heard that some of you weren’t able to get the book or bonuses because the book has been sold out in so many places — what a great problem to have, yikes!

Our publisher is printing more copies and refilling stock as fast as they can, but because of the Pussy shortage (ha!) we’re going to keep the special book bonuses going for a few more days so everyone has a chance to participate if they wish.

We apologize for any inconvenience and also THANK YOU SO MUCH for the overwhelming enthusiasm for this book! Wowza!

Click here for extended bonuses.

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29 Comments / Leave a Comment

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  • Julia Lucas October 26, 2016, 11:26 pm

    Mama Gena! I am so grateful for you! I am so grateful for your book, the Divine timing of Pussygate, and the wide opening it gave all women to say YES to their pussies! I love the tip of winking at yourself and saying I deserve it. The thing I do to keep pushing through my upper limits are: drink lots of green juice to alkalize because when I have eaten sugar to help me move through upper limits, it makes me depressed. Alkalizing keeps the moodiness away and keeps the mood elevated. I also revise my Desires list to incorporate the new level. Since I am living in a warm area right now, I will try wearing sexy bathing suits around the house to push through this new upper limit. This is exactly the article I needed to read. I brag I am pushing through a new upper limit I have desired my whole life!!!!

  • Laurie Stone October 4, 2016, 11:08 am

    I love the idea of creating a ritual to celebrate the moment. Too many of us don’t take enough time to pause and savor a victory. Instead, we’re on to the next load of laundry, phone call or talking to others about it. Its nice to have that solitude to cherish what we’ve created before life takes over again. Nice post.

  • Kay OConnor October 2, 2016, 12:30 pm

    Dear Sister Goddesses

    I found out about your movement thru Dr Northrup’s new book Goddesses Never Age. That was in April. Then I started practicing and reading additional books . Now I’m onto reading the books you recommend in Pussy.
    My biggest break thru is the self pleasuring. I haven’t had sex in 20 years . My husband had Prostrate Cancer so that killed that. Just as well. I don’t miss the experience. But I decided to try it on my own. Wow it all came back with vengeance. I’ve been having orgasms nearly every day. I have the luxury of time being retired.
    My friends can’t figure out why I look so radiant. One male friend a Doctor thought I had a face lift. I was so flattered ! I’m flirting , I’m talking to people on the street, I’m walking more slowly but not too slow. I feel sexy and try to be turned on most of the time. I’ve gone from invisible to being noticed.
    I have to judge who I come clean with Some of my friends just can’t handle my
    new ways. I intend to hit the ground running when we move to CA. I’ll be a practiced ageless Goddess by then. World look out!!

  • Giuliana September 29, 2016, 9:50 am

    I needed this today. Seriously. I woke up confused and unclear, when that happens I get very sad and very cranky. Mostly because I came up with a plan for how to make time in my schedule a couple days ago. Was over the moon about it. And then poof. I start to doubt and get confused all over again. The dreaded “trapped” feeling sets in. These steps were very much needed. I resonated the most with 2 +3; especially doing something for someone else. Actso of service help get me out of my tiny little mind.

    Much love (and pleasure),
    XO Giuliana

  • Jacqueline September 28, 2016, 3:40 pm

    Love it…big thanks big mama!

  • Sister Goddess Astra September 28, 2016, 9:43 am

    Mama – Thank you for sharing this! I think it is fantastic that you put this out there! I have wrestled with this very thing myself like when I worked my tail off to teach a kick ass sold out workshop only to be met with a giant headache at the end of the day. That has made me wonder – can I teach a 2 day workshop if I have a headache after a 1 day? Yes, I can. I love your advice!
    When it is a creative project where I am sharing my gifts, or talents I like to use – I can practice this and get on board with your advice.
    Where it gets tricky is when I think, “What if I manifest this X and then I am sill not happy?” I have judgement around this when it is something like a new car, kitchen, etc. In other words, I judge my desire when it is materialistic. Because I know, if I look in my closet, that the desire for more, is always there. Right? And I LOVE that you see this as a blessing. I am not sure I can get with you on that just yet. Don’t know how or if it is really a good idea. If I take your advice and just look at my kitchen, car, and clothes and have gratitude, I think I can get closer to appreciating what is, what I do have. For me, that seems like a good idea.
    Can you tell me what you think? Or what book to look at on the subject of material desire? THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU! I am so grateful to be part of the dialogue.

  • Ruth Weisberg Philly September 28, 2016, 8:25 am

    My Cousin Gena, I am also imbued with profound gratitude to our wondrous family and wacky friends for their undeniable influence and impact on our illustrious lives. Speaking of being..and beating…a cranky ass, I can still hear Wilma’s distinctively fierce voice to get us motivated and moving! Love you, Cuz. Your older cousin (by exactly one week. LOL) Ruthie. Pssst: you are always welcome to be a guest on my hottie TV talk show.. where we can hoist the book cover for a rare close-up shot. Say YES. In your best Wilma voice.

  • ruth September 27, 2016, 11:37 pm

    In addition to the wisdoms you’ve shared here, I think it’s worth saying that after achieving a big milestone there is a part of us that is tired . Inevitably, no matter how vigilant we are, we have put tiny parts of us aside to deal with the “bigger stuff” and those parts of us need attention, need to be heard and perhaps we just need some stillness. I find that stillness and low expectations of myself soothe this tendency to become cranky after a big success. xoxo

    • Sister Goddess Astra September 28, 2016, 9:44 am

      Yes! True! I agree!

  • Simone September 27, 2016, 4:38 pm

    This book is the liferaft me and my glorious Pussy needed at just the perfect moment. Glory BE! Mercy ME! This student was ready, and the teacher appeared. We are forever grateful and will pay it forward every second of every chance we get.

  • Kelsey September 27, 2016, 3:56 pm

    I am totally experiencing this right now and didn’t realize it until I read this blog post. Three weeks ago I got into the Masters program that I have been aiming to get into for the last few years, and it is all that I could hope for and more. It is wonderfully challenging but oh so amazing and I love love love it. But while I’ve been trying to bask in the glory of it, I’ve started tearing down my life and questioning everything else. In particular, I’ve started disconnecting from my relationship and questioning it, even though right up until starting my program I was so in love. Now I’m pushing my partner away and I can’t even explain why. I think it’s coming from a place of “I don’t deserve all these good things! I don’t deserve to be happy exactly where I am now. I need to always want more, or something else!” But whoa nelly… hold up. I can just be! So I’m going to try and get back to my gratitude practice and embrace all that I have right now 🙂 Thanks for the amazing reminder.

  • Gabriella September 27, 2016, 2:28 pm

    Goodness Goddess!
    Thanks for reminding me there are RITUALS. Sometimes I just loose all my Goodness, all my Goddess to a dull, foggy, saggy, numb unconsciousness. It’s not a depression, there might even be some fun, but very limited amplitude. Maybe it’s just exhaustion, and here you come in for me, Mama Gena: Rituals can freshen it all up. Rituals make you REALIZE. Rituals don’t make the sun rise in the morning, but they wake you up to see it happen. Thank you from Germany <3 <3 <3

  • Brenda Fredericks September 27, 2016, 2:03 pm

    This is just what I needed to read today. I have had these loud voices in my head and then there’s the voices about the voices.
    I have manifested the HUGEST desire!!!!!!! I have moved across the mother fucking country to a place I have never stepped foot in before to have an adventure and live with my man. I left my deep roots in NY where I have lived my entire life, took a leave from my 22 year teaching job, sold my house and put attention on each item moving it consciously and intentionally , selling most of my possessions and clothes. Releasing all the childhood, teenage and marriage “stuff”. My divorce is almost finalized. And I did it with such gorgeous connection. I beautifully said goodbye to people I wanted to spend time with. I had lunch with old girlfriends I hadn’t seen in a long time and I received and gave in a gorgeous feedback loop. I did Mastery with my daughter, and opened up the channels for so much more openness and love. And I keep working on improving my relationship with my son…that dance between being his mother and cutting the apron strings. This has all been happening at once. And then there was the day I left NY to drive ALONE across the country for the exact pleasurably journey I desired. OMG. Oh, and I asked for the HUGEST thing, this desire that scared me and made my motherly skin crawl. I did not bring my kids across the country with me. (Did I just say that?) I asked for and got what I desired. To do this journey and settle in ON MY OWN. And so it is. Here I sit in Seattle in this gorgeous Capitol Hill apartment with a gorgeous, generous, loving man. And damnnnnnn all this crazy wacky judgemental thoughts of myself came up. Can you say cranky ungrateful bitch? Thank god I know to work on expanding my havingness and it is asking for more of my attention. I love these suggestions and want to create a ritual for myself to digest, digest and digest. I am truly feeling grateful. Thank you for this perfectly timed post. xoxo

  • Laurie September 27, 2016, 1:39 pm

    Hit me right where I am at! THANK YOU SYNCHRONICITY AND MAMA GENA and SPIRIT!!!! Love the ritual idea. Anonymous giving struck me as most challenging because I’m such a loner but picking up trash I have done and it does make me feel good. Love your taste in musicians. Thank you, thank you.

  • Kate Harlow September 27, 2016, 1:30 pm

    Yes!!!! Thank you SO much for bringing light to this. I am so familiar with the one. Every time I reach a new high, I almost immediately come crashing down into a low. And it feels like the high didn’t even happen. I don’t get to bask in the glory of it. Yet, I was completely unconscious to this even happening. Thank you SO much for shedding light on this. I love you Mama Gena!! Thank you for your wisdom, your wildness and your light. I so appreciate you. xo

  • Helen Alksnys September 27, 2016, 12:34 pm

    hello all you darling women ~ oh my god, just got to watch the replay of that wonderful night ~ got blown away – and blown wide open… i thought i was getting to be pretty in tune in myself, gratitude etc…… the biggest aha re Pussy, dear Mama Gena, reminds me of Huna class i took -(you can’t get to the higher consciousness from the conscious, you have to go through the subconscious) – only yours is a deliciously woman’s point of view ~ i used to try to figure out life separately, either from my mind, my heart, or my gut…. only last night did i get it – Pussy ties it all together – when you come from Pussy – it links heart, mind, gut all together… who knew WOW…. so there i am in the middle of the night, journalling in the loo ‘what does my pussy want’ – pow the answers just come forth spilling onto the page YAY thank you for the reconnection!!! YAY YAY MAMA GENA YAY xoxoxxoo 🙂

  • Samantha September 27, 2016, 12:31 pm

    Dear MamaGena,

    Thank you so much for sharing this – it’s exactly what I needed to hear – thank you for being such a devout student and teacher of being WOMAN. I am so grateful and uplifted by you and your generosity.

  • Noa Kadman September 27, 2016, 12:01 pm

    Dear Mama Gena,
    I am a Black Belt Nia teacher from Israel and watching your dancing throughout the event just fired me up. I wish I could have been there. The book is life changing, and as you said on stage, I am in the rage stage (having visions of stripping in the middle of synagogues across Israel…?!!!) to display the sacred feminine pussy in the heart of the Patriarchy. I actually would love to have the playlist that you used in the live event – could easily become a Nia routine…named… Pussy??? I really hope I have the balls to create that.
    I know I went off topic, but I needed to say share this with you. Love you sister goddess!!!

  • Rivky September 27, 2016, 12:01 pm

    Wow woo woo!!! Mama Gena !!!
    I almost reachd my upper limit after your book launching event????( I was flooded with overwhelming emotions and upper limiting effects me physically really bad somtimes
    Any advice when it’s happining a lot?
    And I practice gratitude all the time,

  • Gwendolyn McNuckles September 27, 2016, 11:39 am

    Thank you for being you and expressing your womaness out loud. I just completed my master degree in leadership at the age of 62 years young after 7 years of chasing my education goals. The first weekend after I felt as crazy as a dog in a hubcap factory. I didn’t know what to do first or next. I am landing my plane and walking in gratitude. I don’t have to chase the golden rainbow. I can allow life to move me along the currents of my destiny. Nothing in the past is wasted and everything is working together for my good. I quieted my heart and waited to here from the inside what means most to me in life. I heard the resonating dream of working with women to help them grow from good to great! I will use the 4 steps you shared today to celebrate and settle into my greatness. I am fortunate to have your newest book and excited to make the journey with you through this publication. God bless you and continued heights.

  • Jenya September 27, 2016, 11:26 am

    So much love and gratitude for you dear Mama Gena! Thank you for reminding me of my own darkness and sharing your insights on how to turn it into the light.

  • Dimitra Doupi September 27, 2016, 11:04 am

    Thank you Mama Gena for always sharing with abandon of yourself. Receiving this blog post in my inbox was a most timely arrival. You see, like many, I was told from a very young age the following adage,” hope for the best, prepare for the worst”. Unfortunately for me, as for many, no practical or empirical means to accomplish that were shared. Furthermore, the emphasis seemed to be on the latter rather than the forner. Preparing for the worse and almost consistantly forgetting that other bit, generated among other things intense feelings of fear, anxiety and negative anticipation. It further instructed me and imprinted in me a sense that this world I came into was a damn scary place, where unseen forces were working over time to surprise me with challenges, obstacles and hard walls I had to diligently work to prepare for and learn to overcome or at the very least get ready for their impact . That left me feeling like a soldier in a the middle of a bloody combat with no means to protect or defend myself other than a worn out adage.
    It takes some life experience and inner looking and great friends and allies to lift oneself up and rewire ones system to undo those feelings, by reworking or refocusing attention to a feeling of hope, joy, stability, peace, pleasure, positive expectation, eagerness for life, love. Love that is not conditional. Love that does not depend on anyone or anything to blossom. Love that is recognized as accessible, abundantly available and within ones own body, and heart and mind. Love within grasp, to be experienced frequently, single mindedly, fully and celebrated often and shared even more.
    Your book and your efforts and the collective efforts of all the women and all the men who recognize this possibility within themselves and figure out the how’s of being it, doing it and keeping the light on for others is a source of much joy and appreciation for me.
    I too have experienced the drop in my gut when a much anticipated outcome, an outcome I had applied 11 years of my life, multiple efforts by me and so many others, to simply get my green card in the US came to fruition.
    I received the physical card in the mail on a Saturday afternoon after arriving home from a long and arduous week at work. It was the year I was to turn 40 and so many emotions and thoughts were already activated. My not good enoughness was at an all time high. I opened the letter, read the header “Welcome to the United States of America” and could not help but cry and laugh at the same time. Never before had I experienced simultaneously relief and pain of such magnitute. It jarred me. It unsettled me. It ruined my birthday. It took two years to put to rest the cracking open of a shell I had over time made so hard and impenetrable I had no idea what the pressure of cracking it open would generate. But like any seed cracking open, a most violent event, mine was full of strife. And it was in that discovery I felt for the first time a sense of soft unfolding. I felt the power or my intention, the power of my resilience, the power of my belief, the power of my emotion, the power to own my own experience. Once opened a seed has no other choice but to go towards the often slow, always necessary work of growing into what it is. I did the same. It has been a winding path full of turns and twists and new adventures. It has been an unfolding and a knowing that just like any seed I will do and be what I am no matter what. As long as I have breath in me, I will continue to expand into what I am becoming. I now appreciate this journey and I often think of my green fingered grandma who taught with her action, hardly with her words, what it takes to grow anything. That alone makes my path well lit and ever delightful even when I am not fully commited or present to acknowledge that.
    With love and appreciation to the majesty of life and love and safe women and men everywhere,
    Thank you,

    • mama gena September 27, 2016, 11:12 am

      sister goddess dimitra-
      what an inspiring story of hope, love, and never ever giving up.
      it was so……pussy!
      my favorite line: ‘Once opened a seed has no other choice but to go towards the often slow, always necessary work of growing into what it is. ‘
      ahhh……heart breaking openly beautiful.

  • Kathy September 27, 2016, 10:55 am

    This timing of all of us couldn’t have come at a better time. I know of the pleasure you speak of. I experienced it, felt it and continue to hold on to it from my trip to France. It was such an spiritual experience along with having someone really hold the space for me to have full on pleasure, desire, flirtyness, laughter and pure joy. I didn’t realize how much it was missing from my life. Now I am home in Pennsylvania and it hasn’t ended. Everyday I work on holding on to it because I realized how it has changed my life forever. Thank you for the tips. I have continuously told the person holding my space how grateful I am to have them in my life every week. I’ve been doing more and more random acts of kindness. I feel so good and I’m not letting the feeling go! Mama Gena your divine timing is impeccable Thank YOU Goddess!!!

  • Carla S. September 27, 2016, 10:46 am

    How is it that your blog post is always EXACTLY what I need to hear in the moment?!? You’ve got your finger on the pulse Woman! I was on the live-stream last week, and felt so close to you and the community and your teachings. And then, I started to read the book yesterday. Wow! I was especially floored by your personal story, and how my personal feminine wounding is so eerily similar to yours. Uncanny actually. And it gave me great faith and courage to know that I too can move forward with my truth and message for the world. I’m so grateful for your immense courage to walk the path of your highest calling and stand so tall in your truth. Thank you for your shining example Mama.

  • Elisabeth Williams September 27, 2016, 10:38 am

    Mama Gena, I love that you are honest about something all of us face at one time or another. For me, it’s physical. My body starts to ache just as things are getting really, really good. I believe the most important thing we can do is continue to lift each other up in community. We all have so much to offer and the world needs us to step into our beauty and own it. The higher we climb the easier it is for others to take that first step and ascend the mountain of possibilities. Thank-you for your inspiration!

    • mama gena September 27, 2016, 11:09 am

      truth, elisabeth!!!!! thank you.

  • Julie September 27, 2016, 10:17 am

    Bless you Mama Gena! Bless you for cherishing your dream for all those years and for having the bad ass faith and self love to make it manifest – so that all of us can bust through into our own beautiful, bold and magnificently created lives!!! I see the power of all women everywhere loving and honoring themselves so profoundly that it lights up the whole world!!! As the dear Dalai Lama said – “The western woman will heal the world.” Bless you always for fanning and enlightening our beautiful flames! My deepest gratitude and love always to you…

    • mama gena September 27, 2016, 11:08 am

      whoa. you took my breath away. deep gratitude, sister goddess julie.