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Violence flourishes without the feminine.


There are things I know how to do. When a kid falls and scrapes her knee, I am so good for picking her up and soothing her, whether she’s mine or someone else’s. When a friend needs emotional support, I’m 100% there.

But when I read the news these days, I feel kicked in the actual and metaphorical gut. I cannot find breath. Breath-taking violence. I imagine you can relate.

I don’t have all the answers, I really don’t.
Like you, I’m looking for more answers, and asking myself – what is my role here, what can I do, where can I give?

Meanwhile, through the lens of my work with women, I find ground in what I do know, and I offer it as one piece of a very complex set of problems and solutions.

What I do know is that this world needs the feminine now, more than ever.
What I do know is that violence flourishes unchecked, when the feminine withdraws.
What I do know is that each of us can, and should, start by being less violent towards ourselves – in our thoughts and behaviors.

Every time we have a thought ‘I am too fat. Too old. Too insignificant.’ – that’s violence.
Every time we disqualify ourselves from a possible school, a potential job, a prospective date –
That is self-inflicted violence.

When we say to ourselves: I am only good if I lose 10 pounds, or if I get all ‘A’s, or if I have a boyfriend, or if I wasn’t in debt, or if I weren’t depressed all the time.
Self-inflicted violence.

And here is the problem.
We think it’s the truth.
Or just ‘our thoughts.’
And we don’t even evaluate it as a problem – or an outright lie – because we have been handed a legacy of self-hatred from our mothers, and our mothers’ mothers, and so on throughout so many centuries. So we don’t even take umbrage with the actually untrue and dangerously violent thoughts in our own minds.

If we can’t detect, or object to, our own inner violent thoughts – how are we going to detect, speak up against, and take relevant action about the violence in the outer world?

And – hang with me here –

If all of our thoughts about who we are are influenced by the patriarchal culture we live in –
How can we actually bring forward our feminine gifts and inhabit a side of ourselves that has been oh-so-long abandoned?
How do we re-consecrate this altar? The feminine body and feminine soul?
When, for many of us, the feminine is utterly unfamiliar territory.
We have been taught to man up. Put nose to the grindstone. Win at all costs. Hide our feelings.  Be logical and practical. Go at it alone. And to live in the duality of right and wrong, and mostly feeling wrong wrong wrong.  

Let’s reclaim the values of the feminine, which are things like:

Tapping into our Intuition and Creativity
Striving for Connection, Community, Sisterhood
Recognizing the Interconnectedness of everything and everyone
Experiencing our full emotional range – or simply, feeling.
Receiving, surrender.

So where do we start?
How do we reclaim that which is truly ours?
How do we re-awaken the long forgotten feminine from being stuck so long inside our suffocating little man-suits, and start to truly feel?

We can start by making a teeny tiny bit of time, each day, to celebrate the values of the feminine.

For example, this week I have been pressing the accelerator on my radiance.
As a woman, each of us has the power to turn on. We can decide to shine our inner light in any direction we choose. If someone is unwittingly or wittingly rude to me, I can choose radiance, or I can choose retaliation.
Today, right now, this moment, I choose radiance.  

A friend of mine blew me out of his life 6 months ago.  When I saw him, last night, for the first time in ages, I told him of my sadness, hurt and anger, but with deep empathy and love in my heart. And I asked him how things have been for him.

I felt awkward. Clumsy. Tears came for both of us. I wanted to leave my softness and go to anger, but I gently held on to my light. Light is fragile. Anger is more familiar. Yet it felt good to be so vulnerable. We are closer today than we have ever been. That is the gift of the feminine.

If each and every woman were to embody a small drop of her feminine, each day, we could all ‘Be the change,’ as Ghandi said.  

Whether it be radiance, intuition, emotional range, surrender, or sisterhood – one drop, each day – we could accelerate the reclamation of these values, not only for ourselves, but for everyone on this tiny, beautiful vulnerable planet that we share.  

In the comments below, tell me how you are already connected to your feminine, or the ways you want to connect more deeply to her.

Mama Gena

P.S. Do you have your ticket yet? My new book is coming, and I’m hosting a legendary evening to celebrate, and join in Sisterhood. The world needs turned on, awakened women. I hope you can join us! Click here for details & tickets!


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16 Comments / Leave a Comment

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  • Yummy Goddess July 30, 2016, 3:43 am

    Aloha , Mama Gena!
    Your blog: one of the most beautiful things I’ve read in a long time.
    I have no words.
    Only actions.
    Only word pictures:
    Being Radiance
    Loving Self
    Loving Others
    Mahalo Nui!
    Yummy Goddess

  • Vic July 29, 2016, 4:04 pm

    My man is going for surgery on the 4th of Aug 2016, matastic from colon cancer,,today after grocery shopping I decided for Us that. When we’re home alone, I’ll always wear something sheer and exciting for me & him….thats the step I took today for my feminine!!

  • Joan Goldberg July 29, 2016, 12:38 pm

    I express the feminine by always being “dressed-up” when I walk out of the house–
    like for errands or marketing, not just for events where I’ll meet someone. I express
    my feminine by going to places I would not normally go to like Erotic Literary Salon.
    I stopped using the phrase – – “I’m too old for….” . I stopped being jealous and I am
    more grateful now. Mama Gena, I cut out the first part of this email on violence and
    hung it on my wall. I never thought I was doing violence by all my negative thinking.

  • SG Jules July 29, 2016, 8:42 am

    Great philosophy, great advice ! Seems like the feminine, in my mind, has been associated with “good” and creation. I try to set aside the “bad” and go for what makes me feel good when I confront myself with making a conscious choice between focusing on one of the 2. Going forward is so much more rewarding than staying stuck in a negative mind game. For sure, I’ll add value to any progress I can make on my journey towards the feminine ! Thanks 🙂

  • anna d'Onofrio July 28, 2016, 12:59 pm

    Regena, thank you for this outstanding email. When i awakened this morning i self pleasured and said the pledge of allegiance to my pussy. Later i swamped because i felt distant from my divine feminine. and as usual it brought me to my divine feminine and softness. it’s always sooooo delicious to wrap it up with a sensuous dance. it felt sooooo sexy and it put me in touch with my body and turn on and my pussy and my smile. it’s alllllll beautiful AND then i received your outstanding reminder to be in turn on and my divine feminine. (syncronicity with the universe) Yesterday I had an extraordinary day with my feminine self. My husband and I hung out in bed and played and made love. After, i swam naked and harvested my garden in the nude and took amazing photos of a beautiful large butterfly who was flitting back and forth from zinnia to zinnia. It allowed me to shoot within inches of it. Later, one of our goddesses came to visit with her lover (her first 10 month relationship (she’s a 45 year old professional and believes i’ve been her inspiration and teacher–IB!) and we hung out in the pool drinking my delicious homemade herbal drink (herbs from the garden) and sexy fresh figs and strawberries and grapes and almonds…….. After, we departed for different restaurants — we had a previous engagement with 7 other friends. Turned out we ended up having dessert with our goddess and her lover. And we ended the evening watching DNC which was over the top. the speakers are incredible. I Desire that you and all the goddesses from the SWA influence Hillary Clinton. Bill had to tell us of her outstanding work in the world. She needs to own it for herself. She needs to learn how to brag. She is truly a victim of the patriarch culture and it’s harming her success. Actually, I am not a fan of hers. Although she does need to win this election and i’ll definitely vote for her!!!

  • Debra July 28, 2016, 8:17 am

    LOVE the convo you had with the man who blew you out of his life and how you responded.
    I did this very thing yesterday with a man I went on a couple of dates with.
    His comments that men don’t want a powerful woman just sat, and I listened and thanked him for his honesty and perspective. I did not ONCE say that he was projecting and narcissistic. AND i did not go into an anger rant about how I had no interest and he was a bad combo of my father and my daughters father….Did NOT put him down…AND that is ALL SWA.
    I now realize that I was not only doing man training, but was also treating myself with kindness and love as I feel respect and love for myself in how I handled him.
    So many small ways we can practice peace
    Thanks again Regena for gorgeous insight

  • WildcherryJem July 27, 2016, 6:11 pm

    Light is fragile. Anger is more familiar~~~
    Holy holy HOLY….just blew my mind, beautiful Mama Gena.

  • jophiel July 27, 2016, 4:33 pm

    I try to stay soft… if someone is rough, or if it is a fragile situation.. I try to hold to my soft heart, and be love. I think of la Virgencita and her compassion….. and I love her, and I feel her. This is a way I try to stay within the gentle spirit of the Feminine. It is a soft power and feeds us all with love…

  • Chloe July 27, 2016, 12:54 pm

    I practice my feminine by being very slow moving (except when I do Peloton which is the only time I buy into ‘work harder’ :-), relaxed, unhurried, savoring, lazy as needed which is often, and pleasure oriented. It all started 10 years ago with reading Mama G’s first book while also discovering Eckhart Tolle’s teachings of being in the NOW receptive-feminine mode of acceptance and surrendering versus the masculine mode of constant active thought (judging, analyzing etc). Mama G helped me sort through and identify what was missing in myself and all male and female members of my family…..feminine energy. Think of the male energy Kennedy clan-go, go, go, do, do, do, achieve, achieve, achieve, conquer, conquer, conquer- we were that, but on a mini- normal people scale. After reading and absorbing Regena and Eckhart’s teachings, I divorced my narcissist, controlling husband and asked the Universe for a ‘Divine Lover.’ He showed up quickly, and it’s been a journey of practicing desire, surrender, and acceptance AND the path of least resistance (thank you Abraham Hicks teachings) AND TRUST in Source everyday. We had a few bumps in the road for a brief time (money shortage, house depreciation, joblessness, fighting, distrust), but the gorgeous lessons in all that was to learn how to ignore reality (Jesus said…Be like the lilies of the fields….trust Universe) and feel, feel, feel and trust my way through life knowing it would ultimately deliver on my desires. Those seeming problems turned out to just be perfect little, beautiful twists and turns on our way to better and better, and we learned to trust those twists without fear and judgement. It wasn’t easy to let go and trust when shit was hitting the fan, but the lessons of trusting Source were priceless beyond words.

    Now, my wonderful Divine Lover-turned-husband and I have a beautiful life ten years on. I love money, and we are making plenty with minimal effort on my part as I desired. I wanted a gorgeous home, and I’ve now got it. I fully expect my kitchen will be redone and gorgeous by next spring. Trips to Bermuda and a new luxurious Mercedes SUV are next on my list. Mama G is right! This man loves to serve my desires, and it brings out the best of his masculine side giving his life purpose, focus, and direction. He doesn’t have desires so much like I do, but he thrives on figuring out ways to make mine happen with that logical and analytically amazing brain of his. When I first got the desires for the Mercedes and Bermuda, I thought maybe I’d better work full time instead of 3 days as I do now. No!! Lack of faith and trust! That’s the old masculine imbalanced way to work, work harder! I don’t ever want to work more than 3 days, and in fact, I’d like to eventually stop working altogether until I find something totally pleasurable and fun I can do for work.

    For now, I’m resting, relaxing, and looking forward in juicy anticipation to how even more money will show up so that I can easily fulfill all of those desires. I’ve learned it’s not the husband, cash flow, house, trips, or cars that make me happy. No! It’s infinitely better than that! It’s my eternal connection to the ONE CONSCIOUSNESS (or whatever you prefer to label it….Source, God/dess, etc) through which I create that gives me this unshakable power and peace. It is the peace that surpasses all understanding that someone with perfectly wedded masculine/feminine once spoke of. The manifested stuff is just icing on the cake and fun because I know I created it, and it was ease-y! Some on the planet, and I am one of them, are very open conduits to Source literally flowing active energy and movements into the body. I’ve got energy flowing into all the chakras with clearings and balancings happening all of the time these days in my body. It’s all activated. Dreams show me the way just like the Goddess intended. Google the whole ‘Ascension’ or ‘Awakening’ thing if you want. Believe it or don’t. It IS happening to me, and it’s awesome!!! This is the new Energy and the new Consciousness, and it is here! Amazing how we, the Universe, are manifesting so many examples of extreme, outrageously repugnant masculine imbalanced individuals and entities so that we can collectively see it and say ‘NO’ to it! Interesting that many of these grotesque- masculine freak beings target France which is a country that collectively integrates so much of the Feminine. If you’ve been, you can just sense her magic in the air. Funny how this election pits old energy Donald against our WOMAN, Hilary! What a perfect outward manifestation of the energetic dynamics on the planet during this time of massive shift and rebalancing!!!! Hmmmm, I wonder who will win? 😉

    The out of balance crap going on in the world isn’t my deal so I mostly ignore it except to note the energetic dynamics at play. I’m riding high above the fray of the fearful, lacking masses because I’ve practiced allowing Source to do its thing in me for years now which has resulted in integration and balancing of the feminine and masculine according to the Divine blueprint. When one does this, one creates and manifests with gorgeous, light ease. My husband is now an outer reflection and manifestation of this in how he effectively and efficiently serves my desires, and that is a strong underlying dynamic in our mostly peaceful, harmonious relationship . Welcome to the new Consciousness gals where the Divine Feminine is back on her throne, and it’s AWESOME!!!!!!!!’

    • Mary Duncan August 3, 2016, 9:10 pm

      Thank you, Chloe. That was so inspirational. I too want a divine lover. It’s second on my list of things I desire. The first, my perfect house, materialized at the perfect time, and I’m living in it now. So, the second, the perfect Divine Lover, will be next. Your story inspired me to keep the faith! you are adorable.

  • Catherine Chisnall July 27, 2016, 12:06 pm

    Thanks so much for this post! So true. The world seems to be getting more and more violent and its the suppression of women which is causing the upsurge in male violence. I am hoping that with a female German Chancellor, a female British Prime Minister and hopefully a female US President soon, the balance may be restored…

  • Chere Harbridge July 27, 2016, 12:04 pm

    So beautiful and eloquent. So true! I stay in touch my feminine self by slowly, in babysteps, eliminating the negative self talk that has raced through my mind for as long as I can remember. I am gaining ground! (Also, I dance naked in my living room almost daily! hehe)

  • Latifa Ruth Agius July 27, 2016, 10:28 am

    I stay in touch with my feminine, by feeling myself and practicing sufism. I breath and feel each breath, Each life giving breath. I do not connect feminism with =dresses or make-up or being able to wiggle in high heels. feminism is heart and belly/hara connection. I have lived in Japan and know my hara, which guides me all the time.

    Our American culture is HEAD and GONAD driven, it is very sick. STOP , sit be in nature and feel the area just below belly button and connect it with heart. Then you will feel yourself . THAT is connection and deep wisdom connection with nature and the universe. We have to see details AND be able to expand into the universe.
    Play Marimba or 2 handed instruments that make you do 2 different rhythms at the same time with each hand. That will connect your Right and Left hemispheres of the brain. Americans are too one sided and so off balance that stye THINK ?KNOW they are right when they are so off track.- the violence and political bull is just a reflection of what is going on , on every level of our society.
    STOP and go in nature. I don’t mean central park!
    best wishes,

    • Jenny Jacobs July 27, 2016, 2:56 pm

      Love your comment Latifa. The marimba, huh? <3

      • Mary Duncan August 3, 2016, 9:05 pm

        Love what you said. I also meditate and have just learned focusing. I play the piano and keep my posture upright, so my heart can radiate. You are precious.

  • Deborah Hansen July 27, 2016, 10:23 am

    YES! YES! YES!