The question is, darlings, if a genie came tomorrow to grant you three wishes, are you certain you’d know what to ask for? What about 30 wishes? The world is your oyster, if you want it.
Begin by Voicing Your Desires
Step one is finding out what you want! Your desires are your guiding pole star, but to get where you’re going, first you have to learn the language in which your desires are whispered (or shouted!) to you.
We women often can’t tell what we want because we are taught never to give our wishes any time, energy or priority.
Guys don’t really understand this. If I ask my guy if he wants something, he’s got an answer right away, no inner conflict. In our culture, men are usually brought up to feel right about themselves and what they want. They are taught to identify and pursue their dreams.
But women don’t know how to call forth their secret desires, and when they do appear, they don’t know how to recognize or voice them. Those of us with truly deeply buried appetites actually get mad when someone asks us what we want.
Have you ever overheard a conversation like this:
He says: Where would you like to go for dinner?
She says: Why are you asking ME? Why don’t you already know? Why don’t you just TAKE ME SOMEWHERE THAT I WANT TO BE!!! (quietly fuming)
He says: Sor-ry!!! (as he wonders for the thousandth time what women really want, and how the hell he’s supposed to figure it out.)
Her angry response is just the current of unspoken desire finding its way out in frustration and anger.
Another consequence of denying our appetites instead of celebrating them is that our appetites turn against us. We overeat, overmedicate, abuse alcohol or engage in other addictive behaviors. It is really no surprise that we have an epidemic of overweight women in this country. When women find an appetite they can express in a socially acceptable way, they go wild. Check out bulimia, anorexia—not exactly male problems, now are they? Sure are an appetite thing, though.
The fascinating thing is that when we recognize and fan the flames of our true desires, not only do we greatly increase our chances of attaining our desires, but our aberrant behaviors fall away as well. You may not think you have any unfulfilled desires, but listen closely, dear sisters. They’re only a whisper away.
Exercise: How Attuned Are You to Your Appetite?
This exercise is designed to help you assess how freely your appetites are flowing, and how often you recognize and go after what you are truly hungry for. Read the following questions and pick A, B or C. Then read on to score your appetite awareness.
1. If I were out to dinner on a date with a new guy, I would
1. Do a Scarlett O’Hara—eat at home first, so I could order a salad and water and therefore appear delicate and easy to maintain.
2. Look at the menu, check out the prices and order a midrange pasta dish so as not to press his budget.
3. Give in to myself and order both the appetizers I want, and the lobster entrée and have a bite of all three desserts that tickle my fancy.
2. When someone asks me what I want for a gift
1. My mind goes blank and I stare like a deer caught in the headlights.
2. I leave it up to the giver and say, “Whatever you think.”
3. I flash them my desire list and take them by the hand to Tiffany’s to point out my favorite things.
3. When I think about my job
1. I am close to tears. It’s not that I am just indifferent, or un-interested in what I am doing. I despair of ever finding something I like.
2. It’s a way to pay the bills until I figure out what I want.
3. I am so grateful and thrilled to be doing what I am doing that I would actually pay to do what I am being paid for.
If you chose A: You are appetiteophobic. There’s no amount of “too little” that you won’t accept. No Sister Goddess can subsist on this diet.
If you chose B: You suspect that there may be more to life and yet you don’t know how to go for it without appearing vulgar.
If C was your choice: You understand that the greatest gift you can give the world is a gratified you. You are a true Sister Goddess!
Want to be one of those girls who knows what she wants and gets what she desires? The Womanly Arts Mastery Program will give you the keys to this Queendom…