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Ditch your resolutions for the Discipline of Yearning

You may or may not know this yet, but one of the reasons you joined this community is that you wanted to get really, really good at the Art of Yearning.

Yearning is a way for a woman to spend her life in connection with Spirit.

As we sink into this fresh New Year, many of us are thinking about what to make of 2015 — what we want to accomplish, discover, create, become.

This season, women everywhere are fiercely scribbling their resolutions and trying to muster the willpower to stay on track. (And we all know how that usually works out . . .)

Today, I want to recommend a new kind of discipline.
A feminine approach to committing to what we desire in the year ahead.
A devotion to the Art of Yearning.

As I have often described, your desires are an interface between you, and that which is greater than you.

The Art of Yearning is really about creating the perfect loving, gracious, generous, gratitudinous relationship between you and your higher power. It is this connection which allows the divine to shower her extreme generosity in your direction.

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The word yearning has taken a beating over the centuries.
The Germanic root of the word gern means ‘gladly, or willingly,’ derived from the Proto-Indo-European (PIE) word gher, meaning ‘to like, want.’

That means that thousands of years ago, when women yearned, it was a wonderful experience.

Yearning came from a place of perfect spiritual alignment and attunement, where woman and her divinity were batting for the same team, where she knew her desires would be met, and her longing was a beautiful extension of her spiritual life.

She was filled with warmth and compassion as she yearned.
She had no doubt that what she longed for was on its way to her, under grace and in perfect ways.

And now? 5,000 years later?
Yikes. Yuch. Double oy, double vey.
Now, the word has splintered apart and morphed to indicate loss, separation, and sadness. When we think of the word ‘yearn’ now, it’s often associated with an intense longing for something that one has lost or been separated from — “to long persistently, wistfully, or sadly,” according to Merriam Webster.

This shift is a natural consequence of being marinated for a few thousand years in the patriarchal point of view.
When we devalue the feminine, we devalue desire. Why? Because desire, or yearning, takes the masculine off his viewpoint and sails him headlong into change or, at the very least, a perspective beyond his own ego, where the strength of his will might not dominate.
All of this is extremely threatening to the patriarchy. But not according to the divine feminine, which is much more inclusive to all points of view.

So, what does all this have to do with you – and your yearning?
And your desire?
Everything.

As women, we have largely lost touch with the Art of Yearning, and the discipline to practice it.

See, when a woman begins to risk yearning for something, she immediately goes to a feeling of loss or lack. Instead of gladness.
This not so subtle shift alters her ability to conjure what it is that she desires.
Why? Because loss conjures loss.
It is only gladness that conjures gladness.

I know it feels like such a huge, insurmountable step, when you are steeped in the life-sucking formaldehyde of the “stuck,” to crank up your own happiness, joy, and radiance. From that spot, your radiance seems like the she-devil, as it lives on the opposite side of the world as you know it. And the devil you know seems so lovely and safe in its predictable living death, no matter how much it fails to deliver you what you really want.

So, my darlings, you have come here to thrust yourselves into a whole new orbit, in order to recreate your reality into a life you want, with all the love you deserve, the joy you long for, the intimacy you crave, and the success that wants to land in your lap.

And it all starts with the Art of Yearning. This year, I challenge you to practice this discipline at a new level.

I’d love to hear in the comments . . . how are you doing with the Art of Yearning? When you create your desire lists, goals, and resolutions for the year ahead, how much joy can you muster? How much warmth and gladness can you infuse into the act of desire?

xo,

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27 Comments / Leave a Comment

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  • jojo February 18, 2015, 5:11 am

    I have had a deep yearning for a women for over 2 years now, she knows not of how I feel. I daren’t tell her…. I think of it and some days the pain is so intense I cant bear another moment of it and I beg myself to forget her. Other days I savour the feeling and delight in my delicious secret. It’s mine…all mine and I roll the thought around in my mind knowing that its only my secret and no one knows anything of it. It feels intensely pleasurable to know and feel what I do about her….at the same time its freeing as I know I will not act on it…. The thought can be painful and pleasurable at the same time…..

  • Suzanne January 27, 2015, 12:02 pm

    “desire, or yearning, takes the masculine off his viewpoint and sails him headlong into change or, at the very least, a perspective beyond his own ego, where the strength of his will might not dominate.” Hello Mama Gena. I love this quote. It’s a beautiful perspective on the knee-jerk-no, and where it comes from, and why the “knee-jerk-no” is only a temporary phenomenon, with such amazing potential happiness just beyond it. XO

    • Suzanne January 27, 2015, 12:06 pm

      Next time I perceive a “knee jerk no” from my own perspective or from the man I’m with, I will be able to smile knowing that it is the highest purpose to continue to hold the original desire, and come up with and express fresh desires as well.

  • Desirée, the rare flower January 24, 2015, 4:26 am

    I WANT MORE OUT OF LIFE!!!!
    How many of you sistahs feel the same??!

  • Corneille January 8, 2015, 10:38 am

    I am an older woman, and for too many years I have had this feeling of being incomplete, having this empty spot with no name. Today, Mama enlightened me with the name, “yearning”. It resonated deeply within my heart, giving me goose bumps with every word, words like the, ‘predictable living death’…whosh…passed thru my heart.
    I have never been to a Mastery Course, I have read every book, read her daily messages, have read Florence S S’s works and continue to grow. Thank you so much for writing this for me today, your words encourage me so much, grateful…..

  • MaryBeth January 7, 2015, 9:48 pm

    Thank you Mama Gena for reframing “yearning” back to where it belongs: out of the patriarchal darkness and into the Light! This reminder for my Heart and Soul is the medicine I needed right now. Your work is amazing and your heart is a wonder for all of us that you touch, helping each one of us beauties to see and feel our own beauty and wonder!
    Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
    With Love and Light,
    MaryBeth

  • SG Playful January 7, 2015, 12:53 am

    I so desire a different life….and seem to get stuck in what it isn’t. The thought of delighting in the yearning sounds fabulous. Big sigh, because I’ve been so upset at everything…I have been getting more of the same. I start a new job tomorrow and want to be delighted happy full. And so conjure the life of my dreams.

    Sending a bug hug to all those on the journey!

    Thank you for listening.

  • Deborah Smith aka SG Divine Love January 7, 2015, 12:00 am

    Ummm YUM. I’m in.
    xoxox

  • Lesley January 6, 2015, 6:50 pm

    I am sooo loving this post 🙂
    My new practice starting tomorrow morning is to start each day reading and being steeped in the joy of my 10 year vision for love!! Rock-fuel for my business and my soul. Thank you xoxoxo

  • T. L. Cooper January 6, 2015, 5:07 pm

    I have never made resolutions. I never really understood why people made such a big deal out of New Year’s Resolutions. I live in reality. If something in my life needs changed, I change it whether it’s January or August or December. I give myself permission to tap into what I want and how I want to live any time of the year.
    Since I’ve read this I’ve been trying to reconcile this with yearning. I’ve never thought of my goals or my desires as yearnings, but I’ve never thought of yearning as a bad thing either – only as deep and passionate…
    As I look to my future, near and far, what I want is a life filled with the incredible – incredible people, incredible beings, incredible experiences… That, I suppose, is what I yearn for even as I feel grateful for the all incredible people, incredible beings, and incredible experiences who have populated my life throughout my life…
    And, I want incredible people, incredible beings, and incredible experiences for all those who inhabit my life as well…

    • Polly January 11, 2015, 4:30 pm

      I love how you expressed that!

  • Mary January 6, 2015, 4:49 pm

    Thank you Mama Gena…this is just what I was “yearning” for. Resolutions didn’t seem “right”…Resolutions are do not be, out there and in no way connected to something new and exciting. If I can resolve to do it then it is rehashing and maybe just a touch of insanity. SOSDD. Even people from my past are popping up and causing a rift in what I think of as my spirit connection.

  • Magical January 6, 2015, 4:11 pm

    Amazing Mama Gena, to look at what we do, and how we be. You discover exactly what is missing or what is the misconception in how one can be. And then, voila, you come up with an insight, a way to make our experience richer, more joyful, more effective…. etc.

  • Laura January 6, 2015, 2:56 pm

    Yearning has such a lovely tone to it as opposed to Mission or goal . Its soft and feathery
    In November I had finally dated after saying goodbye to a great guy three years earlier. I was not in love with him and it took two masteries and 1.1 creations to get in the game again.
    Boy did I get into the game I had a man spoil me so for 5 weeks and I loved the woman I was I still would not change anything about how I was Sadly we knew it was not going t go anywhere and he wrote me an e mail on letterhead ending it. I licked my wounds for one month buried a friend and then realized I still wanted this so on the horse I got and as of today have another date next wends day night for dinner at a really romantic place in Philly
    High Ho Silver Away

  • SG Tahera January 6, 2015, 2:51 pm

    I don’t really understand yearning but I think I’m yearning to meet a certain celebrity man and want to make some type of prominent connection. I want to be in his life and he in mine. I have been feeling like this for the last 5 years and we have met twice and the turn out wasn’t as nice as I would have liked. I am going to see him again this Friday and I “yearn” to make a connection. So I guess until then, I will bask in my desire and gladly await that appointed time and feel nothing but positive outcomes. I am soooo happy right now, Thanks Mama G for this because it’s exactly what I needed to feel. I already feel like he is mine and that he is having this event so we can meet again. Hopefully the third time is the charm… 🙂

    • SG Tahera January 11, 2015, 3:24 am

      Update: He didn’t even lay eyes on me. The club was so crowded and so many people were trying to get his attention. I don’t know what else to do.
      I hate to give up but not sure if it make sense to keep trying.

      • Polly January 11, 2015, 4:26 pm

        Hi Tahera!
        I can’t help but wonder how you’re doing. I’m sorry it didn’t turn out as you had hoped. I want to encourage you to keep yearning, but I want to express that my interpretation of this is that the yearning doesn’t have to be for a specific person.. The feeling you get when you yearn is a good feeling, isn’t it? I’m new to this site, but I have enjoyed Gena’s words so far, and it seems to me that it’s the yearning itself that’s important – not the immediate outcome. I hope you can find a way to simmer in that beautiful desire and change its focus so that it’s more about YOU and less about this specific person. For example: it sounds to me as if you’re yearning for a loving relationship? How do you know where or when it will happen and who you might meet that may fulfill your desire? It could be anytime, and every day holds opportunity for surprise and love. I’ve yearned for someone who didn’t yearn for me back. I later realized my desire is to be with someone who also desires to be with me. My image of the person and what it would be like if we were together was not the reality of the person or what it really would have been like. I wish you well!

  • SG Creole Princess January 6, 2015, 2:45 pm

    Soo loving this post!

    It is true for me and I have just decided after 12 years since my original SG class, to finally come back for Mastery. I turned 45 last year and if I’m lucky, I’ve got another 45 years or so left on this planet and I’ll be d*mned if I’m going to spend them making myself smaller smaller smaller in my marriage, in my career, and in my own life! So I called. I now live in LA so I called yesterday afternoon on LA time instead of NYC time. And wouldn’t you know it, someone from the Pleasure Palace was still there! 🙂 Lauren was so helpful and I can’t wait to meet her.

    It dawned upon me that the SG definition of yearning is connected to fun with our anticipation. So I’m connecting with the fun anticipation part of Mastery that will help make 2015 the year of yearning today!

  • Sg January 6, 2015, 1:51 pm

    Never, never been so spontaneous. Was in the shower and felt just like getting out and grabbing my man and taking him to the bedroom. I yearned for him. When I did he was caught very off guard and said he was trying to log onto the computer. I went on into the bedroom and waited. He never came and I got up and he was still on the computer. I said seriously and he said he did not think I was serious. I said did you think of at least getting up and coming in to see. Then he wanted to make it up. But the mood was gone. But the yearning was soon deep at the time

    • SG Creole Princess January 6, 2015, 2:48 pm

      I want to cheer you on for connecting with that desire! Congrats on trying and don’t give up – that first time on the bicycle we ALL fell off! I saw a martial arts picture yesterday that said the difference between a master and a novice is that the master has failed more times than the novice has even tried – you will get there! Keep trying! 🙂

  • Caroline January 6, 2015, 1:49 pm

    Boy, did i need this. My yearning has brought me wonderous gifts and the gladness has been remarkable……followed by a sense of loss which begets loss and then it evaporates. It has something to do with acquiring something so valuable, i am dependant on its permanency. And then the dependency creates that child like wail. I am trying to figure out the trigger and how to dismantle it. Thank you.

  • SG Ti Sugarbitch January 6, 2015, 1:39 pm

    Oh, Mama, oy to the uber vey. What happened to the me who used to gleefully, defiantly wallow in her desires? She decided there was only one way to get what she desired and tried to become someone she wasn’t. Thank goodness I had good SG friends who were compassionate mirrors for me so I could remember who I am and take a stand for what I desire AND how I want to feel as I travel toward our joyful consummation. It is a discipline, for sure, and I’m feeling the pull toward a second Mastery or VPBC to keep me on track.

  • Nattie January 6, 2015, 11:34 am

    Ok. Mama Gena and all my Gorgeous Powerful sisters.
    This is the deal. I met an incredible guy yesterday, and the spark, the attraction was unbelievable, we walked under the moonlight and had a deep conversation.. The sensual connection, the pleasure of touch, smell, taste, was more powerful than ever.. then he begged me to spend the night with him (“I’m not interested in sex tonight, I want to get to know you more..” yara yara ). Did I want it? More than anything. Did I go? No! Why? My mind stood on the way and kept whispering, oh, but he’s not gonna respect you, you just met, and by the way, you have to move tonight, yara yara. My soul, my body was yearning for a beautiful intimate connection with this stranger.. and I didnt go. Im amused and a bit sad, but not disappointed. I’m happy I felt what I felt, and I’m grateful for an even stronger yearning inside.. Help me not to call him..

  • Erika January 6, 2015, 11:11 am

    I’ve been a student at SWA for the past 3 years and yearning is where I fizzle out the most. I get so frustrated when things don’t happen when and how I want them. I think I lose faith in the divine.

    This blog is perfectly timed b/c I recently realized that I have more fun when I savor my desires and longing.

    What has recently been helping get me back on track and maintain my pleasure is Flo Sco’s The Game of Life, Tosha Silver’s idea of offering up to the divine and just taking 5 minutes to sit with the desire, allowing myself to feel every drop of excitement and frustration -while conciously bringing myself back to the excitement part. Sometimes I’ll even find a song that matches the juiciness of that desire and move my body to it as I think about what I desire.

    When I enter into that state, I feel like I am truly having a conversation and entering into a dialogue with the the divine about my desire.

    • Erika January 6, 2015, 11:16 am

      P.S. Does anyone want to SC on this topic or just do some yearning practice through gratitudes, desires or whatever, I’d be totally down.